Forcing ancient people to live 2000 years into the future? Oh my!
by whatamidoing765
Summary: Director blows up DW China and this forces the characters to live in the real world for a while. It is also possible Director might have really screwed up this time and maybe even destroyed DW China for good. Will they survive in the real world and be able to go back home? Do they want to go back? Can they eat something other than meatbuns for once?
1. Enter the real world, bitches!

**Hey, want to do something that will maybe seem fun and cruel at the same time?**

***sigh* What is it? It better not involve altering the DW universe.**

**Oh, we're doing the opposite. How about letting these guys live in this world for a while?**

**...What...?**

**You heard me, we take those guys, and stick 'em in the real world. **

**We need a reason to take them out here.**

**Oh, I know that, and that's why I placed 10,000 pounds of Minecraft dynamite in the center of China.**

**WHAT?! **

**Director takes out his computer, and presses a couple of buttons. A loud boom is emitted. **

***BOOOOOOOOOM***

**Whoops, my computer crashed.**

**What did you do?! **

**Director said in a calm voice,"I got rid of the land, and now DW characters have no where to go and they have to live in this world."**

**Did I just hear what I thought you said? Excuse me, I-I think I had earwax stuck inside my ears. Could you repeat that?**

**I blew up China, simple. **

**What about the innocent people that-**

**I disabled civilians for the DW world. No one was harmed.**

**What about-?**

**Also disabled animals. **

**The DW characters?**

**Oh, they will be looking a little burnt. **

**They're dead?**

**No, they would get caught in the blast, but won't die. Just smoking.**

**I-I...You...You're a psychopath!**

**Compared to Szayel Aporro Granz from BLEACH, I look like a sane man. He would have used nuclear bombs instead of dynamite.**

**Animator composes himself and said,"Well, you got them without their home. What are you going to do?"**

**They'll be here. **

**Is the boss even going to approve of this? You will lose your job! **

**Oh, who says anyone's going to know about this? Only you and I know this happened.**

**Director's voice turns serious,"This is an experiment. Unfortunately, it's not authorized. So, I had to do this the hard way."**

**Why are you doing this? **

**I said I was a computer engineer, but that was a lie. I was a scientist once responsible for millions of deaths. I was one of the people that created the atomic bomb and then the hydrogen bomb. But you know my true identity now, so I can't let you live. **

**You won't get away with this! **

**But since we're good friends ever since we first worked together, I'll be nice to you one last time. But, if you run to the authorities, I'll kill you on the spot. **

**Director removes his sunglasses, and crushes them. "This identity of mine was to mask my true colors, you always thought of me as a fool that messes things up."**

**"So every stupid thing that you've done, was just to cover up your scheming side? I should have known no one could be that stupid to work here and not get fired the next day!"**

**Director chuckled,"You are sharp, but not enough. You never knew my name, that's got to be a red flag for you. Well, I should tell you my name before this. My name is Dr. Takasugi Abuto. Since we are revealing our names, you should reveal yours." **

**"I guess I'm going to die, I should reveal it. My name is Izuru Sakabatou."**

**"That's what I found when I looked at your file. And you are not a computer engineer, you were a failed doctor that let multiple patients die under your care. Thus losing your doctor's license." Izuru flinched at the info being thrown at him. "Damn, you knew. I thought I could have a fresh start by working here. But I didn't know there would be someone that actually remembers those years." **

**Takasugi laughed manically,"HAHAHAHAHA! A failure doctor and a hidden scientist working here? What are the odds? Well, time for my experiment to start. We don't want to dawdle, well now, _Izuru?"_**

**Izuru glared at him.**

**Takasugi looked back, then laughs when he walks away.**

**He then walks back, laughing. "HAHAHA! I'm sorry, I'm sorry... I can't continue this. We're lying to the audience here." Izuru then laughs with him. "God, I was starting to believe it myself! HAHAHA!" Takasugi regains himself and turns to you, the reader.**

**"This whole thing was staged, if you hadn't noticed yet, you should have saw this coming, when I said I was a scientist that worked on atomic bombs and hydrogen bombs, that would put me at around World War Two. And I'm only twenty-two! If that was true, I would have been older than Huang Zhong! I crushed my sunglasses, just like Sosuke Aizen when he revealed he was evil. That's another red flag that this was too good to be true! Also, those were fake. I have my real ones here." He puts his sunglasses on. "Another red flag was when the writing style changed. It was simple from the beginning and it started to have the correct way of writing dialogue as you read further. And my voice turned serious! You never see me be serious! The only thing we didn't lie to you about was our names. I'm just not a doctor. Though the blowing up China thing was my idea, I'm not doing it out of cruelty. "**

**Izuru gets into the conversation."I was never a doctor, but I got a doctorate in computer engineering though. We're sorry for misleading you, but when Takasugi did the "I am bad now" card, you should realize he did it in a cliche anime way. And I just learned Director's name now."**

**Takasugi said in a sarcastic voice, "You're welcome. But that's not really a big deal. The author just did not have a name ready for me and tried hard to make us not call each other using our temporary names.****"**

**"I thought the author did not like giving names."**

**"Yeah, she doesn't. But it's weird for other people to call us Director and Animator. So the author felt like giving us names would break up some inconvenience." **

**"Alright, we should get started with bringing those DW guys out here for the experiment. You did not blow up China for nothing." **

**"Why are you calling this an experiment?"**

**"It kinda is, you are seeing if they could live here without screwing up."**

**"Huh, yeah. We should check on them."**

**Takasugi gets his computer, and looks at China through the screen. "Whoa, those dynamite blocks really pack a punch. Let's see how Sima Yi's doing." He sets the screen, and it revealed Sima Yi covered in soot. **

**Sima Yi coughs then says,"What cataclysm has destroyed all of the land in one fell swoop?"**

**"Ha, he looks like a chimney sweep. But I should fetch everyone to get over here."**

**"What about Dong Zhou?"**

**Takasugi sighs and says sadly,"...Yes, him too..."**

**"How are you bringing them here?"**

**"We have a portal."**

**"We have a portal?"**

**"How else we got the DW guys here for the counseling?"**

**Takasugi and Izuru enter the room that contained the portal and turned it on. Takasugi suddenly said out loud,"It's possible they are not able to go back to China." Izuru looked at him in shock and said,"Why not?" He replied,"It turns out 10,000 blocks of dynamite is enough to cause the server that helps repair China crash completely. We are going to have to make them blend in here for the rest of their lives possibly." **

**"They can't age nor die of natural causes! They'll be ageless in this world, and this will cause a ruckus! Is that server operable?"**

**"We are going to have to wait a month to see what really happened to the land. In the meantime, they have to learn to survive here. But almost everyone is grown-up, so we won't have to worry."**

**"The older people yes, but what about the younger ones? You know, like Sima Zhao, Liu Shan, or the Guans?" **

**"They have parents. But obviously they are going to have to get a job as well."**

**Takasugi looks at the portal worriedly,"We are going to have to drag them out here using this."**

***1 hour later***

**Everyone, covered in soot and blackened, appears in the large room the portal was in.**

**"Oh, look, Li Dian has an afro. Gan Ning too. Oh, nice! Xiahou Dun got his Vegeta hair into an afro too." **

**Everyone glared at Takasugi. **

**"Ok, too soon."**

**Izuru tried to console them DW characters but it wasn't enough. "It's a long story on how this happened. And it was mostly Takasugi's fault."**

**Everyone in the room said,"Who's Takasugi?"**

**"Oh, yeah, they still know you as perverted director. This guy's name is Takasugi."**

**Everyone either started to burst out laughing or just chuckled. **

**"That can't be his name! HAHAHA!" **

**"HAHAHA! That's a laugh! HAHA!"**

**"Hahaah, that's a name for someone that's not, well, not him. Hahaha."**

**"That's a badass guy's name! Look at the evil guy from Gintama!"**

**Takasugi eyebrows furrow and he yelled out,"You need me if you are going to learn how to survive in this world! You may be rich bastards back there, but here, you are at the bottom at the food chain! In this world, you work for everything! 2000 years into the future, bitches! Deal with it!" Izuru looked at Takasugi with widen eyes. "Wow, this is not acting this time. You're serious."**

**"You bet your ass, I am! Now! All of you! If you were a warrior, get a job that requires strength. If you were some smartass, be a doctor, scientist, or basically anything that require a brain these days! I'm not getting a "This is a bother" from anyone! I'm looking at you, Zhao!"**

**Sima Zhao looks confused and says, "What? I don't say that a lot." **

**"Whatever. Now, whatever rank, whatever kingdom you were in, that does not matter here! In reality, you are the same as every one in here. Be glad we're not in modern China, it's a mess down there, to be honest." **

**Everyone groaned.**

**Izuru went and said, "Are you sure we can reveal that to them? And it's not that bad in certain areas." Takasugi replied,"China back then is WAY different then today China. You'd wish past China was today's China. Now, we are going to have make you blend in around here, so toss those robes out." **

**Zhang He goes in front of Takasugi. "Care to show us what is the fashion of your time?" **

**"Well, it really depends. These days, clothes could be anything. Not just robes. Izuru, can you fetch me a catalog from the lounge?" **

**"A magazine's right there." **

**"Not the one you're thinking of..."**

**"Yep, you're still you. Be right back."**

** *5 minutes later***

**Izuru comes back, holding a stack of magazines.**

**"I said one."**

**"I can't tell which is appropriate for them. Here."**

**"This is a woman's catalog." **

**"Zhang He will be interested." **

**"Fine, here. Tell what you think."**

**Zhang He looks through the magazine. "Why is this woman exposing her chest so much? And this one has tears in the dress...And this one is nude. "**

**"Yep, today's fashion is over-the-top. And you're looking at an ad for body lotion. Here's a Men's Warehouse one."**

**"It seems rather stylish, but black and white is so bland."**

**"Well, I have the purple suit I took off of Gangster Sima Yi back when I made him. Want that? Suits these days can be any color basically." Izuru asked,"Can't we just give them their DW7 DLC costumes?"**

**"Nah, they're not in school. And the ones new from DW8 don't have one. So, we'll have to grab what we can from a thrift shop."**

**"They all are quite unique-looking, won't fans recognize them?"**

**"Please. They'll just think they're VERY good cosplayers."**

**"What about the Sima family?"**

**"What about them?"**

**"It will be hard for them to walk around each other here. The father and mother are the same age as their sons. People will be weirded out on how they look so young."**

**"So? They can just say"I eat a lot of healthy stuff and use this special facial cream." This century won't think they're witches. Just lucky or healthy or Sima Yi couldn't keep it in his pants when he was younger." **

**"That's rather inappropriate..."**

**"What? It will make a decent "how I met my wife" story here. And the most likely. Oh, in order for people to not recognize him, we can just remove his hat." Takasugi goes over to Sima Yi and lifts his hat up and down. "Known. Anonymous. Known. Anonymous. Known-GAH!" Sima Yi hits him.**

**"How insulting..."**

**"Ow...So, any thrift shops around here?"**

**"Not really. There are clothing stores, but they really break the bank."**

**"We are going to convince the boss to pay for all of their clothing, but we have to blame the explosion on something."**

**"What about an earthquake or a typhoon? Surely it can cause enough damage."**

**"I can say Lu Bu blew a fuse when going to the bathroom."**

**"No, that's too stupid for anyone to believe. No one can fart that powerful. Just say an earthquake."**

**Takasugi sighed,"It's always logic with you...Fine, I'll say that AND it was combined with a typhoon."**

**"That's very unlikely for both disasters to happen at the same time." **

**"Ah-ha! So, it CAN happen! I'm off!"**

**Takasugi runs out of the room. Izuru then remarks something to the characters,"I think you guys should clean up and straighten your hair. I'm sure you guys don't want to look like you just came from a coal mine. Oh, wait, there are over 70 of you..." **

**Meanwhile at CEO's office...**

**Takasugi tells CEO a "earthquake and typhoon combination" destroyed most of China. **

** "...So, I had to take all of the DW characters out of China, and they have to live here for a month, and we want you to buy some proper clothes so they can blend in here."**

**CEO looks at him for a moment, then gets up. "You now want to be called by your name?"**

**"That's not the point here! I'm asking if you can pay for the DW characters' present clothing. They can't just walk around in their robes."**

**"Why not? People'll think they're very good cosplayers."**

**"Yeah, I thought that. But they have certain quirks that might give them away. Sima Yi's laughing will make him a mad man, Xiahou Dun's anger will land him in jail, not to mention that Vegeta hair really gives it in mugshots, Guo Jia will spread and/or get AIDS, the DW women will get harassed, Jia Chong's insanity certainly will earn him a trip to the mental hospital, Wang Yi also, Ma Chao will go there not long after he keeps on yelling justice, Lu Xun will be deemed an arsonist here, and Wei Yan is a caveman. That's only like a tiny sliver of the cast!" **

**"Won't China respawn?"**

**"Um...it was so devastating, it's takes more than a month to fix."**

**"Alright, we'll get them some clothes, and some money to get around here."**

**"Thank you, sir." (He didn't really think about this much...Oh well.)**

**Takasugi leaves the office and goes back to the portal room.**

**"Okay, he's willing and he fell for the little fib I told him."**

**"Huh, very surprising...How are getting them out here? There are like 70 people here. "**

**"Take my car."**

**"We are not stuffing them into that! Grr...we don't have limos...nor vans..."**

**"How about we take groups, let them get their clothes, then drop them off somewhere?"**

**"They don't even know what's out there! This world has really changed in 2000 years."**

**"We are only two people, there are 70 of them! We need a way to have them figure out the customs here."**

**The two pondered for a bit. Izuru breaks the silence.**

**"Wait, we don't need to worry about the adults, but the younger ones will make a ruckus out there. We'll need to send someone out to see if they can handle it."**

**"Take Guan Yu out there," Takasugi suggested.**

**"I'll have Buddhists bowing at my feet and his."**

**"Cao Cao?"**

**"He'll stop listening to me when he sees a pretty lady."**

**"Sun Jian?" **

**"He'll get shot. You see how he can attract arrows. Bullets are no different."**

**"Liu Bei?"**

**"He'll get mugged. He's too damn kind, he'll just hand over his wallet."**

**"Sima Yi?"**

**"He's a mad man. He'll earn himself a trip to the station just for laughing like a crazy person."**

**"I do not laugh like a crazy person!"**

**Takasugi said sarcastically,"Oh, then we can show ALL the times you have laughed in an inappropriate situation? And that's...about...what do you know? ALL of them!"**

**Everyone in Wei and Jin nodded.**

**"Hey!"**

**Takasugi walks over to Sima Yi and punches his face. "OW! Why did you do that?!" Blood flows from his nose.**

**"Dear god! You bleed! Could this mean...?"**

**"Everyone is actually human! Well, they can't age still. It's possible they can die in this world If that's the case, Sun Jian, Dian Wei, and Sun Ce MUST avoid ghetto neighborhoods." **

**"But happens if they actually die here?"**

**"That's a good question...They might won't be able to respawn since they are human now. We can't be reckless now with them."**

**CEO walks in through the door, holding sets of keys. "Need to transport over 70 people? Well, I have some limos outside for them to get out there. But, after we get the clothing, they're on their own. You two can help them. Oh, we have cell phones, too."**

**Izuru and Takasugi looked in surprise. "You will do this for us?"**

**CEO talked in a very sarcastic voice, "Nooo, I want Ancient Chinese people to live in a very stuffy company building for a month. Of course I'm helping you! The cell phones are outside the door."**

**Takasugi goes to grab a handful of cell phones and begins to throw them at the DW characters' faces. "Cell phone bitch slap! Cell phone bitch slap!" **

**OOF!**

**OOF!**

**OW!**

**OOF!**

**OW! Stop throwing them! **

**CEO stops Takasugi. "Stop, those cost more than your salary." **

**"Oh, fine." He starts to give them away normally. He then asked,****"Are you sure they can know how to use it?" **

**"They'll figure it out...maybe...I've already set all possible contacts in the phones."**

**"Wait, EVERYONE is in the contacts page on EVERYONE'S phone?"**

**"Yes, you never know."**

**"So, Zhou Yu can call Cao Cao if he wanted to?"**

**"Yes."**

**"And Sima Yi can prank call Zhuge Liang?"**

**"Well, they have caller ID. But they can call each other if they felt like it."**

**"Oh, so Sun Jian can call Lu Bu?"**

**"Yes, think of anybody calling someone, and it can happen."**

**"Wow, let me see one." Takasugi takes a leftover phone and calls a random person.**

**Ringing is heard somewhere in the room. Lu Meng looks at his phone. "How do I answer?" Lu Su comes up next to him. "That button says "answer." Press that. **

***BLEEP* "Hello?"**

**"Can you hear me?"**

**"Yes, from across the room."**

**"No, on the device you are holding."**

**"Oh, that too. Interesting thing, you can speak to someone even when you are not even face to face with the person."**

**"You can think about that after I hang up."**

**"How do I hang up?"**

**"There's a button that says "Hang up."**

**"Oh, there-"**

**Lu Meng presses the button.**

**"Huh, you're right. You can call anybody." **

**"Now, let's move. And get these guys cleaned up."**

**"We don't have a shower room." **

**"Who says we are going to one? We can go to the ones that are on the beach, at the gym, or at people's houses."**

**"Wait, what?" **

**"You will let them use your shower and Izuru's. And use the neighbors'. "**

**"Why not yours?"**

**"I live far from here. I know you two live nearby here."**

**Takasugi turns red, smiles pervertedly, and is snorting out steam. "Lian Shi and Zhang Chunhua can come by my place-GAH!" Four chairs hit his back. **

**"The husbands and wives do not approve of that."**

**"Oh, wait. Huh, huh...The women can shower together-GAAAH!" More chairs hit him. "Or maybe the husbands can go with-GAAAAAAAAH!" Even more chairs were thrown at him.**

**Cao Pi looked interested at the idea. "That doesn't sound too bad...OOF!" A chair hits him.**

**Cao Cao had Takasugi's face on. "Oh, anyone who wants to-OOOF!" A chair hits him. **

**Izuru facepalms and sighs. "Maybe everyone can go somewhere else besides our homes. There's a hot spring around here."**

**Takasugi's face lights up. "Oh, yes! They can go there!" **

**"You just want to be a pervert." **

**"I'm a feminist."**

**"Ha. Very funny. And I'm the president."**

**"Quit your bickering and let's go."**

**They gathered everyone outside and got them into the limos.**

**"Since they are still bitter towards each other, we put them according to kingdom."**

**"Lu Bu, Wen Yang, Ding Feng, Xu Chu, Pang De, Dong Zhou, Meng Huo, and Deng Ai can't fit into the limo doors."**

**"That's why I had a larger limo ordered for them. It's over there. And these guys don't need to worry about each other, so it won't be rocky."**

**CEO escorted the tall or big guys to the larger limo.**

**Izuru asked,"Who's driving?"**

**"Oh, you, of course. Choose what kingdom you want to drive around with. No tradebacks."**

**"I call Jin! It'll be fun to see their reactions!"**

**"I guess I get Wei. They're less rowdy."**

**"I'll drive Shu, while I get three other guys to drive Wu, the big guys, and Other."**

**They all get into their chosen cars. Groans is heard from Takasugi's car. **

**"Hey! I'm not that bad! I would LOVE to see if you guys can drive! Oh, wait, you can't! This is your first time in something that's not driven by a horse."**

**Sima Yi gives him a smart-alleck answer. "Oh, you're the horse? Such a ugly-looking one."**

**Takasugi gives him a comeback. "Says the one with "horse" in his name!" **

**He starts the car suddenly and races off. CEO and Izuru sighed and followed him with their cars. Then the other limos start to follow them. **

**In Jin's car**

**Everyone inside is being thrown around due to Takasugi's rough driving. **

**AH! Stop it! **

**Who let you drive?!**

**I feel sick...**

***SCREECH***

***THUD* OOF!**

**OW! **

**I really don't feel good...**

**Takasugi sees Sima Zhao turning green and opens a window. "Let it out there!"**

**I'm not doing that!**

**"Puke on Zhuge Dan or puke outside! Your choice! It's not my limo!" **

**Zhao sticks his head out the window, and lets it all out. Everyone covers their eyes in disgust. He retracts his head back in the car. **

**Wei's car**

**Izuru saw Zhao puking, and is immediately disgusted. "Looks like they're having a rough ride..." Cao Cao asks him,"Hey, are the springs separated?"**

**"It's divided to one giant spring for men and one giant spring for women. We can't just Three-Kingdom the baths. But you can maybe try."**

**Shu's car**

**CEO drives the Shu car. Liu Bei asked,"What is this world like? The man said it has been 2000 years, what has changed?" CEO answers him, "It has changed a lot. But it is hard to explain everything in one drive. Guan Yu is worshipped as a god in Buddhism here."**

**"Wow, really?"**

**"Yep, there are these small statues of him. You'll see one eventually. And there's a temple going to Zhuge Liang back in China."**

**"Oh, amazing! Do I get something?"**

**"There's this statue of you near Zhuge Liang's temple. It's kinda cracked."**

**Zhao Yun gets into the conversation. "Do I have a statue or temple?"**

**"Uhh...(He has completely fictional achievements in ROTK...I don't know what to say without hurting his feelings.)You got a painting..."**

**"Oh. That's nice."**

**Wu's car**

**A random person that works for Koei is driving the car. The back was very noisy and annoying him. Gan Ning, Sun Quan, and Sun Ce were chugging the champagne that was in the limo. Ling Tong and Taishi Ci were yelling,"CHUG, CHUG!" Sun Quan won, and it was even louder. But he was very woosey. The Koei worker rolled up the window behind him to block out the noise. **

**Other's car**

**Another Koei worker drives the car, and it was very quiet behind there. Except Zhang Jiao's preaching.**

**The big guys car**

**Wen Yang and Deng Ai just sat there, being quiet as Lu Bu argues with Dong Zhou. Ding Feng, Pang De, and Meng Huo looked outside. Xu Chu ate some of the food that was in the limo. **

**"Why am I stuck with this swine?! He should be dead!"**

**"Lu Bu, you killed me! Why not do it again?"**

**"My pleasure!" **

**Lu Bu breaks a champagne bottle, and goes over to Dong Zhou. **

**"You will do it again...You dog..."**

**Lu Bu stabs him with the broken bottle.**

**"What the hell's going on?!"**

**"Lu Bu killed Dong Zhou."**

** "Eh, I expected that."**

**Jin's car**

**Sima Shi looks at a champagne bottle and picks it up. "What is this?"**

**Takasugi answers, "It's a fancy drink. Try to open it. Rip off the foil, and shake it."**

**Shi does as he said, but nothing happened. "What exactly am I supposed to wait for?" The cork suddenly flies off, hitting Zhang Chunhua, and getting the liquid onto her. "Oh, sorry, Mother!" Everyone in the car was slightly blushing and staring. Takasugi turns around. "What happened? Oh-ho-ho!" He quickly turns perverted and stares at Zhang Chunhua, losing slight control over wheel, but regains himself. But he adjusts his rear-view mirror to look at what's behind him. **

**Wei's car**

**Izuru sees Takasugi adjusting his mirror and can see he was trying to look at the commotion. He drives his car forward to give the car in front of him a tap in the back. Guo Jia and Cao Cao get near the driver seat to see what's going on in front. **

**"Whoa! That lady is wet with that liquid! I want a better look!"**

**"Is that Sima Yi's wife? I want a peek too." **

**"Stop it, and get back there!"**

**Guo Jia and Cao Cao were pulled back by Xiahou Dun and Cao Pi. **

**Jin's car**

**Takasugi felt the tap, but still left his mirror in the direction of the commotion. He teased,"Need a towel?" **

**"Yes!" **

**Takasugi then gave the back napkins. Sima Yi gets slightly ticked off. "These won't be enough!"**

**"Make due. Besides, I think this is a better look for her-AH!" His head is grabbed by Zhang Chunhua. "If you would be so kind, please give me something to dry off with." Takasugi felt his head being crushed by the minute. "Ok, ok! The towels are under the seats!" She lets go of his head and goes back.**

**When she got back, she noticed Sima Yi staring at her. **

**"What are you looking at?"**

**"O-Oh! Um, outside..."**

**Takasugi commented, "Suuuuurrrrre. I saw your eyes drifting down at her chest."**

**Shu's car**

**It's quiet until CEO's phone rings. **

**"Hello?"**

**"Um, Lu Bu just killed Dong Zhou. What are we going to do with him?"**

**"We're out here for a while and someone already dies. Great. Just great. But Lu Bu is Lu Bu, it was going to happen soon anyway."**

**"Do we dispose of the corpse?"**

**"Be discreet." **

**He hangs up. Liu Bei tells him,"I heard Lu Bu killed Dong Zhou."**

**"Any wrong?"**

**"Not really."**

**The Koei worker parks the car off the road and into a secluded area. He gets out and tells some of the people to carry Dong Zhou's body and bury him. After that was done, they got back on the road.**

**Wei's car**

**Izuru's phone rings, and he answers it. "Hello?"**

**"I just heard from the boss that Lu Bu killed Dong Zhou."**

**"Is that supposed to make me happy or sad?"**

**"Well, we won't have to deal with that fatso."**

**"I suppose." He hangs up.**

**"Hey, Cao Cao, Lu Bu just killed Dong Zhou."**

**"Oh."**

**"That's it? Oh?"**

**"It's just not saddening because he was just awful. And Lu Bu is being Lu Bu." **

**"True."**

**After 30 minutes of driving, they reached their destination. Takasugi hits a squirrel when he parks.**

**"What was that?"**

**"Nothing. Nothing...Get going."**

**Takasugi and the rest of Jin get out of the car. After a while, Izuru and Wei come, then Shu and CEO, and last Wu, Other, and the big people cars. They then all enter the hot springs place, and are greeted by a hot spring worker.**

**"Evening, gentlemen. How many people will be here?"**

**"81, including me, Izuru, the boss, and those guys that drove Wu, Other, and the big guys' car.(Dong Zhou's dead.) Do you have room for that many?"**

**"Uh..uh...yes...But what is the occasion?"**

**"Office party."**

**"But the people behind you are in funny clothing..."**

**"Out-of-season costume office party."**

**"O-Oh, okay. Right this way the women's is on the right, and the men's on the left. And those three seem drunk."**

**Sun Ce, Gan Ning, and Sun Quan were hiccuping and puking into potted plants. **

**"Ugh...right...Guys-"**

**Zhang Fei walks in front of him. "I know how to deal with drunks."**

**(You're a drunk youself...) "Ok, if you could handle it..."**

**Zhang Fei escorts the three Wu drunks to puke in a larger potted plant.**

**"That's not making it better...And sorta ironic..."**

**"Eh, get 'em some coffee."**

**"Alright..."**

**30 minutes later...**

**The whole men's spring was divided up between Cao Cao, Liu Bei, and Sun Quan. Takasugi commented,"Hey, they Three-Kingdom'd the whole place. And where do I go? Where do Jin and Other go?"**

**Izuru just simply asked,"Why are they splitting themselves up? Are they that bitter towards each other?"**

**"I'll just go in. I'm not really anyone here. Jin just went into the Wei area, and Other is spread out here."**

**Some random people were slightly scared of Lu Bu sitting next to them. "Oh, my god! Is that a yakuza? Be quiet! He can hear you!"**

**"What about Lu Bu? He's making the random people nervous here. They think he's yakuza." **

**"Ha, like Kazuma Kiryu. He really looks like him. Maybe Lu Bu can get a job as a yakuza. Now if you excuse me." Takasugi gets up, the steam censoring his "area." He then gets out, and walks over to the wall that separates the men's and women's baths. Izuru then looks at him and asked,"What are you doing? Oh, wait. I already know. But thanks to convenient censoring, the steam will block your view of the ladies." Takasugi still make a tiny crack in the wall and looks through. **

**"Why are you making it look like you do this every time you go to the baths?!"**

**"Because I do. It's hard to look through here, I keep on seeing the kids. I want real women." He then climbs the wall and looks over there. Cao Cao noticed him. "Hey, What are you doing?"**

**"Looking at the women's' baths." This caused Cao Cao to jump out of the spring and run over to where Takasugi was at. "Really? I want to see!" Guo Jia then followed Cao Cao's example and was at the wall also. CEO began to walk over there along with the three Koei workers. Then some of DW men began to walk over there. By that time, about one-third of the men's bath was at the wall. Izuru then saw most of Jin still in the bath. "Not looking with them?" Sima Yi replied,"I'm not a pervert like them. Zhao maybe, he's over there with the rest." Then random people began to comment on Sima Yi's hairstyle. "Hey, is that a girl? No, it's a guy. Does he know that's a female's style?" Sima Yi's eye started to twitch. "...Is it really like a woman's...?"**

**"Yes. Consider throwing that out when we get out in the real world. Just leave your hair down. Wait, where are you going?" Sima Yi gets up, and walks over to the wall. "YOU TOO?! You just said you are not like them! Oh, well... I see some of Shu, little bit of Wei, some Wu, and the other guys are still in here. The men over there are really liking the view." He then some whispers over at the wall.**

**"I want to see those two to wash each other's backs." **

**"No, _those_ two are better off washing each other's backs."**

**"The steam's covering the view!"**

**"Lian Shi's got a nice pair..."**

**"I think Zhen Ji has a nicer pair."**

**"I go for Zhang Chunhua's."**

**"She's older then you!" **

**"I would still tap that. Even if she can kick my butt."**

**Over at the women's bath**

**Xiao Qiao was splashing around in the bath until she noticed multiple shadows over the wall. "Hey, are those statues that flow red water? That's so cool!" Da Qiao noticed them as well. "Red water? It's hard to see in all this steam..." Sun Shang Xiang was sitting there and watching the "statues" flow red water. "Those can't be statues..." Lian Shi goes over to her and says,"My lady, what do you think they are?" Sun Shang Xiang looked at the "statues" again,"I think...ugh...it's hard to see in this steam!" **

**"Well, shall we see what they are?"**

**"Even if we can't see in this steam, these rocks can tell us."**

**Zhu Rong and Zhang Chunhua then walked over to the "statues" with a rock in their hand. They both throw their rocks, hitting two of them. **

**"OOW!"**

**"AAH!"**

**It turns out they hit Meng Huo and Takasugi that were looking over the wall. **

***THUD* **

**"Hmph, those "statues" are men peeking at us."**

**Wang Yuanji throws a rock to one of the men, and it hits. It was Sima Zhao.**

**"OOW!"**

**The rest of the women then left the bath, disgusted and into the showers. **

**"AAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!" Then a barrage of rocks went towards the men, and knocks every single one off the wall. **

**Over at the men's bath**

**A giant line of peeking men were lying, groaning with red marks on their faces next to the wall.**

**Takasugi yelled at Sima Yi, "Hey! You used me to take the rock thrown from your wife!" **

**Sima Yi teased,"I have faster reflexes. And since you were right there, might as well." **

**"Yeah, and that did not save you from being machine-gunned with rocks." Izuru then walks over to him and teased,"How was your time?"**

**"Shut up and get to your shower." **

**1 hour later...**

**Everyone was quite relaxed, except for the people that got rocks to their face. Takasugi had bandages on his face. CEO walks up to him, also in bandages. "I had someone to pick up the clothes, and now the DW people are trying to wear them. All of the clothes are suits, since they will need to look for jobs."**

**"What about the women's?"**

**"Oh, I had my wife choose for me."**

**"Aw, you're married?"**

**CEO blushes. "Yes. Why are you surprised?"**

**"Nothing. Are they all unique to them?"**

**"Some are, some may have similar styles. But they'll fit right into the crowd with these clothes."**

**"I want to see what you chose for them."**

**"Go in if you like. Zhang He's enjoying his outfit. Cao Cao is checking himself out. Xu Chu is well...struggling..."**

**"No, I want to see the ladies first. If you know what I mean..."**

**"My wife gave decent clothing to all of the women."**

**"Oh...Well, I still want to see. And I should play some "stereotypical 90's music whenever someone walks out in their new outfit" played in movies. " **

**Takasugi takes out his phone. While he is doing that, Diao Chan walks out of the women's side in a very sparkly dress and her hair is tied into a bun with strands hanging out and walks out into the lobby. Every random person's mouths hung open and then Takasugi yelled out,"Why does she look like she's going to prom?!"**

**CEO replied,"Since these guys need to make a living for a while, I called in a few favors. Diao Chan's a hostess."**

**"Oh, I bet she will be very popular. And Lu Bu will NOT be happy Diao Chan is getting paid to see other men."**

**"I explained everything to Lu Bu. I told him not to scare any guy as they will be his meal ticket. That shut him up."**

**"Where's Izuru anyway?"**

**"He still in there. Teaching the guys about buttons and zippers."**

**Men's side**

**Izuru is busy (exhaustingly) explaining the buttons and zippers to the Shu people, then moved on to Jin. "So, anyone need me to tell you on buttons or zippers? I know you guys are used to wrapping cloth and tying them to hold your clothes. Oh, you guys are done." Sima Zhao asked him,"Why do these pants have these "zippers" anyway?" Sima Shi then asked,"And why is there a hole on the pants in the first place?" **

**Izuru explained,"It's to make putting on pants easier. If you're a heavy man. But usually, some men tend to use that opening as a easy door for their "thing." Two common uses for it is to take "it" out to urinate without removing your pants. The other...is...well...depends on who you are, for easy engagement for sexual intercourse without removing your pants. That answer your question?"**

**Sima Zhao and Sima Shi just stared at Izuru with a weirded out face. "Yes..."**

**"What are you telling them?" Sima Yi walks towards Izuru in a dress shirt, a grey suit jacket with matching slacks.**

**"Oh, it's not purple...Surprising..."**

**"You thought I was going to wear purple?"**

**"Yes. You wear purple. A lot. "**

**"Hmph. I must say. These are very comfortable garments. But what is this?" He holds up a tie. **

**"You wrap that around your neck to hold the collar in place. You can make it hang lower below your neck if you prefer. ****It's a fashionable item to make you look more professional-looking."**

**"Eh..."**

**"You don't have to wear it."**

**Izuru sees Guo Huai coughing. "Hey, need some medicine? Today's medicine is pretty effective against a cough and...you might need to visit a doctor to figure what that disease is."**

**"You could get some? And what are doctors like here?"**

**"Oh, yeah, they're so easy to get. Doctors are pretty effective here compared to 2000 years ago." (Wait, they can't see him...He doesn't have insurance. We might need to take him to a free clinic.)**

**Izuru then walks over to Wu's area. He then sees Sun Ce and Sun Quan figuring out to use the tie.**

**"How do ya use this cloth? Does it go around your waist? Nope. Too small."**

**"I think it goes around your neck." **

**Sun Ce just wraps it around his neck and ties it improperly. "This it?"**

**"No..."**

**Izuru asked,"Weren't you two drunk?"**

**"Oh, yeah. We got sober after drinking some of this blackish-brownish liquid." **

**"It has an unusual taste, but it was okay."**

**"What about Gan Ning?"**

**"He threw the brown liquid out and started to dance around in the sanitation facility. And he collapsed.**

**"Is he okay?"**

**"Yeah, he just got sober now. But has a bad headache."**

**Izuru then walks to another area.**

**"How do ya put these weird clothes? What's up with the hole in the private area? Screw it. I'm just putting on this top and pants."**

**Gan Ning walks out in the unbuttoned shirt and unbuttoned pants. **

**"Ugh...Buttons...use them..."**

**"How do you put them in this hole?"**

**"Just do."**

**Gan Ning fiddles with the buttons, manages to get the pants and zipper, and immediately gives up on the shirt and walks out in what he was wearing. **

**"Ok..."**

**He then walks to Wei's area. He sees Zhang He running up to him in his purple suit.**

**"What do you think?"**

**"You figured the buttons out? And it looks nice." (Huh. So that's where Sima Yi's suit went.)**

**"I love this shade of purple. It has the elegant style while being not to flashy at the same time."**

**"I'm glad you are liking this." Cao Cao goes over to Izuru. "Why is there a hole "down there"?"**

**"You can urinate or have sexual intercourse without taking off your pants. Please zip that up now. It's not decent to walk around with your zipper down."**

**"Oh, okay. Thanks for the info." Cao Cao zips his fly up and goes out. Izuru then goes out himself. He is greeted by Takasugi. "Have you seen Diao Chan? She's covered in sparkles! Look at Lu Bu! He's blushing to the collar of a tomato!" **

**Izuru looks over Takasugi and sees Lu Bu in a suit acting shy near a sparkling Diao Chan. "Why is she wearing such a fancy dress?"**

**"Oh, she's going to be a hostess. The boss called in favors to give jobs to people."**

**"But they don't have diplomas. Should they at least get a G.E.D?"**

**"That's for the remaining people that will find a job themselves. And how long does it take for over seventy people to dress?! "**

**"You shouldn't rush them. They don't know the customs of today and it will take a while to learn."**

**"Can I just look at what the women are wearing?"**

**"You know you're the DW women's "No.1 person to watch out for when in dressing chambers."**

**"What about you?"**

**"Obviously they're not letting me in. They know I'm not homosexual."**** Jin's men walk out in their suits. **

**"Oh, look at that. Sima Yi's not wearing purple for once." **

**"Ha. Ha. You people think I would wear purple everywhere. I get sick of purple myself."**

**"Hey, I just noticed you look like Micheal De Santa from Grand Theft Auto 5. All you need is a slutty daughter and a cheating wife to complete the set." **

**"What...?"**

**"You don't have a daughter now...So Shi can be a man-whore. Zhao can be the fat-ass son that sits and gets stoned all day while playing video games."**

**"What?!"**

**"Takasugi, they don't even know who you are talking about."**

**"Fine, are your ladies out yet?"**

**"I haven't seen them."**

**After ten minutes, they saw the Wei men walking out in their tidy suits. **

**"Look out, future time ladies!" **

**"I really want to see what they look like these days." **

**CEO stands up and goes over to Guo Jia. "Since you like meeting and charming women, I have a job that will be in your interest. You will be a host."**

**"Oh, sounds interesting. What do I do?"**

**"Just flirt with ladies all day long."**

**"Sign me up!"**

**"No, Cao Cao, you're too old to be one."**

**"Aww..."**

**"But Cao Pi can go. Along with Li Dian and Yue Jin." **

**Li Dian told CEO,"I don't want to really spend the whole day sitting there." Yue Jin yells out,"Yeah, me too! I want something active!" **

**"Ok, you can choose something else. Cao Pi? You interested?"**

**"Hmph."**

**"Exactly what my guy wants in a host. You're going in there. Women like cold assholes."**

**After CEO is finished employing, the women's curtain opens with Wei and Jin's women walking out in their clothing. All of the men in the room had their mouths wide open as they walked out. Some other random women looked jealous. "Who are they? They look so beautiful... Are they famous? Who are the lucky men?"**

**Takasugi and Izuru were in complete shock. "Whoa...look at that...Your wife knows her stuff... I'm stunned at how beautiful they are in modern clothing." CEO acts triumphfully and says,"Well, my wife knows her way around fashion."**

**Cao Pi admires Zhen Ji's striped black and white jacket on top of her white halter top, and black pants with her hair let down. "You look absolutely more beautiful then in your original dress. Hmm...you like it? I'm glad this pleases you." Guo Jia and Cao Cao look at the women, faces red and steaming. Cai Wenji was in a loose o-neck with blue jeans while Wang Yi was wearing a loose shirt with torn jeans. Cai Wenji blushes."Um...you two are staring for rather long..."**

**"Quit staring. You two. Or I can gouge your eyes out."**

**Cao Cao and Guo Jia adverted their eyes to Zhen Ji. Sima Zhao was doting on Wang Yuanji and commenting on her clothes. She was wearing a white dress with teal shrugs over it. Yuanji starts to blush,"Um...I...I..." Zhang Chunhua was wearing a purple blouse with a women's blazer over it, and wearing black pants. Sima Shi comments on the two women, "You look gorgeous, Yuanji. And Mother, you look absolutely stunning. Father, what do you think? Father?" Shi turns to see Sima Yi brightly red in the face as he looked at Chunhua. "I-I...Uh...I have no words to express what I think..." Zhang Chunhua slightly blushed when she heard him say that. Takasugi slowly comes up behind them. "Um...can you keep the blushy stuff to a minimum? This isn't a ro-OOF!" He gets punched by the two without even turning to him. "Ok, ok, just saying..." He slinks back to the his chair next to CEO and Izuru.**

**"You just killed it."**

**"Do you know HOW RARE this happens?"**

**"Yep, I got over there and stabbed it multiple times. I should go and get some transportation ready."**

**Takasugi gets up and leaves the place. After twenty more minutes, everyone else was finished getting dressed. Wu had their men in just dress shirts and improperly-tied ties, Shu was a mix of green suits and dress shirts with the ties figured out. Zhang Jiao was wearing a disco costume, while the rest of Other had on suits. Yuan Shao's was the most unique-looking because it was in a shiny gold color that blinded everyone in the room. **

**"Yuan Shao, stop sparkling. You're getting so much light around here I feel like I'm at a Liberachi concert combined with Zhang Jiao's funky outfit."**

**"Oh, but this makes me the most-"**

**"I don't care! Just turn off your sparkle factor already!"**

**Yuan Shao stops sparkling, and the light dies down a bit. The rest of the women walked out after that. Guan Yinping, Bao Sanniang, and Xing Cai were all wearing green school girl dresses with Xing Cai has leggings under her skirt. Guan Yu and his sons were crying happy tears for Yinping. Yue Ying was in jeans with a green blouse and a white jacket. Zhuge Liang's jaw dropped when he saw her. Lian Shi was in a red tunic with white pants. Sun Shang Xiang was in a red women's t-shirt with torn-jeans. Da Qiao and Xiao Qiao were in summer dresses. The Suns were commenting and admiring Shang Xiang and Lian Shi. Zhu Rong was in Western-style clothing along with jeans and boots. She got multiple comments from Meng Huo about how she looks great and so on. Takasugi came back and saw all of the women. "My, my! 2000 year-old women look good in these-Kmph!" He received multiple potted plants and chairs to his body. **

**"Ok...ok...Now, we need to find a way for you guys to get jobs and a place to stay. The limos are outside, and some other vehicles if you feel like if you need to go alone." **

**He leads everyone outside to find a couple of scooters and motorcycles. One scooter had the Jin character on the back. Izuru commented,"Why does this have Jin's symbol here?" Takasugi replied,"Look at the scooter. Look familiar?"**

**"It's Gintoki's scooter from Gintama! How do you-? And what does Jin have anything to do with it?"**

**"In the original, the character behind the scooter is "Gin." I just made a little funny joke with the Jin character. Get it? Jin rhymes with Gin? I call it "Jintama." I would go and watch that myself if that were an anime." **

**Izuru gives an unamused look to Takasugi. "Really? Jintama?"**

**"What? It would be pretty funny if Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, and Wang Yuanji to own a odd jobs service. Wait, that can be their job! You three, start a business with doing odd jobs!"**

**"That's just awful."**

**"Oh, they would have the Yorozuya place that has Zhang Chunhua as the landlord."**

**"That is slightly insulting to her...And this isn't a parody fic, so we can't do that here." **

**"Deng Ai can be Gengai...Huh...it rhymes kinda.**

**"Can you stop? We are getting off-topic."**

**"Alright, alright. So, who wants to try out these babies?"**

**Everyone looked at him weird. **

**"I meant the vehicles. Not actual babies."**

**Yue Ying goes up to a motorcycle and examines it. "How does this work?"**

**"Oh, well it-"**

***VROOOM***

**"I got it!"**

**"Wear a helmet! It's there behind you!"**

**She puts it on. "My dear! Get on!" Sima Yi teases Zhuge Liang,"Go, she's waiting..." He snickers. Zhuge Liang gives Sima Yi a glare and gets on the motorcycle with Yue Ying. Then they take off immediately, with Zhuge Liang screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH! How can something go this FFFAAAAASST?!" Sima Yi starts to laugh at Zhuge Liang's screaming. "Hahahahaha! Look at him! Hahahaha! Huh?" Suddenly he was on a motorcycle with Zhang Chunhua and she quickly starts it, races off with Sima Yi screaming himself. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! You're going too fast!"**

**Takasugi laughs at Sima Yi's trailing screams. "Karma...And I really want to make the Jintama thing! Screw it, I'm doing it anyway!" **

***Gintama's fifth opening DOES plays***

**The front of the wheel is shown, then shot of Sima Zhao wearing a helmet with goggles on it. Switches to Sima Shi wearing glasses behind him on the scooter. Then Wang Yuanji riding a giant panda next to them. The title shows Jintama instead of Gintama. A hand rips the title screen off. It was Izuru.**

**"Stop with that! We have to figure out what jobs they have to do! And where are they going to live!"**

**"Oh, fine. Guo Jia, Cao Pi, and Diao Chan are hosts and hostess. What about the four that just drove off?"**

**"They can figure it out. Maybe they can become teachers, but they are going to have to lie and say they went to Harvard or Yale. They look like it anyway, so the person hiring will buy it." **

**"The boss can drop them off at the job. And we need to-"**

**CEO interrupts him,"They can take care of themselves, they are not little babies. I gave everyone a little pamphlet that describes the basic steps of living here."**

**"Oh, ok..."**

**"Oh, one more thing: On their phones, it has a GPS tracker, so you can find them if you need to visit one of them."**

**"Whoa, really? Let me see where the four drove off to."**

**Takasugi takes out his phone, and presses a few buttons. Here is what the screen looked like:**

**ZL: Moving...**

**YY:Moving...**

**SY:Moving... **

**ZC:Moving...**

**"They're all moving...Oh, one of them stopped."**

**SY:In contact with police**

**ZC:In contact with police**

**Takasugi's jaw drops. "Oh, no! They got pulled over by police!"**

**"Damn! Wait, I think she can "persuade" him..."**

**"She's not going to do that! Huh? The thing is moving again..."**

**SY:Police neutralized**

**ZC:Police neutralized**

**"They knocked him out! Huh? What now?"**

**ZL:At gas station**

**YY:At gas station**

**"What? What are they doing there? I have to get to these guys before they end up in a cell!"**

**Takasugi gets on a motorcycle and drives off. Izuru sighs,"So, how are we going to do this?"**

**CEO gives him a reply,"I thinks it's better if they are in groups. People! Separate into groups, it will be easier!"**

**Everyone gets into groups, but Sima Zhao gets the Jintama scooter and gets on. **

**"Zhao, where do you think you're going?"**

**"I read through the paper, and I got it. I'm going to look for a place to crash, then a job."**

**"Yuanji, you're going with him. Jia Chong, you too."**

**"But there's only room for one more..."**

**"The scooter has a side car."**

**Izuru takes out the side car and sticks it on the Jintama scooter. "Jia Chong, you will be sitting in here." Jia Chong looked displeased at the small compartment. "I don't think I can fit..." Izuru implies,"Weeell...there's sitting behind Zhao..." Jia Chong immediately hops into the side car. "No thanks." **

**"Well, Yuanji, you go behind him."**

**Yuanji gets on the scooter behind Zhao. She slightly blushes. **

**"Here. Some helmets." He gave Zhao a helmet with goggles, and the two normal helmets. They then drive off.**

**"I'll drive the people to a place they can start looking." **

**Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Lu Xun, and Lu Meng all get on motorcycles. Gan Ning starts one up, "These look fun as hell!" Ling Tong starts his and says,"Just look for a job? That sounds boring, but I have to eat." Lu Xun and Lu Meng had to share one. "Oh, no. Lu Xun, let me drive. But I want to try these!" Izuru goes up to them. "Let Lu Meng drive, you'll be pulled over if you're seen driving." They switched positions with Lu Meng being the driver. They all drive off, with Ling Tong and Gan Ning trying to ram each other off the road. **

**"Ok, there are no more motorcycles. We will take you guys to a certain spot and help you look for places and jobs."**

**All of the groups enter the limos with Izuru, CEO, and the Koei workers. Izuru then sighs, "This will be a long one..."**

* * *

**Announcement from perverted dir-I mean-Takasugi**

**"I heard that!" Takasugi walks onto a white screen. "Oh, hey. I know, I know...You saw me drive off after Yi, Liang, Ying, and Chunhua. But I want to make a thing clear. Whatever questions you have...Don't ask them. I know you are going to ask if they can get sick, if they can get jobs, get a place, or even asking where their phones are. But, it's better if you think about that yourself. Another thing, you will get see what your favorite characters doing if they didn't appear in this chapter yet. It's just so damn hard to remember over seventy to eighty characters! They're hitting the number of characters there are in a mainstream anime or manga like Bleach and Naruto! Oh, the Jintama thing...I saw the moment and took it! I'm going off-track...Ok. Now here's what I took the time to do. **

**Takasugi leaves, then comes back dragging a tied-up Sima Yi in a chair. "Ok, the author normally doesn't care if this has reviews or not. But I CARE! Reviews give me something to hide behind when I do something stupid in these things!" He points a gun at Sima Yi's face. "So, if you don't review, I'll shoot Sima Yi. IN THE FACE. What? He's not that popular? He deserves it? Ok, get me Plan B!" **

**Takasugi drags a chair with a tied-up Zhao Yun in it. "Ok, if you don't review, I'll shoot poster-boy's face off! What? He's not that popular either? Get me Plan C!"**

**Takasugi drags a tied-up Xu Shu in a chair. "Ok, I'll shoot this guy's face off if you don't review! He's popular?! How?! He earns more votes than the guy he recommended! God, people are weird...What? Not convincing enough for you? How about this?"**

**He goes to drag a tied-up Guo Jia. "Ok, this convincing? NO?! You are really pushing it!"**

**He drags a tied-up Li Dian. "I'm not even that popular!"**

**"Eh, you are popular enough. WHAT?! YOU ARE STILL NOT CONVINCED? Might as well stick Minecraft dynamite near all of these guys."**

**NO!**

**GAH!**

**I kick Takasugi away. I don't want hate mail thrown at me just because you threaten to blow pretty boys' faces off!**

**"I'm not a pretty boy!"**

**Sima Yi, you are! Even though you are seventy-something and look like a twenty-something!**

**"To be exact...He would be 1,835 years old by now."**

**Well, we don't want to see that as a human.**

**"But this is the first time you have appeared in a fic."**

**I pick my nose. Well...since you were attempting to kill the popular characters...I can't just sit by while you tarnish what I'm running here...**

**"You're pickin' your nose now!"**

**Eh...**

**"Why don't you appear more?"**

**This is about Dynasty Warriors, not me. The only time the author can be in the story is when it's an autobiography or in the first-person point-of-view.**

**"You sound like Izuru now..."**

**That's because I based him off me. You are based on people and friends that tend to make stupid decisions yet are still pretty bright. Well, I can't stay too long, bye.**

**I take an eraser and rub myself out until I disappear from the screen.**

**"So, anyway! I'll shoot-"**

**NO YOU'RE NOT!**

**"Ok...Review or comment."**

**This isn't YouTube.**

**"Shut up and let me speak!"**

**Gee, so touchy...**

**"Ok, you heard me. Review."**


	2. They get their jobs and someone dies

**Takasugi races down the road in his motorcycle and gets to the gas station. He then sees a pale Zhuge Liang sitting on a bench. "Zhugey? Wakey, wakey..." Zhuge Liang sees Takasugi and tells him,"The thing is fine. We left it in that compartment over there." He points to a garage with the motorcycle in it. "Oh, okay. Where's Yue Ying?" **

**"She is working. These men noticed she was able to get another of those devices to work. And asked if she can work for them."**

**"Oh, that fast? You two okay here?"**

**"Do not worry. We can use the paper your superior gave us to learn the ways of now." **

**"Ok, if you need to work, you can be a teacher."**

**"I would like that. Where can I go?"**

**"Look for a school. They are usually large buildings with students sometimes hanging out there. Here, I'll give you some money. Just don't let yourself get attacked."**** Yue Ying runs up to the two, holding some money herself. "Oh, you. What are you doing here?"**

**"I have to make sure you guys are okay here. I see you found work." (How can she fix future inventions?)**

**"Yes, they paid me to look at their devices and vehicles and fix them."**

**"Oh, do you guys have gold on you?"**

**Yes. They both hold a pouch. **

**"You can sell that to get money, or use it as money itself. Gold is really valuable here."**

**"Ok, thanks for the information."**

**"How are you guys looking for a place to stay?"**

**"We'll figure that out after Yue Ying is finished with her work now."**

**"Zhuge Liang, how about I take you to a school to get a job for you? You can get on my motorcycle. Yue Ying can catch up on her motorcycle."**

**"My dear, are you sure you are fine on your own?"**

**"Yes, these guys look like Lu Bu and Dian Wei, but are actually really nice."**

**"Ok, then, Zhugey, get on."**

**"Oh, not again..."**

**They both got on and zipped out of there. Yue Ying turns to a television with a breaking news report.**

**"Police are looking for two people responsible for assaulting a police officer. All they know is that it was a female and a male riding on a motorcycle, got pulled over for speeding, and knocked him unconscious. We don't know what their appearance or names are. In later news, two people are injured after a group of possible bikers kept on ramming a car until it fell off the road. We got footage." It shows Gan Ning and Ling Tong on motorcycles, ramming each other, and then a car on accident, with Lu Meng and Lu Xun following them. "We don't know who are they yet, but we will let you know at 6:00." **

**Yue Ying sweat drops, "Oh...some have already caused trouble..."**

**Takasugi drives on the highway with a very scared Zhuge Liang, goes off into a exit. He comes to a stop at a stop light. "Ok, how are Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua doing?" He pulls out his phone.**

**SY:Within 5 miles**

**ZC:Within 5 miles **

**"Huh? They are near? That makes it easy." He goes on his way to the school and sees a familiar figure a few feet away from it. It was Sima Yi sitting on a bench, pale in the face with Zhang Chunhua fanning him with a paper. Takasugi parks near them.**

**"Hey, Yi, feeling alright? You're lookin' pale."**

**"Oh, it's you. Did you follow us?"**

**"Well, I heard you knocked a police officer out."**

**"Not me. Her."**

**"Convincing him did not work, I had to do it the hard way." **

**"So, you knocked him out? At least they don't know what you two look like or you'd have cops on you." **

**"Who is that on your vehicle?"**

**"Zhugey." Zhuge Liang was looking pale, sitting still on the motorcycle. **

**"He looks like he saw a ghost."**

**"Yeah, I was taking him here to see if he can get a job working as a teacher. Maybe you can too, you were called "Grand Tutor," right?**

**"That doesn't mean I actually was a tutor, well maybe back when Cao Pi was a child and my own children..."**

**"Well, I have nothing for you except that. You certainly wouldn't work in anything that involves strength, and you can't be a doctor because you have no medical skills. I have a resume ready for the two of you. Just say yes to everything they ask you."**

**"What about me?"**

**"What do you want to do? Women can be anything they want in the future, as long they have the abilities. You seem to like beating people, why not a police detective? They beat people up every day."**

**"I do not like beating people!"**

**"You're pretty, a model?"**

**"I'm not Diao Chan."**

**"Ok, a p*** ****?"**

**"...What is that...?"**

**"Oh, you get paid to have intercou-OOOFFF!" He gets a mailbox to his face.**

**"NO THANK YOU."**

**"Ok, ok. You're intelligent, do you want to be a teacher along with Sima Yi and Zhugey? I have a resume ready if you wanted to."**

**"I suppose it seems decent for me."**

**"Well, then, let's go in. I'll guide you guys. Zhugey, let's go." ****Zhuge Liang slowly gets off the cycle, and walks towards them. The four enter the campus, and into the school building. Some students noticed the group. "Hey, is that guy a new student? The guy with the beard looks like his dad..." Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang's eyes twitched. **

**(I do not look like a naive child! And Zhuge Liang as my father? I'll kill myself if that were true!) **

**(Being Sima Yi's father? UGH! I want to puke. And I do not look that old! He's the older one!)**

**They walk into the principal's office. **

**"Oh, what business do you have here?"**

**"My friends here want a job here."**

**"Oh, we just so happened to be in need of some teachers now. Come and sit."**

**The three sit in chairs with Takasugi giving the principal their resumes. **

**"So...Sima Zhongda Yi, Zhuge Kongming Liang, and Zhang Xuanmu Chunhua...such unusual names...where are you three from?"**

**Takasugi answers for them,"They are from China. They can speak English very well, so don't do the slow-talking thing."**

**"Oh, okay."**

**(Why did you put my style name?)**

**(I needed to make it look longer! It can't be just Sima Yi! It's too damn short!) **

**(What about Chunhua's?! Her's is so long, it takes a huge chunk of space in scrolls! And Zhuge Liang's?!)**

**(The longer, the more exotic here!)**

**"Ok, you three graduated from Yale? How interesting..."**

**(What's Yale?)**

**(A fancy-ass school you three look like you can go to!)**

**"Well, let me ask, are you three friends?"**

**The three froze in disgust at the fact they are on opposite sides, and there is no way they could be friends.**

**(Grr...)**

**(Just say yes!)**

**"...W-Why yes, we all became good friends when we are in our younger days..." (Zhuge Liang as my friend...? Ugh...no...And Chunhua's my wife...)**

**"So, any of you dating the lady?"**

**(This is getting personal...Just say you are.)**

**"She's my wife..."**

**"Oh, I thought she was your girlfriend or something."**

**(HAHAHAHA! That's so funny! Sima Yi and Chunhua look so young, they look like they were dating!)**

**(..Shut up...)**

**Zhang Chunhua started to slightly blush at the comment. ****Sima Yi's eye begins to twitch, and begins to say,"Why are you asking?"**

**"I have to make sure your personal life doesn't interfere with work. I get young couples working here, then I fire them for having sex in inappropriate places. Some for having relationships with the teens."**

**The three looked turned to look weirdly and disgustingly at Takasugi. "Well, unless you're into that, it happens. I wouldn't do that stuff myself though." They turned back. "So, have you people have any experience in working with teens or children?" **

**"I have a stu-"**

**(Say son!)**

**(Jiang Wei is my student.)**

**(Yeah, but they won't understand that!)**

**"I have a son."**

**"What about you two?"**

**"Two sons."**

**"How old are they?"**

**"About in...their 20's..."**

**"...Wouldn't that make you forty or older? Man, you look good even in forties."**

**"I'm not forty..."**

**"Let me see your resume. This says you are thirty...but****...Yi here is born in 1979, Liang is born in 1981, and Chunhua is born in 1989...That would make you thirty-five, and being ten years older than your wife. Um...**

**(What's with those numbers?!)**

**(I stuck a nine between your actual birth dates.)**

**"So, you guys are at most thirty-five. Though the husband is already old, while the wife is still pretty young. Well, where did you guys previously worked in?"**

**(What do I say?)**

**(Say a scientist...or another teacher...professor...army strategist?)**

**They all chose a random job and said that. "Scientist. Professor. Army strategist."**

**"What?"**

**"What?!"**

**(You did not need to choose that one...)**

**(I had no choice!)**

**(You did have another choice!)**

**"Um...you were in the army...? You don't look like it..." Sima Yi came up with a fast answer, ****"That's why I was assigned to strategist!"**

**"Oh, so what force were you on?"**

**(Say U.S Navy!)**

**"The...U.S Navy...?"**

**"Oh, really? I had a cousin that was in the Navy. "**

**(Why did you have to choose that?! We can lie here. And you lie all the time back in China!)**

**(...I don't know...)**

**"Wow, such interesting backgrounds... We need an English teacher, a history one, and a math one. Can any of you do the things mentioned?"**

**(Zhugey can do math, Yi can do English, and Chunhua can be history.)**

**(You have no right to-)**

**(In this world, you call each other with your given name! No adding the family name, since it takes up your breath!)**

**(And why do you call me Zhugey?)**

**(Your name is too long, so I shortened it. Zhugey is close enough. I can't really come up with one for Chunhua...)**

**"I can do math."**

**"I shall do English."**

**"I'll teach history."**

**"Good, you three are hired. You can start tomorrow at 8:00 in the morning. You may leave."**

**The four got up and left the office. They go outside to see Yue Ying on her motorcycle. "I'm finished with my work. We have to find somewhere to live." Takasugi commented,"How were you able to find us?" **

**"This device told me of your locations."**

**(Oh, the phones have GPS too.) "So, where are you looking for to live? You don't have much money on you, so renting is an option."**

**"Did Zhuge Liang get work?"**

**"Yes, along with these two. That reminds me, if any of you get kicked out of your places for whatever reason, you can come by my place for a while."**

**Everyone looked reluctant, "Oh..."**

**"Don't make it sound like a bad thing!"**

**A voice is heard,"So, need a place to stay. But don't have the money?" Takasugi turns to a man in green robes whose eyes were covered by a bucket hat holding a fan. "I can offer something to you..."**

**"Hey, police! There's a pedophile hanging around a school with children!"**

**"No, no, hey, I'm not a pedo. I simply want to offer some apartments to you. Just don't offer to the police me, and I'll drop the rent price by 10%"**

**"Oh, now I recognize you, you are Kisuke Urahara from Bleach and you own that shop. What are you doing in a DW fic?"**

**"You want a place to stay or not?"**

**"Run it by them." He points to the four behind him. Kisuke suddenly acts cheery when he goes up to Yue Ying and Zhang Chunhua. "Hey, ladies! I heard from your buddy there you need a place! I have some for you if you're interested, just pay me and you get to live in it for a whi-GAH!" He gets punched for getting too close. "Ow...So, for just 5,000 yen, you can get yourself a place!"**

**All of them looked confused,"What's yen?"**

**"Oh, if you're Chinese, 295.28 yuans."**

**"What's yuan?"**

**"Huh? Okay, if you are from America, 48.91 dollars."**

**"We have gold." Kisuke gets slightly excited,"Gold? Did you say gold?"**

**"Yes." They all hold a pouch of gold in their hands. Kisuke gets even cheerier,"Well then! Give me all of-GAH!" Takasugi kicks him in the back. "You are not cheating these guys for their gold!"****  
**

**"Ow, ow...ok. Three gold pieces for each day they live here."**

**"Make it a week, or you got nothing."**

**"Ok, a week...Each week, you give me three gold pieces...Happy? But if you come by my shop-"**

**"It's all Soul Society stuff and candy."**

**"They can buy candy!"**

**"They are not children with sweet tooths."**

**"Oh, okay...Come with me to see the apartment."**

**They all followed him while pushing the motorcycles. They come to a plain building with no flaws at all. Takasugi gave Kisuke a suspicious look."Looks perfect, but what about inside?" **

**"Oh, this is a new building I purchased earlier, don't worry, it's not used until you four are using it."**

**"Ok..."**

**They enter, and come to a door. When they open it, it was a mess. Kisuke acted innocently, "Whoops, wrong one."**

**"Espada was in here, right?"**

**"Yep. Here is your room." Takasugi then asked, "Are they sharing?"**

**"Well, I have another room if you four prefer to keep away from each other." Zhuge Liang then opens another door across from the place they are at. "Mind if we take this one?" **

**"As long you're payin' the rent."**

**Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying enter it. **

**"Well that leaves you two with this one."**

**"Might as well." Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua enter the room in front of them. Takasugi asks them,"Um...are you at least worried about your sons?"**

**"I can't baby them, they are two grown men, and Zhao has Kiss-reject and Yuanji. Shi can take care on his own. Though I tend to wonder what they are up to..."**

**"Well, I can take out my phone..." He takes his phone out and looks up Zhao's location.**

**SZ:At "Ay Man" record store (This is a fake name, FYI)**

**JC: At Hot Topic**

**WY: At women's restroom**

**"Why is Sima Zhao in a Jamaican record store?! And Jia Chong is at Hot Topic! Why is Yuanji at the bathroom at a time like this?! They're all separated!"**

**Somewhere...**

**Sima Zhao is walking around, comes across a store and enters. He coughs due to the smoke. "Kof...What is this smoke...? Hey, I'm looking for work." A man comes up to him, walking in a funny manner. "Soooo...you'rrre heerre for a joob?" **

**"Um...yeah..."**

**"Cooome heerre."**

**"Oh, okay..." **

**"Take this." He holds up a bong.**

**"Um...what am I...?"**

**"Take a whiff." Sime Zhao sniffs the item in front of him, and retracts his face away. "Ugh...what is this? It smells like Mother's medicinal tea!"**

**"Come ooon. Trrry it."**

**Meanwhile he was in there, Jia Chong walks on a street, and comes across a Hot topic and enters. A store worker greets him. "Hey-whoa! Sweet hair!"**

**"Hmm?"**

**"That hair is just awesome! You have to tell me where I can get that done."**

** "May I ask for some work here?"**

**"Oh, of course! With that, you will be a great asset to this place! Maybe a suit is not the best choice of clothing here..."**

**"I have something else, may I use your chambers?"**

**"Oh, it's over there."**

**Jia Chong goes into a dressing room, and comes out in his original DW outfit. The store worker is amazed. "Wow. Cool jacket, and nice necklace. Where did you get that?"**

**"Hmm? These are my normal clothes." **

**"Can I hug you? You are just awesome!"**

**"No." **

**Yuanji is walking outside, looking for Sima Zhao and Jia Chong. She sees the scooter near the store Zhao had previously entered. She enters the store and finds Zhao lying on the ground. He gets up slowly, and says in a stoned voice, "Oh heeeyy...Y-Yuan-jj-what a funny name..."**

**"Zhao? What happened?"**

**"Your mom happened! Hahahaha!"**

**"Your clothes are a mess! What happened here?"**

**"Oooh, cooome on! Can I haaave sooome fuuuun?"**

**"No, we're leaving now. Come."**

**"I'm just soooo happy...Nice boobs...Haha...Boobs...Heh...let meee touch yaaa..." He leans forward to Yuanji, but she hits him and drags him out of the record store. **

**"Hey, the paaarty juust started!"**

**Yuanji sets him on the scooter and looks around for Jia Chong. She then sees a large line of girls lined up in the Hot Topic Jia Chong went into and goes in. She sees Jia Chong getting surrounded by lots of random girls as he folds some clothes. "OMG! That's a very good cosplayer of Jia Chong! Can I get your picture? OMG! He's so hot! He makes emo and goth look sexy! Loving that jacket!"**

**"Scram." This only caused the girls to squeal. "OMG! He has his personality! And his voice! AAAAAAHHHH! Hey- What are-"**** Yuanji gets past the crowd of girls and talks to Jia Chong. "Master Jia Chong, we have to get moving. Zhao is...um..."**

**"Oh, that's right, we have to look for a place to live in. Excuse me, I have an urgent matter to attend to." The store worker is fine with him leaving. "Ok, just come back when you're done!" Jia Chong leaves the store with Yuanji. "Also, why are you wearing your old clothes?"**

**"The people claimed it was better to wear while being in there. I don't understand why." He then sees the stoned Sima Zhao lying on the scooter. "Ooooh, hhhhhiiii Jiiiiia Ching-Chong..." Jia Chong hits him in the face. "Why is he like this?"**

**"I do not know. But we have to find an building to stay in." A group of girls followed Jia Chong. "OMG! Look! They have Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji! They are hella so good cosplayers! They even dressed them up in modern clothing! Can we get a picture?"**

**"Can you tell us a place to live around here?"**

**"Oh, lookin' for an apartment? There are some over there." One of the girls pointed to a building not far from where they are. **

**"I thank you. Now let's go." The two loaded Zhao onto the sidecar, and Jia Chong became the driver with Yuanji behind him. They then drove towards the apartments. **

**Back at the apartment**

**"Hm? They're moving. Towards here..."**

**"What is it?"**

**"Nothing. So, getting comfy? There's a bed if you two need some time together."**

**"What makes you think that?!"**

**"Well, you work tomorrow, and you have nothing to do now, soooo...OW!" He gets hit with a remote. "Hey, you have a TV. Watch stuff on it."**

**"How do I use this?"**

**"Power button." Takasugi gets the remote and turns the TV on. "What the-?" A show was on, but Zuo Ci was in a chair next to a random lady. "...Um...Is this one of those psychic shows? And how did Zuo Ci get a TV show so fast?!" On the screen, the woman was crying in Zuo Ci's arms and asked if her father is happy in the next world or Heaven. "My dear child, your father is in Heaven and is happy for your sake." The woman is crying more and thanks Zuo Ci in a teary hug. "Well...he is a Mystic...So these things he says must be true..." He flips the channel. It was an commercial with Ma Chao and Zhao Yun in it. "Ok...what now..?" It was a lawyer commercial. "Hey! Got into a car wreck? Got a bad nose job? Got your family murdered by some evil bastard? Had your baby thrown by a man who clearly was not grateful for you saving it? Want JUUUUUUUUSSSSSSSTTTTTTIIIIIIIICCCCCE?! Call Ma and Zhao offices! It's-" ****Takasugi flips the channel. "That was...eh...Oh, some news." **

**"In other news, we got updates on the assaulted police officer case. A witness was at the scene. He claimed it was a woman about 5'7, and the man that was with her is a 5'10 male." Takasugi looked like he saw a ghost "...They got your description...It won't be long..." Sima Yi turned to him, "What are you talking about?" Takasugi angrily replied," Your wife beat up a police officer! That is a felony! And you are her accomplice! But, can they get your faces?" The news report continued,"The witness described the woman as "a hottie that can beat me up anytime..." Ok, that was inappropriate." Takasugi snickered for a little bit. "Anyway, he told us the two resemble characters from a video game called "Dynasty Warriors." Takasugi then turned pale.**** "Police thought he was imagining things and ignored him." Takasugi falls. "Huh...? What...? I was so...worried..." He turns off the television. Sima Yi stared at the lying man in front of him. "...I don't understand why you are so stressed." Takasugi gets up. ****"...You don't know...Anyway, I should go...You two can take things over from here." He leaves the room. Sima Yi then goes to the bedroom door, but is caught by surprise when a hand pulls him into the room. A lock clicks. When Takasugi went outside the apartment building, he got on his motorcycle, and noticed a familiar vehicle. "Wait, is that-?" Jia Chong parks the scooter near Takasugi, and gets off. "Oh, you. What are you doing here?" **

**"Zhao's parents, Zhuge Liang, and Yue Ying are residing here." **

**"Hmm, are they willing to share?"**

**"There are more rooms. Just ask the guy in the green robes. Look, there he is." Kisuke noticed the new people, and gives them a cheery greeting. "Oh, hello! Lookin' for a place? I've got some rooms and you guys can live in them for just three gold pieces a week!" Jia Chong tosses Kisuke three gold pieces and goes back to drag Zhao into the apartment. "That enough?"**

**"Yes! Here are the keys!"**

**Yuanji takes them, and helps Jia Chong drag Zhao. "Um..what happened to him?," asked Takasugi.**

**"He starts to spout gibberish if you try to hold a conversation with him."**

**"Buuut, I doon't want want to see daaad...He's a duuuummmbass..."**

**"Oh, he's stoned. He entered that Jamaican record store and inhaled the fumes. Don't worry. He'll be back to normal if you leave him in bed."**

**Takasugi then drives off. After twenty minutes, Sima Zhao wakes up on a bed. "Where the heck am I? This bed is soft..oh! Where are Yuanji and Jia Chong?" He gets up and runs out the door, and is stopped by Yuanji. "Where are you going?"**

**"Oh, you're here! Where's Jia Chong?"**

**"He's working. You should as well."**

**"Oh yeah, right. We got this place?"**

**"Yes, the three of us are living in there. I heard your father and mother are here as well."**

**"I want to see what they are up to." He walks out, and knocks onto a door. The opens to have a happy and glowing Zhuge Liang. "Hello. What do ya need?"**

**"Um, wrong room. And why is Zhuge Liang so happy?"**

**"Coming, dear! Excuse me." He shuts the door with a weirded out Zhao. "Um...okay...This one should be it." He knocks on the door across from him. It opens with a happy and shining Sima Yi. "Evening, gentleman and lady, what business do you need?" Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji looked in shock."Um...I think this is the wrong room..."**

**"Why is your father looking so cheerful...?"**

**"Oh, Yuanji and Zhao! I'm glad to see ya."**

**"He's talking in a young person's accent! Snap out of it!" Zhao slaps Sima Yi in the face but had no effect. "I need something to make him upset. Um..this a bother...?" Sima Yi still is smiling and glowing. "Ok...you are an imbecile." This caused Yi's eye to slightly twitch. "It's working! Imbecile! Imbecile! Imbecile! Imbecile! Dumbass! BAKAME! IDIOT! BAFOON! Stupid! Fool! Dummkopf! BAKAMEGA! Blockhead! Nincompoop! I'm running out...OOF!" Sima Yi roundhouse kicks Zhao to the wall across from him. "Those are my lines-I mean-don't call me those! I was pretty happy for once and you had to kill it! What are you doing here anyway?" **

**"We were looking for places to live in, then we were about to get out and look for work."**

**"Where's Jia Chong?"**

**"He's working."**

**"Well, you should go out and look for jobs yourself."**

**"Ok, ok. I'm going." Zhao gets up and leaves with Yuanji. **

**Meanwhile, Izuru and CEO are driving the Wei-Jin and Shu characters to a mall. The Koei workers drove Wu, and the remaining Other. Izuru then asked Cao Cao, "So, what do you want to do, Cao Cao?" Cao Cao tells him,"Any work that would make use of my abilities."**

**"Aaand what is that? You are talented in poetry, playing musical instruments, archery, military, leadership, and swordsmanship. I can't figure out what job requires that. Maybe...a police chief? Or start a band? Maybe the mall will have something for you." He then talks to Guo Huai, "Hey, did that Nyquil help calm that cough?" **

**"Why yes, the future has amazing medicine that can battle even against my illness. I am grateful to you."**

**"Don't mention it. We don't want people trying to avoid you in this world." Xiahou Ba said, "Master Guo Huai is able to say a full sentence without a cough interrupting! That stuff must be good, well, probably not in taste...but still!" **

** "I am glad to hear you two are happy. So, thought of anything to do?"**

**"I don't know of this world enough yet to know what possible jobs I can do." Sima Shi then asks Izuru,"What is this mall you keep on speaking of?"**

**"It's a place for people of this century to buy things. Think of your marketplace, and stick them in a stacked-up building."**

**"Hmm...So, where did Zhao, Jia Chong, and Yuanji go?"**

**"I have no idea, and Takasugi is out there, possibly with Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying, or your parents. Zhang He, Li Dian, Yue Jin, what do you guys want to do since you didn't want to be in the host business? Li Dian told him,"Well, I want something that won't have me stuck somewhere. Yue Jin also." **

**"Maybe cops, or specifically mall cops?"**

**"Oh, sounds cool!"**

**"You get to catch bad guys, and you get to move around, seeing the sights." Zhang He says in a passionate voice," I want something where I can see something beautiful everywhere I turn! Or if I can decorate something, that will do also!"**

**"Maybe a fashion designer or work in a expensive clothing store. Women will love you if you can give them advice."**

**"Oh, that's sounds something I would like to do!" **

**"Well, we shall see if they can offer what you guys want."**

**At Shu's car, many of them were watching Ma Chao's and Zhao Yun's commercial being shown in the limo's screen. Liu Bei got slightly insulted with the "Had someone thrown your baby?" thing. "Again... that did not happen..." CEO asked him, "What do you want to do?"**

**"I have not decided what to do yet...What am I capable of?" **

**"You sold straw sandals for a living, maybe a shoe salesman?" Liu Bei lights up, "That's it! I could do that!" Guan Yu and Zhang Fei were slightly reluctant. "Brother, are you sure? Do you want to go back to that?" **

**"Yes, if you don't want to do that, you may go somewhere else to work."**

**"I shall accompany you, no matter if we had to go back to the old days." **

**"Do they have wine here?" Ma Dai asks, "Can I paint here?"**

**"You could paint paintings and sell them. Or maybe a tattoo artist."**

**"What's that?"**

**"You draw on people for money."**

**"That's...rather unusual...The first choice sounds better."**

**Then at the Wu car, Zhou Yu looks outside at many of the peculiar sights. Sun Ce interrupts the silence. **

**"Zhou Yu, what's wrong?"**

**"Nothing. It's just so unusual we are no longer at Wu, and we're in the future. That is what bothers me." Lu Su talks to Zhou Yu, "Master Zhou Yu, what is your opinion on this place that bothers you so much?" **

**"The perverted director said we are 2000 years into the future, and that make me feeling a lot older than I am already am. Heh, this is coming from someone who died at thirty-six." **

**"Master Zhou Yu, don't over think so much. We are not at war, so we can lay back and relax. Surprisingly, we are still pretty distant with the other kingdoms, yet we don't quarrel or try to kill each other. You did not have any anger towards Zhuge Liang, and that is progress. It is a shame we can't be that way back home."**

**"You are right...I feel no hate nor stress...It is amazing what this place has done for me and my health." Sun Ce taps him, and says," Well then, no more you staying up late to work! You can relax with me and the rest of us, and drinking this fancy-looking drink!" He holds up a champagne bottle.**

**"Yes, indeed. But that made you really drunk though...Oh, by the way, how are Gan Ning, Ling Tong, Lu Xun, and Lu Meng doing?"**

**Meanwhile...**

**"Hey! Race ya!" Gan Ning races his cycle past Ling Tong. "Hey, we caused some people to fall off the road! I don't want those guys chasing us!" Lu Meng catches up to Gan Ning, "Gan Ning, we have to find somewhere to live and find work. We can't be speeding here all day." **

**"Aw, fine! Where can we get work?"**

**"That place doesn't seem too bad." They all park at a gas station. "We can get a job here, then we get a place to live." They enter the place, and Lu Meng goes to talk to the clerk. "Excuse me, may we have some work if you have any?"**

**"Oh, you and those two there. But the short one is too young."**

**"No, he's over twenty." **

**"He can work here then. All of you are hired."**

**"May we start tomorrow? We are looking for a place right now, and we have to before nightfall."**

**"Oh, if you go that way, you will find some apartment buildings. You can live there for pretty cheap."**

**"Thank you. Come on, you three." Gan Ning and Ling Tong snuck some candy bars into their pockets and left with Lu Xun and Lu Meng. They then got onto their motorcycles and drove towards the apartment complex the clerk told them to go to.**

**In the Other's car, Yuan Shao is outraged with Zuo Ci getting a TV show. "What? He predicted a peasant's death, and he gets to be on this screen, getting all the glory!" Zhang Jiao gives an explanation,"He is a Mystic, of course people shall look up to him as people did to me back at home."**

**"And I kicked your bottom for that."**

**"Don't you bring that up! It was Cao Cao, Liu Bei, and Sun Jian that did, anyway. You were sitting at your tent, sipping tea."**

**"Oh, how dare you! I sh-MMPH!" Lu Bu grasps Yuan Shao's face. "Shut up. Or this moustache is coming off."**

**"Oh, please don't! I'll be quiet!" Lu Bu lets go of Yuan Shao. **

**The cars reach their destination and park in front of the mall, people looked in awe when the limos and out came suited men. Yuan Shao's shiny suit got the attention of a talent agent. He walks up to him. "Excuse me, you have a face that will be perfect for a movie or a show. How about you come with me, and I'll make you rich! What do ya say?" Yuan Shao looks happily and says,"Well, I am a dashing fellow. You've got a deal, my friend." **

**"Excellent! Come with me and my limo!" Yuan Shao follow the talent agent while Zhong Hui runs after them. "Hey! Do you need another one? I can provide that for you." He sparkles.**

**"Wow! You are simply beautiful! I can do with another one. Both of you will be stars! Oh, can any of you sing?"**

**"I recorded a single once myself."**

**"Yep. You. Come. Oh! Who is that guy? I want him for the next "So You Think You Can Dance?" Zhang Jiao looks at him. "Me?"**

**"Yes, you. I like the outfit, you wanna come with me?"**

**"Really? Yes!"**

** Zhang Jiao and ****Zhong Hui follow the talent agent enter the limo with Yuan Shao. They drove away. Cao Cao looks displeased,"Yuan Shao is a fool for not even think through this carefully. But I can't really help him though." Izuru and CEO leads the group into the mall. They all looked shocked at how large it was. Xiahou Ba commented, "This place makes me feel a lot more smaller..." **

**"Whoa, this place is huge! I think it might be bigger than the palace! Right, Dun?," said Xiahou Yuan.**

**"Hmph. I'll go look for work now." He walks away from the group. Izuru asks,"Hey, Li Dian, Yue Jin, you want to be mall cops? Come with me. Anyone else want to be one?" Xu Huang, Lu Bu, Wen Yang, and Dian Wei went up to him. **

**"I get to bash some heads? Sign me up."**

**"I'm the one who bashes heads! I'll show Baldie here!"**

**"I want to catch the thieves in this place!"**

**"I wish to bring justice to those who disturb the balance!"**

**"Wow...ok, come with me."**

**They all followed Izuru into a security office. CEO then tells everyone, "Ok, look around if you feel like it, but you have one objective, and that is find a job. Got it?" **

**Yes. **

**"Alright, go. I don't need to babysit. You guys are on your own from now on." **

**The group breaks up into smaller groups moving in different directions. CEO gives one last look at everyone walking away from him, and turns to leave.**

**Security office**

**Izuru enters it with Li Dian, Dian Wei, Yue Jin, Wen Yang, and Xu Huang. The officer gets up and greets them. "Oh, hello. What do you need?"**

**"Have a job for five people?" **

**"Oh, those guys? Hmm...they look strong and intimidating enough. What are their pasts? I'm not hiring past criminals."**

**"Nope. They have clean slates, and all of them were in the army. "**

**"Wow. All of them? What are the odds? Ok, they're hired, we need the help these days." **

**"Thank you, now you five, he is your supervisor now. Don't screw up." Izuru leaves the five in the office. The officer gives each a uniform. "Now, put these on and go around. Anyone caught stealing, arrest them. Doing anything that is not proper is arrest. Do not kill them unless they are trying to kill you." The five put on the uniforms, then went out into the mall.**

**Zhang He, Cai Wenji, and Zhen Ji enter an expansive clothing store and is greeted by a saleswoman. "How are you three doing this fine evening?"**

**"Oh, we are looking for work. Are you hiring?"**

**"We needed some people to work here for a while. What can you do?"**

**"I love helping women with their clothes and I want to design."**

**"I enjoy helping women with their sense in fashion."**

**"I...uh...like to give service to people."**

**"All of you, come with me."**

**A few minutes later, Zhang He is still in his purple suit, except he has an ascot on. Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji wear the saleswoman uniforms. Zhang He goes up to a random woman and helped her out. "Oh, you need something new. How about this?" **

**"Oh...okay..."**

**Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji followed his example, and managed to get enough sales, but not as good as Zhang He. **

**Another area of the mall was Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei entering a shoe store. "This should be what the man said I can do. I hope I can manage..." A salesman walks up to him. "Hello, sir. Are you interested in getting new shoes?"**

**"Actually, my brothers and I want some work. Do you happen to have anything for us?"**

**"Um...Why does your brother look like that small statue every time I go into an Asian restaurant?"**

**"Huh?" (Wait, the Koei man said Guan Yu was worshipped as a god. I have to keep little to no attention off him.) "Oh, he was trying out a new style."**

**"Okay...so, you want to work here? We have a few spots open." **

**"We'll take it!"**

**A few minutes later, the three brothers were in uniform. They then began to do their jobs. The store starts to get packed with obvious Buddhists trying to get their feet measured by Guan Yu. Liu Bei starts to get worried. (Oh no! People are noticing Guan Yu's certain features! It won't be long until they figure out who he is.) "So? Like the shoes?" The man he was helping out was satisfied and went to the register. He then went over to Guan Yu and bowed down. The shoe salesman from earlier came up to Liu Bei. "Hey, your brother is really attracting customers. Are you sure he isn't that Buddhist god?" Liu Bei acts flustered. "No! Of course not! Why would a peasant like me be brothers to a god? That is really unlikely. Haha!" Zhang Fei was offering service, but he gets turned down a lot due to Guan Yu being right near him. He goes to sit in a corner, depressed. "Poor Zhang Fei...Guan Yu is really popular..."**

**Meanwhile, Cao Cao, Xiahou Yuan, Pang De, and Zhang Liao all walk on the top story of the floor. Cao Cao stops to look at a Victoria's Secret poster of a near-nude woman, but Pang De, Xiahou Yuan, and Zhang Liao push him forward to move farther away from the poster. Cao Cao commented,"In this world, they have women posing in little to nothing...Who was the genius that thought of this?" Pang De and Xiahou Yuan sighed.**

**"Huh, I wonder where Cousin Dun went." **

**Pang De pointed, "Isn't that him?" Xiahou Dun was working in a military surplus store. They all enter the store. Cao Cao called him,"Hey! You found work? It's rather...army-ish..." **

**"That's because it is. This place sells army weapons and armor."**

**"They have such things? Well, any of you want to work with Xiahou Dun?" A big burly man walks out from the back. "Hey, lookin' for something?"**

**"Whoa, he looks like Dian Wei with hair."**

**"What? Do ya need something?" Cao Cao says,"I'm incapable of working here, but maybe Pang De or Zhang Liao can go?" Pang De goes up to him. "I would like to work here. What is it do I need?" **

**"Well, you look intimidating enough for someone not to try anything. You're hired."**

**"You do not need to worry about me, Lord Cao Cao. I can work here while you three can look for something to work on."**

**The three then left the store. Cao Cao walked over to a men's clothing store. "Well...this won't be that bad...Come, Zhang Liao and Xiahou Yuan." Afew minutes later, they all are wearing their ties properly and began to give service to the men that walked in there.**

**In another area of the mall, Zhou Yu is walking with Lu Su, Sun Ce, and the Qiaos. "So, what can we do for a living? Lu Su, any ideas?" **

**"I keep on seeing these places where you can buy clothing and shoes. But you don't seem interested in that though." Sun Ce suggested,"How about just become strippers? It's easy and we are all sexy men." Zhou Yu looks disgusted, "No...If you want to do that, fine. But I'm not doing that." **

**They all sit next to a fountain. Xiao Qiao looks in amazement as it shoots out intricate streams of water. Da Qiao tells her to don't get to close to the fountain. The men observed their surroundings. And then they heard whispers from young women.**

**"That guy is so hot"**

**"I think he's sexy-looking. I wonder if he's single."**

**"That hair looks so soft..."**

**"I think that guy next to him looks better in terms of manliness."**

**"I like the one with the one with the goatee is hot."**

**"Is that Zhou Yu, Lu Su, and Sun Ce?"**

**"Now, they are fictional. But I would run up to them fast if they were real, but they're dead..."**

**"No, it looks exactly like them."**

**"They're just very good cosplayers."**

**Zhou Yu gets slightly disturbed. "They can recognize us, we should get moving now. Hm?" His phone rings and he picks up. "Where is the answer button? Ah, there. Hello?" Guo Jia was on the other line. "Still in need of a job? Well, I have something for you." **

**"Um...who are you..?"**

**"Guo Jia. The guy that saw your fire attack coming?"**

**"Oh, you. Why are you calling me?"**

**"I'm...in a very difficult situation...You need a job, I need help."**

**"What is your problem?"**

**"Well..." It switches to Guo Jia in a restroom holding his cell phone. He peeks out and sees many girls at his table and retracts his head back in. "I'm...too popular...And Master Cao Pi can't help because he's in the same situation as me." He peeks out again, and sees Cao Pi getting crowded with women swooning over him. Zhou Yu asks him,"Why me?"**

**"You can draw their attention away when you work here. Do you any more people with you?"**

**"Well, I have Lu Su and Sun Ce."**

**"That's good. They decent enough for a host club. Come by a building that has all these purple lights and hearts, you won't miss it." He hangs up. Zhou Yu sighs and gets up from his seat. "Come on, I got us some work."**

**"What about the girls?"**

**"They can be waitresses over there."**

**Meanwhile, Guo Jia calls more people to help him. "Ok...I can't call Cao Cao because he's too old. Jia Xiu? I'll call him. He's decent." He finds Jia Xiu in his contacts and calls him. Jia Xiu picks up his phone. "What is it?"**

**"Jia Xiu, need work?"**

**"Not really. Wang Yi got me something..." Jia Xiu is revealed to be in a janitor's outfit. "What? But what?"**

**"I...I'm someone who cleans other people's messes..."**

**"How did you get that?"**

**"Wang Yi offered to get me something, and next thing I know, I'm in this outfit, holding this funny stick."**

**"What did Wang Yi get?"**

**"She's this person who draws on other people. It looked painful to do, and Wang Yi liked that. Cao Ren was with us, and he got a job with me to clean messes on tables, and their sanitary facilities. I saw the Shu painter guy drawing on these boards, and people were willing to buy them. "**

**"Is it good pay? And that's Ma Dai."**

**"It's decent. But its making me lose my appetite seeing the messes people leave behind." **

**"Oh...sorry to have bothered you..." He hangs up. "Now who else do I know? Hmm...Sima Yi? He owes me anyway, so I'll call him." He calls Sima Yi and he picks up. "What?"**

**"Need a job?"**

**"Not really, I already got work as an educator." **

**"How about helping me out for just a little bit? You're handsome enough."**

**"I said I already have work."**

**"You owe me. If you don't help me out, I'll tell everyone who REALLY urinated in the castle's wine. Wang Yi and Jia Xiu will jam their blades up your bum if they found out. I told everyone it was during Cao Cao's drunken spree, and they didn't try anything to him." **

**"They do not have their weapons on them."**

**"They can improvise. Look for a very purple-looking place." Sima Yi sighs, "Fine, but only this time. I have my own job." He hangs up. Guo Jia then thinks of more people. "Who else? Sima Yi's sons seem to fit the profile of these hosts. I should call them." He looks for Sima Zhao in his contacts and calls him. "Hello? Who's this?"**

**"Guo Jia."**

**"Doesn't ring a bell."**

**"Your father works with me back home for a little bit." **

**"Oh, the one who drinks?"**

**"That's what Sima Yi described me as?"**

**"Yes, he called the other guy that works with you "pirate reject."**

**"Oh...well, anyway. Need some work?"**

**"Yes, I'm looking for something now."**

**"Well come by where I work and you get a nice pay and free food."**

**"Really? Where is it?"**

**"Look for a place that has all this purple stuff all over it, you can't miss it."**

**"Alright." He hangs up. Guo Jia looks for Sima Shi on his phone and calls him. "Hello?"**

**"I'm Guo Jia. The one your father works with sometimes."**

**"Oh, the alcoholic rabbit."**

**"He described me as that?! He really has his way with words, I don't understand why isn't he a poet. Anyway, need something to do that offers a good pay?"**

**"Actually, I needed something right now. Deng Ai, Guo Huai, Zhuge Dan, and Xiahou Ba all got to work in this place called "Sony." When I got there, they couldn't hire me because he said he had no more spaces left to fill in."**

**"Ok, just look for a purple building. With hearts on it."**

**"Funny description...but I'll take your word for it." He hangs up. Guo Jia sighs. "That should lighten my load and Cao Pi's." He goes out of the bathroom, and he sees Cao Pi sitting right in the middle of about fifty girls with a unamused face. "Um...Cao Pi? Are you alright?"**

**"I don't think so..." Guo Jia walks back to his table, and girls start to fawn over him again. "Is your tummy hurting, Guo Jia? You were in there a long time. We should stop ordering too much alcohol."**

**"Yes, I'm fine. Now..." He sparkles, but it's slightly less brighter due to his stress."Let's continue the party." (I hope those people get here before I collapse from the stress.)**

**Zhou Yu, Lu Su, Sun Ce, and the Qiaos leave the mall. They then see the limos are still there. A Koei worker calls out to them. "Hey, where to?"**

**"You people did not leave yet?"**

**"Obviously we are not leaving you guys walk around here especially when you don't know where to even walk towards. Now, where to?"**

**"Guo Jia said to go to a place with purple lights and hearts."**

**"Oh, that's the host club,"Takahagamara". He must set you up with a job there. Hop in." They group enter the limo until Sima Shi runs after them. "Hey, take me to a place that's covered in purple!" **

**"Oh, you too? Ok, in you go." He enters the limo. They then drive off. Meanwhile, Sima Zhao was riding his scooter along with Yuanji and he noticed Sima Yi riding his motorcycle near him. "What are you doing, Father?"**

**"I have to help someone out for a while."**

**"Where?"**

**"He said a place in purple."**

**"Huh, that's where I'm supposed to go myself. Is that it?" He points to a purple building with hearts and with "Takahagamara" written in gold letters on top. Sima Yi looks at it weirdly, "It looks like Zhang He decorated it..." He then parks and enters the building with Sima Zhao and Wang Yuanji. He is then grabbed by Guo Jia and drops him onto a table. "You're here. Now fix your hair and suit."**

**"What is it do you want?"**

**"Be pretty and lie to women."**

**"I can't really do that...I didn't even date when I young due to being married off so fast."**

**"Well, you're pretty, that's all that matters to these girls. Oh, and convince them to buy Don Perignon. Now, Zhao you sit here. Why is your wife here?"**

**"She needs a job too."**

**"She can be a waitress. Come here." After a few minutes, Wang Yuanji was in uniform and holding a tray. Guo Jia then tells,"Okay, that should do for now until the Wu guys and the other son come. Oh, some customers. Places, everyone. And convince them to buy Don Perignon." Guo Jia runs over to his table. A group of girls walk into the place, talked to the greeter. Most of them wanted Guo Jia, but the greeter says he needs rest and only two can request him. All the girls then begged to go with him, and the greeter then chose two to go to him. The rest of the girls then groaned. "Would any of you want someone else? We have many more to choose from." The girls then looked around to see Cao Pi, Sima Yi, and Sima Zhao along with regular hosts. "I want that cold-looking one. That older man looks pretty handsome. I like the one with messy hair." The greeter then leads them to the ones they requested. Wang Yuanji goes to wait on Sima Zhao's table. "What would you like?" Sima Zhao acts nice towards to the girls and this makes Yuanji slightly jealous. The girls then ordered some juice and wine along with food. **

**"Soo, I'm Sima Zhao, what are your names?" (Yuanji will give me a beating after this.)**

**"I'm Aya, this is Yoko, and that's Chiyo." Sima Zhao tries to eat the food without seeming greedy. "Ok, so, what are you into?"**

**"I'm a student. I'm studying economics."**

**"Oh, and you?"**

**"I'm a hostess from around here, right now I'm on break."**

**"I'm a model for a clothing company." **

**"Mm-hm." (It's hard to listen. And the food here is delicious.)**

**Over at Sima Yi's table, he is slightly disturbed on what he is supposed to do. **

**(Chunhua's going to kill me if she finds out...But, Guo Jia is going to tell Jia Xiu and Wang Yi I urinated in one of their wine jars. But what am I supposed to do? Act nice? Flirt? I'm not Guo Jia! He said to convince them to buy a "Don Perignon." What in the world is that? Though I don't have to pay, these women will. But I'm not really good in convincing women. I'll just have to figure it out.) One of the women asked him,"What is your name?"**

** "Sima Yi. So, what are your names?" (I'm going to hell or somewhere worse.) **

**"I'm Haruhi, this is Fumiko, and this is Ayame."**

**"Mm-hm." (Just smile and nod. It got me through lectures and meetings, it should work now.) "So, what do you ladies do?"**

** "I'm a waitress at a diner."**

**"I'm studying to become a doctor."**

**"I'm working in a shop near the mall over there. What do you do before you became a host?"**

**"You kinda look a little older than most of the hosts here."**

**"I used to be a..(This is just temporary!) teacher..."**

**"At what school?"**

**(Damn it, Guo Jia! Dragging me into your problems! Now what school did perverted director say again?)"Um...Yale..?"**

**"Wow! You have got to be pretty smart to be teach there!"**

**"Why did you leave?"**

**(They really get into your life...) "I had to leave to teach here in one of these schools. But then I was laid off. Now I'm here." (That box with light seemed to really help with this explanation...) **

**"Oh, you poor thing."**

**"Get us three bottles of Don Perignon!"**

**(Huh. That was easy.) **

**At Cao Pi's table, the women were spoiling him. **

**"So, what do you do as a hobby?"**

**"I write poetry." The girls squeal. "He's sensitive! That's so cute! So, what else do you do?"**

**"I can learned archery since when I was five, play five instruments, and can fence." **

**"Oh, so talented!"**

**"Can you show us?" Cao Pi takes out a harp and plays for them. "Oh, so cool!"**

**At Guo Jia's table**

**(Yes, they are doing fine. But Sima Zhao is more focused with the food than the women.) "So, anyone want drinks? I can order for you." **

**"I want some wine."**

**"Give us the best sake you have."**

**"Alright, sake and wine. Waiter, get me a sake bottle and wine bottle." After the thirty minutes is up, the girls leave. Sima Yi then goes up to Guo Jia. "I'm done now. Can I go home?" **

**"Oh, yes. You're just worried about what your wife would do to you. You don't have to come back, but if you feel like it, I'll-"**

**"No, I don't really like spending my time with random women. Get Shi if you need the help."**

**"I did call him, along with others."**

**"Why did you call me?"**

**"I know they won't be here for a while, so I needed someone to come in fast." He then hears the door open with Zhou Yu, Lu Su, Sun Ce, Sima Shi, and the Qiaos entering. **

**"Oh, here they are. Fix yourselves up and sit at a table." Zhou Yu looks around and asks him,"What is it you need help on?"**

**"You have to draw attention away from me, so I don't get buried in women."**

**"What am I supposed to do?"**

**"Flirt and eat and drink." Sun Ce sounds happy,"Alright! We get paid to eat and drink! That is gotta be the best yet!"**

**"Well, you have to act social to random women."**

**"That's easy! Zhou Yu and I can do that!"**

**"Good, all four of you go sit there, and the girls will be waitresses." Sima Shi noticed Sima Yi and asked,"Father? What are you doing here?"**

**"I was just leaving. Apparently, I was dragged into this by him. Your brother is over there." Shi turns to see Zhao eating the food from before. Sima Yi then leaves the host club. He sighs. "The future is unusual indeed..." He gets on the motorcycle and drives off.**

**Sun Quan was walking around the street with Lian Shi and Sun Shang Xiang. "Will Father be alright?"**

**"Father won't go down easily, besides, he has Han Dang and Huang Gai."**

**"Well, how will we find a place to live?"**

**"There's something over there." The three walk over to a building with a banner over it. It says,"Apartment for rent" **

**"Apartment? The paper says these places serve to be temporary homes for people." **

**"Well, we should go and ask them if we can live here."**

**They go near the building and a old woman approaches them. "What are you doing here?"**

**"We are looking for a place to stay."**

**"Well, I have rooms. 10,000 yen a month." **

**"Yen?"**

**"You three aren't from around here? Then what currency do you have?"**

**"I have gold." **

**"Gold? No country uses gold anymore. Hmm...I'll let you guys live here, but you have to work the rent off. Come by my bar."**

**"Oh, thank you. We can't thank you enough. So, do we start now?"**

**"No, I'll let you people get used to this place and then you can work."**

**"You are generous, care to tell us your name?"**

**"Just call me Masaki. Now here are the keys." **

**They all enter their apartment and looked around. Sun Shang Xiang goes to the television and observes it."What is this box?" She presses a button, and it turns on. Sun Quan goes to look with his sister. "I see people in this. And that person looks familiar..." They watched a show where people are dancing and Zhang Jiao was one of them. "How do you change this?" Lian Shi picks up a remote and presses a button. It changes to "Survivor" with Meng Huo and Zhu Rong in it. "Um...do we know those two before?..."**

**"Not that I know of. I think they Shu's allies. Oh, look they knocked that guy off the raft!" **

**"Lian Shi, change it, please." She flips the channel to show the Guan kids and Zhang kids on a reality show. "Hey, are those Guan Yu's and Zhang Fei's kids?"**

**"What happened to them?! They are orange and hitting each other!" **

**On the screen, Guan Ping is tanned and talking in a funny accent. "Hey, b****! Let's go to the bar to get wasted! Zhang Bao is tanned with his hair styled into a mohawk. "Yeah! Let's go, Xing!" Guan Xing was slightly tanned and had his hair styled very spikey. He slaps Zhang Bao. "Why'd ya do that?! I'll punch you!" He gets into a brawl with Xing. Guan Suo in sunglasses stops them. "Now, we shouldn't beat each other to a pulp. My girl is coming!" Bao Sanniang enters the set, talking in a funny accent. "Oh HAAIILL NO, you ain't takin' my man!" Xing Cai enters as well and slaps her. "Oh no, you didn't!" They have a catfight. Guan Yinping enters to slap everyone in the face. "Stop it, everyone!" Lian Shi switches the television off. "...Um...That's enough for today..."**

**It's about night, and Takasugi drives towards his house, and sees Xu Shu lying down on the street. He stops to check his pulse. "Yep, dead. Poor guy probably suffered getting rejected by a employer and went across the street, not knowing a car was coming his way." He sighs. "Another dead one. Fangirls are not going to be happy." He gets on his motorcycle and drives off. He then noticed Pang Tong lying near his house along with Huang Zhong and Wei Yan. He goes up to them. "Why are you here?" Pang Tong gets up, "Poor Xu Shu, we tried to stop him, but it was too late." He lets a few tears. "Why are you here, Huang Zhong and Wei Yan?" **

**"Everywhere I went, they said I was too old." Wei Yan uses a normal voice, "When I got to a place, they turned me down because I was unwilling to reveal my face." Pang Tong commented,"Did I hear Wei Yan talking normally just now?" Takasugi tells him,"Nope, it's the wine probably making you hear things." **

**"You're right." Pang Tong resumes his nap. Takasugi then tells Wei Yan, "I know a job that won't ask you to remove your mask."**

**"Really? What?"**

**"A Mexican wrestler. They can never remove their masks, so that will be perfect for you."**

**"Hmm...I should consider that."**

**"What can an old man like me do?"**

**"Hmm...I can't think of one. Let me think...You could be Wei Yan's manager."**

**"That doesn't sound bad. What about Pang Tong?"**

**"He can follow you two around since he doesn't seem to be useful for anything. Now, get up, you three can stay over at my house for tonight." **

**Wei Yan and Huang Zhong get up, and Pang Tong asks,"Do you have wine?"**

**"I don't drink." (Half the time.)**

**"Aww...well, I need to stay somewhere if I don't want to end up like Xu Shu."**

**Takasugi walks them to his house and he sees CEO and Izuru. "Hey."**

**"What are you doing here?"**

**"Well, we had to drag around people for a while and had to drive back. And my house is a few blocks from here, so why not come and see what you've have done during your day." **

**"I see they have not got a job yet. I can help with that. I know a guy that can get Wei Yan into the wrestling business."**

**"But, I'm tired...And we're out of time..."**

**"Alright, let them live with you and tomorrow they can start." Takasugi looks up at the sky and sees a shooting star. He then jokingly says, "AH! Zhugey died!" Izuru slightly gets amused, "Ok, that is allowed here. So, did the people you chased after get jobs?" **

**"Oh, Sima Yi, Zhuge Liang, and Zhang Chunhua are teachers. Yue Ying is...I guess a mechanic. What did you do?"**

**"We took the guys to the mall for them to get jobs. The boss managed to pay for all of their temporary housing in the area for them." Takasugi sighs. "Wow, today was a long one. Only about thirty more days of that or..." He turns slightly sad. "What is wrong?," asked Izuru.**

**"What if they seemed to like this world better?"**

**"What? Why do you think that?"**

**"I have noticed some of the characters acting less serious then usual. They have to live on a college student's way of life, but they seem less stressed. It's because they don't fight each other here. Or they can't."**

**"They have no war, thus not needing to act so tense around each other. But that is possible..."**

**"Excluding Lu Bu killing Dong Zhou, no one has really committed an act of violence. Oh, and Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua are on a wanted list." **

**"WHAT?! Why?!"**

** "Also, Gan Ning and Ling Tong. I just saw the news on that."**

**"I can understand Gan Ning. But how did Sima Yi get on a wanted list? What did he do? Bored someone to death with "imbecile" insults? Insulting a cop with them?" **

**"Actually, Chunhua knocked out a cop for pulling her over. She was driving the cycle, remember?" **

**"Did they arrest them?"**

**"No, they couldn't even get a description. They got one from a guy, but thought he was nuts."**

**"Well, that's good. Anything else I need to know?"**

**"Zhao got stoned. Jia Chong works at Hot Topic." **

**"Um...Ok?"**

**Takasugi yawns. "Well, I should get home and get sleep. Oh, wait! I forgot to get Sima Yi an alarm clock! I have to call him myself in order he doesn't miss his first day at work. Also Zhugey." **

**"Well, see you tomorrow. Izuru walks away from Takasugi and CEO gets into his car and drives away. **

**"Well, then. Let's go, you three." He goes into his house with Wei Yan, Huang Zhong, and Pang Tong.**

* * *

**Nitpicks **

**During that interview with the principal, I used the years 1979, 1981, and 1989 for the characters' fake resume. What Takasugi meant he stuck a nine between their actual birthdates, he took 179, 181, and 189 and placed the nine between the first and second number. In case if you didn't know, Sima Yi was born in 179, Zhuge Liang in 181, and Zhang Chunhua in 189, so it's kinda half true.**

**The reason Guo Jia is a host is not because he's pretty and good with the ladies. Well, kinda. He reminds me of Tamaki Suoh from OHSHC and Hachirou Kuroita from Gintama. And they're all blonde. Gee, Koei is really making it easy for me to make these connections. Oh, the club is named,"Takahagamara" after one of Gintama's male host clubs,"Takamagahara." I just swapped the "h" and "m" around. **

**Don Perignon is an actual drink.**


	3. Only a day, and they start to visit them

**The next morning Takasugi's alarm clock wakes him up at 7:30. He then takes his phone and contacts Sima Yi. At the apartment Sima Yi was sleeping in, he was still in bed. "Come on, you...Pick up..." The phone keeps on ringing and ringing until Sima Yi grabs it and presses the answer button. "What is it...?" **

**"Rise and shine, sleeping beauty! You have thirty minutes until you have to begin your teacher job. Get up, get dressed, and out the door! Are you able to eat? Do you even need to eat?" **

**"Nngh..."**

**"Gee, you sound like Zhao. GET UP!"**

**"Can I get a few more minut-"**

**"No, you cannot! Maybe grab a piece of bread or something if you're hungry. But seriously, do you even need to eat?" **

**"Of course I need to eat..." He hangs up. He goes to sleep, but is knocked off out of bed. It was Zhang Chunhua. "Yi, the perverted director is right...we have to get up..." **

**"...Ok..."**

**After a few minutes, Sima Yi is dressed, but still exhausted and naps on the table. Zhang Chunhua pulls him off and drags him out the door. They then walk up to Zhuge Liang's door and knocks. **

**"Hey, you have to get up unless you want to be late to your job." No answer. Sima Yi just walks away, but he is pulled back. He then knocks again. Still no answer. Meanwhile Takasugi calls Zhuge Liang to wake him. The phone rings on Zhuge Liang's nightstand and he grabs it. "..What..?"**

**"Zhugey, rise and shine! You have a job in about twenty-six minutes!" Zhuge Liang's eyes widen and he jumps out of bed. He then hangs up the phone to dress and pick a piece of bread lying on the table. He runs out the door and sees Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua standing in front of him. "What took you so long?" **

**"I got up, that is all that matters. But how are we getting there?" Sima Yi gets slightly disturbed on his suggestion. "We might need to share..." They went outside, and they saw a sidecar next to the original motorcycle. A note was on it. **

You don't want to share with him, right? Here's this sidecar for separating yourselves. -Takasugi**  
**

**"He already knew...Oh, well, Zhuge Liang, go in that."**

**"It looks small..."**

**"Jia Chong was able to fit, and he's 6'1." They got onto the motorcycle and drove off to the school. Once they got there, they parked it, and ran into the building. The principal greeted them. "Hey, there. You are only twelve minutes early, so you can get some coffee or something. And...are those the same clothes from yesterday...?" **

**"We didn't get to purchase anymore clothing when we first got here." **

**"Oh...consider buying some after your first day here. Come, you can meet the teachers here." The principal walks them to the teacher's lounge, and they cough due to the smoke. "Koff...koff...was there a fire here?"**

**"No, teachers smoke. Back in China, you don't smoke?"**

**"Why are they inhaling smoke? It kills you!"**

**"It relieves stress."**

**"Yeah, relieves you of life itself." **

**"I think it's best we stay out here."**

**"Don't want something to eat? We have some bagels and coffee."**

**"What are they?"**

**"You don't have that stuff in China? Ok, bagels are these breads and coffee is a drink used for giving you a kick in the morning." Their stomachs growled. "Well, you obviously need something. Go and take some." ****Sima Yi goes over to pour himself some coffee and drinks it. He spits it out. "What is this? Do you have any tea?"**

**"Well, you can just drink water." Zhuge Liang goes to eat one of the bagels along with Zhang Chunhua and some other teachers. A teacher asks him,"So, you're new? What are you teaching?"**

**"Math." **

**"Any good at it?"**

**"I calculate numbers in my spare time. So I should have some skill."**

**"...Okay...Where did you graduate?" **

**"Yale."**

**"Wow...So, you got to be pretty smart. I graduated from Shinso Academy. So, any kids?"**

**"I have a son." (He said not to say Jiang Wei is my student...) **

**"Oh, me too. You married?****"**

**"Yes."**

**"How many years?"**

**"Um..."(I never really counted...)**

**"That's alright, I forget too. Haha!" **

**"Haha!" (Why am I laughing?) Sima Yi goes over to where Zhuge Liang and Zhang Chunhua were standing at and takes a bagel himself. A teacher goes by Zhang Chunhua and starts to hit on her. "So...you're the new teacher? Well, pleased to meet you, I'm Mr. Kubata-" **

**"Nope."**

**"Are you go-"**

**"Nope. Scram."**

**"You didn't-"**

**"When a woman says no, it means no. Do you want my rage released onto you? Especially when I had to wake up so early in the morning?" She gives him a cold glare.**

**"Um...ok..." When the teacher turns, he is glared at by Sima Yi. "Oh, what? She your wife or something?"**

**"Why yes, she is my wife." His eyes narrowed at him.**

**"Oh...um...So, how's your morning..? Heh...awkward..." Sima Yi starts to scan the room, and sees three familiar faces. "Is that-?" It was Sun Jian, Ha Dang, and Huang Gai sitting on the couch in the room, sipping coffee and eating bagels. **

**"You know, these taste not too bad..."**

**"This drink tastes funny, but I still want to continue drinking it."**

**"I must say, the future has some interesting hobbies. They inhale smoke to relieve stress." **

**"Why would they do that? That is an insult to me, since I died young from an arrow. They are just shortening their lifespan."**

**"People these days have no respect for life...It's a shame." Zhuge Liang notices them as well. "Um...Isn't that Sun Jian? Also Han Dang and Huang Gai?"**

**"Hm? Oh, hey, there are people we know! Hey, I heard you helped out Quan for a bit!"**

**"Yeah, he and Zhou Yu devised the plan for me to ram fireboats into Cao Cao's fleet of ships."**

**"That's Zhuge Liang. Hey there!"**

**"Um...what are you teaching here..?**

**"Oh, Huang Gai teaches something called physical education, Han Dang does history, and I do English."**

**"Oh, interesting." They get interrupted by the bell. All the teachers get up and walk out of the room. The principal goes up to the three. "Oh, I almost forgot. I have to tell you what room you will be teaching in. Yi goes to Class B-2, Liang gets Class A-1, and Chunhua gets Class B-5. Just look up, and you see the class letter and number." He leaves the room, and the three go to their respective classes. When Sima Yi entered his room, an eraser falls on his head. He gets irritated, but keeps it in and goes over to the desk. The students snickered at the dust on top of Sima Yi's head. A student comments,"Hey, you look like our age, were you ahead or something?" **

**"What do you mean by that?"**

**"You know, smarter than everyone that you got to skip grades?"**

**"I was educated at home."**

**"Homeschooled? How did you become a teacher?"**

**"Enough chatter, I have to educate you kids on English."**

**"Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"**

**"Hm? Fine, my name is Sima Yi."**

**"Mr. Yi-"**

**"That's not what I like to be called. Call me Master Sima Yi, or you can say your "Mr." thing with my family name instead of my given name."**

**"Um...Mr. Sima?"**

**"You're getting it. Now..."(What in the world am I supposed to do? It's been a while since I actually taught someone...) The door opens with the principal giving Sima Yi a big packet. "This is the lesson plans for your class. I forgot to give you guys this." He runs out.**** (Thank the Heavens, this can help me.) He picks it up and reads through it. (Read textbook...read the story...What is this nonsense? Grammar, writing, language arts...) A student calls out,"Hey, are you going to "educate" us? Another student whispers to the students around him. "It's ironic how an Asian guy is teaching an English class..." The students around him giggled. Sima Yi hears that, but pretends to have not. "So, take out your "textbooks" and turn to page..."He looks in the lesson plan. "...45..." The students do as he says. "Hey, teacher-"**

**"My name is not "teacher." **

**"Mr. Sima, do you even know what we are even doing?"**

**"I'm new here, so I have to figure out how you people do things here."**

**"Ok, we were reading this story, and we had to get partners to do the work after you read."**

**"How do you know more on this than I do?"**

**"We were doing this with the previous teacher, but they changed it. Now we have you."**

**"Well than, continue where you people left off from the previous person." The students than arranged themselves in groups and started to do their work. There was one person not following the directions. It was a student wearing piercings and had his hair shaved on both sides."Why are you not doing your work?"**

**"Because I want to."**

**"Now, you have to do what you are told to."**

**"Why should I? You barely know what to do." **

**"I am a new teacher. I don't know the customs well enough yet. Now, do what you are told."**

**"How about I shut you up?"**

**"Hmph, attacking your teacher? How...barbaric..." The class started to stare and whisper."He's going to die. No one has ever actually talked back to him without living to tell, even adults. The last teacher that had him got his legs broken." The rebel student gets up from his seat and goes up to Sima Yi. "Ya feelin' lucky?"**

**"Well now, I don't believe in luck. Are you?" **

**"How about I break your legs?" Sima Yi talks in a very sarcastic voice,"Oh no. A student has threaten to cripple me. Oh, I'm sooo scared. What happened to you? Why do you have strange pieces of metal in your face? It looks awful. Why do you want to ruin an already-ugly-looking face?" The class gasped. The rebel student throws a punch, but Sima Yi catches his fist. He grabs his arm, and judo throws him onto the ground. The class oohs. "Why you...Ha!" Sima Yi catches his leg, and is about to snap it until the rebel yells out,"Stop! Stop! I get it!"**

**"Now, will you get back to work?"**

**"Yes!" He gets up quickly and runs to his seat. The class was staring at Sima Yi. "What? Get back to work." Everyone immediately turns back to their work. Later at Zhuge Liang's class, he gets slightly agitated with how many students cannot even do a simple algebra problem. "You. What's x if x minus five equals fourteen?" **

**"Um...twelve?"**

**(I'm teaching idiots here!)"It's nineteen. Now, if you read 2-2, you see how you can solve simple equations such as this. Read that and I'll give you another problem. " The whole class does as he says. Zhuge Liang then writes a problem on the board. "Ok, class, what is x if x minus 8 equals 12?" A hand goes up. "Yes, you."**

**"Twenty." **

**"Good. Here's another one. What is x if x plus 20 equals sixty?, Yes you."**

**"Forty." **

**"There. Now we are getting somewhere."**

**At Zhang Chunhua's classroom, she does history lectures on mostly ancient civilizations. (It's obvious why.) Most of the male students are not even paying attention due to the fact they were staring at her chest. **

**"Now can anyone tell me on what happened during the Peloponnesian War? Anyone?" The male students were staring at her, while the girls have no idea because they were using their cell phones in class. She turns around to go look for a textbook, and the male students tried to stare at her behind. A student whispered to himself, "Nice ass..." Zhang Chunhua heard him and turned around. "Who said that?" The students tried to act innocently. She then goes up to the student that said the comment and asks him, "Do you know who said that?" The student replied,"It wasn't me. Try the other guy next to me." **

**"Hmm...I swear I heard it from this direction...Might as well have been my imagination." Zhang Chunhua takes out a pencil and stabs it onto the guilty student's desk. He was scared instantly as the pencil stuck out from the top of his desk. "Now then, shall we finish our lesson?" She sees some girls still staring below their desks. She goes up to them. "What is it you girls are looking at?" The girls make it look like they didn't do anything wrong. "What are you talking about? We don't have anything." **

**"Oh, really? What's this?" She holds up a phone. The girl is surprised and says,"What? How did you-?"**

**"So this is yours? See me after class to retrieve it. And you ladies too." She holds up more phones. The girls look at their hands to see their phones were gone and they were in Zhang Chunhua's hands. She then walks back to her desk and places them onto it. She finds the textbook and continues the class. The girls whispered, "Who is this lady? Whoever she is, she is really making me pissed. Thinks she is-"**

**"In the back, quiet down."**

**"How can she hear us from that far?!"**

**"Because you are yelling out for all to hear."**

**In Sun Jian's classroom, the class goes smoothly with him being incredibly nice to the students. "Now, can someone tell me on what is the main idea of this story?" A hand goes up. "Yes, you."**

**"It's about a guy trying to cheat death even though he can't."**

**"That's good."**

**Han Dang's classroom was more rowdy because it was mostly filled with rebels and held-backs. He tries to keep all his anger in. "S-So, what happened during the Punic Wars?" So students snickered. "Punic..."**

**"Do you think this is funny?"**

**"Yeah, Punic."**

**"Are you people even bothering to try?"**

**"What's with you, old man?"**

**"I'm not old! Show some respect to your elders!" More students laughed. "What? Hey, the Chinese guy wants us to bow down to him. Ok." One of the rebel students goes up to Han Dang and does a mocking bow in front of him. He snickered, but Han Dang boils in anger and punches the student in the stomach. He collapses onto the ground in pain. "Hey! You messed up our boy here! You want your legs broken, old man?" They all charged at Han Dang, but he catches one of them, and throws him into another group of students wanting to attack him. He then grabs two more guys and bashes their heads together. He then yells out,"YOU KIDS GET BACK INTO YOUR SEATS OR I'LL FORCE YOU BACK IN THEM!" Everyone gets scared completely, and went to their seats nervously with some falling for getting in their seats too quickly. Han Dang then continues in a nice voice,"Now, can anyone tell me who was the general for Carthage?" The class was still scared stiff. "If I don't get an answer in five seconds, someone will lose a leg or those metal pieces will be ripped from right from one of your faces." Hands go up quickly. "Um...Hannibel...?" **

**"There, we're all learning."**

**In the gym, Huang Gai forces the students to run twenty laps. "Come on! I could go faster than this!" A student stops running and walks. Huang Gai notices this, and throws a dodgeball at him. "Get going!" The student runs. A student that finished the laps asked him,"Why are we doing this? Especially now, we are sweating like if it were summer." Huang Gai answers,"You kids need to understand pain. And I see some of you guys' stomachs sticking out, that is not healthy."**

**"...But you're like the Hulk...How can we be that?"**

**"Perseverance and hard work gets you everywhere. Now, drop and give me twenty."**

**"Ugh..." The student drops to give twenty push-ups.**

**Meanwhile, Takasugi drives Wei Yan, Pang Tong, and Huang Zhong to a stadium with CEO waiting for him. He parks and goes to him. "Hey, what do you have for them?" **

**"This place can be Wei Yan's big break. There is a wrestling match for all to attend and participate in. We get Wei Yan in, and he'll take over from there. I also got Zhou Tai, Taishi Ci, and Ding Feng here also."**

**"They're here? Also, where's Izuru?"**

**"No, I saw Zhou Tai, Taishi Ci, and Ding Feng yesterday because they got rejected from everywhere they went. I had to set them up with something. Izuru's still sleeping, I think. I tried to call him, but he won't answer." **

**"Huh. So they're wrestlers?"**

**"Yep. They chose their names and masks to wear."**

**"Well, let's go, Wei Yan, Huang Zhong, Pang Tong." They enter the stadium, and signed Wei Yan up in the competition. "You are going to come up with a name for yourself."**

**"Maybe "The Beast of Shu?"**

**"Well, that really gives away who you are..."**

**"How about "The Beast?"**

**"Hmm...not bad...What about the mask?"**

**"Maybe the mask I'm wearing now would work."**

**"Yeah, and have him wear a green and some scale-like costume. And I just heard Wei Yan talk normally..." **

**"Again, Pang Tong, you're tired and drank that bad milk. You're imagining things."  
**

**"He was right there, talking. I know I'm not drunk."**

**"Well, I give up. You know Wei Yan can talk normally now. Are you angry he lied the whole time?" **

**"Nah...It's just...why?"**

**"It was a prank that sorta got out of hand and he was forced to do that since he was with people a lot."**

**"It really hurts your throat..."**

**"Well, anyway. I'm not mad." **

**"Now, Wei Yan, get to the entrance." After twenty minutes, the match starts. People got beaten, people won. When it was Wei Yan's turn, he entered the cage with another big man. "Hey, nice hair, did you get kicked out of a rock band? And what's with that mask?" Wei Yan then throws him down onto the ground with everyone oohing. "Yeah, go kick that guy's ass, Wei Yan!," yelled out Takasugi. Wei Yan pulls him up, and throws him against the barrier that surrounds the cage. He barrels into the guy's stomach, making the guy lose his breath and fall to the ground. The crowd goes wild. "Yeah!" After a few more matches, a man goes up to Wei Yan and comments on his performance. "That was a show! How about I make you rich?" **

**"Can I bring my friends?"**

**"Sure! Where are they?" Wei Yan brings Huang Zhong and Pang Tong with him. The man is slightly surprised. "The old guy and the masked guy are you friends?" **

**"Yeah."**

**"Hmm...How about your two friends can be referees?"**

**"That would be okay."**

**"I need something to do." Takasugi and CEO comes behind them. "Yeah, go with them. This is the guy I told you about."**

**"Ok. Thanks for the help." The three leave with the man. Takasugi then leaves the stadium with CEO. "Hey, how are the other ones doing?" **

**"Pick up a newspaper. You'll find a lot." Takasugi then goes to his car, and a magazine falls in front of him. "Hmph. How convenient." He picks it up. (Zuo Ci is getting positive ratings for his show, I'm not surprised, he can predict anything. Xu Chu is the new judge for Masterchef? Aw, he gets to be with pottymouth Gordon Ramsey...Liu Shan and Yuan Shao are judges for American Idol? That's something I want to watch. Meng Huo and Zhu Rong got on Survivor. I bet they will win. Some guy is arrested and Ma Chao is his lawyer. Another lady gets arrested and Jiang Wei is her lawyer. Huh. They seem okay, and since when Jiang Wei was with Zhao Yun and Ma Chao? The hosts and hostesses side...Guo Jia is No.1 host and Diao Chan is No.1 hostess, why am I not surprised? AND HOW DID THEY GET ON TV SHOWS SO DAMN FAST?!) He drops the magazine back on the ground and gets in his car. "Maybe I should visit Sima Yi to see how he's doing or I can visit Izuru. Or go to the mall to see the what the guys' are doing. Hm...It's still early for Sima Yi to have a lunch break so I'll do that later. Izuru should get his butt up now. I'll go to his house." Takasugi drives his car towards a plain house. "Hm, couldn't hurt to do some decorating..." He gets out of his car and goes to the porch of Izuru's house. he knocks, but no one answered. "Gee, he's a heavy sleeper...I'll call him." He gets his phone and calls Izuru. He hears ringing from inside the house. "Well then, there's only one thing left to do..." He is opening the window on the side of the house and gets inside. "OOF! Nice, I never been here, and it looks decent. There are some shelves with Gundams and anime figures. Guess that was what he was into during high school." Someone comes behind him and hits his head. "Begone, intruder! Or I shall inflict blunt-force trauma onto you!"**

**"STOP! HEY! IZURU!"**

**"What the-? Takasugi? What are you doing in my house...? Gee, I could have killed the remaining the brain cells you had..."**

**"Hey, are you calling me dumb?! I have an IQ of 173! And you sound so nerdy even when beating the Confucius out of me. Really, who says "blunt-force trauma?"**

**"Wow...I have an IQ of 189."**

**"Well, you just did what millions of Xu Shu fangirls want to do to me. Even I have nothing to do with his death..." **

**"What?"**

**"Nothing. So, this is your house? It's not what I expected..."**

**"What? You wanted a giant library or a giant supercomputer in here?"**

**"Yeah...kind of..."**

**"Anyway, why are you here?"**

**"I can't visit Zhugey and Yi now, so I decided to check out how the characters have been doing."**

**"It's only been a day."**

**"Who knows what could have happened to them? Sun Jian probably got shot, a Guan or Zhang lying dead, or Guo Jia could have died of AIDS."**

**"You can't die of AIDS in a day...And being a host is a not an intimate business. "**

**"Whatever. Also, I want to visit the hostess bar with Diao Chan in it."**

**"Hahaha...you in a hostess club..."**

**"Hey. I had a girlfriend compared to you."**

**"Actually, I had a girlfriend, but we had a falling out."**

**"Oh, can I-"**

**"No, you're not hearing anymore. But, I do want to see what they have been doing as well, and-where are you going?" Takasugi goes in another room and finds a PS3. "Oh, nice. And you have the Koei games along with Grand Theft Auto, Saints Row, Fallout, Street Fighter, Final Fantasy, Uncharted, God of War, Assassin's Creed, and lots more. You were those video game nerds? I don't see Call of Duty..." **

**"It's boring, shoot and move. And you're strictly in a certain area, if you go out, it's game over."**

**"You don't have Skyrim?"**

**"I never got into that."**

**"You have Fallout."**

**"Yeah, a apocalyptic world is more interesting than medieval world to me."**

**"Oh, Dishonored. What ending did you get?"**

**"The bad one..."**

**"Oh, so sadistic, aren't you?"**

**"No one gets the good ending the first try. You have to be Jesus or Buddha to be able to that. Anyway, you're not here to look through my stuff, go out into the living room, and let me clean up and dressed."**

**"Aww, I want to play Fallout..." He leaves the room and sits on a couch. He then turns on the TV and watches Masterchef. "Oh, I get to see Xu Chu." Gordon Ramsey talks to Xu Chu, "Hey, where's Graham?"**

**"Oh, he's out for a while, so they got me."**

**"Oh. Well than, let's start." After ten minutes, Izuru walks out in a long sleeved shirt that has the sleeves rolled up and slacks. "Let's go, and why is Xu Chu with Gordon Ramsey?"**

**"I don't know, but this is entertaining."**

**"I'm sorry, but you have to..." A long pause. "...put that apron back on." Xu Chu goes to hug the contestant. "Yeah! I liked your food! I hope you win!" **

**"Um...you don't do that..."**

**"Haha..." He turns off the TV. The two get into Takasugi's car. They then drove to "Tagahagamara." When they entered, they were greeted by Guo Jia in a purple fur coat. "Evening- Oh, you two, why are you here?"**

**"Just checking out how you've doing. You enjoying to flirt and drink all day long?"**

**"It is...interesting most of the time, but I'm getting requested so much, I can't keep up."**

**"How's Cao Pi?"**

**"He's over there. And he is slightly stressed too."**

**"Is Zhen Ji jealous?"**

**"Kinda, she came by when Cao Pi was pretty busy. And, we got new hosts." Guo Jia walks them and shows Zhou Yu, Sun Ce, and Lu Su in separate tables. Zhou Yu acts disgusted,"Ugh, do I have to...?"**

**"No, he's just visiting."**

**"I would go to a HOSTESS BAR, not a host club anyway."**

**"You came at a not-so-busy time, so I can show you around. I also had the Simas over there." He walks the two over to Sima Shi and Sima Zhao. "Hey, are you two okay?" Both of them had bags under their eyes. "It's so...tiring to satisfy women...I would rather work at that "Sony" place..."**

**"I rather work at that "Hot Topic" place..." Izuru suggested, "Well, if you are that stressed, you can take a day off." **

**"To be honest, I don't want to be forced to be interested to some stranger...Can I go?" Guo Jia says,"I won't work you guys to the bone. I won't get mad if you leave, at least you got some girls off me. But Zhou Yu over there can do that."**

**"Can I get something to take home?"**

**"Oh, fine." They leave with Zhao holding a bag with food in take-out packages. "Why did you need to take that?" **

**"The food tastes good."**

**"Now what, you two? You need something to do."**

**"What about the Barnes and Noble over there?"**

**"Oh, how convenient. Shi and Zhao can get something there."**

**"Why can't I just stay at home?"**

**"I had that thought when I was...your age? But my parents kicked me out of the house until I found a job and that was working at Burger King."**

**"You worked at Burger King?"**

**"That was before I went to Koei and had another job before that."**

**"Ok..."**

**"Where did you work at before becoming an animator?"**

**"Let me think about that...A lawyer's assistant."**

**"Ok, how about when you were in high school maybe?"**

**"That was my job. I went to this school that puts you to work in order to train you for the real world. If that place liked you, you could get a summer job with pay."**

**"Damn...Anyway, Shi, Zhao, go in here and ask for an application." They entered the bookstore while Izuru and Takasugi stayed outside. Inside, Shi goes up to the front desk. "Excuse me, where can I get an application?" The clerk was a female that instantly blushed at how handsome Shi was. "Um...um...Right here." **

**"Then may I get one and for my brother?"**

**"Y-Yes!" She gives him two papers and Shi brings them back to Zhao. "We have to write in these. Now where can I get a pen?" **

**"Here!" The girl from the previous desk suddenly appeared next to Shi with a pen. "Um...can I get another one for him?" She pulls out another one from her pocket and gives them to Shi. Zhao noticed how the girl was making swooning noises as they walked away. "Shi, you didn't really need to come with me, it was best if you were a host." Shi gives an explanation,"I don't want to something so...unproductive...Spending time with women is Guo Jia's thing."**

**"But...you sparkle everywhere you go and speak to someone."**

**"That's Zhong Hui. The only time I do that is to convince someone. Anyway, we have to fill this out." Shi looks through the paper, filling in everything except one. "Why does it ask me for "sex?" It's obvious I'm male." Zhao looks at that part and puts "Hell Yes" in that section in his paper as a joke. After that, they took them to the clerk girl. The girl looks at Zhao's paper with the "Hell yes" in the sex section and giggles. "Okay, I'll run these by my supervisor and you'll be notified when you got the job. After a few minutes, they were in uniform. They went out to tell Takasugi and Izuru. "Hey, did you get it?"**

**"Yes, but I want to tell Yuanji she doesn't need to work at the host club anymore." **

**"I think she already knows."**

**"What makes you think so?"**

**"She's right here." Takasugi points to Yuanji besides him. "Oh! Yuanji, you were looking for me?"**

**"When I was over at that place, I noticed you weren't there, but I assumed the restroom. But you quitted and got another job."**

**"Well, you can get a job here with us."**

**"It's certainly better than serving people while they are drunk." She enters the bookstore with Zhao and Shi. Takasugi then walks away. Izuru asks,"Where are you going?"**

**"Getting my car. We're going to that hostess bar."**

**"It's not my thing..."**

**"Well, you're going. What's the one Diao Chan's in?"**

**"I heard from the boss it was "Jewel."**

**"Well, let's go." After they went to the car, they got in and drove to a hostess bar nearby an apartment building. "Does Diao Chan live here?" They then parked and entered the bar with Sun Quan greeting them. "Oh, it's you. What are you doing here?"**

**"Oh, you work here? Is this where Diao Chan works?"**

**"Actually, yes. Lian Shi and my sister too."**

**"Sun Shang Xiang was willing?"**

**"...No..."**

**"I thought so."**

**"Can I request Lian Shi?" Sun Quan gives him a disapproving look. "Ok, ok. Diao Chan would work. Izuru, who do you want?" **

**"I said I'm not into these things."**

**"Then I'll force you into a strip club later."**

**"Fine, I'll see this hostess." Takasugi paid for the two of them, and as they walked over to their tables, Lian Shi noticed Takasugi and is slightly displeased. "Hey, at least you didn't get me. Your husband disapproved of me choosing you. And you're looking lovely today.**

**"Mm-hm...And thank you." Takasugi then sits at the table Diao Chan was in. Diao Chan then looks at him funny."I'm not trying anything, look, my hands. Anyway, how's your day going?"**

**"It's okay. And it's still early, I'm not really busy right now. Wait until about noon, that's when they come in." **

**"I read a magazine, and it says you're number one hostess. You sure are popular. Is Lu Bu jealous?" **

**"He comes by here, and gets jealous instantly when he sees a man with me. But Masaki tells him to calm down."**

**"Who's Masaki?"**

**"The owner of this bar. She offers us to work here to pay off the rent for the building next to us. Sun Quan, Sun Shang Xiang, and Lian Shi are doing the same as well."**

**"That sounds familiar...But, anyway, what's Lu Bu's job anyway?" **

**"He's a mall cop. I asked him what that does, and he says it's to prevent bad guys from roaming inside the mall. He took me after I was done with my shift."**

**"Oh, he gets to ride those Segways. That's a funny image..."**

**"Why are you not using this time for actual hostess time?"**

**"It's business, but it would be different if you were a real person and not a video game character. I can't request Lian Shi because of Quan. And Sun Shang Xiang will tear me a new one if I request her. I don't really like the other hostesses. But at least I get some info on how you guys are doing from you. I try to not be so comfortable around you or else I'm most likely to get my face planted to the ground by Lu Bu. So, how's their business?" **

**"Them? Sun Quan is a bartender along with Masaki and waiter sometimes. Lian Shi and Sun Shang Xiang are hostesses. Lian Shi gets good reception, while Sun Shang Xiang is decent. But she dislikes having to wear make-up and flashy dresses. So she's usually for men who tend to like simple women."**

**"Is that right? So, you're living in that building near here?"**

**"Yes, along with Lu Bu and the three share the one room next to us."**

**"It seems you guys are really making this "live in the future" thing work. I'm amazed how all of you managed here. Well, except a few." **

**"What?"**

**"Dong Zhou died on his way here, and Xu Shu got ran over by a car. Dong Zhou I don't care, but Xu Shu...maybe I do feel sorry. I left him with a drunken idiot and not Zhugey." **

**"Oh. Hm, I hear most the women disliking you, but when you dig a little deeper, you seem decent."**

**"I'm a mere honest, handsome, perverted director."**

**"The handsome part doesn't really apply, maybe a little. But you at least have a heart." Sun Quan goes up to them. "Time's up." **

** "Ok, then. It was nice seeing you guys are okay here. Come on, Izuru." Izuru gets out from his table, red in the face. "What happened to you?"**

**"I-I'm just not used to being with a woman..."**

**"How long were you single?"**

**"Hmm...I think about...two years." **

**"Hmm. I'm about four years." They both leave the bar and got into Takasugi's car. "Aw, shoot. I'm almost out of gas. I'm going to have to stop by a station." He drives to a gas station nearby. Two people go up to his car. "Hey, what do ya need?"**

**"Um...Gan Ning? And Ling Tong? You work here?"**

**"I don't have time to chit-chat! What is it you need?"**

**"I want to fill up my gas."  
**

**"Need a washing? Your car certainly needs it."**

**"Just fill up my car. I don't need anything else." Gan Ning gets the pump and fills it for him. He finishes. "That'll be 151.80 yen. Even I don't know what it f***ing is." **

**"Here's 200 yen. Keep the change." He drives off. "Hey, you're going to share that?," asked Ling Tong.**

**"You didn't do s***!"**

**"You don't even know what value it holds!" Lu Meng snatches the money from Gan Ning. "This goes to the clerk. We get paid later."**

**"Argh..." They then continue to give service to other cars that pass by. Nearby, Lu Xun not knowingly let some gasoline leak out of the pump. A driver nearby threw his cigarette out his window, landing in the gas puddle. A small flame erupts, then it starts to spread. As Takasugi drove farther away from the station, he did not see the explosion behind him. "Huh, sounds like thunder. I don't see clouds though." After ten minutes, he drives to the mall and parks."It's pretty early, so there won't be that many people in here." They enter the mall, and are almost hit by Li Dian speeding by on a Segway. "Oh, sorry!" **

**"Hey, look at that! They do get the Segways! Huh?" He sees Wen Yang on a Segway, but he's driving on the walls. "Um...why is he sideways?"**

**"That doesn't even apply to the laws of physics!" Lu Bu drives over Izuru on top of the ceiling above him. "We're Dynasty Warriors, we don't make sense in terms with physics. And Wen Yang is Jin's Zhao Yun, so he can defy physics if he wanted to." **

**"Um..." Izuru then walks over to a table and sits in it. He sees Jia Xiu and Cao Ren mopping the floor near him. "Oh, you two are janitors?" Jia Xiu sighs. "Yes, but it was not my idea. Wang Yi tricked Cao Ren and I into working as this."**

**"What is she?"**

**"She draws on people. But it looks extremely painful. The guys tend to look red after they're done."  
**

**"Oh, a tattoo artist."**

**"Eh, whatever you call them. I see that Shu painter guy talking to this fancy-looking guy and he left with him."**

**"Maybe that was an art collector and he liked Ma Dai's work." He turns to see Yue Jin driving his Segway around the fountain. Li Dian tries to do a trick. "Hey, Yue Jin! Look at this!" He drives his Segway onto a make-shift ramp and goes over the fountain, landing perfectly. Takasugi is seen walking farther into the mall. "Hey, where are you going?" **

**"I'm seeing if the other guys got jobs here. You can come along." Izuru gets out of his chair and goes to Takasugi. "I remember Zhang He going towards a clothing store."**

**"There are buttloads of clothing stores. Which one specifically?"**

**"Um...I think a Forever 21 or Guess."**

**"Well, we have to find out than." They walk, and looked around them. "There's not much right now, huh?"**

**"It's only about eleven in the morning." They see Xu Huang passing on a Segway them. "Hey there, Xu Huang."**

**"Evening to you." **

**"It's cool how all of them have Segways. Oh, we didn't see Dian Wei yet. Don't tell me he got shot."**

** "He did not get shot. Why are you always thinking that?"**

**"Because he attracts arrows like Guo Jia is to women."**

**"Comparing women to arrows is just...misogynistic."**

**"Well, we know he's ok...probably..." They then hear glass shattering nearby. "Is it a shoplifter?"**

**"One thing for certain, someone's dead." **

**"You don't know that." They walk quietly to turn the corner, and peeked out to see Dian Wei pinning a man onto the ground. "Oh, he's okay. But that guy won't be." Dian Wei gets handcuffs and arrests the thief. He walks with him, and sees the two. "Oh, hey. You two are early." They get out of the corner. "Well, we just want to see what your jobs were. I see you're doing yours."**

**"He doesn't look very good..."**

**"Yeah, he put up a fight, but I got 'im." He then walks the criminal out to towards the mall jail. "Well, that escalated-"**

**"DON'T YOU DARE."**

**"Ok. Hey, I see Guan Yu."**

**"Where?"**

**"In that shoe store."**

**"Liu Bei must have took up to my earlier suggestion." Takasugi go towards the shoe store, and see Liu Bei sitting on one of cushion seats. "Oh, hello. It's a little early for you two to be here."**

**"Yeah, but we would like to see you guys before you get too busy. How are you finding things?"**

**"Overall, it's fine. But Guan Yu is standing out so much..."**

**"No kidding. He has a long beard, and has red skin. It's like if you were to cross Darth Maul and a Duck Dynasty guy together."**

**"Um...anyway, we are getting decent payment. And we share a room along with some others near us in the apartment." **

**"I'm glad you are okay here. I'll see ya." He leaves the shoe store. "Oh, well. We can look at the empty mall's stores and look at the unmanned kiosks."**

**"What are you suggesting?"**

**"I don't know...maybe snatch some stuff off-"**

**"You'll get pummeled if the mall cops catch you."**

**"Oh, fine." He continues onward with Izuru, and picks up an item from a kiosk without him looking. "Hey, I see Zhang He in that Guess store."**

**"So it was Guess." They enter, with a cheery Zhang He greeting them. "Oh, hey! Aren't you a little early to be shopping?"**

**"We're not shopping. I want to see how you've been doing."**

**"I get to design clothes! Want to see what I designed so far?"**

**"Oh, sure." Zhang He takes out a sketchbook and shows the two the designs of his clothing. Izuru looks at them funny."Um...these look like robes...I don't think they will accept robe-like clothing..."**

**"Those are for me. But if they want to use them, it's fine. The ones for this place are here if you turn a little more pages." Takasugi turns some pages and gives them an approving look. "I want to see these on the market." **

**"They are slightly revealing...of course you would approve..."**

**"I looked at your books and tried to design something that combines what I know and what the fashion of today show me." **

**"Oh, that's nice. Ok, we'll leave now to your designing, I'm sure you don't want to be bothered by us anymore."**

**"Don't worry. Lady Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji aren't here, so I'm really trying to make the most out of right now." They left. "Well then, it's about twelve, it should be lunch time in that school. I want to visit Zhugey and Yi." **

**"Do you think they will be good teachers?"**

**"Zhugey was one for a while to Jiang Wei. Sima Yi tutored Cao Pi and his sons. He might have tutored Zhang Chunhua when she was still a kid and married him." **

**"How do we even get out of here? It's like a maze."**

**"...Oh...right..."**

**At the school, the bell rings. All of the students go out to eat lunch. All of the teachers go to the lounge. In the hallway, as Sima Yi was walking, the rebel student was following him. He turns to see him. "What are you doing? You have break at this time." **

**"I just want to..." He gets on the ground on his knees and bowed. "Thank you!" Sima Yi just gave him a "what the-?" look? "Um...what are you thanking me for...?" **

**"When you judo throwed me and almost broke my leg, I realized something. I shouldn't be doing these nasty and violent things. I'll get what's coming to me soon. Please, give me another chance in your class! The previous teacher gave no s***s about that class, but you seemed to actually care."**

**"I'm just doing my job." (Well, I'm doing this because I need to do something instead of being a Zhao and stay at home.) Sima Yi walks towards the teacher's lounge. "Oh, good. No smoke now." He goes to sit at the table. The rebel student popped out of nowhere. "Hey there!" **

**"AH! What are you doing now?"**

**"I came to offer a lunch with you."**

**"Um...I'm not hungry..."**

**"Well, here's a sandwich." He places a sandwich on the table. Sima Yi looked at him weirdly,"Look, you don't have to do such nice gestures to me." **

**"But how can I thank you?"**

**"You can thank me by leaving."**

**"Ok!" He runs out the room. (Gee, now I know how Zhuge Liang feels to be with Jiang Wei...) The door opens again, with Zhuge Liang, Zhang Chunhua, Han Dang, Sun Jian, and Huang Gai entering the lounge. They all sat in the tables along with Sima Yi. "How were your classes?" **

**"I taught idiots."**

**"I had boys staring at me the whole time I was teaching..."**

**"I knocked the whole class back to their senses."**

**"All of them had to do twenty laps."**

**"Is it just me, or is my class the only normal one?" They all answered Sun Jian,"Yes." They then hear whispers outside the door. "Hey, did you see how that long-haired guy nearly broke that bully's leg?" Everyone at the tables turned to stare at Sima Yi. "Y-You don't know it was me..."**

**"The only men with long hair are you and Zhuge Liang. And Zhuge Liang is not capable of breaking someone's leg," said Zhang Chunhua.**

**"Hey!"**

**"That's nothing. I bashed two kids' heads together and threw one at a group." **

**"That's not really something to be proud of..." More whispers are heard. "Do you know there's this badass new history teacher that beat up the whole rebel class?"**

**"No way! That is awesome!"**

**"There's this new teacher in my history class, and she's hot! Though she stabbed a pencil onto my desk..." **

**"The teacher I had had the girls staring at him because he was handsome despite throwing that bully guy."**

**"Me too! He had white hair, but man, he can make it work!" **

**"We kept on making fun of the new math teacher because he looked like the Mandarin or a young kung-fu master."**

**"My P.E. teacher made me do twenty laps with twenty push-ups after that..."**

**The other teachers that were in the lounge and in the corners whispered among themselves. "Hey, who are they?"**

**"I don't know except they are the new teachers that got just hired." **

**"But they are so suspicious-looking...Especially the one with long hair."**

**"Which one?"**

**"Actually, both of them."**

**"I don't know...That one and those two look pretty sexy..."**

**"The one with white hair? Gee, he could be like fifty." **

**"I'd still do him if he's single."**

**"I'd take the one in the grey suit. He's pretty hot."**

**"We don't even know if he's twenty or forty." **

**"That lady over there has a nice ass and nice chest...I'd do that."**

**"Hmm...Yeah, but is she on the market?"**

**"She looks like it..."**

**"Trust me, I tried. Her husband gave me the stink-eye when I hit on her."**

**"What? Who is it?"**

**"It's that long haired guy. The one without a beard."**

**"Lucky bastard..."**

**"I know...I know...The good women are always taken..."**

**"What's with the P.E teacher? He looks like he's on steroids."**

**"The near-bald guy looks the most normal here."**

**"He knocked out the rebels class."**

**"Oh...I take that back."**

**Back at the tables, the DW characters heard every single word. (Gee, they're more annoying than the those generic peons back home...)**

**"...It seems, my dear, you need to might cover _that_ up next time..."**

**"I should think about that..."**

**"I do not look like a kung-fu master." **

**"You obviously can't do any, anyway." **

**"You seem to be popular with the ladies, my lord."**

**"Eh...I'm not interested...Besides, my children won't think it's right."**

**Han Dang mutters, "Bald...I'll make you people bald...Oh!" He claps. "Get me my tea and lunch!" The door opens with multiple rebel students giving Han Dang food and tea cans. "Want some?"**

**"Eeeeh..."**

**"You may leave." The students left the lounge. "Are you guys sure?"**

**"Nnnoooo..." As they were in there, at the top of the ceiling, the three girls from Zhang Chunhua's class crawl through it. "Why are we doing this?"**

**"Because that b**** needs a lesson. Let's see about this." She gets a stick and lets down a fake spider near Zhang Chunhua. "I want to see if she has a fear." Zhang Chunhua, without looking, crushes the fake spider between her fingers. "What species of spider is made of an unusually tough exoskeleton?" The mean girl looks at her in shock. "Damn. What about a real one?" She lowers a real spider, but the same result happens. "This place must be that old..." **

**"How can she look at a spider and not scream? Fine, a snake." She lowers the snake, and Sima Yi notices. "...There's a snake right there..." Zhang Chunhua turns, but grabs it and throws it onto the ground. "What snake?" **

**"You just threw it onto the ground..." Zhang Chunhua steps on the snake with her stiletto, killing it. "Now it's gone." **

**"Okay..."**

**"What? Is she afraid of nothing? What makes most older women scared?"**

**"Maybe try something she would not be able to know about."**

**"Ah-ha! I have something." She gets a box, to reveal a live octopus was in there."**

**"How did you get that?"**

**"It was part of my lunch." **

**"Uh..." The girl then lowers that down right next to Zhang Chunhua's face. The whole group immediately noticed it. **

**"Um...there's..."**

**"I have no idea what that is..."**

**"Ugh...it's moving..."**

**"Good gravy! What is that?! That looks like something you'd find in the unknown seas!**

**"...My dear...there's something hanging near your face...I'm sure it's alive..." Zhang Chunhua sighs deeply and turns to face the creature right next to her. "...What is this...?" **

**"What? She's not even scared! Just what is she scared of? God, she's hard to crack." The girl moves slightly, and this makes one of the panels in the ceiling to fall off. Everyone notices it. Then the whole ceiling collapsed. "AHH!" The girl falls on the ground and the octopus falls onto her head. "Ugh..." **

**"That's one of the students I had. Along with the girls that are next to her." Zhang Chunhua goes up to the girl. "What is making you want to commit such heinous deeds? Is it because I took that device away from you?" The girl gives no response. "Well than...I leave your fate to the man in charge here." Takasugi then opens the door suddenly, "HEY! How ya-" Everyone stared at him. Izuru comes behind him. "Psst...wrong time...And that ceiling needs some fixing...Oh, sorry..." He shuts the door and waits outside it. After a few minutes, the three girls were coming with the principal to his office. The DW characters walk out the lounge and talked to Takasugi and Izuru. "Why are you here?"**

**"Can't I visit you?"**

**"It's only been a day." **

**"Well, since you guys are not in the DW world for a little bit, I don't have a job to do right now." **

**"We were simply seeing how you are doing. Also, Shi, Yuanji, and Zhao got a different job." **

**"Not the flirting with women job anymore?"**

**"They work in a bookstore now."**

**"Hmph, not bad."**

**"What flirting with women job? How come I was not told?"**

**"Well, first, you would bash my head, then Yi's, then your boys when you see them."**

**"Why would I hit Yi?"**

**"Nothing. Well, for nottellingyouyourboysbecamemanwhores...And youusehimlikeapunchingbag...And this world, thatisdomesticabuse...Youmightneedasocialworker..."**

**"You're talking too fast." **

**"Nothing. I said nothing. Anyway, you should be going back, so I'll get out of your-AH!" He hides by turning Sima Yi for him to hide behind his back. "What are you doing? And you're a few centimeters taller than me..."**

**"Shh...Act natural..." Izuru looked at what Takasugi was looking towards. "What are you looking at?" **

**"Shut. Up."**

**"Um...that lady?"**

**"Yes, just don't let her close."**

**"Um...she is coming this way..."**

**"Oh, damn it. I don't have a hat, so I'll do something else." He forces his head onto Zhang Chunhua's chest. She knees him. "OOF!"**

**"What is going on with you?" **

**"Just pretend you don't know me."**

**"I already do that every time you pull a stupid stunt." The woman sees Takasugi and walks towards him. "Um...Takasugi? Why are you here?" **

**"What? Who? Who's Takasugi? I'm Director." **

**"You still wear the sunglasses...and you stuck your head into another woman's chest...You never change..." Izuru asked,"Wait, you know him?" **

**"Oh, boy..."**

**"I know him alright..."**

**"She's my ex-girlfriend..."**

**Everyone gasped. "WHAT?!" The screen freezes. A stereotypical sit-com narrator narrates. "Who is this new lady who claims to be Takasugi's ex-girlfriend? Will the ceiling be fixed? Are the Wu guys okay? Is that octopus still alive? Will that guy's friend pick him up?-" Takasugi unfreezes and yells out,"HEY! Author! You're putting some sit-com narrator to explain these events? How old can you get? Oh, wait, I can take advantage of this." He goes over to Zhang Chunhua and pokes her chest repeatedly. "Ha. Let me do this..." He makes Zhuge Liang's hand go up to his face and make it look like he was picking his nose. "Heh, heh. Ok, now what? We ending already?" The whole area unfreezes with everyone being disgusted with Zhuge Liang. "Ugh, why are you doing that now?" Zhuge Liang removes his hand away, "I never remember putting my hand here!" Izuru then comments, "Ok, ok. What were we doing? This lady was Takasugi's ex-girlfriend?" Everyone got back on track. "So, I finally get to meet that girl you mentioned a lot in your jokes and references."**

**"Well, this is my ex...uh...I forgot your name..." Everyone groans. "Of course you would forget me...Anyway, I'm Miyako Sarutobi."**

**"Soo...how ya been doing...?"**

**"You even forgot what I was studying to become?"**

**"Yeeeaah...maybeeee...um...doctor...?"**

**"No, you idiot. I was studying to be a teacher and a counselor next." **

**"Oh, yeaah. I remember now, you were a teacher's assistant then after we broke up, you were a substitute teacher. Now, you're an actual teacher." **

**"Aaand the idiot gets that right."**

**"Hey, compared to you, I get the larger salary as a COMPUTER ENGINEER."**

**"I'm surprised they let you pass the classes! You were usually out in parties or getting stoned with your buddies!"**

**"Ahem. I actually studied for something worth doing. A teacher is for artist and actor rejects, and overall rejects who failed life." He turns to the DW characters. "No offense, you guys. You had ACTUAL accomplishments. So this doesn't apply to you. You're just making a living right now." He turns back to Miyako. "I remember you tried to make it to Hollywood, but failed after you broke up with me. Ha, the DW guys can make it faster then you."**

**"Well, I work here. Where do you work at? I bet you live near a dump."**

**"Nope." He continues to rub it in. "I own this nice-ass house with a porch. A 72-inch plasma screen TV...with Netflex...I own any console to ever to exist...I eat the most fancy crap at any restaurant. Not to mention these sunglasses. It's Armani compared to my old ones that were just cheap plastic. I work at this ultra-billion dollar company that specializes in computers and parts and it is currently going to buy Google."**

**(Well, that was in the past...Now you work with Atsushi Miyauchi.)**

**"I see you're doing fine...Who are those people with you?"**

**"U-Um...They are the new teachers that people were talking about earlier. I got them the job, you know, because of my connections."**

**"They all look...unusual, except the one over there." **

**"Oh, that's Izuru."**

**"He's your friend?"**

**"Yes. He's my co-worker at the ultra-billion dollar company."**

**(Koei isn't worth that much, but decent for a video game company.) "So, you and Takasugi...dated...?"**

**"Yes. He was the most-"**

**"Handsome."**

**"...You were a pig that kept on flirting with other women..."**

**"And. And I got with most of them."**

**"He was the most dumbest, stupidest, imbecilic, moron I have ever met!"**

**"Now that was harsh, I thought you could be the Yuanji to my Zhao."**

**"I think that's "yin" to your "yang"..."**

**"It's similar. But apparently she can't do that because I do stupid things that piss her off." **

**"You DO do stupid things.":**

**"Ha. Dodo."**

**"See? He's like a child."**

**"Well, he may act like one, but he's still capable of doing things right if the time is serious. And he's younger than me, so I except such behavior."**

**"How old are you?"**

**"Twenty-four."**

**"That's not a lot, only two years."**

**"Two years can make a difference. And how long is the lunch break supposed to be? We've been talking for what could have been an hour."**

**"Anyway, I have to get to my class, it was...awful to see you again..." She walks away from the group. "So, why did you break up in the first place?"**

**"I slept with her sister." Everyone stared at him disgustingly."What? I thought it was her! They look very similar!"**

**"Well, now I know why you're single for four years..."**

**RINGRINGRING **

**"Oh, that's the bell, all of you should be going now." The teachers then went to their classes. Izuru then asked,"Why are you so willing to lie about what you do?"**

**"Because...I still like her..."**

**"Really?"**

**"Nah, just playing! Hell no! You actually thought I'll go out with her again?! She's like the Devil mated with the Superdevil and had a baby! Hahahaha...you thought this was going to be one of those stories? No, no, no, no...Phht...hahahaha...You funny. But the truth is why I lied is..."**

**"What?"**

**"To show what she could have got if she were to stay with me! Hahaha! Now, she will never get that chance...Mwahahahaha..."**

**"Sima Yi's laughing rubbed off on you...Now that I think about it...He doesn't really laugh a lot since he got here. And you're the one being the Devil..."**

**"Whatever. She's not really worth my time now. You want to date her?"**

**"No, I don't want your sloppy seconds."**

**"The other reason why I lied is the fact I'm having a better life then her. I have it all, while she's stuck in there."**

**"That's offending teachers and them." **

**"Well, people want to be something else, but they end up as teachers anyway if they failed. ****What time is it?"**

**"About one."**

**"This school is out at three-something. Well, I can go to check on how Yue Ying's doing. It's nearby." They then walk out the school doors and into Takasugi's car. Izuru then commented,"Hey, if you claim to have a good salary, but why is your car so ordinary and dirty?"**

**"I won't be that guy who gets carjacked. Car thieves want a clean and fancy car. Also, the guys who own those really fancy cars are douchebags. Look at Justin Bieber."**

**"Ok, but if you're going to try to upstage your ex, shouldn't you at least clean this?"**

**"Oh, fine. I'll pay for the car wash when I get to the gas station Yue Ying's working in." He drives for ten minutes, and parks at the gas station. "A random guy come up. "Hey, what do ya want?" **

**"Can you clean my car?"**

**"Sure, just get out and wait as we do that." They get out and sit on the bench nearby. They then watch a TV that was nearby on a abandoned and old car. "We have a reporter on the scene where a gas station exploded due to leaking gasoline and a customer threw a still-lit cigarette, not knowing the gas puddle. Tricia?"**

**"Thanks, Tom. I'm at a Quik Stop where the explosion happened. We just got word about the people caught in it. A clerk, four unknown people and-" Takasugi and Izuru turned pale. "Wasn't that the station we were just at...?"**

**"Goddanmit! Xu Shu, now them! Three fan-favorites in one! I'm getting a beating after this...I should grab some painkillers on my way home just in case."**

**"Well, to be honest...Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and Lu Xun were bound to die by some thing fire-related. Lu Meng was doomed from the start when he followed them." The news reporter than acts surprised. "What? I just heard from paramedics, the three unknowns got up from their beds and ran off!" **

** "Wait, what?"**

**"Haha! I knew Lu Xun would screw up! That's why we wore flame-proof suits of ourselves!" The three tore off the burnt fabric off them. **

**"Why didn't we give Lu Xun one?"**

**"We ran out of money..."**

**"You spent half the cash on nude pictures of women of this century!" **

**"Um...we have to go..." The three then ran off with news vans and reporters chasing after them. **

**Takasugi then drops his jaw. "...What? Lu Xun was the one that died? Oh, godamnit! I'm still getting a beating after this!"**

**"...How in the world did those suits protect them...?"**

**"In Dynasty Warriors, they give no f***s to science."**

**"What about Xiahou Ba's rocket sp-Oh, now I see what you're getting at. Hey, is that Yue Ying?"**

**"Oh, it is. We'll go and say hello." The two got up and walked over to Yue Ying lying under a car."Hey there, Yue Ying. Fixing a car?" She gets out from under the car, and looks at the two. "Oh, what are you doing here?"**

**"I needed my car washed. And since this gas station was near the school, I thought I could get it washed here, and speak with you. So, how's things here?"**

**"Oh, it's actually decent here. The future has amazing inventions. I want some plans to take back home and try to construct some of them myself."**

**(Not a good idea...) **

**(Advanced technology in ancient China? That won't be good for other kingdoms...She'll probably upgrade those juggarnauts and will maybe have the upper hand in battle.) "If you did take those plans back home, what would you do with them?"**

**"Maybe apply them to the juggarnauts or come up with something else using the plans."**

**(Yep, I knew it.)"Unfortunately, we can't simply just get plans. You will need to go to this place, and they won't give it to you though."**

**"Oh. I'm sorry, but I have to finish this."**

**"Yeah, we'll get out of your hair." Yue Ying goes back under the car, and the two go back outside. The man from earlier goes up to them. "Your car's clean. 90 yen." Takasugi gets out his wallet, and gives the man the money. "Ok, now where we can go?"**

**"I want to go back home...I want to finish maxing bonds in Ambition mode." **

**"Oh, I want to play too!" They got in the car and drove back to Izuru's house. They went into the room with the PS3 and turned it on. "So, who do you want to max out?"**

**"I got about...a lot left..."**

**"Well, than we should start-WHAT THE F***?!"**

**"What?"**

**"The opening is just peons fighting it out in a still destroyed China!"**

**"Oh, they're not in it...We're getting complaints later..." As they pressed Free mode, no one was playable except Dong Zhou, Xu Shu, and Lu Xun. Takasugi looks at the screen in relief. ****Oh...they don't die...They just go back...I won't get a beating..."**

**"Hm...I think I know why. The DW characters aren't supposed to be alive. So, if they are alive, we no longer have rights to their image. We can't put them in a game or anything. Now, for ones that died, they are back to what they were supposed to be in the first place. Dead. A dead person can't object to having their image used."**

**"That's for celebrities..."**

**"They are kinda like celebrities in the otaku world." **

**"Well...I'll use Xu Shu...even though he's boring..."**

**"I'll choose Lu Xun." After the stage was loaded, the characters were standing in a charred mess."It's still pretty damaged..." On the screen, Xu Shu and Lu Xun end up talking."What the-? I was in a blast...then here..."**

**"So full of emptiness and despair..."**

**"There are no peons to fight..."**

**"It's just nothing..." Takasugi goes to shut the PS3 off. "I'll just watch TV..."**

**"You can go home and do that..."**

**"But it's sooo faaar..."**

**"It's only a few blocks!"**

**"Nah..." He goes out, and plops onto the couch. Izuru sighs, "I'll go to sleep..."**

* * *

**My fingers hurt...and Nitpicks**

**I had to actually use material from my school to do the classes in the story. "Guy that tries to cheat death but can't and still dies" was an actual story I had to read. The history material was from my most recent history class. The math was from my math textbook. PE was the only one that was made up.**

**Jewel was a hostess club you could go into in Yakuza 4**

**The school Izuru said he went to was a Catholic school called Cristo Rey. This is a real school, FYI. **

**When Takasugi says he's a "mere honest, handsome, perverted director," this was based on the line Kisuke Urahara says in BLEACH. The original was****"mere honest, handsome, perverted businessman."**

**Takasugi almost said the "that escalated quickly" reference from Anchorman, but Izuru interrupted him. **

**Takasugi sticking his face into Zhang Chunhua's chest was based on a Family Guy scene when Quagmire sticks his face into Lois's chest. The only difference was Zhang Chunhua knees Takasugi while Lois did not seem mad. **

**When the screen froze and had the sit-com narrator, it was also based on a Family Guy scene. But the thing actually continued while in Family Guy it left off there. **

**Takasugi sticking Zhuge Liang's finger up his nose was based on a Simpsons episode where Bart froze time and made Lisa stick her finger up her nose. **

**The "72-inch plasma screen TV with Netflex" thing was based on a Hellsing Abridged scene. **

**Atsushi Miyauchi is the director for Dynasty Warriors.**

**The games that were mentioned when Takasugi was in Izuru's house are actual games I own. **


	4. Yay, more Asian stereotypes!

**Takasugi watches American Idol with Yuan Shao and Liu Shan as two of the judges. A singer gets onto the stage. After she was done, the judges made their judgments. Simon Cowell speaks when it was his turn,"I'm sorry, that was absolutely dreadful. I would shoot myself to your singing. What do you new guys think?" Liu Shan clears his throat. "I bet he is going to say something nice..." But he was wrong. Liu Shan then blurts out,"That was garbage! How did you even get onto this stage? You sound like my father when he saw a rat in his bath! You, Yuan Shao?" Yuan Shao says,"I think that is what hell's music would be. You have no talent whatsoever. Get out of my sight!" The girl cries and runs off the stage. Takasugi looks at the screen in disbelief. "I expect that from Yuan Shao, but...Liu Shan? He's really getting it out there! And I like both of their British-sounding accents to make the insults more funny to hear." Simon looks over to the two, and says,"What the hell was that?"**

**"We were being honest." **

**"But you are not supposed to make the contestant cry!"**

**"You make them cry as well."**

**"My word, you sound so British..." Takasugi flips the channel to see Entertainment Tonight. "In later news, Abercrombie and Fitch has a new model? He's getting very positive reviews. Take a look yourself and see what we mean." They pulled up a picture of Zhong Hui shirtless and just looking attractive. Takasugi justs gets weirded out. "Um...no thanks...But how did he get with them anyway...?" The people on the television then put away the picture away. "I've heard he's often getting mobbed with girls a lot."**

**"He's a popular guy, I must say." Takasugi turns off the television. "Ok...that's enough...Now some Fallout!" He runs back to the room with the games. Meanwhile, at Barnes and Noble, the place gets filled with girls because they heard from that clerk girl that there were some handsome guys. Shi and Zhao then run into the Religion section to hide from the fangirls. "Huff, huff...it's hard to get away from them..."**

**"Maybe I did too much sparkling..."**

**"TOO much? You say? I wonder how Jia Chong's doing." At Hot Topic, Jia Chong gets the same response as Shi and Zhao. He gets surrounded by more girls. Guo Huai was standing next to him. "I'm sorry...but why do you want this job, Guo Huai? You get bothered by these pests all day." **

**"When I was at that "Sony" place, I was fired because I was scaring people that were coming into the store. The people here thought I was wearing make-up, so I can fit right in."**

**"Ok, but don't say I didn't warn you...And who's grabbing my jacket?!" The girls were holding onto Jia Chong's jacket as he tried to walk away. He slaps the hands away. "YOU. DO NOT. TOUCH. THE. JACKET. GOT THAT?! This costed 9000 gold to have this custom-tailored!"**

**"Master Jia Chong...you're getting out-of-character..."**

**"Ahem. Sorry. Now where was I?" Meanwhile at the school, the bell rings for dismissal. **

**Sima Yi's class**

**"Read chapters two to three and write me a summary on what you have read. You may go." The class gathers their belongings and left the room except the rebel student. "Hey, can I walk you home?"**

**"I can go myself."**

**"Need anything?"**

**"No, thank you."**

**"Want me to braid your hair?"**

**"NO! Why do you want to do that?"**

**"But why do you keep long hair then?"**

**"Just go and do your assignment at your house."**

**"Are ya sure ya don't need anything?"**

**"YES. Go." The student runs out the room and shuts the door. A shadow then goes to the door, looking at Sima Yi, and goes away. Sima Yi goes out the room, and goes outside. He then meets Zhuge Liang and Zhang Chunhua at the lot. "Ready?"**

**"Yes." They get on the cycle, with Zhuge Liang in the sidecar and drove off. After they left, Sun Jian, along with Huang Gai and Han Dang, walk out on the lot. "Well, let's go find the vehicle." But as Sun Jian turned to go towards the car, he is shot. "GAH!" The man runs away. Huang Gai runs after him, but is stopped by Sun Jian. "Let him go." **

**"You're standing!" Sun Jian unbuttons his shirt and reveals he had a bulletproof body plate. "I've been shot so many times, I come prepared when I go somewhere." The two's jaws dropped. "What?!" When the three that left earlier, they got to their apartment, and got off. They then go into their respective rooms. Zhuge Liang notices Yue Ying hasn't returned home yet, and lies on his bed because he's exhausted. "I heard I have to do this for a few more days...Ugh..." At the room across, Sima Yi goes to nap on the table by placing his head onto it. Right when his head touched the table, the door knocks. "Argh..." He gets up to open the door, and sees a man standing before him. "Um...what do you need...?" **

**"Is there a Sima Yi here?"**

**"Yes, that is me."**

**"Brother, can I stay-" Sima Yi closes the door. He stares at the door. "I have seven...I can't remember which one were you...Let me think about that...Lang's dead, Fu's looks very similar to me, Kui, Xun, Jin, and Tong have nothing special...Min died...So...it's Fu." He opens the door again. "How are you here?"**

**"Look at my face. I'm no longer looking like a generic."**

**"Oh...that's nice..."(I have to put up with him? Eeeehhh...)"You look like me..."**

**"We're related, remember?"**

**"Eeeh...How are you even having a unique model...?"**

**"This guy made a version if I were to appear in Dynasty Warriors."**

**(Again, the perverted director...)"So, why don't you stay with your nephews?"**

**"They have no room for me."**

**"What about...um...Cao Pi...?"**

**"Why would I want to live with him?"**

**"Yeeah, you might..."**

**"Just say you don't want me here."**

**"It's not like that! It's just..."**

**"Then I hope you don't mind me walking in." Sima Fu enters the room, and sits at the table. "So, who else lives here?"**

**"It's just my wife and I..."**

**"Then you have room for one more. Surely you won't throw out your own brother?"**

**"Urgh..."(Koei never said anything about this...The perverted director probably made him just for fun...)**

**At Izuru's house, Izuru just gets up from his bed, and sees Takasugi still playing his PS3.**

**"How long have you been playing?" **

**"Maybe two hours. My eyes hurt..."**

**"Then stop."**

**"But I am almost-"**

**"You can save here."**

**"Oh, yeah. I forgot about that..." Takasugi saves the game and shuts the PS3 off. He removes his sunglasses to rub his eyes and puts them back on. Izuru asks,"Hey, what's that in your pocket?" Takasugi looks at his pocket. "Oh! I forgot I had this!" He takes it out, revealing it was a bra. Izuru then looks at him disgustingly,"Why...do you have that...?"**

**"Oh, now I remember! I snatched this off of one of the unmanned kiosks."**

**"..Why...?"**

**"Look, it's bra that can unhook if the lady wearing this is in love."**

**"What...?"**

**"I should try this out. Who though?...Ah, get Zhang Chunhua to wear this. Or Lian Shi."**

**"You know they care for their husbands, so if you sneak this in their clothing, you'd get a surprise if you got them next to their spouses."**

**"Yep, and we can tell if the lady actually likes the person they are married to." **

**"That's cruel..."**

**"I'm going to Sima Yi's apartment, to give this to him."**

**"He'll get the wrong idea..."**

**"Eh, I don't care. And it's sexy-looking, he'll take it definitely...Oh, I just remembered, I need to get alarm clocks for him and Zhugey."**

**"Like when you gave Zhuge Liang the sexy clothing, and he sent that to Sima Yi. He kept it, but he gave it back to him. Then you got it back from him." **

**"Well, let's go." As they do that, let's see how the DW guys are doing with their jobs at the mall. **

**Cao Cao, Zhang Liao, and Xiahou Yuan as Men's Warehouse salesmen**

**"That sir, is a nice suit,"Cao Cao commented on a customer. **

**"Really? It makes me look pudgy..."**

**"Pudgy? Compared to Yuan over there, you're skinny. But Yuan makes it work despite being a little large."**

**"Oh, him? He does seem nice even in these suits. I'll take this one."**

**"Fine choice." Zhang Liao was offering service, but many of the men get scared from looking at his eyes. He goes up to Xiahou Yuan."People are walking away from me, what is the matter?"**

**"Well...for starters...You still have your battle face on, and it's...making these eyes that scared children back in Wu and even home..."**

**"Oh, I can't really..."**

**"Just think of flowers or puppies and kittens."**

**"The flowers will die without the water and sun, the puppy and kitten will tear each other apart..."**

**"Don't think like that! Just something that will softens those eyes of yours."**

**"Back at Changban...I had to kill the innocent people, but Cao Cao told me to, and I did it still." Zhang Liao's eyes turn sad. Xiahou Yuan tells him,"Making you sad doesn't really help...Just happy things. Maybe if you do a good job, you will get respect from Guan Yu and Xu Huang...They're doing great..." (I had to go there, great...) Zhang Liao lights up. "Then I shall follow their example! I can't go to them saying I couldn't get one person to serve!" Zhang Liao's eyes flare up with determination. He then runs over to a customer and throws him many suggestions. "Hey, care to try some things? Need a tie? Or maybe a belt?"**

**"U-Um...ok..." Xiahou Yuan sighs,"He's making them scared into buying things...But it works..."**

**Zhuge Dan, Deng Ai, and Xiahou Ba at Sony**

**Deng Ai is doing the heavy-lifting of boxes and picking up TVs. A lot of people ignore Xiahou Ba because they thought he was a child that was just playing around as a Sony employee. "Hey, I'm not a kid!" **

**"Aw...You work here..? That's cute."**

**"Again, I'm seventeen!"**

**"Why are you so short?"**

**"I don't know! I probably didn't have a growth spurt...But, what help do you need? I can tell you what is going on now." **

**"Ok, I'll play along."**

**"I just said I'm not a kid. I'm just too short."**

**"So a midget?" Xiahou Ba jumps up to kick the man in the face. "NOT A MIDGET!" Nearby, it's the same thing with Zhuge Dan. He also kicked a man for mentioning the word "midget" to him.**

**Wang Yi at Rusty's needle**

**A big man walks into the building. "Hey, I want a tattoo." Wang Yi goes up to him with a book. "Here. Choose what you want." The man looks at Wang Yi flirtatiously and says,"I want that and I want it "down there." Wang Yi then gives him a look and turns around. "Hey, this guy wants this on his intimate part!" Another man that works with her goes up to the man. "So? You want the rocket? Come here." **

**"Wait, I though..."**

**"Get in the chair."**

**"Ok..." Wang Yi smirks at him. "You think I'm going down there? In your dreams." Some pained screams are heard in the shop.**

**Zhang He, Zhen Ji, and Cai Wenji at the Guess store**

**Zhang He is giving advice to a female customer and giving her some things to try on. "That needs a little more...Here!" **

**"O-Oh, okay..." The woman goes into the dressing room then comes out of it in the suggested clothing. "Ah! You look absolutely fabulous!"**

**"Thank you...You think this is good for me?"**

**"Why yes! It fits you, and lets out your inner beauty!" **

**"Then I want to get this." The woman goes into the dressing chambers, takes off the outfit, then goes to the register. Zhang He goes over to Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji. "How are you doing?"**

**"Fine."**

**"What's wrong, Lady Zhen?"**

**"It's...my lord...He's with all those women as we speak. Do you think...?"**

**"Oh no! He's not going to leave you for a random stranger he met in a host club."**

**"I hope you're right..."**

**"What about you, Lady Cai Wenji?"**

**"It's decent, and the women liked my honesty. The music here...is rather unusual..."**

**"I don't know myself about this. This is something you cannot dance to. It's has no rhythm whatsoever. How can people in the future listen to this?"**

**"For me, it's too loud and very inappropriate...What is that woman doing..."**

**"My word! Why is that lady nude and swinging on Xu Chu's weapon?" They covered their eyes.**

**Liu Bei, Guan Yu, and Zhang Fei at the shoe store **

**The store is crowded again because of Guan Yu. Zhang Fei and Liu Bei are unable to keep up with the people coming in. "Excuse me, excuse me, pardon me...Since people heard of a tall, red man with a long beard, people have really coming here..."**

**"Yeah, but the guy said Brother's worshiped in the future."**

**"I didn't know he was really that worshiped by so many people though." **

**"Gods reach people faster than benevolent lords." **

**"You're right..." Guan Yu is getting so much attention from the people, mostly older men and women. Some actually offered him things and bowed. "Excuse me, I do not need your offerings, please give them to yourselves. I'm just an ordinary man."**

**"No, take them."**

**"But my job is to offer you service in terms with shoes..."**

**"Why is god here, looking at people feet and give service? You should be up at Heavens!"**

**"I'm no god."**

**"Yes, you are! I have shrine with you statue in it!" **

**"I am a statue?"**

**"Yes, you statue! You have long beard! Easy see you!" **

**"Um...Why are you talking like that..?"**

**Xiahou Dun and Pang De at the army surplus store**

**"Why is there a weapons store here anyway?," asked Pang De. The burly store owner replied,****"You never know. People have weird tastes." A man enters the store, acting nervous. "Hey, what do ya need?" The man pulls a gun on him, but the burly man isn't scared. "Really? You're in a gun store." Xiahou Dun pulls a shotgun at him, Pang De pulls out a rifle, and the store owner pulls out a bazooka. The man looks around, and screams. He tries to pull the trigger, but is blasted away by Xiahou Dun. "You're not to actually use them! It just scares them into leaving!" Jia Xiu walks by the store with a bucket and mop, saying, "I'm not cleaning that..."**

**"Um..ok...Why did you shoot?"**

**"Why have weapons if you're not going to use them? And the man was mentally unstable." **

**"Unless it's a suicide bomber, you don't shoot them. But we can say it was self-defense to the cops." Xu Huang and Dian Wei move towards the noise. "What happened here?"**

**"The man took a gun out and threaten to shoot."**

**"Did he?"**

**"Yes, but he missed, and he shot him."**

**"We are going to have to take the body discreetly. Do you have something to put him in?" Pang De comes out with a coffin. "Here."**

**"..Well...that's too obvious...And you made a coffin here as well?" **

**"You never know when you're going to die."**

**As that was happening, Li Dian and Yue Jin walked to a food court. "Hey, this area sells food."**

**"I'm so hungry I could eat a horse!" The scene switches to Ma Chao. He gasps. "Someone wants to eat a HORSE!" He sobs as Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei look at him weird and the scene switches back to Li Dian and Yue Jin.**

**"Let's get something, now."**

**"Like what? I don't think they have meatbuns."**

**"Hm...There's that thing with a panda on it." **

**"Panda Express? That sounds rather unusual...Do they eat pandas here?"**

** "No, I see rice and noodles along with other stuff. That looks good..." **

**"We didn't get paid yet, so all we have are gold. Do you think they will accept it as payment here?"**

**"Who cares? As long we get food!" Li Dian drags Yue Jin to the line. He then orders a lot of items for the two. When he goes to pay, the man manning the cash register looks at him weird when presented gold to him. "Um...I don't think we take gold..."**

**"Aw..."**

**"But I'll happily take it." (Those could be worth a fortune if pawned off!)**

**"Yay! Yue Jin, take the bag over there and I'll take this one." They walked away, and sat at a table. When Li Dian opened the bag, it had three take out containers overflowing with food. He gets the first one and eats eagerly. Yue Jin gets his one container and eats at moderate speed. "This stuff tastes delicious! What kind of food is this?"**

**"The sign said it's Chinese food. I don't see this at the markets back home though."**

**"Maybe this was created after our time. But this stuff should be at the markets back home. I'll go to them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner everyday!"**

**At the mall entrance, a man in hooded clothing walks in with his hand in his pockets. He then pulls a rifle out and yells out."This place is mine! Do as I say or I'll blow ya heads-OOF!" Wen Yang knocks the rifle away, and hits the man. "You shall not disturb these people when they have done nothing wrong!" **

**"Jesus, you're gigantic! OOF!" Lu Bu tackles him and slaps handcuffs onto him."You're coming with me!"**

**"How can you predict me?! I had someone to scout!"**

**"You mean him?" Xu Huang and Dian Wei drag the dead body from the army surplus store. "W-What? You killed him?"**

**"No, he tried to rob a gun store."**

**"I got another one from this morning also." **

**"That stupid retard! I knew I shouldn't trust him with this!"**

**"You are the stupid one..." They then take the man to deal with him as the people nearby applauded. Now, let's see what's happening at the host clubs and hostess bar. At "Tagahagamara," the whole place was packed after they heard of the new hosts. Zhou Yu was getting requested too often himself along with Guo Jia. **

**Zhou Yu's table**

**"You're so handsome!"**

**"Your hair is so soft! What shampoo do you use?"**

**"Well, I use herbs..."**

**"I should try that!" **

**"Hey, waiter! Get us some fruit and more Don Perignon!"**

**"Now, now, I can't drink so much..."**

**"Low tolerance? Okay, what about some juice?"**

**"I would like that." Zhou Yu sparkles. The girls squeal. **

**Lu Su's table**

**Lu Su drinks a lot of wine and eats the food ordered. "Ladies! I-I *hic*...How 'bout all of you come by my place...?"**

**"You're pretty handsome...I would..."**

**"Um..he's a little drunk..."**

**"But he looks like he knows his way around in the bedroom."**

**Sun Ce's table**

**He was eating and drinking more than actual flirting. "Nom...nom...Man, this is good!"**

**"Um..."**

**"Hey, we're over here..."**

**At Guo Jia's table**

**"Ladies, ladies, don't rush me. I'm trying very hard to satisfy all of you, but it's hard if you keep on tugging me back and forth."**

**"How about we bring out the wine? Get us a giant bowl along with ten bottles wine!"**

**"N-No...I can't drink THAT much..."**

**"Come on! You drink it all up, and we can do what you say."**

**"Ugh..." Xiao Qiao and Da Qiao bring out an enormous bowl and the ten bottles are inside it. Then they set it onto the table and left. The girls then opened the bottles and poured them into the bowl. "Drink up!"**

**"Um...Can we share?"**

**"This is for you!"**

**"Oh...How am I supposed to drink this...?"**

**"Get the bowl and chug!" The girls then lifted the bowl up and placed it near Guo Jia's mouth. (I'm going to die, am I? Might as well die doing something I love.) He takes the bowl and forces himself to drink it all. After he was done, his stomach was protruding and then the wine spewed out of his mouth, ears, and nose. He then collapses. The manager runs up to him."Hey! You okay?" **

**"I feel soo...BLARGH!" **

**"Get me a phone! Call 911!" After the paramedics came, they loaded Guo Jia into the ambulance. He had to get his stomach pumped and had to stay at the hospital for a while. Jia Xiu and Cao Cao were the ones that visited him. Cao Cao was extremely dramatic. "Don't you die on me!"**

**"I'm not."**

**"I don't know what I'd do without you..."**

**"I'm going to be okay..."**

**"But your habit got the best of-"**

**"I said I'm fine. They said I just need to stay here for a few days." Jia Xiu then comments,"What happened again?" **

**"Some women made me drink a giant bowl of wine..."**

**"AWW man! I want to do that!" **

**"It's not a good idea..."**

**"Maybe Wang Yi could have done it better..." Later, Takasugi drives him and Izuru to the apartment Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang were staying in. They then get in front of the door and knocked. Sima Yi opens the door. "...It better not be another of my brothers...Oh, you again..."**

**"What was that you just said?"**

**"Nothing. What do you want?" **

**"Hey, who's at the door?" Sima Fu goes up to the door. Takasugi looks at him and figures it out."Oh! I forgot I made a model for Sima Fu even though they didn't ask for one! Why is he here though? Man, I forgot how much he looks like Yi."(Wait, I remember making a Zhuge, but I forgot which one...) After thy went in, a man resembling Zhuge Liang walks up to Zhuge Liang's door. When he knocks, Zhuge Liang opens the door, and sees the man. "Um...Did the Koei director clone me again?"**

**"What are you talking about? I'm Zhuge Jin."**

**"Uh-huh...How do I know that?"**

**"You adopted one of my children. Qiao?"**

**"Oh, that doesn't prove anything."**

**"I have your face, for Confucius' sake!"**

**"You could be a clone."**

**"A clone has EXACT features! I just have your facial structure!"**

**"Fine, why are you here? Don't tell me, you are a new character?"**

**"Well, no. This guy made me even though his superiors didn't ask for me."**

**"Ok..."**

**"You're thinking to throw me out, right?" He starts to talk very dramatically. "And I raised you when our uncle died...It's so sad how you could repay with such cruelty...**

**"Ok, ok, come in!" Zhuge Jin enters Zhuge Liang's room. Across from there, Takasugi looks at Sima Fu and observes him. "Man...he really looks like him...You can even pass him off as your twin."**

**"So...you made him...?"**

**"You don't seem happy. Something wrong?"**

**"He makes me seem like a bad guy..."**

**"You are a bad guy..."**

**"He making me look more...I can't say..."**

**"Is your wife here?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Oh, Yi! I forgot to meet your wife! Where is she?"**

**"Um...She's resting..."**

**"Well, anyway. I have something for her." Takasugi holds up the bra. Sima Yi looks at him like he was insane. "..Excuse me..?"**

**"This thing is used by women of today to hold up their female cushions."**

**"...What..? Why would she need that..?"**

**"Her...chest is large...and might need this. Women with large breasts will suffer from back problems. Takasugi here is just giving something to help her. But he's being an absolute prev about this." Sima Fu looks at the item. "It's for a woman's chest? It looks...interesting..." Takasugi then walks to the bedroom door and opens it. "Hey, rise and-OOF!" He gets a lamp to the face. "Ok, wrong time." Sima Fu goes to the door himself."Hey, why are you so-OOF!" He gets a book to the face. "Why did you go?"**

**"I thought I can cheer her up."**

**"Uh-huh. She doesn't even know you're Sima Yi's brother yet. She'll just think you're Yi himself. Oh, and I should give you this alarm clock. I already set it to the time you have to go to work." **

**"Oh...thank you?... And Fu and I don't look that similar."**

**"Um...the hair...the face...the eyes...He's just a mirror version of you. His eyes aren't that slanty. Is that racist?"**

**"Well...The slanty eyes means the character is cold and evil. Sima Yi is that...eight tenths of the time..."**

**"Where does that remaining two tenths go?"**

**"Ehh...They go to his hats...Look at his DW7 hat, that was from all of the leftover evil from his DW6 self."**

**"Again with the hat jokes?!"**

**"Well, if you stuck one of your hats in front of a fangirl, she will instantly recognize it's yours. It's like otaku common sense."**

**"Also, if we had a silhouette of you, your hat really gives it away. Your name is kinda unique. Sima already sounds evil, to be honest. Wait, Sima Hui is not related to you, right?" **

**"No...I don't really know..." ****The bedroom door opens, and Zhang Chunhua comes out, rubbing her eyes. She notices the two people in front of her. "Um...the perverted director cloned you again..?"**

**"I wish I did that again, but no, that's Sima Yi and the other is Sima Fu."**

**"...Which one is Yi and which one is Fu? They are wearing the same thing..."**

**"Wait, how did he even get a suit?!"**

**"I was wearing this already when I got here." **

**"Damn it! I need something to tell you apart from Yi. What can I use..? Ah! Take this." He gets a flower vase and gives it to Sima Fu. "There, Sima Fu is the one with a flower vase in his hands."**

**"Hi. I'm your husband's younger brother. He shut the door on me."**

**"Now, I didn't know which of my brothers were you. I thought Lang, but he's dead. The rest had very tiny accomplishments and poor Min died."**

**"That's not a very nice thing to say to Kui, Tong, Jin, and Xun. And may Heaven rest Lang's and Min's souls. I'm sure they could have been just like you until you hogged up the spotlight..." **

**"You were just some lapdog. I did what I need to do so I won't be serving imbeciles." **

**"The job of a retainer is to stay with the master till death. You just leave whenever you think he is a fool."**

**"I certainly don't want to suffer for his mistakes just because he's a fool. It's a shame you have not realized that." Takasugi then gets in. "Um...I'm sure the people reading this don't want to learn history or hear what you think, so can you wrap this up? Your arguments are taking some space up."**

**"Tell him. Oh, when you leave, mind taking him with you?"**

**"You WERE planning to throw me out!" Izuru comments,"You two sound like the stereotypical brothers where one is doing just fine and the other is not and is trying to mooch off the older brother."**

**"Oh, this sounds like...almost every movie that involves siblings or family sit-coms. And...wait for it..." Nothing happens. "Wait for it...Oh, come on! In this kind of situation, the wife or the lady the older brother is with convinces the older brother to let the mooching brother stay in his house! It's just what it always is! Why isn't Chunhua doing anything?"**

**"That's because I don't want him to stay here..."**

**"What? Something against him?"**

**"What? What did I do to you?"**

**"Fu here made a couple of certain comments during the time I was meeting Yi."**

**"What comment?"**

**"There are certain comments I don't want to remember..."**

***Flashback***

**A younger Sima Yi walks down the hall. (Can he get any younger?) Sima Fu and his younger brothers approach him. "Hey, I heard you're getting married." **

**"You're so awful with women, Father had to arrange a marriage for you!" **

**"I'm not awful with women."**

**"Yeah, you spend your days in a dark room, reading and writing. Gee, nerd much?"**

**"Who knows? You could have been doing "something" else in there as well..."**

**"I wondered who's the lady Father set you up with."**

**"If she's ugly, I would laugh my butt off! HAHA!" A tall man behind them knocked the younger brothers on their heads. "Enough, Yi's got a lot on his hands right now. He would not want you brats bothering him." **

**"Ow! Lang! That hurt!" **

**"Gee, we were having a little fun!"**

**"What about Father hearing about this? I'm sure he'll crack out the old whip." The younger ones shut up. "Now, let's go." Sima Lang leads the younger brothers away from Sima Yi. Sima Fu was still standing there. "Why are you still here?"**

**"I want to see her as well."**

**"I'm getting married to her, not you."**

**"Oh, I see. If she's pretty, you want it to yourself, riight?"**

**"That's not it! I just don't want you nosing in!" Sima Yi opens the door, and sees a girl there. "Um..."**

**"Hey, is that one of the new servant girls?"**

***Flashback interrupted* Izuru says,"The insult was Fu thinking you were a servant girl?" Zhang Chunhua sighs."I'll skip ahead if you'd like, but that wasn't one of the comments."**

***Flashback continued***

**At the party after the wedding, Fu gets incredibly drunk and goes up to the young Zhang Chunhua. "Hey...um...what's your name...?"**

**"Zhang Chunhua."**

**"Hey, your name sounds like...like...a type of dog...hic..."**

**"What?"**

**"What was the dog...? Um...a chi-something-hua..."**

**"You're Sima Yi's brother, right?"**

**"Yes...And...the dog your name sounds like is...uh...AH! It's a chihuahua. You're a chihuahua! Ha!" **

**"That is slightly insulting..."**

**"What? It's a small dog, about your size...You're small, it's small...Everyone's thingy-mi-gig is small..."**

**"Um..."**

**"You know what...? If you ever grow up...which you will...Can I have sex with ya?...**

**"What things are you saying?! I will be still married by then!"**

**"But...Ok...if you ever...if you ever have brats...I want to meet them...And ask you on the sex with Yi..."**

**"Stop telling me these things!" She plugs her ears. "I can't hear you! And what makes you think I'll want to do THAT with him?!"**

**"Ok, ok, here's why...Did you know...sex...makes...babies...?"**

**"Ok! That's it! I'm going away now!" She walks away quickly from Fu.**

**"Wait. Wait, wait...I just realized something...You're my sister! Think fast!" Sima Fu trips Zhang Chunhua, making her fall on the few steps leading into the building. He runs back into the building where the party was happening. Zhang Chunhua looks up in boiling anger. "I can't believe I'm going to be siblings-in-law with him..."**

***End of flashback***

**Takasugi and Izuru look at Fu weirdly. "Wow..."**

**"I was drunk! I did not meant what I had said!"**

**"But you still hurt me with those comments. Especially with the dog one..."**

**"I'm so sorry! Yi, can you help?"**

**"You forced...THREE...jars of wine down my throat that night..."**

**"It was a party! You're supposed to drink!" **

**"...Mrgh..." Takasugi then jumps in. "Hey, I'll take him off your hands and Zhang Chunhua, can you wear this?" He holds up the bra. "No...why does it have lights?" **

**"Just decoration...Look, it's teal."**

**"Ugh...no..."**

**"Come on! It will hold up those things of yours."**

**"That's what women wear in the future?"**

**"Yes. It helps not feel heavy there, and it looks better." **

**"I...suppose I can use this...can you get rid of the light...?"**

**"I afraid I can't do that..." He gives the bra to Zhang Chunhua. "Enjoy! Bye! Come on, Fu." They then leave the apartment. Takasugi then stays out the door, holding his phone. "Where's the app? There it is." **

**"What are you doing?"**

**"The bra comes with an app. This shows the woman's heartbeat."**

**"So if she has a certain type of heartbeat, the bra will come off?"**

**"Yep. Right, now, I need to see if it rises. Nothing right now. I'll just wait here."**

**"How do you know she's going to even wear it?"**

**"Oh, she will. All women like to try new fashion things. Even ancient ones." Inside, Sima Yi is sitting at the table, laying his head on top of it. "Finally, I can-" Zhang Chunhua goes up to him. "The pervert director said this will help hold up my chest. Does this look right?"**

**"I see a light...It's turning pink..."**

**"What? Anyway, can you see any difference?"**

**"If you keep sticking them in my face, I can't tell..." He slightly blushes. "Hey, the light is blinking fast."**

**"I don't know why it keeps on doing this..." **

**Outside**

**"The heartbeat is going to fifty-five...I might need to get in there for a bit..." **

**Inside**

**"Now it looks decent. But you don't really need to worry about that, you don't need such items for yourself." Takasugi then bursts right into the door, surprising the two. "Hey, the heartbeat is at a hundred!" Then a noise is heard from Zhang Chunhua. "Hm? AH!" The bra under her shirt unhooks very quickly, and the shirt slightly unbuttons. Takasugi then tries to look at her chest, but gets glared down. "Oh, it works! That's so cool!" **

**"What did you give me?"**

**"A bra that will automatically unhook if you two get a little...you know..."**

**"What kind of invention is that?!"**

**"Japan made it. Leave it to Japan to make seemingly useless things that are secretly awesome at the same time. Well, I can leave now, because I just saw your cleavage." He leaves casually out the apartment. He then walks over to Zhuge Liang's apartment and knocks. He opens. "Oh, what do you need?"**

**"I want to give you this. It will help you get up in the morning without me calling you."**

**"That sounds helpful." He takes the alarm clock. Takasugi then leaves the apartment. Meanwhile...**

**"Actually...this is not bad..."**

**"Yi. No. I am NOT keeping it."**

**"Phht. What makes you think I want you to keep it? Haha! That's...absolute nonsense...Hehe..." Zhang Chunhua gives him an unamused look. "Ok, you can get rid of that..."**

**When Takasugi left the apartment, he sees Zhuge Jin lying on the ground. "Oh, there he is. Is he alive?" He pokes him. "Yep, dead. Probably from exposure or falling from a high place. Izuru then asks Sima Fu, "How are you even here? We didn't schedule for you to be a new character."**

**"I don't know myself..." Takasugi takes out his phone. "Disable...my...models...for future DW games..." Sima Fu disappears."There, we won't have to babysit him." The two get into Takasugi's car and drive away. A shadow comes out from a bush. "Takasugi...You have made my life hell, and because of that, I'm stuck as a teacher...I wanted to be a doctor...but nooo...you had to bring me down to your level, but...I will make that good life of yours hell like you have done to me...Hahahahah...**

* * *

**Nitpicks **

**Sima Lang was Sima Yi's older brother. Sima Fu was his younger brother. Sima Kui, Sima Xun, Sima Jin, and Sima Tong were, in that order, the other younger brothers. Sima Min was the youngest, but he died before even reaching adulthood. Sima Fu was just as talented as Sima Yi, but he was cast aside because Sima frickin't Yi had to hog the spotlight. To be honest, I want him in a DW game, to help his nephews out since Sima Yi dies after a few battles. Fun fact: You know how Sima Yi is friends with Cao Pi? Funny thing is Sima Fu had a friendship with Cao Zhi, Cao Pi's brother. So, yeah, the brothers were friends with another pair of brothers. What? It seemed relevant.**

**Zhuge Jin was Zhuge Liang's older brother that worked in Wu. He took care of his younger siblings when their uncle died. He let Zhuge Liang adopt one of his sons, Zhuge Qiao when he didn't have any children yet. **

**Really, I sometimes mistake Chunhua for chihuahua or the other way around when I look far away, or scrolling down fast. Ok, it may just be me...**

**Guo Jia's going to be fine. Sun Jian's going to be fine. Don't worry, you won't have to beat the Confucius out of Takasugi even though I don't mind.**

**Why do I make the DW characters say Confucius? Because obviously they were not Christians, and I needed something to use to replace Jesus when they say" For...sake" or "for the love of ..." or overall "...!" Confucius rhymes with Jesus also. **

**Rusty's Needle was a tattoo shop in Saints Row 2.**

**I felt like I was offending myself when I made the TOTALLY-NOT-ASIAN old guy talk in a stereotypical Asian accent to Guan Yu. **

**A kinda-Full Metal Alchemist reference was made when Xiahou Ba was called a midget. **

**Guo Jia chugging a giant bowl of wine was based on a Gintama scene.**

**Liu Shan and Yuan Shao have English accents I would LOVE on an American Idol show. **

**I don't like Zhong Hui, but he strikes me as a model when you think of his modern job. Maybe one of those hairdressers with lisp.**

**That bra mentioned here ACTUALLY EXISTS. No, seriously. Really! Japan made it happen! Fine, goggle it, prove me wrong. **

**Sima Fu realizing Zhang Chunhua would be technically his sister and making her fall on the steps was based on a Family Guy scene.**

**Looking at Sima Yi's hats and knowing who they belong to IS otaku common sense. Especially that DW7 one.**

**I actually walked into a store with Miley Cyrus' "Wrecking Ball" on it's TV screen.**


	5. Damn girl! You scary!

**The same routine with Sima Yi, Zhuge Liang, and Zhang Chunhua except with the alarm clocks helping them up. On the cycle, then off to school. They are still pretty early and go into the lounge with Sun Jian, Han Dang, and Huang Gai greeting them. They sit down at tables. "Oh, look, perverted director's ex-lover is here. I'm surprised there was someone that had to put up with him." Zhuge Liang than comments,"Look who's talking..."  
**

**"I could say the same thing for you, your wife has to deal with your teachings of "benevolence."**

**"Your wife puts up with your laughing and overly-used imbecile insults. I'm surprised she hasn't tried to kill you or herself." Zhang Chunhua gets a newspaper, rolls it up and hits him. "OW!" Miyako was in a corner observing the groups. "So...they are the people that Takasugi recommended to this school..." Another teacher goes up to her. "They all graduated from Yale, well, except that buff one. He said he went to Harvard and played on the football team. These guys have gotta to be that smart." **

**"Hmm...Interesting..."**

**"So...you single...?"**

**"I am. Because of a certain someone..."**

**"Well, I can make all your worries-"**

**"Are any of the new ones single?" (Let's see if Takasugi can get jealous...) **

**"Oh...Well, those guys over there on the couch are."**

**"Hm..."(Too old...Too buff...Too bald...) "What about the ones at the table?"**

**"Oh...no...Those are married men and woman. Two are happened to be married to each other."**

**"Which ones?"**

**"The guy with long hair and no beard and the lady that is sitting there are married. The one with the beard is married, but she doesn't work here."**

**(Hm...Wait...what about that co-worker of his? That's it! Why not date the one that works with him to make him jealous? Or I can make Takasugi's hard work go down the drain by making all of the new ones get fired somehow.) The bell rings and the teachers go out the door and into their classrooms. When Sima Yi got to his room, the rebel student goes up to him cheery. "Sensei! How's your morning?"**

**"It barely started...And what's Sensei?"**

**"I finished my work!"**

**"Good for you...Now in your seat." The student goes back into his chair. When Zhuge Liang entered his room, the students were talking so loud it shook the place. (Ok, maybe I was exaggerating..) A paper airplane flies towards Zhuge Liang, he grabs it and crumples it. "Class, settle down." The students still kept on talking. "Hey! Quiet down!" **

**"Or what?"**

**"Off with your head!" The class bursts into laughter. "How? Or you going to do some chop suey on us?"**

**"No...maybe this will help." Zhuge Liang goes to his desk, goes through it, and pulls out a life-sized guillotine out of there. "Those who'd like to speak when I am speaking can get on up here." The whole class gets scared at the actual execution device in front of them. "So, did any of you do your homework?" The class was silent. "What a shame. Then you will have to do that along with today's homework. Complain or off with your head." The class remains silent. "Get your textbooks out, you're not going to learn with just me talking." They did as he said. When Zhang Chunhua went into her room, a blackboard eraser was about to fall on her, but she grabbed without looking. She goes over to her desk and places the eraser on the tray near the board. "Those who have done their homework, place it on my desk." Many of the male students got up and placed papers onto her desk. "The girls in the back, did you do it?"**

**"Nope."**

**"Did you at least try?"**

**"Nope." The girl was still doing the looking down on her phone under the desk. Zhang Chunhua gets a pencil, flings it, and hits the wall next to the girl's head. The girl looks up, seeing the pencil right next to her. "U-U-Umm...what did you do...?" **

**"Stop looking at that device of yours and answer me correctly."**

**"I did not do the homework..."**

**"There, was it that hard?"**

**(What is she? A ninja?!)**

**"No I'm not. Ninjas are Japanese, I'm Chinese."**

**(Oh, god, she can read my mind!)**

**"No, I can't. That is impossible. I can simply predict what you're thinking. And right now, you're thinking I'm a term for a female dog. The second comment most insulting to me..." (The first one is the chihuahua comment from Sima Fu.)**

**(Damn...she's right...)**

**Sun Jian's room**

**"Who did the homework and can present?" Many hands go up. **

**He has a normal room, so let's just go to Han Dang's room.**

**All of the rebels were doing what Han Dang says, even did the homework. "Hmph. Good. Decent. Good. Pretty decent. This one is uncomplete." **

**"Well..well...I..."**

**"No excuses!" Han Dang suplexes the student. **

**Huang Gai's class**

**He's again making students run twenty laps, adding one more if they complain. For the ones that finish, he makes them do twenty-five push-ups. "Go faster! You there! Don't walk! At least powerwalk or something!" **

**"Mr...Huang...I'm...tired...I feel like I'm...going...to faint..."**

**"Oh, good gracious! You look red! Here's some water."**

**"Ok...but can I rest for a bit...?"**

**"Fine, I don't want you die of exhausting yourself, I had a buddy that kneeled over while running."**

**"Um...Ok...thanks...for the advice..."**

**At a hospital, Cao Cao wheels Guo Jia out in a wheelchair. "Um...I can walk..."**

**"No, keep your strength."**

**"I just had my stomach being sucked up by that weird thing, not crippled." **

**"I know, I know..."**

**"Where are you taking me?"**

**"Back at the home."**

**"Why?"**

**"You just got out, but you need more rest, so I'm taking you back home."**

**"Ok..."**

**Gan Ning, Lu Meng and Ling Tong were walking down the street, looking around. "Man, how are we supposed to get paid now?"**

**"Poor Lu Xun...Why didn't you get a suit for him out of all people?!"**

**"Old man, we did a drawing of which three people are to get the suits secretly from Lu Xun. We won, and Lu Xun did not get picked."**

**"Well, Lu Meng is right...We should have just stole another one for him..."**

**"Those things are huge! How can I stick that into my pockets?!"**

**"Put one of them on, and stuff the stolen one inside, pretending to be fat."**

**"Huh...never thought of that..." **

**"Hey, quit your bickering. Look, we can get something here." The three look at a Starbucks. "Star...Bucks? What kind of name is that?"**

**"I swear I saw about five when we were running from the vehicles and people."**

**"Well, let's then." They enter the Starbucks and Lu Meng goes up to the counter. "Excuse me, are you hiring?"**

**"Actually, yes. Do you want an application?"**

** "Yes, and I want two more for those two." When he looked in Gan Ning and Ling Tong's direction, Gan Ning was trying to eat the chocolate powder that was in a shaker. Ling Tong was drinking the coffee creamer. "Hey, this doesn't taste too bad...Is this milk?"**

**"Why is chocolate in tiny motherf***ing pieces?! Are you trying to feed ants?!"**

**"Um...those two are not supposed to do that..."**

**"Anyway, can you give me three applications?"**

**"Sure. Here." He gives three pieces of paper to Lu Meng. He goes to a table. "Hey, get over here. Fill these out."**

**"You get sex in this job?" Gan Ning puts "HELL YES" in the box. "You idiot, that means your gender!"**

**"You can put "girl" for it."**

**"Haha. Very funny." After they were done, they took their papers and gave it to the clerk. "I'll run this by my supervisor and I'll let you guys know if you get hired."**

**Meanwhile at Sima Zhao, Jia Chong, and Wang Yuanji's apartment**

**Loud snoring is heard throughout the building. Wang Yuanji's and Jia Chong's eyes were wide open, red. "He snores so loud..." He was sleeping on the ground. "I have to sleep right near him..."**

**"Wake him up!" Jia Chong and Wang Yuanji knock Sima Zhao off the bed. His face was towards the ground, so the snoring was muffled. "What time is it...?" Jia Chong looks over to a clock. "9:48...The job asks for me to go at eleven...What about you?"**

**"I have to go at eleven as well"**

**"Oh, when does Master Sima Shi go?"**

**"He has the same job. So all three of us go at the same time." **

**"Where does he live?"**

**"I don't know...When you came to pick us up, I saw Shi walk. Hm?" The two hear rustling outside the room. "What was that?"**

**"Let's go check." When they went out into the living room, they saw a figure on the couch. "Who is that?"**

**"How did he or she get in?" They went over to the side, and it was Sima Shi. "Why is Sima Shi here?"**

**"I don't know...Did he follow us?"**

**"I thought he was sharing with someone else. ****I'll deal with this later...I need rest..." Jia Chong walks back to the bedroom.**

**At Takasugi's house**

**He's sleeping and is tossing and turning. "Mgrgh...Heh..." He dreams about a beautiful woman. When he gets near her, the woman looks at him flirtatiously. She has her finger beckoning him. He goes to her, and the woman leans to kiss him, but she turns into a demon that decapitates him. Takasugi wakes up, screaming. "AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!...Huff...huff...Just a nightmare...It's still early, maybe some more shut-eye will help." He goes back to sleep, and gets another dream. He sees another woman. "Oh, no! I'm not going near that!" The woman goes towards him, and seduces him by touching his neck and body. For a moment, Takasugi was enjoying it, but the woman's hands turn into claws. Takasugi then gets away from her and runs. The woman turns into a three-headed dragon and one of the heads goes towards Takasugi and grabs him using its mouth. "What does this mean?! GAAAH!" The dragon crushes Takasugi between its jaws. He wakes up again, panting. "It's time to get up right now!" He throws himself out of bed and performs his personal hygiene. He then hops onto his couch, and turns on the television. "Maybe this will get my mind off of that nightmare." The television had the reality show with the Guans and Zhangs. "What is this crap? This is just a knock-off Jersey Shore!" On the screen, Guan Ping flips the table and slaps Guan Suo and Bao Sanniang. "This food is crap! Your hair looks crap! Everything is *bleep* crap!" Guan Xing slaps Zhang Bao. "Hey, why'd you do that, Brother? You wanna fight?" Guan Xing just slaps him again. Xing Cai goes to Guan Ping and punches him so hard, he flies out the house and into the pool. Guan Yinping crashes a car into the house and gets out. "Whoo! Let's party! Um...what else do I say...?" Takasugi changes it to the wrestling channel. "Hey, Wei Yan got on. I see Zhou Tai and Taishi Ci also." Wei Yan suplexes his opponent and Wei Yan won immediately when the man couldn't get up due to the hard throw. Takasugi then turns the television off. "Ok...I'm okay now. But, it's still early...I'll just go back to have a few more minutes..." He gets up to walk to his bedroom. **

**At a Starbucks...**

**Gan Ning is at the register, and he keeps on giving people nicknames or comments to remember orders. "What would you like?"**

**"A large caramel frappucchino."**

**"Ok...Your name?" **

**"Suzaku" Gan Ning writes "Too much Sugar-zaku." He then passes the cup to Ling Tong, who operates the machines that make the needed ingredients. He accidently puts chocolate inside instead of caramel. When the customer got his order, he sips it, noticing its unusual flavor. "Um...there is chocolate...I asked for caramel..."**

**"Oh, well you got that. It's just as good." The man mutters and leaves the Starbucks. **

**Back at the apartment**

**Jia Ching wakes up Sima Zhao. "Get up. You need at least an hour to get ready and do what you need to do."**

**"Nugh..." Jia Chong takes him, and drags him out the room. He still sees Sima Shi sleeping on the couch. "Hey...why is Shi here...?"**

**"I don't know but we can ask him." Jia Chong taps Sima Shi to wake him. "Ngh...Mom, five more minutes..."**

**"Ha...he called you "mom"..."**

**"Shut up." Jia Chong then pulls off the blanket, the cold getting to Shi. He gets up. "It's so cold..."**

**"Why are you here?"**

**"Hmgrh..." Shi falls back on the couch. "He's staring to act like you, Zhao..." Sima Zhao asks,****"Hey...Don't you share with Deng Ai, Guo Huai, Xiahou Ba and Zhuge Dan?"**

**"I shared with Zhuge Dan and Deng Ai. Xiahou Ba and Guo Huai shared with Xiahou Yuan."**

**"Why are you here since you have somewhere to stay?"**

**"The building had very small rooms, so we had to either sleep on the bed or the floor. When I slept on the bed, Deng Ai crushes me when he turns. I tried to sleep on the ground, but Deng Ai still turns and sometimes falls on me. I left Zhuge Dan to sleep on the bed. Since he's smaller than me...he might have been crushed to death or suffocated..."**

**"You could have just slept in a corner..."**

**"It had spiders."**

**"Just step on them..."**

**"I do not like spiders."**

**"You could have slept on the bed with Zhuge Dan and with Deng Ai on the floor."**

**"Zhuge Dan will cling to me. And asking Deng Ai to..."**

**"He's not going to kill you. He will do as you ask."**

**"I already thought of all possibilities."**

**"Couldn't you just sleep on the bed yourself while the two sleep on the ground?"**

**"I would have looked selfish."**

** "But..."**

**"Are you planning to throw me out, Zhao?"**

**"No..."(Maybe...)**

**"Well, I should get up now. We have to go at eleven."**

**"Alright..." **

**At Izuru's house**

**Izuru is already up, and playing Dead Rising. "Ah, nothing says fun than bashing a zombie's head in." He plays for fifty minutes until he gets a phone call. He picks up, "Hello?"**

**"I had weird dreams where a lady kills me in gruesome ways!"**

**"Maybe it's your past of lying to women catching up to you."**

**"No, this one was different. She turns into monsters and kills me. And my recent one is you getting strangled by the snake lady!"**

**"You probably want to strangle me."**

**"No! And I saw Sima Fu making Sima Yi fall into a stampede of wildebeests!"**

** "...I'm pretty sure that's the plot of The Lion King...And that should be the other way around..."**

**"Oh, wait. I was watching The Lion King last night...That must have gotten in there..."**

**"Yeah, you could have repressed feelings of someone. Do you have any past ex-girlfriends or boyfriends besides the one from the school?"**

**"Why boyfriends?! I'm not into that!" **

**"Who knows?"**

**"Um...Maybe a few girlfriends were not in content with me may have scorned me, thus maybe making me have these dreams".**

**"Ok. Think of one that would kill you if given the chance."**

**"Um...Actually, the ex-es don't really care what happens to me...Maybe a couple would kill me...a few years ago...But I shouldn't worry so much then...So, what'cha doing?"**

**"This was a gloomy talk for a moment...then you turn normal..."**

**"Well, it's a dream. It's not like I have that Final Destination thing going on. I'm going to visit the school again, want to come?"**

**'Why?"**

**"I want to visit the teachers, and I want to walk around high-and-mighty around my ex." (Take some of the free coffee and donuts...)**

**"I'll catch up to you later, you can go first."**

**"Alright." He hangs up. **

**At "Tagahagamara"**

**Girls were sad that Guo Jia was unavailable and the other male hosts excluding Zhou Yu, Lu Su, and Sun Ce were slightly happy. "Thank God he's out." **

**"He was taking most of our business anyway."**

**"What about those three?"**

**"Yeah...The one over there is a threat, he's too handsome. But he doesn't drink, so we have to wait until some group of girls make him drink." **

**"What about the serious one? He still gets requests despite being an ass."**

**"He's not here right now." ****The girls that wanted Guo Jia then asked for Zhou Yu, Lu Su, and Sun Ce. "Those look just as good as Guo Jia."**

**"That one is so handsome!"**

**"I like that one, I like the goatee."**

**"The one over there looks kinda older, but I like that." The girls then went over to the tables. Zhou Yu says in a nice voice and sparkles, "Morning ladies." The girls that requested him quickly sat down to swoon over him. "He's dreamy..."**

**"So, how long have you been here?"**

**"Let me think...I think about two days."**

**"You just started? That's interesting."**

**"Do you ladies need something to eat or drink?"**

**"We'll take some wine and fruit."**

**"Excuse me, waiter." Da Qiao goes over to him. "What is it?"**

**"Get these ladies fruit and wine."**

**"Coming up." She goes to the bar and comes out with a tray and places the items down on the table. The door opens with Cao Pi coming in. The manager goes to greet him. "Hey, you came back. What happened?"**

**"The author forgot to put me last chapter."**

**"What?"**

**"I'm here now, that's all that matters." He goes to his table. At Lu Su's table, the girls were asking him lots of questions. "Hey, do you know what happened to the other hosts?"**

**"Why are you asking me?"**

**"You're probably the oldest host here, thus you should know what goes around here."**

**"Heh...I'm not that old...And what about the other hosts?"**

**"There was another older man here that used to be a teacher, another one that looks like him, and one with messy hair."**

**(Oh, Sima Yi, Sima Shi and Sima Zhao...)"...Well...they retired..."**

**"What? But they look so young."**

**"The funny thing is they're all related."**

**"Brothers?"**

**"Ehh...not really...The older guy is the father of the two you're thinking of..."**

**"They look the same age! That's so cool that the father can stay handsome even after having two sons. His face doesn't say "I'm a father."**

**"Well...he is...And he's married...so don't go chasing after him..."**

**"See? You do know about the other hosts! Can you tell us more?"**

**"But...You're supposed to use this time to have a good time, not learn about the hosts." **

**"You're right. Can you get us three bottles of Don Perignon?" **

**"Alright. Waiter!" **

**Sun Ce's table**

**"Soo...what are you ladies into?"**

**"Like what?"**

**"Um...What girls are into these days?"**

**"It varies. You're a new host, I bet."**

**"Yes..."**

**"Well, I don't blame you, take it easy."**

**"Ok...So, do you ladies want anything...?" (Please say fried chicken and wine.)**

**"Um...wine and...pickled vegetables."**

**(Aw man! That's one I least wanted! I could just drink the wine...)**

**At "Jewel"**

**It was very busy because of Diao Chan and Lian Shi. **

**At Diao Chan's table**

**"Hey, you're hot. Want to make out?" Diao Chan looks at him disgustingly, and waves her hand to ask Masaki to come over. "Hey, are you giving her a hard time? I think you should leave if you just want to make trouble."**

**"What's up with ya, lady? I just want to have a little fun..."**

**"Go to the strip club over at the other side of town if that's what you're looking for."**

**"Fine!" The man gets up and storms out the place.**

**"Thank you."**

**"Don't worry. I just can't let women get mistreated by men like him. Let's hope your next customer is nicer than the last one." She goes back behind the bar counter. **

**At Lian Shi's table**

**Sun Quan watches from a distance in jealousy as Lian Shi interacts with a customer."Where are you from?" **

**"Osaka. Where are you come from?"**

**"China."**

**"Oh, China. Are you studying in something?"**

**"Um...No..."**

**"Ok, so what do you do besides a hostess?"**

**"I'm a hostess, nothing more."**

**"Are you married or have a boyfriend?" Sun Quan eyes the man closely. **

**"I'm married."**

** "Is your husband ok with this?"**

**"He is not happy, but we need to work."**

**"Oh, well. Waiter, can I get some Don Perignon?" Sun Quan gets up, and goes to get the bottle and places it on the table. Lian Shi then pours the man a drink. Sun Shang Xiang's table has a man talking to her. "So, I see you're not a flashy girl. That's fine, I like women like that."**

**"The make-up and other stuff is just too much for me to do."**

**"Yes, I know. And I don't blame you. Do you have a hobby?"**

**"Swordfighting and archery."**

**"Cool. Not many people want to do that, so I applaud you. How long have you been doing it?"**

**"Since I was little."**

**"Ah. You are unique, that's good. I had to learn piano and violin just because my parents made me."**

**"You didn't get a choice?"**

**"Nope. But I was good at them, so I guess it was time well-spent."**

**"You should have gone against your parents instead!"**

**"Well, if I did that, I would get a whipping."**

**"That sucks! Many disapproved of me doing archery and asked to be a lady." **

**"You were fortunate enough to make your own decisions."**

**"Anyway, want some more drinks?" (Maybe I can squeeze more money out of him...)**

**"Sure. Don Perignon."**

**(Yes!)"Waiter, some Don Perignon!"**

**At the school, Takasugi arrives at the doors and goes in. It was empty because of everyone is still in class. He goes over to the lounge and takes some of the cold coffee. "Blah! It's decaf. What about these donuts?" He takes the box and eats one."Gah! it's stale! Hm?" He goes over to the refrigerator and looks inside."Mostly sandwiches and yogurts...Oh, Miyako's sandwich. I'll eat that just to make her mad. Hehehehe..." He takes a wrapped sandwich that had Miyako's name on it and eats it. "Now what? I remember there was a library here, I'll go see if they have manga." Takasugi leaves the lounge, as he walks by a classroom, the teacher in it was Miyako and she sees him. (You're here again...I should carry out my plan...) When Takasugi gets to the small library, he looks at the shelves for manga. "Nope. Nope. This is a crappy manga... Naruto? Phht. Bleach? Eh...what did they do this time? Dragon Ball? Nah. That's all they have...I'll have to read an actual book..." The bell rings. "Oh, they have break now." He gets out of the library and walks down the hall where he had previously walked. Meanwhile, Miyako walks down the B hall. She then goes into Sima Yi's classroom with him still in it. "Evening, I heard you're one of the new English teachers."**

**"Yes. What business do you have?""**

**"We have similar lesson plans, so I was wondering if you need any help with it." **

**"I already figured it out."**

**(Ok...How do I flirt with him? I'll try this...)"Are you sure?" She gets incredibly close to Sima Yi. He looks at her weird."...Ever heard of boundaries?"**

**"I'm just trying to help out a fellow teacher."**

**"I don't need help. Now go."**

**"Oh, come on. I'm sure I could be of use." She gets even closer to him, her chest right in his face. Sima Yi just acts very unamused. "...You're flat-chested, you know that?" **

**"How dare you look at my chest! You perv!"**

**"Well, you jammed them into my face, how can I NOT see them?"**

**(Smart-ass! What does his wife see in him?!)"We're alone...How about we talk..?" She sits on the desk, trying to act sexy. "Let's see your lesson plans." Sima Yi looks at her and realizes something,"Oh, no. ****No. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no ,no, no, no, no ,no ,no, no, no, no, no, no, no..."**

**Two minutes later...**

**"...no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,no, no, no, no, no, no ,no ,no, no, no, no, no." **

**"You done?!"**

**"No. Nah, just kidding. Still no."**

**"You figured it out?"**

**"Yes, you're trying to make the perverted director jealous."**

**"What if you help me? You don't seem to care about him."**

**"And I don't care about you. Now get out."**

**"What if I pay you?"**

**"Nope."**

**"What about-"**

**"Last time someone offered me to help on their revenge, the stupid fans think I'm romantically involved with her and that is not true. Things were taken out of context. I did not even agree to it anyway." **

**"What?"**

**"Something you would not know. Now bye."**

**"How are you even married if you're this bitter towards women?"**

**"My personal life is none of your business. SCRAM, or I can throw you out the window."**

**"Alright, I'll leave." She is about to turn, but the door opens, and Takasugi walks in."Hey, Yi. I didn't see you in the lounge so I decided to go to your room." He sees Miyako. "Oh, Sima Yi, if you wanted to cheat, you could have done better than _her_." **

**"What does that supposed to mean?"**

**"Well...for starters, he's older than your great-great-great-grandpa!"**

**"What? He looks twenty."**

**"Nope. He's 1,835 years-old."(I would love to see her reaction.)**

**"Hahaha. Look." She goes up to Sima Yi and tries to seduce him**** in front of Takasugi. He looks unamused."Yeah...He's not liking that...I think he'd prefer Zhang Chunhua doing that to him even though she won't want to do that in front of me." Sima Yi slaps Miyako's hands away from him. "Can I throw your ex-lover out the window now?" **

**"Sure. Just lift her by the waist and let her go just like that, she's light."**

** "Hey! I can say to your wife you flirted with me."**

**"Go ahead." Miyako turns, to find out Takasugi was gone. "Where did he go?" She walks out of the classroom, only to come face to face with Zhang Chunhua. "Are you the one that tried to seduce my husband?" **

**"He did not even bother to look at me anyway."**

**"Well, anyway, I should warn you." She gets in Miyako's face, eyes cold. "Bother any of us again, I can make sure you end up in a river." She retracts her face and walks away. Leaving Miyako with a scared look. "How did those two meet? At the psycho's convention?" She goes to the lounge and looks for her lunch in the refrigerator. "Where did it go?" Takasugi goes behind her, holding a wrapper. "Looking for this?" **

**"You ate my sandwich?!" **

**"Hey, I didn't get to have breakfast. I'll puke out the remains out for you."**

**"Ugh...no. I'll just go get myself another one." She leaves the lounge and Takasugi follows her. "What are you doing?"**

**"Just here to annoy the Confucius out of ya."**

**"Grr..." When they got out into the parking lot, she gets into her car and attempts to run Takasugi over, but he jumps out of the way. "Miss!" **

**"What an annoying pest..." In another area, Izuru drives to meet with Takasugi, and stops to look at something. He parks his car near the Barnes & Noble, and gets out. He sees a man in a teal sweatshirt with "Suma" written over the front in black lettering, pants, and cap. He is holding a boombox. Another man was with him. "Um...Sima Shi? Why are you in that?" **

**"It's not Sima, I'm Suma."**

**"It's the same damn thing! You just put an "U" instead of "I"! And Sima Zhao's with you..."**

**"Brother, this is really unnecessary..."**

**"Ok, from the top!" Sima Shi turns on the boombox, starts to rap along with funny rap dancing and forces Sima Zhao to do them. **

**Destiny is Joy by DJ Suma **

**Lyrics and Song by DJ Suma**

_**Suma, Suma**_

**If you're gonna conquer it, conquer it right now, Suma**

**If you're gonna tap that, tap it right now, Suma**

**If you want to smack a b****, smack that b**** right now, Suma**

**Destiny is Joy**

**Joy is Destiny**

**"Alright, repeat that right now!" Sima Zhao just holds up a sign saying, "Destiny is Joy." Sima Shi gets mad and yells out,"Wrong! Say it, not sign it! I already know you can sing! We had a character song duet!" He switches the boombox on, and says"Alright, once more-OOF!" **

**"JOY!" Izuru and Sima Zhao jump kick him in the face. "Oh."**

**"Oh, my ass! What was that?! That was an awful attempt at rapping!"**

**"It's not rap, it's Sumarap, yo!"**

**"That is complete nonsense! That sounds like a funny menu item! Why are you even doing this?"**

**"I wanted to attract people here."**

**"No one's going to come by a bookstore with a stupid looking-wannabe rapper at the entrance!"**

**"Ok, I should try a different tactic..."**

**"Just be a normal store clerk! You wouldn't do this in front of Sima Yi, would you?" **

**"Oh, of course not. I suppose you're right." Sima Shi goes into the bookstore with Sima Zhao. "Why did that look so familiar to me?" Izuru gets back into his car and drives to the school. When he got to the lot, he sees Takasugi standing in a parking space. He parks and talks to him. "What are you waiting for?"****  
**

**"Just wait...Now!" He barrel rolls away, as a car speeds into the spot. "Miss again!" Miyako gets out and glares at him. She then goes into the school building. Takasugi follows her just to tease her. "Stop following me!"**

**"Oh, you mad?" Izuru runs after the two. "Are you just provoking your ex? You know what that leads to."**

**"What?"**

**"Murder. You ending up in the Sea of Japan."**

**"Heh, killing me? No chance in hell she's going to do that. Oh...I have to go..." Takasugi runs to the restroom. Miyako goes into her classroom, and closes the door. Izuru enters it, and speaks to her. "I'm sorry for the way Takasugi acts towards you. I'm wondering, what could he have to make you so irritated?"**

**"Why do you want to know?"**

**"I can evaluate on the situation and come up with a solution to the conflict."**

**"You sound like you should have been a smart-ass that gets more than a computer engineer."**

**"That's...slightly insulting at the same time flattering..."**

**"Fine, you don't seem to help him on this. It was basically living with a man-child. I originally wanted to be a doctor, but that idiot dragged me down to his level. The room would reek of drugs, so I would smell like it when I got to class. One day, my professor kicked me out because he thought I was a stoner due to my smell. Meanwhile, Takasugi was whizzing past his classes so easily, the teachers could not even smell the drugs."**

**"Well...his IQ is 173..."**

**"WHAT?! Mine is just only 169...What about you?" **

**"189."**

**"How in the world is Takasugi that smart?!"**

**"I don't know."**

**"Damn..." (Wait...I can maybe try to seduce him, he looks like he was one of those otakus back in high school. I'm sure he never had a girlfriend.) She gets up, and goes over to Izuru. "So, are you here to comfort me?"**

**"This isn't a romance fic. So I'm going to pass."**

**"What are you talking about?"**

**"You are trying to get me to date you in order to make Takasugi jealous. Since we're content with each other. But I don't want Takasugi's leftovers." **

**"Are you calling me leftovers?!"**

**"Yes, because you two have at least engaged in intercourse or locking of lips. I do not want that stuff on me."**

**"We never had sex, he had sex with my sister! I could never kiss him since he reeks of weed."**

**"Oh, why did you even stay with him?"**

**"After the sister incident, I broke it off. Then I failed most of my medical classes and tried to go to Hollywood. That didn't work, so I studied to be a teacher. That was the only option for me. Now here I am."**

**"Now, putting all the blame onto him is illogical since you were the one who stayed with him. What you could have done is to break it off when you realized it wasn't working out. Waiting means it was part of your fault as well."**

**"How are you not a counselor?" **

**"I prefer working with computers than people. Anyway, I should go." As Izuru turned to walk away, Miyako looks at him with a smirk. (Hm...) Izuru goes out into the lot, and sees Takasugi. "So, had a nice chat?"**

**"You were listening?"**

**"I finished long time ago, when I got to the room, she was claiming I was a man-child. Questioning how am I smarter than her, you should have seem her reaction. Basically everything until the part you gave her counseling lines. That's when I got bored." **

**"Anyway, I can evaluate she's a psychopath."**

**"Compared to...?"**

**"I don't know, maybe Zhang Chunhua-level? But I know she won't try to get revenge on Sima Yi if he ruined her life...maybe... "**

**"Oh, well. Watch your back. I had another dream while on the can, it was you falling in a deep canyon."**

**"Ugh...ok..." Takasugi's voice turns slightly serious, ****"She's eyeing you. Best if you kept a gun or a taser."**

**"Really? She wants me?"**

**"Well, you are basically me if I didn't do drugs. But here's what I don't understand: Why you? You're basically a Shinpachi." The atmosphere turns back to a informal one. "Shinpachi...?"**

**"Yes, Shinpachi. You're a Shinpachi. Except you don't wear glasses. And your hair is slightly longer."**

**"You're comparing me to a sixteen year-old otaku that has an obsession with a pop idol?"**

**"Well...you were one based on your shelves...And you act as the straight man."**

**"And you're the funny man?"**

**"Yeah, you're catching on. Anyway, we should go. The bell rings about now." The two get into their individual cars and drive off. At a nearby window, Miyako watches the two cars go out the lot.**

**Since this is going pretty slow, we're skipping ahead to dismissal time.**

**The bell rings at the school, and the teachers leave in cars and one motorcycle. Meanwhile, Izuru is at home and watching television. He hears noises coming from areas of the house. (Ok...this is creepy...Maybe Takasugi was correct on being careful when alone...) He sticks his hand into a couch cushion and pulls out a taser. (Oh, maybe just in case.) He sticks his other hand between two more cushions and takes out a pistol. He hides it under his shirt and walks towards the noises. "Show yourself!" He opens the bedroom door, and sees nothing. He turns suddenly to another noise. "Grr...This is annoying...Ah!" Something touches him. When he goes back to the bedroom, there were flower petals all over the bed and a note.**

Roses are red,

Lemons are sour,

Open your legs and give me an hour

**Izuru looks in absolute horror at the situation he is in. "...Ugh..." He runs out of the bedroom and looks around. "NO! NO! No, no, no, no, no, no! I AM NOT DOING THAT, YOU PSYCHO B****! Who knows where you have been? I'm not going die from an STD! And those poems are meant to be given to women!" Nothing is heard. "Ok...ok...maybe this is just part of my imagination..." He then runs outside and into his car. "Jesus, she's crazier than an on-her-time-of-the-month-Zhang Chunhua with hysteria...I should call the police on this...What the-?" He finds a message on his phone from an unknown caller. **

Call the authorities

Your body

Will be a priority

**TO DESTROY**

**Izuru looks at the message in fear. (...Damn...Why did she put this in rhyme like it's a game...? She's insane! If she became a doctor, she would have patients walking out there with misplaced parts, or...they could have gotten out of the ER and into a morgue...I have to get her off me. I need someone very attractive even she won't refuse! Wait, she doesn't care about attractive men...She wants intelligent men...I could stick her onto Guo Jia. He's smart and attractive. It's a two-for-one offer she can't refuse! I'll look for him on the GPS.) He sets Guo Jia's location and drives off. A car then follows him. When Izuru gets to the apartment Guo Jia, Cao Cao, and Jia Xiu shared, he knocks on the door. (Maybe I should lead her to Takasugi, he's the one she wants to hurt. I'll try this first.) The door opens with Guo Jia. "Oh, what are you doing here?"**

**"You're not at Tagahagamara?" **

**"I got too much alcohol in my body...I had to get this thing to suck it out of my stomach..."**

**"Dear me, are you okay? Is the alcohol poisoning severe?"**

**"What is a giant bowl of wine?"**

**"Eh...Yeah...Was it filled?"**

**"No, only half was since it was too large for me to pick up." **

**"Well, I hope you feel better." (How can I stick the crazy lady onto him? He's clearly having certain problems right now!) "Well, sorry to bother you." **

**"But why were you here?"**

**(Wait, Jia Xiu's here. I can stick her on him.) "Actually, I want to speak with Jia Xiu."**

**"Oh, okay. Come on in." Izuru walks in, and sees Cao Cao sitting on the couch. "HA! Look at Yuan Shao insulting that singer! For once I agree with him! And Liu Bei's boy was spot on with calling her a pig dying in acid!"**

**"Um...can you tell me where's Jia Xiu?"**

**"He's making us something. In the kitchen." Izuru enters the kitchen, and sees Jia Xiu standing over four pots on the stove. "Damn...why do I have to cook...?"**

**(Oh, wait. Ancient China had stoves, right?) "What are you making?"**

**"Guo Jia gave me these papers to make certain dishes. Hey, why can't we just make meatbuns? These seem too complicated for me to do, I'm afraid I'll screw it up." Cao Cao and Guo Jia yelled out, "No! We had to eat meatbuns for...ABOUT ALL THE DAMN TIME! And don't worry about screwing up, at least it will have different tastes."**

**"We had rice back at home, why didn't you just eat that if you were so sick of meatbuns?"**

**"That wasn't available as an item!"**

**"Huh, now that I think about it...We never show any of you guys eating rice. I think it was because it seemed kind of racist to certain people." **

**"Samurai Warriors got riceballs."**

**"That was because-"**

**"What? We too good for rice?"**

**"I'm not the one who decides what game gets what food item though...I see right now you're making rice. You're making it in an old-fashioned way, there are inventions that are made specifically for cooking rice." **

**"Well, we can't go spending our money so freely. We have to spend on food and other important needs. Besides, this is what we know how to do." **

**"Wait, what about Guo Jia's hospital bill?"**

**"Oh, we offered gold, and this lady just said she'll take it and our bill is paid. She then ran off."**

**"Oh..."(It's gold. Gold is valuable. And it's at least 2000 year-old gold, it will fetch a price if sold to a museum.)"Well, I see you're pretty busy now, so I'll go now."**

**"You said you needed to speak to me?" **

**"Yeah, but you're quite busy right now."**

**"I need something to take the boredom out of watching rice cook. What is it you need to say?"**

**"Well..." Izuru sees a shadow move at the corner at his eye. "How are you feeling about this world?"**

**"Well, people are disgusting for starters here. Seriously, who puts their waste on the wall and writes profanity with it?"**

**"Oh...Those are just troublemaker teens making stuff hard for janitors."**

**"And I found that in the women's sanitary facility as well. Even the women are that disgusting here."**

**"Ugh..." (Yep, kids are gross these days.) "Ok...forget about that. Just your opinion outside of..._that_."**

**"Eh, it's rather dull...Is it just work here? No bars or taverns?"**

**"Oh, of course there's taverns and bars. And...well...strip clubs..."**

**"What are those?"**

**"You see women dance."**

**"Nah."**

**"Nude."**

**"Excuse me?" Cao Cao gets out from his seat. "Did I hear in this world, you could watch women dance? Nude? Where?"**

**"That depends where you look."**

**"I demand you take me to these things someday!"**

**"Well, you can ask Takasugi about that. I'm sure he'll be sooo happy to take you..." **

**"That's rather...disturbing...Guo Jia, you too?"**

**"That is interesting...I would want to go to one of these things myself."**

**"See? Guo Jia and I want to check that place out! Come on, Jia Xiu!"**

**"Eh..."**

**"Did I forget to mention there's a bar in the club if you're not interested?"**

**"Hm...I'll consider it. Oh, the rice!" Jia Xiu goes over to the stove to turn off the heat. Izuru then walks over to the door. "Well, I have to get going now. I'll tell Takasugi to take you to the...club..." He closes the door. When he went outside, he sees a out-of-place car parked out in the street. (Yes! Got her! I'll just make my safe getaway back home.) Izuru gets into his car and drives off fast. After a while, when Jia Xiu was finished with his food, he goes into the bedroom. The room was covered in flower petals and had a note on the bed. "What is this?" **

Roses are red,

Watches are gold,

Get on your knees and do as you're told

**"What...? I don't get it. Why are there flower petals in here? Hmph." He leaves the note there and goes to the bathroom in there. After he gets out, Cao Cao goes into the room, he notices the petals and note. "Get on my knees? Um...Guo Jia..? Jia Xiu?" They did not hear him. "Who could leave such a weird letter?" He turns to go, but is hit with a lamp and falls unconscious. Izuru calls Takasugi when he is back at his house. "Hey, you were right! She going after me!"**

**"Oh, damn. What are you doing now?"**

**"Well...I led her to a apartment where Guo Jia is living."**

**"That might work, but she needs someone I'm quite close to. You are the closet, since you're my friend and co-worker."**

**"How about pretending someone else is your brother or your son? She'll try to go after them."**

**"You're right. Who can I kill off? I'll think about that later. Have any protection?"**

**"I have a gun and taser."**

**"Keep them on you at all times when you're sleeping. You can stay all night if you need to."**

**"I'll try..." He hangs up. Takasugi then calls the teachers. "I should tell them they have no work tomorrow since it's the weekend." After that, he gets tired and goes to bed. "She's really making this hell for me..."**

**When Izuru goes to sleep, he keeps a gun and taser in his hands. (Ok, ok. I should be fine. If I kill her, Takasugi will not be mad nor sad. So nothing's holding me back, but what if they take it the wrong way and I get sent to prison for murder? I'll have to take my chances.)**

* * *

**Nitpicks**

**It's true, I forgot about Cao Pi last chapter. Hey, you try remembering about sixty-something characters and what they do! **

**Sima Yi mentioned about being offered to help on someone's revenge. If you could not figure who it was, here's the answer. It's Wang Yi. There was a DW7 XL cutscene where Sima Yi tried to comfort her, and she asks him to help on revenge, blah, blah. They had more cutscenes together, but they were taken out of context and thus that pairing was born. I don't really understand how people like that though, but none of my business.**

**Sima Yi keeping on saying "No" over and over was based on a Family Guy sketch. I just extended that scene a little more. **

**Sima Shi would be a perfect Katsura, so that's why I made him reenact that Katsurap scene from Gintama. I changed the lyrics around and added another line. **

**When Shi yelled at Zhao, he said something about having a duet with him. Koei actually released a character song with them singing together along with other characters getting songs...you get the idea.**

**The "rose are red" poems were from a site, not me. But I did came up with the phone message. I know, it's bad.**


	6. Let's go to a strip club!

**I'm sorry about the long update. I had other things and each of these chapters are pretty long to type up.**

* * *

**The next day, Izuru wakes up, very stressed out. He then pats himself down. "Nothing. Nothing. Good, I'm fine." He gets out of bed, still holding the taser and gun. After he cleans himself up, he goes into the living room and sits on the couch. He turns on the television."Let's see what's on...I can watch some news." He flips the channel and it had a reporter outside of an museum. "Hmm? A lot of people are there. What's the occasion?" **

**"A lot of people had gathered here because they had found gold. Not just any gold. When collectors examined them, they said the gold could be dated back to about 155 A.D to 280 A.D, back during the Three Kingdoms era. These gold pieces can probably fetch a hefty sum since they are ancient and are authentic gold. I'm going to ask the lucky people that stumbled upon these "gold" ****mines. Hey, sir. How did you get your gold?" **

**"These guys paid for their Panda Express food with it since they had no money."**

**"Did they seem rich?"**

**"No, just mall cops."**

**"Fascinating, what about you, miss?"**

**"These guys paid for their possibly alcoholic friend's hospital bill with this gold."**

**"What did the people look like?"**

**"One looked like Jafar, a blonde one was a good-looking piece of work to get the alcohol out his body, and this guy had his hair sticking out like if they were fins." **

**"Wow, what a unique set of people." Izuru looks at the screen, not really surprised. "Eh, it's gold. People go crazy when they have gold. Hm?" His phone rings. "Hello?" **

**"What am I supposed to do now?"**

**"Oh, Sima Yi figured out how to use the phone after...I don't know five chapters?"**

**"It's not that! I just had no use for it at the time. Your friend told me I don't work today, along with everyone else that goes into the school."**

**"Yes, it's a weekend. People usually don't have school or work today and tomorrow at this period of the week. You're a grown man, you can walk out onto the street if you wanted, it's a weekend."**

**"That is a stupid idea..."**

**(I'm getting pretty snappy.) "Well, maybe get yourself some new clothing. You wearing the Micheal De Santa suit may cause you to want to run over people with the motorcycle. Or get high and shoot down aliens. Or steal a tank and destroy stuff with it. Or destroy a guy's house that just had sex with your wife thinking it was his but now you owe money to a crime boss since it was his. Or pulling off your slutty daughter off a horny director and threatening the director with your best friend. Or-"**

**"You're not even talking about me anymore. I don't even have a daughter."**

**"Historically, you had two because you can't keep it in your pants. And it could happen when you keep wearing that suit. You'll suddenly go into traffic just take this fancy-looking car, cover it in people's blood when you run over them, and die from crashing into that wall when you forget to make that turn."**

**"Are you okay...?"**

**"Nothing. Maybe have some time together with your spouse in the bedroom or go outside and observe this world. " (And you'll suddenly take a bat out and beat a nearby hooker...Dear me, what's wrong with me?)**

**"Why did you include that first part?! You only needed to say is go out!" He hangs up. Izuru deeply sighs. "I'm getting too tense. I need to relax myself. Maybe I'll just play Grand Theft Auto and run over everyone I see in there." He gets up and goes into the room with the PS3. At the apartment Cao Cao was staying in along with Guo Jia and Jia Xiu, it was incredibly quiet. Guo Jia and Jia Xiu noticed how still the room was. "Lord Cao Cao was in bed all day. Is he okay?"**

**"I heard weird noises coming from there."**

**"How about we go check?"**

**"No...Bad idea..."**

**"What?"**

**"Cao Cao can kill someone in his sleep."**

**"Really?"**

**"You need to approach quietly and very carefully if you want to really want check on him." Guo Jia gets up and goes towards the bedroom. He opens the door slowly to look through. He saw Cao Cao lying on the ground. Guo Jia opens the door and goes to him. "Lord Cao Cao! What happened to you?!"**

**"Ngh...I feel violated..."**

**"Who did this to you?"**

**"I don't know...But she was pretty sexy..."**

**"Um..."**

**"Don't worry, I just feel...eh...aroused..." Guo Jia drops him. "Ok...maybe you weren't violated..."**

**"The woman tied me up and did things to me!"**

**"Weell...You didn't seem upset for having intercourse...More like enjoying it..."**

** "Alright, but she hit me! With this thing!" He holds up a broken lamp. Guo Jia just gets up and walks away. "Hey! Why are you leaving me?" **

**"This isn't really an emergency...You just had sex and you're acting upset and happy at the same time..." Cao Cao gets up and runs after him. "Well, you're not seeming to be worried!"**

**"You got something you like. Why I should be worried?"**

**"Ah, nevermind..."**

**At the apartment with SY, SS, SZ, ZC, WY, ZL ,YY, and JC live in (Gee, two Shu characters are surrounded by all Jin characters.)**

**Sima Yi sits at a table and stares off. (I've never really had an actual break like this in a long time. I'm always working, so I don't even know how to relax... I can go outside and see what has changed in 2000 years, I didn't even get to look at much of my surroundings when I first got here.) The door knocks. He goes to open the door and it was Sima Zhao. "Hey, Dad-" Sima Yi shuts the door. "You already have enough screen time ever since Xtreme Legends." He walks away from the door. At the mall, Cao Ren was the one cleaning since Jia Xiu had a day off. As he was cleaning, ten men on top of the story above him were carrying and dragging a giant safe. "Hey, who's idea was to have a bank on the top story?"**

**"Mm-hm. Grr...ah! They could have just placed the bank on the GROUND floor."**

**"My arms feel like they are coming apart!"**

**"No! We can't put it down since this thing weighs like an elephant! The floor will be not able to take this and the thing will fall through the floor."**

**"What about putting it down very carefully?"**

**"Alright...if you guys' arms really hurt..." They very slowly lowered the safe, and set it on the floor. A crack is heard. Then the safe falls through. "AAAAH! The safe!" Cao Ren was walking, and then he became right below the safe. The safe lands on him with a loud thud. After an hour, Takasugi saw the story on the news. "What? Someone died again? Who is it?"**

**"A man's crushed remains were found under this safe. He was the janitor here."**

**"So...Cao Ren or Jia Xiu?"**

**"When police did a face reconstruction of this man, it looked like this." The sketch of Cao Ren appeared on the screen. "Oh...eh...I don't know if they are going to hate me for his death...So, a Shu, a Wu, an Other, and now, a Wei. I bet a Jin is next." (Hmm...who could die? It's hard...if a Sima dies, I'll get more than a beatdown, so I should prevent their deaths. If one of the women die, no, I'm sure fate doesn't want them to die yet. Wait, would Yi cry if his wife dies? Huh, never thought of that. He would just look slightly sad and move on or something, maybe. Basically if one of Jin dies, I get a beating. Oh, yeah, the teacher guys didn't see much. I should go to show them around. What about Izuru? Eh...I'm sure he can fend off a crazy ex...I hope...) Izuru sits at his couch, curled up. (Oh, come on! Why am I so scared?! She's like Wang Yi and Zhang Chunhua somehow got fused into one person! Ok...maybe anyone would get scared...I should get out of the house.) A few minutes later, he comes out in decent clothing and heads out the door. (Now, who else I can pin this on? Wait, if I got her onto Sima Yi, Zhang Chunhua will take care of her immediately. Yes, great idea! Risky, though. Why didn't I think of this?) He gets into his car and drives off. When he got there, he noticed the same car that was outside the GJ, JX, and CC apartment behind him. (Yes, you're making this way too easy.) He runs up the stairs and goes to the room. (Wait, what about Zhuge Liang? I can try him if she doesn't want Sima Yi.) He sees Sima Zhao standing by the door. "What are you doing here?"**

**"Father shut the door on me...He claims I get too much screen time."**

**"You are basically in the whole Jin story along with Wang Yuanji and Jia Chong. But I don't decide that. Move the camera." The view moves towards the door instead of Sima Zhao. "Hey, don't just ignore me altogether!" **

**"You're right. Place a mosaic over his face." Sima Zhao's face turns pixelated. "What the hell?! I look like a barfed up mess!"**

**"There. Your face is not seen, therefore you don't have screentime."**

**"This is just cruel..." Izuru knocks on the door. Sima Yi goes to open the door, and sees the mosaiced Sima Zhao. "Um...why is his face like that?" **

**"You have been complaining that Sima Zhao here is getting too much screen time. This is your wish."**

**"I didn't say to make him have looking to have a barfed-up face. What are you doing here?"**

**"Oh, I know you and Zhuge Liang along with other people didn't really get to see out there. Certainly you don't want to sit around all day like a Zhao."**

**"Why are you using me to describe a lazy person?!"**

**"Because you are. And you should get some new clothes, Sima Yi. Do you honestly sleep in that? Do you shower? Are you actually wearing a suit the ENTIRE time? Don't tell me you have intercourse in that too..."**

**"Why are you always including or implying sexual intercourse every time you speak to me?!"**

**"Because...you're married...you have two sons...You people don't believe in the stork giving you babies...sooo...the "other" way is obvious for you."**

**"What about the other men that are also fathers?"**

**"...Yeah...you are what anyone with a dirty mind...Eh...Oh, forget it! Since you are basically the only one in DW with children AND a wife, it's only logical to make that assumption. Guan Yu has...I don't know...four kids? I don't remember him having concubines or wives. Two of them are possibly fictional. And one was adopted. Ok, bad example. Sun Jian. He has three kids. All you need is Lady Wu, and people will think wrong. I mean-How can you look at the guy and not think,"Bow-chika-wow-wow?****" Three kids from the same lady? I sense-" Sima Yi stares at him with a weirded face. "Um...that part was entirely unnecessary..." **

**"Oh, sorry. I'm...rather tense...Anyway, I can tell you on certain things about here. Then you can go out if you like and your wife can go with you. Or you can maybe go together with your boys and daughter-in-law. You can do anything you want here. Well, except beating police guys up and murder and stealing." **

**"I get it. I'll consider it once I...uh..."**

**"You're still used to being worked to the bone, huh? Well, don't push yourself. Since you're a teacher, two days are yours to do whatever you want to do. Ok, if you come across these places, they offer certain things. Some clothing, some food, and anything you could think of. There are some...adult entertainment places if you're into that stuff...And you can figure some places out since for some unusual reason, you can read and speak English despite being ancient Chinese and your language is Old Chinese."**

**"Ahem, you're getting too far."**

**"Oh, sorry. Anyway..." Izuru sees a shadow in the window behind Sima Yi come inside. "I should gooo...Bye..." He quickly walks away. "I wonder what he is so worried about that it causes him to be so tense." Izuru walks quickly to his car and drives off. As he was driving, he sees two limos going the opposite direction as him. "Huh, what's going on there?" His phones rings. "Hm? Hello?"**

**"Hey! Did you get that crazy-ass ex off you?"**

**"I hope...I planted her on Sima Yi."**

**"Eh...it will work...So, I'll take you somewhere to forget all about her."**

**"Oh, I'm driving back home..."**

**"Oh, no! You're coming with me! And some other guys as well. I got Cao Cao, Guo Jia, and Jia Xiu with me. I'm just going all over to pick up guys who would want to go to the strip club. I got a guy driving the other one." **

**"Eh...You can go yourself...I'm going home." He hangs up. Takasugi smirks. (Nah, you're still going. I might need to do this the hard way.) He pulls up to the apartment Izuru just left. He then goes into the building to knock on a door. Jia Chong opens the door. "What?" **

**"Want to go with me to a party?"**

**"I'm not interested. Ask the others." Takasugi enters the apartment and sees Sima Shi sitting on the couch. "Hey, want to go to a party?" Sima Zhao pops out in front of him. "I want to go to a party!" **

**"Well, get out here. Shi, you in? There's drinking."**

**"Mm..."**

**"Better than you sitting around here."**

**"Why not?" He goes out the room. Jia Chong asks Takasugi, "Where exactly are you taking them?"**

**"A surprise. I should give you guys a good time while you're here. You don't work, so fun comes first!"**

**"I suppose I should ease up a bit. I shall go with you."**

**"You said you weren't interested. Second thoughts?" **

**"I have to watch over those two." He walks out with Takasugi. Takasugi then goes to the door next to them. "Hey, Yi! Want to go out and party?" Sima Yi opens the door. "Hm? Party?"**

**"Yeah, drinking and watching women dance." **

**"Not my thing."**

**"Oh, come on! Loosen up! I'm buying..."**

**"Still no. I was never into going to these things."**

**"Then what are you into?! God, you're like Izuru if he lived 2000 years ago! Let me guess...You would be a nerd during your younger years. And that guy goes to becoming the CEO of Google or something..." **

**"Where are you intending to take me?"**

**"A place to forget your worries! Drink till you drop! Even though that is not advisable..."**

**"I don't drink a lot. I often get alcohol forced down my throat anyway."**

**"Nude women."**

**"Your world is a scary one. I'm glad I'm not immortal." ****He closes the door in his face. "Ok. How about Zhuge Liang?" He goes across and knocks on that door. Zhuge Liang opens the door. "Hey, want to go to a party?"**

**"I'm don't go to these things."**

**"Drinking! Women! Dancing!"**

**"Still no. But I thank you for the offer." He closes the door. "Gee, so anti-social..." He goes back outside and drives the limo out of the lot. Meanwhile, the random Koei worker was visiting Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and Lu Meng at their apartment. "Hey, want to go par-tay?"**

**"Depends..."**

**"Wine?"**

**"The strongest there is."**

**"Sign me up!" **

**"What else?"**

**"Women."**

**"Nah."**

**"Nude women."**

**"Sign me up!"**

**"Lu Meng? Come on, you know you want to..."**

**"Oh, fine." They go into the limo and drive off. Takasugi drives to Izuru's house and sneaks inside. He sees Izuru sitting at his couch, watching TV. "Oh, no. Zhong Hui's now got a hair salon...He even has lisp. People have been commenting on how Xiahou Ba looks like Justin Beiber so much, it's on Entertainment Tonight... Oh, no...Cao Ren died...Why can't _she_ die instead of poor Cao Ren...?" (Wow...he's really shaken up...I'll just try this...) Takasugi sees a cup on the table next to Izuru. He even sees sleeping pills near him. (You're making this too easy for me...) He quietly gets the sleeping pills and drops two in the cup. "Xu Chu was enjoying that contestant's tiramisu...And that lady's fruit tart..." Izuru changes the channel. "Oh, yay...Porn...just what I DON'T want to see right now..." He flips the channel with Takasugi having a fit right behind him quietly. (Aw! I want to see! When is he even drinking it?) "Liu Shan loves to tell off those contestants...I wish he can go up to _her_ and tell _her_ off...Yuan Shao is rocking the Simon Cowell act. Ooh, Survivor...Meng Huo just somehow tamed those tigers and got an elephant. Zhu Rong is good at making traps for the other contestants...Where's my tea...?" (Yes! Finally! But honestly he really needs a therapist...) Izuru drinks the drugged cup and notices its strange taste. "Oh no...She put a date-rape drug...I guess this is it...I'm going to die of... AIDS..." He falls sleeping. Takasugi then takes his sleeping body to the limo. After the groups got to the strip club, Takasugi drags the unconscious Izuru in there and everyone else follows him in there. As the characters looked around, some were liking what they saw, some were confused, and some were just unamused. "Well than! Enjoy yourselves! I'll be over there..." Takasugi sticks Izuru on a seat, him slumping down on the seat. "Eh, let him there. Hey..." Meanwhile, Gan Ning and Ling Tong end up drinking a lot and flirting with the women. "Whoa...nice ass...Can you dance for me?" The woman dances in front of Gan Ning. "Yeah...Keep going..." Jia Chong and Sima Shi were slightly disturbed as they watched Sima Zhao flirt with women and drinking. "Um...Zhao? What would Yuanji do if she found out about this?"**

**"Hic! Whaat ya talkin' a'boot? I'm not saying anything...Yeah! Shake that ass!"**

**"Well...we should enjoy ourselves also."**

**"Master Sima Shi. You want to participate in this vulgar-Ah, forget it. Get me some wine and some females." **

**Guo Jia and Cao cao were drinking and whistling as they watched a woman pole dance. "Yeah! Shake that ass!"**

**"This is way better than back when we had to watch CLOTHED women." Jia Xiu sits at the bar taking shots of whiskey. "Whoa! This is...pretty stronger than wine...Do you have wine?"**

**"Why yes. Here it is." **

**"Thanks." He drinks the bottle. The people that also came with them were Xiahou Dun, Pang De, Sun Ce, Sun Quan, Sun Jian, Zhou Yu, Lu Su, Zhao Yun, and Ma Chao. The Suns with Zhou Yu and Lu Su were sitting at a corner. Sun Jian acts uncomfortable,"Um...this isn't what I expected when the man said "party"..." Zhou Yu was blushing when he saw most of the women. "...The women here are barely clothed..." Sun Ce and Lu Su were already enjoying themselves. "I didn't know this was a possibility! Clothes are OPTIONAL here? I want a piece of that ass!" **

**"Ce...this is demeaning..." Lu Su drunkenly talks to Zhou Yu. "Loosen up...These women are finer then fine china! Don't be such a stick in the mud!"**

**"Yeah! Look, I can get this lady for you, Zhou Yu."**

**"Um...eh...why not?" Zhou Yu drinks a shot and the three get lap dances. Sun Quan was already drunk and is slapping women's behinds. "Damn...You can be my Lian Shi for this moment...Heheh...Hic!" Sun Jian just sits there and drinks, trying to ignore the nude women that were nearby him. Xiahou Dun and Pang De were at the private rooms. (Yeah...not getting to that...) Zhao Yun drank multiple shots with Ma Chao to see who can drink the most. "Hic!...I'm going to win..." **

**"No...screw you...I'm winning!"**

**"Damn, look at...the lady's fine boobs and ass! I want to tap that...!"**

**"I wanted to do that first...!" The stripper leads both lead them into the private rooms. Meanwhile, Izuru wakes up. "Ngh..." (This seat smells funny...what is up with the music...And I see a nude woman walking...OH MY GOD!) He swiftly sits up and looks around. "How did I get here...?" He gets off the seat, but a random stripper makes him sit. "Um..I don't want to do this right now...I have to go to the bathroom." **

**"Now, we're not in a hurry...Maybe stay and drink?" Izuru gets a look at the woman's face and gets scared. "AH! It's you! What do you want from me?! I thought you're going to rape Sima Yi."**

**"I couldn't if I wanted to. How did you know about that?"**

**"Nothing..."**

**"Well, that man is tempting to do, but the wife is always there. I feel like she knows I was there."**

***Flashback to twenty minutes ago***

**While the party was going on, Miyako was climbing the apartment Izuru just left. She then manages to get in the bedroom of Sima Yi and placed flower petals and a note. She went out the window and hid. After a while, Zhang Chunhua goes through the room and sees the things. "What the-?"**

**(Oh, come on! Her?! This will be a little awkward...) Zhang Chunhua picks up the note and reads it. She blushes at the message. **

Roses are red

Grass is green

Get on the bed

And I'll lick you clean

**"Um...The only people here are Sima Yi and I...Did he write this..? This doesn't seem like something he'd write..." She walks out the bedroom to talk to Sima Yi. "Did you write this?"**

**"Write what?"**

**"This...interesting note...It was in the bedroom along with flower petals all over it."**

**"Well, I did not put it there. What does the note say?" She gives him the paper and he reads it. Then he looks at it weirdly. "...What is with this...? I certainly did not write this..." He goes over to the bedroom, and catches Miyako in there. "Wait...aren't you?" She runs and jumps out the window. She lands in a garbage bin. Sima Yi then goes out the bedroom. "That woman from the school was in there..." **

**"Oh...Hm, you seem to attract unwanted attention."**

**"Jealous much?"**

**"What? Why would I be jealous?" She turns away from him.**

**"See? You are jealous. But still, I'm way too old for everyone in this world. You don't have to worry about me being taken from you." He smirks. "Hmhm." **

**"Again, I'm not!"**

**"You're blushing. I think that says something." He gets closer to her.**

***Flashback interrupted***

**Izuru looks at Miyako funny. "You were still there to hear their conversation...and what they were doing after..?."**

**"Who's telling this? Me or you?" **

**"Well, that was enough to know your scheme failed. And I'm out of here. Seriously, why are you chasing me again? You even dressed in demeaning clothing just to get to me." **

**"Shut up!"**

**"Wow, I was scared at first, but you are very flawed. You get irritated easily. Why was I scared again?" **

**"I can rip off your thing if I wanted to."**

**"So can Wang Yi and Zhang Chunhua. And I deal with them most of the time when I animate Sima Yi on occasion. What is that you want? Sex? You touched Takasugi and Cao Cao. I do not want that on me." **

**"How do you know that?"**

**"I was right? Wow. Anyway, you can get your revenge on Takasugi. I'm not stopping you." **

**"Are you sure you don't want this? I'm sure you're a virgin."**

**"What makes you think that? I had a girlfriend and I lost my virginity long ago."**

** "You don't look like it...You look like a former otaku."**

**"Yes, I was! But I don't see why you're pointing out like it were a bad thing!"**

**"I bet you were fat."**

**"You're just bullying me, aren't you? No, I was skinny. And jocks picked on me for that...Just leave me alone, for Christ's sake! I'm not having sex with you! You touched Takasugi and Cao Cao, two people I NEVER want to touch nor know what they had touched!" **

**"Alright..." She goes away from him. She then picks up a shot glass and drops a pill after she pours a drink. "Hey, give this to the man over there." A stripper takes it to Izuru. "Oh, I don't drink."**

**"Compliments from someone."**

**"Ok...This could be drugged..." He takes it and is about to pour it on the floor but a drunkTakasugi bumps him. "Heeey...Drink up...ya bastard! Why are drinking without me..." He makes Izuru drink that one shot glass and coughs. "Phht! Koff...koff...this tastes funny...ugh..." He falls unconscious. "Oh, low tolerance? You're nooo fuuun..."**

**"I'll take him to the medic!" Miyako innocently drags him to a private room. "Eh...he'll be al'ight..." He goes over to Guo Jia and Cao Cao that were whistling at a dancer. After thirty minutes, everyone is incredibly drunk and doing crazy things. Sima Zhao and Sima Shi were singing drunkenly to a ****jukebox. "Juust a smaaal townn girl! Liv'in in a lonely world...!" **

**"She took the miiiidnight traiiin goin' anywhhheeeree!" Jia Chong joins in. "Juust a ciity booy! Raised in sooouth Deeetroit...!" At another area, Sun Jian, Sun Ce, and Sun Quan all get onto the walkway, scaring the women and getting beaten-up by security. "Cooome backkk..." **

**"Woo! More seeexy ladies!**

**"OOF! What was thaaat?!b Wanta fight? Hic!" They get picked up by security and thrown out the club. Lu Su and Zhou Yu come out the private rooms, drunk, panting and noses dripping in blood. "Wow! What a woman!"**

**"I finally get seeex! I caan't do that s*** with Xiaaao Qiauio since it will mafdke me look like-like pedobear..." Zhao Yun and Ma Chao walk out the as well. "Huff...huff...That...was...intense..."**

**"I has no idea whaaat happened...but it was hot..!" Xiahou Dun and Pang De then come out. "Huff...this makes my thingy numb..." **

**"Hmph. Better then the ones back home." Cao cao was having intercourse right on the walkway with Guo Jia and Jia Xiu cheering drunkenly. "Yeeeah! Get her done..! Hic!"**

**"...Hic! F*** that real gooood...BLARGH!" Jia Xiu pukes and falls down. Izuru wakes up in a room. "Ugh...again...with the drugs...AND WHERE THE F*** ARE MY PANTS?!" He gets his slacks thrown at him BY Miyako. "Told you I can do that. Hmhm." **

**"What?! Ugh...Excuse me..." He gets his pants on. "Ok...now what was I going to do now..? Oh, right." He pukes for a prolonged time in front of Miyako."BLRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA..."**

**Miyako slowly backs away since the vomit pool was spreading towards her. **

**"...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" **

**"Ok...stop...you're making the floor flood in vomit!" **

**He takes a breath. "Haaaa...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" **

**"You're making too much noise! Are you that repulsed with having sex with me?" **

**"YES! YOU HAVE TAKASUGI'S AND CAO CAO'S SKIN CELLS, SEMEN, AND OVERALL THE GERMS THEY WERE CARRYING!" **

**"Stop, you're going to cause a commotion!"**

**"Huff...huff...I should get myself checked out..."**

**"I'm starting to regret this decision..."**

**"You should! Ugh...I need a hot shower and maybe cover myself in hand sanitizer..."**

**"I didn't know you would overreact this much...I'm out of here." She walks out of the room. Izuru carefully made his way through the vomit on the floor. Sima Shi was flirting with a stripper drunkenly. "Heeey...you know what would make this beeeetter...? My meat in your buns...hahaha" The stripper leads him into a private room. "Why is there puke...all over the damn flooor...? Someone had a gooood tiime..." Izuru gets to a seat, and Sima Zhao plops down next to him. "Heey...why ya soo down..."**

**"You're drunk. I can't tell you. Anyway, did you know Zhong Hui is making so much money from being a hairdresser and model?"**

**"Saay Whhaaat? That guy got money? Why didn't the son of a b**** share with all of us, specifically Jin? He owes us! He let Deng Ai die and attacked me mother and father! He should compensate fooor thhat!" **

**"Since when do you talk in an Irish accent?"**

**"Leeet me call thaat b**** and giive him a piiece of maa miiind." He dials his phone. A lisp voice is heard on the other line. " 'Ello...what do ya want? Shut your face."**

**"Heey...you gotta share that cash with us Jin..! Especially Deng Ai and me parents!"**

**"Oh my god, shut your face. No, I'm not sharing my glory with you losers."**

**"You owe us big time. You were an ass-wipe and no one liked ya! Killed people by slandering 'em and let others do the dirty work for ya! Ya killed a guy just for making the bridge too wobbly!"**

**"Gee, shut your face. I'm still not giving you money."**

**"Oh yeah? Talk to me wife and mother, and you'll get that rattail of yours chopped off and some'ting else!"**

**"That old woman and that shorty can't do s*** to me!"**

**"Oh yeah? I'll get them to wherever you're at."**

**"Ha! Try!" He hangs up. Izuru tells him. "Hey, these have GPS, so you can find him pretty fast."**

**"Oh, thanks. Jia Ching?" Jia Chong was lying on the ground, hugging the jukebox. "You uuundersssstand meeee...I loooove yaaaa...BLARGH!" He pukes onto the jukebox.**

**"Um...this is disturbing...Now where did Takasugi go?" He sees Takasugi lying on the ground with Miyako standing over him. "What did you do?"**

**"Something I should have done a long time ago."**

**"Kill him?"**

**"I'm not letting him go the easy way out. I just hit him for everything he has done to me."**

**"Wow, and he's not getting up. Well, now you got you wanted, WILL YOU LEAVE ME ALONE?!"**

**"Now I will, you overreact in weird ways! You flooded the whole floor with vomit!"**

**"That's because you're leftovers! Leftovers are disgusting!"**

**"I'm actually starting to dislike you more than Takasugi himself."**

**"I think the same! And why did you rape me for?"**

**"I thought it would be amusing and to make Takasugi jealous."**

**"He's not capable of jealousy! Oh, and I should tell you, this is not me!"**

**"What?" Izuru takes out a pin and pricks his hand to pop into pieces. Miyako is confused. "Wait, he was a balloon this entire time?"**

**"Nope." Izuru was standing right next to her. "Ah! What...? How...?"**

**"Inflatable gigai. I knew it was coming one way or another, so I went to Kisuke to have an inflatable gigai made for me. You had sex with a doll basically."**

**"I...I..."**

**"Ya mad?" Izuru puts on a troll face. "Anyway, at least I don't have STD's on me now. Plus I kinda felt the intercourse since the gigai was a part of me...ugh..."**

**"But when-?"**

**"It was all according to plan..." His face turns slightly evil. "I went to Kisuke for the gigai before I went home. Luckily, he was there next to the apartment he rented to Sima Yi, Jia Chong, and Zhuge Liang. Then I activated it when I got home. Takasugi then drugged me and here we are. I shouldn't leave my sleeping pills out so openly...But...I dodged a bullet with you. Yes!" **

**"But it felt so real..."**

**"It's a gigai, it's supposed to do that."**

**"And...did the gigai puke in that room..?"**

**"Well, I was still controlling it and my bodily functions took over."**

**"You have a dangerous mind..."**

**"Indeed." His lips curled up into a evil grin. (Enough to make Sima Yi proud or scared.) "Now...change your clothes you slut..."**

**"What has gone into you?!"**

**"Just change. You're making women be ashamed of themselves." Miyako runs off into a bathroom and comes out of it in normal clothing. "Whoo...I feel warm now. That was thing was breezy...And...I did that without thinking..." Izuru picks up the unconscious Takasugi and sets him on the seat. "Ok, stay there. While I get something..." He picks up a random bottle, a rod, and some rope that were all found on the ground. He goes over to Miyako. "Hello again."**

**"I thought you didn't want to see me again. Second thoughts?" Izuru lifts his head up, revealing his bloodshot eyes and curling grin. "What happened to you? Drugs? AH!" **

**Few minutes later, Izuru walks out the private rooms, with a normal face. He sits down next to the still drunk Sima Zhao. "Now what did ya do?"**

**"Just gave her a message to not follow me again."**

**"I do not know what ya talkin' about, but look at Chong over there. He's sleeping."**

**"Ok." (I want to go home now, but these guys won't be happy if I take them away so soon. Maybe just skip a few more minutes, possibly hours of this scene, or just go over to somewhere else.)**

**Zhang He knocks on Sima Yi's door and when he opens, he acts cheery. "Hey, Master Sima Yi! How have you been doing?"**

**"Fine. How did you get here though-"**

**"Just ignore that. Anyway, can you try on these clothes for me?" Sima Yi stares at the women's clothing he was holding. "...Why don't you ask my wife...? I'm sure she'll look better in WOMEN clothing."**

**"This isn't what I'm asking you to wear. This is." He holds up a sequin purple suit. "Eh...no..." (I hate purple now...) **

**"I knew you would say that. So I got one without the shine." He takes out a suit that was similar to the previous one. "Why purple...I can wear other colors, you know..."**

**"But purple really suits you!" *Rimshot* "At least try it!"**

**"Try Jia Xiu. He likes purple. Or maybe...who else wears purple...?"**

**Zhang He goes into Sima Yi's face, all serious and mutters to him in a deep voice, "You did let me die back at Jieting even after I said to not send anyone, so you owe me." He retracts his face away with Sima Yi slightly nervous. "Ok...ok...Fine, I'll put on the purple clothing..."**

**"Yay!"**

**"What's with all the women's clothing though?"**

**"I was wondering if Yue Ying and your wife can try them on."**

**"Why?"**

**"Because I designed them myself, and I want to see them come to life on real women instead of those plastic humans!"**

**"Plastic humans...?"**

**"Anyway, let's goooo!" **

**Back at the strip club...**

**"What? You couldn't come up with other people's business? What about Cao Pi?"**

**Fine, here's a cutaway. **

**Cao Pi was sitting in at his table, packed with women on both sides. "More wine?"**

**"Yes." **

**It switches back. **

**"That's only five seconds! What about..."**

**Look, everyone's not that interesting. I can't come up with everyone having something to do.**

**"Oh, fine...Hm? Sima Zhao, where are you going?"**

**"Going to give the Zhong Hui a piece of my mind! Come on, Jia Chong, and Shi! Where's Shi?"**

**"Oh, you're sober now. Shi was just at a private room. Look, there he is." Sima Shi walks wobbly towards Sima Zhao. "What...? What'd we doing..?"**

**"Are you still drunk?"**

**"No...just aroused..."**

**"Oh, god! Don't tell me! Anyway, did you know Zhong Hui is off making tons of money being a hairdresser and model?"**

**"What?! That little twit did not compensate us for the damage he had caused! He tried to kidnap the emperor!" **

**"That's hypothetical..."**

**"He rebelled and Deng Ai died in the process! Deng Ai should get some of that money."**

**"Well, let's go. I already got his whereabouts. Jia Chong?" Jia Chong was still lying there. "How much did he drink? Come on, let's drag him out." Sima Shi and Sima Zhao picked him up to leave the club. Izuru then thinks,(Wait, I could've just left! Stupid me! This place dampens my thinking ability!) He gets up to leave the strip club. Once he gets out, he looks as the three were looking at the phone. "What does this dot mean?"**

**"That's us right now." **

**"But which one is Zhong Hui?"**

**"Um..."**

**"I can help you with that." Izuru takes the phone and taps a few buttons. "Here, this is Zhong Hui's location. If you're trying to extort him, maybe tell him Mr. Poofy will get the knife."**

**"...Mr. Poofy?"**

**"He has a stuffed bear that he makes talk to say he's pretty and more things to add to his ego. I know because we gave that to him." Sima Zhao snickers then bursts out laughing, ****"...Knmh...Mr. Poofy...HAHAHAHA! I can't believe he has a stuffed animal to tell him things he can get from himself!" Sima Shi then reassures with Izuru.****"Got it. Mr. Poffy."**

**"Mr. Poofy."**

**"Mr. Poopy?"**

**"MR. POOFY."**

**"Mr. Poofy. Got it." They walk to their destination for about twenty minutes and it was a fancy salon called, "Girl, You Need That!"**

**"Did he name this...?"**

**"I think..." They enter the building and a random hairdresser goes up to them. "Heey, we have a waiting list, so if you could just sit over theere-"**

**"We want to see Zhong Hui."**

**"Ah, everyone wants him! Why couldn't they get me, Carlos? Oh, I'll get him..." After a while, Zhong Hui walks to the group and is shocked. "Oh...you're here..."**

**"I see you're making it big. You got to share some of that money with us. Especially Deng Ai." **

**"I don't see why I should listen to you, Sima Zhao."**

**"What about my brother?" Sima Shi tells Zhong Hui. "Give the money up, or else Mr. Poopy gets it." Izuru yells out,****"IT'S NOT MR. POOPY, SHI! It's MR. POOFY!"**

**"Mr. Poofy will get thrown into the Yangtze if you don't give it up, Zhong Hui." **

**"How do you know...? Grr...Fine, just don't hurt him..." Zhong Hui gets twelve suitcases and sets them in front of Sima Shi. "How much is in there?"**

**"All cases have 500,000 dollars inside. Now, will you leave Mr. Poofy alone?"**

**"Yes. Jia Chong? Can you pick some up?"**

**"Surrre..." He picks three up, dropping the last one. The case opens up to reveal random papers. "Where is the real money? We'll go after Mr. Poofy if you don't give them to us." **

**"Ugh..." Zhong Hui takes all suitcases and replaced them with actual money. "Here...500,000 in real bills."**

** "That's better." The four leave the salon. "How are you getting all of this to the Jin characters? I can help you carry these if you'd like."**

**"Huh...It will be hard to find everyone..."**

**"Call everyone and tell them to meet somewhere."**

**"Where can we meet?"**

**"There is a park around here. It cannot be missed since it has this fancy fountain in the center. I'll show you the way." They walk for a while until they got to a grassy area. "There's the fountain, but it will attract too much attention if you exchange there. The giant tree over there will do to hide your exchange. Do you have your phone?" Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, and Jia Chong get their phones out. "Well, than call the Jin people to come here." Jia Chong is sober now and is groaning. "Ugh...My head hurts..."**

**"Oh, you're back. Call who ever you know in Jin. They are in the contacts." Meanwhile, Sima Yi walks out of his room in the sequin purple suit Zhang He asked him to wear. "Ugh..."**

**"Oh, it looks so good on you! What you, Lady Zhang Chunhua?"**

**"...Eh..." (I hate purple now...)"It's...ok..."**

**"See? Your wife likes it!"**

**"This reminds me of my DLC magician's outfit...Can I change now?"**

**"But that old suit was bland and plain!"**

**"I want to change..."**

**"Oh, alright...I want your wife to try this out!" He holds a purple sequin dress. Zhang Chunhua looks at it unusually. "...Um...The front's rather..." (More purple...yay...)**

**"I saw this in most of the dresses in the stores at that place. I thought it was supposed to be the style here."**

**"...Mm-hm..."**

**"Go and try this on. I'm sure it will be beautiful on you."**

**"...Ok..." Few minutes later, Zhang Chunhua walks out of the room in the dress. The chest area was almost exposed. "...It feels very breezy here..."**

**"What do you think, Sima Yi?" Sima Yi had unwittingly had blood flow on one side of his nose. "You have blood there. Are you ok?"**

**"Oh! It's nothing, really." He takes out a tissue and wipes his nose. The phone on the table rings. He goes to get it. "Hello?"**

**"Father, come to the "fountain" thing at this "park" place." **

**"Shi? Why are you contacting me?"**

**"I found out Zhong Hui was making large amounts of money and we made him share with everyone including you and Mother. He does owe us."**

**"Oh, the brat? I suppose we need the currency to get around here. I'll be there." (Yes! I can get out of this!) He hangs up and says in a not-so-sad-but-acting-sad voice. "Oh no. Zhang He, I'm afraid Chunhua and I have to go out to meet up with my son. I'm going to have to change."**

**"Aw...Oh, well, I'll go ask the other one next door."**

**"Zhuge Liang?"**

**"Yes, I'm not biased on who wears these clothes. Oh! I should find Zhou Yu since he looks good in anything!"**

**"...Ok...I'm going..." The two change and give the clothes to Zhang He. Zhang He leaves. Zhang Chunhua asks Sima Yi, "Did you just do that to get out of this?" **

**"No, it was just pure coincidence that Shi contacted me during this. I thank him for that." The two leave the apartment. At the strip club, Takasugi wakes up. "Ugh...my head...Everyone's out cold. How am I supposed to drag them back home? I'll might call a bunch of taxis." He hears unusual noises from the private rooms. He goes over and notices the vomit pool that covered half of the room. "Ugh...who did this..?"**

**MMPH! MMPH MRRY MMEELS MMN MMHERE!**

**"Who's there?" He goes into the next room, and notices Miyako tied up with a bottle in her mouth and a rod up her behind. "Whoa...I did not know you were kinky..."**

**"MMPH! MMPH! Mmphk mmou!"**

**"Now, if you were into this kind of stuff, I would have maybe payed more attention to you..."**

**"MHGHU! MJHBJKHJ!"**

**"I'm sorry, but you don't come in subtitles. I can't understand a thing."**

**"MMPHK MMOU!" (F*** YOU!)**

**"That's better. That is not nice and you wish. Who did this and why do I enjoy this? This is too funny! You're getting a taste of your own medicine!"**

**"MMOUR MMEMD MMD MMMIS MMO MME!" (Your friend did this to me!) "MMUZTU!" (Izuru!)**

**"Oh. Well, you were making him very tense, so no wonder he released his stress onto you."**

**"Mrgh mou mming mo mmmlp me?" (Are you going to help me?)**

** "Maaaybeeeennnooooyeeeessssnnnooooommmaaaybbbeeennnooottttt..."**

**"MMO MMIT!" (Do it!)**

**"Gee, so bitchy..." He goes down to pull out the bottle out of Miyako's mouth. "Heh, this looks dirty...I'm surprised he was able to fit this into your mouth."**

**"Just finish the f***ing job!"**

**"Oh, fine! Gee, you're so damn naggy." He goes behind her. "Knmph...it's up your butt...haha..."**

**"Just pull it out! It hurts for hell's sake!"**

**"This conversation sounds really dirty to the people reading this...Kmph...Haha...Haha! OW!" She turns to headbutt him in the crotch. "OW! That really hurt! You know what? I'm going to pull it out nice and slow just to make it more painful!" He grabs the rod and pulls slowly, with her yelling. "AAAAAAH! F*** YOU! I F-AAAAAHH!-KING HATE YOU!"**

**"Want me to jam it back in?! Then shut the F*** UP!" **

**"Grrr..." Takasugi gets the rod out and throws out in disgust. "Ugh...I guess the message was clear Izuru did not like you." **

**"Is it over...?"**

**"Yes."**

**"You forgot to untie me!"**

**"That wasn't part of the deal." She headbutts him again. "Ok!" He goes back down to untie Miyako. She gets up and rubs her wrists. "Gee, thanks for nothing..."**

**"I could have just left you there to get raped by a random drunk guy. Now, it seems you will leave Izuru alone?" Miyako dazes out.**

** "Hello? You're not thinking about following around him again?"**

**"...After you just released me...I never felt so...alive..." She slightly drools. "Um...what are you thinking of...?"**

**"Hmm...I hated your friend for a while...but I'm second thoughts..." Takasugi stares at her blankly before bursting into laughter. "BWAHAHAHAHA! You? And Izuru? Hahahaah! You wish! HAHAHA! This is too funny!"**

**"Laugh all you want. That man is just plain evil, but I like that..."**

**"Then get to Sima Yi, Jia Xiu, Cao Cao, Cao Pi, Jia Chong, and who else...ah, Zhang Chunhua or Wang Yi if you want to experiment. And Izuru's not evil, he's a nerd."**

**"That's what you see, but I saw something else..."**

**"Ugh...you like him? He does not like you though."**

**"Well, too bad." She walks out the room. "Oh wait! What's with the vomit?"**

**"Izuru puked this giant pool when he found out I had sex with his unconscious body."**

**"BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHHAAHHAHAAHAHHAHAHAHHAH! KOFF...KOFFF...koff...He...is...repulsed by you...hahahaha!..." He falls onto the ground, slapping the floor. **

**"Well, he told me I had sex with an "inflatable gigai" of him. So basically I had sex with a doll..."**

**"Oh, inflatable gigai. Izuru always prepares himself. That's really smart of him, he won't get his thingy tainted by you." She walks away from him. "Haha...he puked at the thought of intercourse with her...That's hilarious..."**

* * *

**Whew! Finally finished this one! I was very busy, so I didn't have time to do this. Here are nitpicks.**

**Izuru barfing for that long time was based on a Family Guy scene.**

**Zhong Hui did had a guy executed for making a bridge too dangerous to cross in history. He just killed him there and it was Xu Chu's son too and Xu Chu had made many contributions to Wei.**

**The Sima bros and Jia Chong were singing Journey's Don't Stop Believing drunk.**

**I thought Sima Yi in a sequin purple suit would be hilarious to see.**

**Mr. Poofy was a random name I picked out for Zhong Hui's bear.**

**The inflatable gigai was from Bleach and invented by Kisuke Urahara. **


	7. Jin gets rich just in a frickin weekend!

**Izuru sits at the fountain, watching the Jin characters he had just followed. "I remember one person from each kingdom has died. Only Jin remains, so one of them will die next, but who? This is turning into Final Destination...I should just keep watch on them to try and prevent a death." He sees people gather at the tree. "Oh, some are here now." Wen Yang, Xiahou Ba, Guo Huai, Zhuge Dan, and Deng Ai were there talking to Sima Shi. "What is this about?"**

**"The three of us just found out Zhong Hui was making large amounts of money. We simply made him give us his shares. Here is your share Deng Ai, it's a little more since you suffered the most at his hands."**

**"Oh no, you mustn't worry about me. I do not deserve your generosity."**

**"Just take it." Sima Shi then gets one to give to Wen Yang, another one for Zhuge Dan, and another for Guo Huai. Wen Yang asks, "Master Sima Shi, how were you able to get this out him? He not the most persuasive of men." **

**"I said we were going to throw Mr. Pffty into Yangtze." Izuru then adds from where he was, "IT'S MR. POOFY! Why do you keep forgetting?!"**

**"What he said."**

**"...Mr. Poofy?"**

**"Zhong Hui has a stuffed bear."**

**"Oh, I knew that. I just didn't know it had a name." Guo Huai opens his case. "This is...a lot...Zhong Hui made that much money?" **

**"Yes. Being a "hair stylist" and a "model," I think. He has a funny thing to his voice now. He sounds...sorta homosexual..." They all get their cases and Xiahou Ba yells out, "You forgot me!" **

**"...Oh...Didn't see you there...Here." Shi gives a case to Xiahou Ba. Zhuge Dan offers Sima Shi his case, "No, you need that. Trust me, it will come in use to you."**

**"No, I found this thing inside." Zhuge Dan holds up a blinking device. Izuru gets up from where he was sitting, grabs the device, and throws it out onto incoming traffic. An explosion occurs, that made cars swerved out into the sidewalks. "What was that?!"**

**"Zhong Hui must have planted it in them! I didn't know he could grasped the concept of bombs so quick! Open your cases and look for one!" Everyone open their cases, all finding a device under the money, and threw them out far from them. "What about the remaining ones?" They get down to open the unclaimed cases to get the devices and threw them too into traffic. "You're not supposed to throw more into traffic! Screw it, we're out of here! Do not let the police see you!" Everyone got their cases and ran, with Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, and Jia Chong carrying the extras. "What is going to happen?" **

**"Just run far from this place! We can't risk being caught or it will be blamed onto us!" Everyone managed to blend into the crowds and leave the crime scene. Izuru goes to stop and catch his breath. "Huff...huff...Damn...he was trying to kill or cripple them...Now where did they go?" **

**"Here." Izuru turns to see Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, and Jia Chong in "disguises." They all wearing afros as they sat at the bench. **

**"...Why are you three wearing afros? I can still see you."**

**"Then plan B." The three get out fake moustaches. "What makes you think people will be fooled by that?!"**

**"I hope."**

**"People here are not stupid!" He stands there as multiple people walking by the sitting three, not bothering to look at them. "See? It's working."**

**"My ass! Who else did you call anyway?"**

**"I called Father and I'm sure Mother will follow him."**

**"What about Wang Yuanji?"**

**"Oh...right..."**

**"You forgot her?"**

**"...I don't remember what she was supposed to be doing..."**

**"Well, we won't need to worry about her. She's safe, but what about Sima Yi? If he goes to the park area, police will suspect him. Grr...if he does get caught, I might need to bail him out."**

**"I'm sure Father can escape them." **

**"He's riding a motorcycle, what if he hits something? He'll fly off of that since he's light...Oh my god, I think he's going to die!"**

**"How can you be so sure?"**

**"I don't know! But he's using a dangerous vehicle for escaping police chases! I'm going to head back, AND REMOVE THOSE UGLY DISGUISES!"**

**"Ok, ok. But these were working so well..."**

**"They do not work!" Izuru runs the back way he came and stops at only across the park. He notices something. "Excuse me, sir, do you know what happened here?"**

**"No, I just got here."**

**"How long ago?"**

**"How am I supposed to know? I'm not a clock." **

**"Well, I'll need you to come down to the station with me."**

**"I just said I have nothing to do with this. What am I, God?"**

**"Sir, resisting arrest is only making you more guilty." Izuru gets a closer look. "...Oh dear, Sima Yi is already getting questioned. And Zhang Chunhua's with him...crap..."**

**"Both of you, step out."**

**"I assure you we don't have anything with this. You're wasting your time with me."**

**"Oh, for Confucius' sake!" Zhang Chunhua punches the officer directly in the stomach. He falls to the ground. "What did you do?! The perverted director said that is going to land us in jail!"**

**"Just go!" Sima Yi steps on the pedal, zipping past by police officers. They follow him in cars. Izuru sees as they were driving off. "Oh...no...I'm going to need to grab something..." He sees a car with it's door open. "...Huff...I might need to commit some grand theft auto..." He gets into it and drives after the motorcycle. "Ok, I have to make it look like I'm minding my own business." He drives to the left, and he gets a view on the motorcycle and the five cop cars going after it between intersections. (Maintain speed...What the hell?!) He notices Sima Yi turning left, and coming towards his front. "What do you think you're doing?! This isn't Motocross! You're not going to make it if you ramp up this car!" Sima Yi drives towards Izuru. "Hold on!" **

**"What do you think you're doing?! You're going to hit that!" The motorcycle drives over Izuru's car hood, and flies upwards in the air. *CRACK* "AAAH! You...crushing ...my...ribs..." Zhang Chunhua was hugging Sima Yi very tightly. "I never had told you this, but I guess this is a good time since we're going to die...I lov-" They land onto the roof and were ramping across buildings. Izuru points out, "What the F**K?! How in the world did they get on the rooftops?! This isn't one of those action movies! How is Sima Yi not damaged from the impact?! That should at least hurt his "down there" part! Oh, forget it! This story isn't making any sense anymore..." He turns his car to go in the direction the cycle was going. "I thought physics only can be defied by Zhao Yun...but it seems everyone is able to as well..." The motorcycle came to the end of the rooftops, so Sima Yi decided to just keep going. "Are you stupid?! The impact is enough for you to not have children anymore!"**

**"What? I swear I heard wind talk..."**

**"You imbecile!"**

**"Who just called me an imbecile?!" He drives, and flies off the roof, landing perfectly on the pavement. He comes to a stop near a sidewalk. Izuru managed to stop nearby him. "...Are you okay in the nether regions?..."**

**"What? I feel fine."**

**"Your wife doesn't look fine right now..." Zhang Chunhua was incredibly pale in the face.**

**"Ah! What in the world happened?!"**

**"Your actions made her so scared to to the core she thought she was going to die."**

**"...I'm...never...letting...you...drive...again..."**

**"Can you let go of me now?" Sima Yi tries to pry of her hands on his body, but they remain on him. "...Ok...I'm stuck..."**

**"She's cold to the bone. You might need to calm her down." **

***CRACK* "AAH! She's holding onto me really tight! I feel my ribs and spine snapping!"**

**"How are you even fine after all that...?"**

**"I don't know...but that was a rush for me. I'm getting used to this. AH!"**

**"She said you're NEVER driving again."**

**"...When she's not on it."**

**"Anyway, your sons have something for the two of you, follow me." Izuru gets into the stolen car and drives. Sima Yi then follows him. They got to where Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, and Jia Chong were sitting at. They had still kept their "disguises" on. "Why are you three still wearing that?!"**

**"It was working! These guys in uniform asked us things and they left us alone."**

**"...Ok..."**

**"Um...who's that clinging onto Father...?"**

**"Your mother. Why didn't you recognize her?"**

**"She's...pale and looking scared to the bone..."**

**"...Yeeeeah...long story...Anyway, I should just leave this car somewhere then." Izuru drives his car to a random spot and gets out of it. "...Well, it seems you guys are doing fine, well, except her. I should leave now, I'll hail a taxi to take me home. Taxi!" A taxi parks near him, and he gets in. It drives away. "So...here's your shares. But is Mother going to be okay...?"**

**"She doesn't look too good...Is there medicine in this place?"**

**"How about this?" Sima Shi holds up Huo Tuo's ointment. (It's that item in DW that restores full health and musou.)**

**"...Maybe..." Sima Shi holds it near Zhang Chunhua and her color comes back. **

**"I feel slightly better..."**

**"Now can you let go of me?" She lets go of Sima Yi. "...Why do you two smell like sweat, alcohol, and shame?"**

**"How would you know what sweat, alcohol and shame smells like?"**

**"Just answer me."**

**"...Um...uh...Party?"**

**"What party? The director made you go?"**

**"Well...we wanted to go..."**

**"Explain, what happened?"**

**"...I can't say..."**

**"...Women...dancing..."**

**"Women? Now, Zhao, how would Yuanji feel about that?"**

**"...I just watched. Nothing serious..."**

**"And Shi, I expected you to not partake in these activities."**

**"I am sorry I shamed myself. So, take this case of this world's currency for the both of you." Sima Shi take two money cases and sets them into Sima Yi's and Zhang Chunhua's hands. **

**"Bye!" The two run off with their cases and Jia Chong ran after them with his own case. Sima Yi then comments, "I remember you said something back there. You said you love me?"**

**(Oh, he heard me...) "N-No I did not. I said I loathe you. Your stupid action that could have costed our lives made me hate you." **

**"I'm pretty sure you said "love."**

**"No, loathe. What makes you think I would say that?"**

**"Nope. You said love." He then teases with a smirk, "You love me, and yoou know it!" **

**"...I...would never say that! Again, I said loathe!"**

**"Uh-huh. Right. You said love, I can hear pretty well." **

**"Keep telling yourself that, but I said loathe." **

**Back at the strip club, Takasugi walks outside after he has dragged all of the passed out characters out. "...Ok...I'll call a taxi service and give them their addresses. I had to give the club owners 5,000 dollars for all of the services and drinks these guys got. Now...about 400 dollars should cover all of their fares. Luckily, Dong Zhou's, Xu Shu's, Lu Xun's and Cao Ren's life insurance policies paid out, and I'm able to pay for all of this without using my money." He gets his phone out to call taxi services. "Ok...Oh, hello. I need about..." He counts the people in front of him. "...about five of your taxis. These guys got so drunk they can't drive. So, yeah. I'll pay for their fares. That sound good? Ok, great. We're at this strip club, um...Girls, Girls, Girls?" He hangs up the phone. "Hwu...Damn...that was one party. Reminds me of my senior years. And that name is very uncreative... Hm?" He sees an electronic store and looks at the TV with news on. "What the-?"**

**"We have footage of two suspects of a bombing near a park. The police lost track of them, but here's footage of them being chased." The screen changes to the motorcycle Sima Yi was previously driving with a scared Zhang Chunhua behind him. "...Oh..come on...You just love attention, don't you? Whoa! He ramped off a car and landed on a rooftop! That is awesome! Looks like they got their fifteen minutes of fame." **

**"All we know is that many men were holding cases when the bombs went off. Here is footage of more possible suspects." The screen changes to the explosions, and at the very corners of the video, Wen Yang, Guo Huai, Zhuge Dan, Deng Ai, and Xiahou Ba were running in multiple directions. "Oh...what in the world...?" **

**"We got some more footage, but it's more hazy." The screen changes to a very blurred video, but you can make out the figures to be Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, and Jia Chong. **

**"...Is the whole damn Jin kingdom wanted?! God, it's a pain..." Taxis drive hear the club and honks. "Oh! Hey, here is their address, just drop them there." He does this for the four taxis. The drivers then helped Takasugi load the the guys into the taxis. They all drive away. "...Now I need one...Ah, I can walk..." He walks for a while on the sidewalk. "...Hm...it's still early...I'll just walk and look at the sights." Meanwhile, Lian Shi and Sun Shang Xiang were sitting at the place they were staying at and watching television. "What's with this red and white stuff? What is Valentine's Day?" **

**"It looks like a tradition in this world."**

**"Can we change this to Xena: The Warrior Princess? It's more entertaining."**

**"Alright." She gets the remote to change the channel. "Oh, do you know where Sun Quan went?"**

**"He got picked up by Father and Brother, and they went somewhere. I heard Ce say a party."**

**"I hope they're enjoying themselves." Outside of the building, Sun Quan, Zhou Yu, Sun Ce, and Lu Su were lying face down on the pavement. Sima Shi and Sima Zhao go around the streets of downtown. Sima Zhao asks, "Jia Chong's fine if we just let him walk without us?" **

**"Of course, he's more responsible unlike you."**

**"That was uncalled for. Honestly, how are we supposed to use this money? Both of us have a million, and people may try to rob us." **

**"Just take some out for simple use. Look, a bookstore." Sima Shi goes into a bookstore with mangas inside. "Really? Books?" **

**"These books are not just writing, they have pictures." he gets a random book. "Ravages of Time...Sounds interesting..." Shi reads for a bit and comes to a stop to a young man. "He looks familiar...Zhao, take a look."**

**"What? Yeah..he does..."**

**"He looks like you...He does your lazy pose when sitting on a chair." Shi reads a little more. "..Sima...? They have these books on us?" **

**"Cool! Who's in this? Me? You?"**

**"...Zhongda...Where have I heard that before...?" **

**"...Isn't that Father's style name...?" The two paused for a moment. Sima Zhao breaks the silence,"You've gotta buy that. I want to show Father on how he has such a baby face here...hahah!"**

**"Quiet. This is a bookstore. But...it's funny how Father acts like you. I'll read more...Well, I'm done." **

**"Can I buy it?"**

**"You can do as you like." Sima Shi leaves the store to wait for Sima Zhao. After ten minutes, Sima Zhao comes out with a bag of mangas. "Why did you buy more than that...?"**

**"These are just so interesting..."**

**"Mm-hm." He walks, and when he turns, Sima Zhao already has another item bought. **** "What is that?"**

**"The guy said it was a guitar. An "electric" one."**

**"If you keep on spending money so freely, you'll use it all by the time we get home."**

**"Alright, alright. Let me read this book that has "Father" in it." They both sit on a bench. "Mm-hm...more blood...violent stuff...WE HAVE ASSASSINS?!"**

**"No, we don't."**

**"But this has us having assassins! And this guy is Zhao Yun! Zhao Yun is one of our assassins!"**

**"That is complete fiction. We don't have assassins. And we're not even born yet if "Father" looks that young."**

**"I'm so showing this to Father!" **

**"Mm-hm."**

**"I've heard a way to make money in this world is to be a good singer. I thought...maybe we can start something like that...?"**

**"What?"**

**"Come on. I know you can sing. I can sing. Yuanji and Jia Chong can sing. We've already got that thing down! Just write a song and we'll won't need to work for a while!" **

**"...Zhao...you can try that...but I'm not simply-"**

**"Come on! We're pretty and we can sing. I've heard those kinds of people get rich instantly!"**

**"Hu...Fine..I'll go along with this, but if it fails, you owe me."**

**"Yeah, got it." Wang Yuanji was at home. "..Ha..ha..Ah-choo! Huh? How long are they out at that party? I should go out myself." She gets up from her seat to go out the door. Back at where Sima Zhao and Sima Shi were sitting, Sima Zhao continues to read more of the Ravages of Time."How long have been reading that?"**

**"This is just so interesting...It's boring...but yet I want to read more..."**

**"Hm...It makes me wonder what Father was like when he was younger."**

**"Business man? He's a business man here. I've never seen him do business."**

**"Hmph. What else does he do in that?"**

**"More business stuff. Then he does other things I don't even understand...What is the point? He's the head of the family, secretly leading assassins and more business stuff! I think I've seen him only once predicting outcomes for battles." **

**"Why are you still reading?"**

**"Again, it's boring, but I want to keep reading for some reason..." The Jin characters that separated back at the park are walking downtown. Wen Yang, Zhuge Dan, and Xiahou Ba managed to get together as well Deng Ai and Guo Huai. "What can we do?" Deng Ai shrugs. It was the same thing with Wen Yang, Zhuge Dan, and Xiahou Ba. "We have this money, but I don't know what you can do..."**

**"Hmm..."At the apartment complex that had Cao pi and Zhen Ji in one space, Zhang Liao, Xu Huang, and Xiahou Yuan in another, Cai Wenji and Wang Yi shared another one, and Yue Jin, Li Dian, and Dian Wei had another space. The other rooms were for Xiahou Dun, Pang De, and Zhang He, but they were out. The taxi drives up to that, and drops Pang De and Xiahou Dun face-down in front of the building. Jiang Wei was living in another apartment complex near them. "Huh. Those two have been out for a long time..." Outside of that building, Zhao Yun and Ma Chao were facing down on the pavement. Cao Cao, Guo Jia, and Jia Xiu were in front of their apartment, lying down in random positions since the taxi driver just left them like that. Cao Pi and Zhen Ji were walking and noticed them. "What did they do this time?"**

**"They reek of alcohol, sweat, and shame."**

**"Indeed."**

**"...Ngh...more...more..."**

**"Looks like Father has got pretty drunk. Help me drag him and his buddies into their home. We can't just leave them here of course." The two get the drunk bodies into the apartment. Guo Jia drunkenly sees Zhen Ji and comments,"Whoa...nice boobs...How much?" Zhen Ji slaps him. "How dare you!" They threw them all on that one couch inside and left. Han Dang and Huang Gai walk outside, and they see a passed-out Sun Jian outside their building. They run to him. "What happened?"**

**"He reeks of alcohol and shame."**

**"Drinking? We have to take him back in." They hold up Sun Jian and walked into the apartment with him. Zhong Hui was at his fancy-ass mansion with servants and he thinks of plans. "Hm...They didn't get hurt by those devices. They figured it out and threw then out. I should try something else so they won't reach my level of fame and glory. If I mess up their face, it's over. Yes..." He sips a martini and spits it out. "Phht! What the hell is this?" The servant says, "This is a drink mixed with tequila and lime. If-"**

**"Well, I don't like it. Get me something else." **

**"Right away, sir."**

**"Now where was I...?" Izuru gets home, and gives the taxi driver the fare. "...Ha...I want to sleep..." He gets to the porch and Miyako jumps him by surprise. "Hello again!"**

**"Oh god, you...Get off me!" He pushes Miyako off him. She clings onto his leg. He hits her off. "Didn't I say to not to follow me again?! Jamming foreign objects up your behind seemed to not send the message." **

**"Yes! Hit me again!"**

**"What? You WANT to be hit? Hmph, fine by me." He kicks her about five times. "This is a nice stress reliever."**

**"Yes, hit me more! I've been a bad girl!"**

**"Ok...this is just disgusting...What the hell happened to you?"**

**"Shut up and smack me!"**

**"Ugh...no...It's no longer fun if the person enjoys it...I'm going back inside, and-WHAT THE F***?! GET OFF ME!"**

**"What about we get into-"**

**"NO! NO! I am repulsed by you, and I'm SO NOT GETTING IN BED WITH YOU! Let me say again...I DO NOT LIKE NOR WANT ANY SEXUAL ACTIVITIES WITH YOU! DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! AND I REALLY NEED THE POINT OF VIEWS TO BE WITH DW CHARACTERS AND NOT ME! THIS IS ABOUT THEM, NOT ME. GOT THAT?! I need as little screen time as possible. If you want that stuff, go to Sima Yi! (Let Zhang Chunhua kill you.) At least the camera is not onto me like glue! Or maybe any other guy that is evil." Miyako just stands there, staring at Izuru. "Oh...you want some space..."**

**"THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT! God, you're making women everywhere ashamed of themselves! This is getting comical, you're a stalker, aren't you?" **

**"That's not what I prefer to be called..."**

**"Nope. You're a stalker. And me? Getting one? That is like getting Shinpachi Otsu as his stalker. It's never going to happen! I'm going." When he turned, he immediately notices Miyako attempting to hit him with a potted plant, but dodges. he grabs the pot and hits her instead. "Man, I'm looking like a misogynist right now..."**

**"A masochist?"**

**"MISOGYNIST! Why are you suddenly chasing after me? This is turning more silly than scary."**

**"You make me feel alive. Now smack me!"**

**"NO!" Miyako jumps, but gets kicked in the face by Izuru. "I said no!" Izuru swiftly runs off the porch and runs very far away from her until he reached the city and downtown area. "Thank god I did track and field..." He stops to catch his breath. "...Huff...huff...I thought I could just go home...but this?! Why are you doing this to me...? Just when my troubles are over...SHE pops up!" A voice is heard behind him. ****"I thought you were going to go home."**

**"I wish...but it seems I have to stay out for now...And...who's that?" He turns to see Jia Chong. "Oh, where's Shi and Zhao?"**

**"I decided to go off by myself. Since you're here, what's this Valentine's Day? I see nothing but red and white everywhere."**

**"Hu...It's a day when people get all lovey-dovey with their mates and give each other gifts and stuff. I was never into it. One time I celebrated it at a shooting range because the Saint Valentine's Day Massacre happened on that day and I prefered that over lovey stuff." **

**"Hm? So, Sima Zhao would have to get Wang Yuanji a gift? Like that?"**

**"Well...if you want to participate in these things, that is the drill. But I'm sure you'd hate to do this."**

**"I see. ****I need more nail polish..."**

**"THAT'S why you're walking around here for? You can just walk in a random salon place and get five hundred bottles if you need to."**

**"Can I...?"**

**"Yes. That money is yours to use, remember? Need some white powder while you're at it?"**

**"This isn't make-up..."**

**"Oh...You just don't go out a lot, huh? Or anemic?"**

**"I'm not anemic. What can you tell me on these "salon" places?"**

**"Just go to a place with nail polish bottles inside..." **

**"Then I shall go to that. Farewell." **

**"Ok..." He walks, and sits at a bench. "What can I do now...? I don't want to be bothered by some random love crap...Hey, cutaway now." The camera still points at him. "What? Do you want to bore the audience of me just sitting? Hurry and switch to someone interesting or someone doing something!" Well, actually, Sima Yi is over there along with Zhang Chunhua. What's the point of switching? **

**"Then MOVE the camera over THERE." **

**Fine. The view moves towards the two's direction. "You said love. Don't be so bashful about that."**

**"Again, I said loathe. Besides, you would be creeped out even if I did say love."**

**"You two were honestly still arguing about that?! What is the big deal about that?!" **

**"You heard me say loathe, right?"**

**"Well...um...I didn't hear..." (Oh yeah, you did say it. The line had lov-. That is so not loathe.) **

**"I'm not going senile, I know you said love."**

**"And why are you making a case out of this?"**

**"Well...I really have nothing to do...so childish arguing was on my list."**

**"If you're that bored, the money you're carrying will help. Anything is possible as long as you have money seems to be the motto these days." **

**"Like what?"**

**"Based on you...Reading...um...what else? Top hat shopping?"**

**"Again with the hat jokes..."**

**"Look, all I got is reading. I have NO IDEA what do you do on your spare time. I doubt you'll do any of the modern things." **

**"What modern things?"**

**"I don't know, movies, video games, music...You're like a grandpa even though you keep a young face."**

**"You just like including all possible insulting things to me..."**

**"You are very easy to insult. Need some condoms?"**

**"What are condoms?"**

**"Knmph...you don't know what are condoms...hmkh-hm..."**

**"I HAVE SOME!" Miyako was behind the bench Izuru was sitting at. "What the-? GET THE F*** OUT!"**

**"Isn't that...?"**

**"Yeah, it is. But she going away now." Izuru takes a trashcan and throws it at the woman he does not want following him. "Now what were you saying?"**

**"What are these "condoms?"**

**"Nooothiiing. You'll find out...Anyway,****l...you two are old...What old people do these days-OOF!" He gets two mailboxes to his face. When Miyako got up, the mailboxes bounced off Izuru and hits her, making fall back down again."Yes, yes...I get it...Well...Grr...you two are the most hard for coming up with things to do! I'm Sima Yi's animator part-time because his actual animator is lazy as hell(He even messed up your face one time...but I do not want to remember..), and I don't even know your possible hobbies. First of all...can you get some new clothes? You can't spend a whole month wearing that! ...Do you even shower?"**

**"Of course I bathe myself! Why would you think that I wouldn't? Clearly, you're not sticking the camera in the bathroom when I'm doing it!" **

**"Now...fangirls would pay for that..."**

**"Don't you think about that! You're not really helping here..."**

**"Just get new clothes you think you would be comfortable in. You both have..." He whispers. "...a million total...Careful...don't show it off so freely or else people will take advantage of you...And some will possibly kill you for that...Just be careful."**

**"Mm-hm." Sima Yi walks away, and a car crashes by the wall, right between Zhang Chunhua and him. "AAAAAAH! I think Sima Yi died! That car must have crushed him!" Sima Yi comes out from behind the car, unscathed. "What are you yelling about?"**

**"Oh...A FRICKIN' CAR JUST CRASHED RIGHT BEHIND YOU! How are you calm?!"**

**"I was walking, and that thing came right behind me."**

**"...What about you?! The car came right in front of you!"**

**"I stopped when I saw the thing come towards here."**

**(Damn...you're lucky...) "I-I...how..?" The two simply ignored the wrecked car and walked away from there. "...Damn...nerves of steel..." As those two walked off, they see some police officers. "We can't get seen...hmm..." Zhang Chunhua looks at a bench nearby. "...Come here..."**

**"Why?"**

**"Just come here." They sit on the bench."They're going to look here, pretend we're...kissing..."**

**"...Are you sure you don't have another plan? We can just slowly walk away from, acting innocently."**

**"After that stunt you pulled, I'm sure they'll recognize you if you tried to walk past them."**

**"What about you hitting the person with authority? They also know your face."**

**"And then I spent the whole time burying my face into your back. They probably have hazy memories."**

**"You were scared, weren't you? Thus spurring your outburst saying you love me." **

**"I am not starting that up again! You must of heard someone else say love, but for me loathe."**

**"Mm-hm. Sure." The police officers were about to turn around to go back. "They're going to look. Come here." She pulls Sima Yi very close to her face. "You know...we can just make it more realistic..."**

**"W-What are you talking abo-Mmph!" The officers walk by them casually. The two then separate and get up from the bench. "Now, shall we go?"**

**"Y-Yes..." They walked for a while and as they were walking, a commotion was happening at one of the stores nearby. A shopkeeper kicks out Sima Zhao out of his store. "You are a disgusting pig!" **

**"I thought those were bathrooms!" The two immediately turned away from that and walked in another direction. "...Do we know him...?"**

**"Just keep walking...We do not know him..." At that school the characters were working in, the principal looks on his computer. "Hmm...I should look into their background a little better..." He searches Sima Yi and finds links to biographies of him. "...I expected a Facebook page...There are lots of pictures of him. What is he wearing? Is he a cosplayer?" He searches Zhuge Liang. "Look at that hair...He carries a fan?" He searches Zhang Chunhua. "She's pretty. But what's with the dress? It looks like if you tore off certain parts and gave her that..." He then searches Sun Jian, Huang Gai, and Huang Gai. "What's with them in full armor? What military force uses that armor? The Chinese army? I'm sure they hadn't used it since...I don't know 2000 years ago? Did all of these guys used to be in a cosplayer club or something? I'm going to ask them when they get back here." Sima Yi sits on a bench, waiting for Zhang Chunhua to get new clothing for herself. "What is taking so long?" After fifteen minutes, Zhang Chunhua comes back with fives bags. "What are in those...?"**

**"After I got new clothing, I came across these men playing games with money. I joined...then...I got all this money..."**

**"How do you NOT know how you obtained money? So all of those bags are money?"**

**"This one bag is your new suit and some of my clothing. These four are money."**

**"...This is a lot..."**

**"You're carrying them. I'll take the cases." **

**"...Alright..." Some random guys run out from an alley. "Hey! That lady cheated me and I lost 250,000 dollars!"**

**"Who's that...?"**

**"Run." She runs away, holding the cases. Sima Yi runs with the five bags on him, surprisingly able to keep up. "Who are they?"**

**"Remember when I said I played this game with them...? I might have cheated in the game..."**

**"MIGHT have? What exactly did you do?" **

***Flashback to thirty minutes ago***

**Zhang Chunhua comes out of a random store and sees an illegal games going on in an alley. She walks in, and is approached by a creep, you can say. "Heey, hot stuff. What's-" She hits him and he falls down. For a while, she watches the games and manages to learn them. She sees a deck of cards unmanned and takes them. She plays a game herself. The dealer looks at her and says,"What's a pretty lady like you doing here? This isn't a-"**

**"Just deal."**

**"Alright." He gives her two cards. (A two and a four. Let me switch some around.) Zhang Chunhua slips a queen and an ace when the dealer was not looking. "What now? Hit or stay?"**

**"Stay." She then reveals her cards. "Blackjack."**

**"Wow, beginner's luck. Here's your payout." She gets a stack of dollar bills. (This seems easy...) For the rest of the games, she cheats with her switching her cards with the one she found and carried. **

***Flashback end***

**"That's not going to be pleasing to the men you cheated..."**

**"I didn't know they would find out despite how discreet I took my cards out. I even made the sets I got different from the last ones."**

**"Well right now, we have to get those guys off us." They very quickly run into an alley when they turned a corner and the gambling men kept on going, ignoring the alley. "We should be okay..." A hand taps his shoulder. "AAAAAHHHH!" **

**"Gee, you sound girly and guyly at the same time..." Sima Yi turns to see Takasugi standing over him. "Why are you two sitting next to a dumpster?" **

**"Why are YOU here?" **

**"I must have wandered off without knowing where I was going since I was still drunk on the alcohol. I woke up in that dumpster when I heard you. What's with the bags and cases?" He takes a case and looks inside. "WHAT?! HOW IN THE WORLD DID YOU GET THIS MUCH CASH?! I mean...I have bad luck when it came to casinos..." **

**"Shi, Zhao, and Jia Chong made Zhong Hui give everyone in Jin this case."**

**"So Zhong Hui's rich...?" (Note to self: Go to him and snatch anything bag-like or expansive. Forget that! Rob his house!)"What is with the bags?"**

**"I...got some money from...men that were playing games with it...One is just clothes." **

**"Gambling? How much?"**

**"About 250,000..."**

**"What?! I can barely get three slots to match up on a machine! How in the world you get 250,000 from gambling?" **

**"Well...I cheated..."**

**"Oh, that's why. Why are you two here anyway?"**

**"These men chased us after they found out I cheated."**

**"...Illegal gambling rings...You're gonna need a new face...You can buy a car with that money! Or a better-looking house! I'm sure you don't enjoy being cramped up in that apartment, do ya?"**

**"Well...I've gotten used to it...No one is there except the two of us." **

**"You can get a fancy-ass boat! A car! Anything you desire with all of that!"**

**"How do you even purchase such things here? Just give the money to them?"**

**"Well...there's paperwork."**

**"No. I'm not doing more paperwork. I already do a lot back home." **

**"Ok...How about let me take care of that? But right now...you might need to conceal the top of those bags. You do not want random guys to rob you." **

**When they got out of the alley, Takasugi asks them, "Can I get some cash to get something?" **

**"Sure, it will lighten the load off us." Takasugi already took a few stacks and ran off to a GameStop. "...What is he doing?" After few minutes, Takasugi walks out of the store with a box. "What is that?"**

**"A PS4."**

**"...What is it...?"**

**"A device for entertainment purposes. I want one, so I went to get it."**

**"How much was it?"**

**"500 dollars."**

**"That doesn't really lighten it..."**

**"You want me to spend more?"**

**"Well, no."**

**"I can tell you this...Get some diamonds. With pure gold. Those will really lighten your load."**

**"I don't wear jewelry."**

**"Ahem... Why do you think I'm suggesting this?" He makes a subtle pointing action to Zhang Chunhua. "...After all...Women like diamonds..."**

**"I can hear you and I can see you pointing at me..."**

**"What? I'm just saying he can get you a fancy-ass necklace. Since you two already wear rings. On the middle finger too. Are those wedding rings?"**

**"No. I just wear them."**

**"...Really? I assumed...Oh, well. I can tell you how to earn more cash.****"**

**"How about when we take the money back home? I do not want to carry more bags."**

**"Alright then." He reaches his hand out to grab another stack of money but his hand get slapped away. "Ok, ok. Let me take this..." He picks up the PS4 box and walks off. "...Where did you leave the vehicle?"**

**"...Um...Back at the...strange-looking statue in front of a giant building?"**

**"You mean that dragon?"**

**"Dragon? I thought it was a turd because it was coiled up..."**

**"...Really...?"**

**Starbucks**

**Ling Tong was working a espresso machine. "Hey, I can't turn on the machine." ****Gan Ning teases him, "You can't do that with women now! Hahahaha!"**

**"Haha. But seriously, help me out with this." Gan Ning messes with a few buttons and the machine shot out steam with Ling Tong's crotch being a little too close to it. "AH! Ah! I think that just burned my..."**

**"Well...Now we can call you a girl officially."**

**"I can't feel what's down there..."**

**"It's still there...maybe..."**

**"Yeah...it's still there..." Lu Meng comes from behind the storage room. "What are you two doing?"**

**"Ling Tong burned his d***."**

**"It's only a scratch!"**

**"You screamed like a girl when that happened. I was right there."**

**"You two get back to work! And it seems you fixed the machine." **

**"How do you even use this...? Put that stuff in that and you get that funny drink?"**

**"Argh...let me show you...again..."**

**Sima Zhao was walking with Sima Shi and he was giving him ideas on what songs they can write. "What about this?"**

**"...What are you trying to say with this? Wake up my soul?"**

**"Let me see you try!" **

**"Fine." Shi takes the notepad and writes a few lines. He gives it back to Zhao. "...Heaven's Will?" **

**"What? It has meaning compared to yours."**

**"Fine, I'll run it by Jia Chong and Yuanji."**

**"Are you sure they will even want to become part of this?"**

**"I'll try convincing them...I can say more money."**

**"They don't care about money."**

**"Well, that's out."**

**Cao Cao back at his apartment wakes up on the couch with Guo Jia and Jia Xiu lying on top of him. "Get...off...me..." He lets them slide off the couch and he gets up. "Wow...what a party..."**

**KNOCK KNOCK Are you up yet?**

**"Yes..." He goes up to the door to open it and it was Xiahou Dun, also looking groggy. "...Did you remember what happened?"**

**"No...I was drinking and had this woman on me...than I woke up here..."**

**"That didn't really cover all of what you did...but...Need some fresh air? Pang De and I are outside since we woke up outside. The driver didn't bother to even leave us at the door..."**

**"Alright, these two can come out when they wake up." When they got outside, they see Cao Pi and Zhen Ji walking ahead of them. "Hey! Where are you going, Pi?"**

**"I wanted to see what's out here and how do the future worked, Zhen wanted to come as well, so she's following me."**

**"Can you bring me back something?"**

**"...Maybe..." (Do I look like your mom?) **

**"Alright, bye." **

**This is going WAY too slow, so we'll skip a few hours ahead and it's sunset.**

**Jia Chong has his bag of nail polish bottles and his case. He walks around to look for Sima Shi and Sima Zhao. "Hey!"**

**"Oh, there you two are. Shall we go back?"**

**"What do you think of these lyrics?"**

**"You want to start a band...? I have no-****" **

**"I already know you sing, remember you had that song?"**

**"Ok, maybe that one time..."**

**"Come on. I got you something." Sima Zhao takes out a bag of oranges and Jia Chong looks at it weirdly. "...Oranges...?"**

**"I heard you like oranges. You like to drink the juices of it."**

**"...Gee, thanks..." Wang Yuanji walks around, and spots the three at a fountain. She goes over to them. "Where did you three go?"**

**(Oh crap! I need to come up with something fast!) "Um...a party?"**

**"What kind of party lasts almost the whole day?"**

**"A fun one!"**

**"Well...we have to go home, what is with the cases?" **

**"Oh! I forgot to give you yours." Sima Zhao gets the last unclaimed case and gives it to her. She opens it, "Where did you get all this?"**

**"Zhong Hui. We made him share since he owed us a lot...so..."**

**"That doesn't mean to extort him, or anyone for that matter."**

**"But he rebelled and everything went to hell after that."**

**"It was him and a lot more factors. Anyway...-"**

**"Before you say anything else, I got you something to make up for what happened." Sima Zhao pulls out a bouquet of flowers to give to Wang Yuanji. "Here."**

**"W-What? You'd normally would just...um..." She takes the bouquet and blushes. (Whew. It worked! Now I can't bring this song thing or else she'll just yell at me more...) "Now let's go."**

**Izuru notices the sunset and thinks,(****I can maybe go back now...) Izuru walks back home and checks his porch. "Ok, it's safe." He goes inside, and looks around to check for _her_. When he walks in, someone goes behind him and he turns to taser that person. The person falls. "Gagag...gaga!"**

**"Aw man! Why didn't I use the gun?! Then it will be over for me! Argh..." He kicks the woman into the sidewalk and goes back inside. He sits on the couch to watch TV. "Let's see what's on." The television turns on to a new show. "Hm? It's Wen Yang, Zhuge Dan, a tall Xiahou Ba, Deng Ai, and Guo Huai. What are they doing? Why is Xiahou Ba so tall now...?!"**

**"Meet the Phoenixes. They start up dying businesses again with their own money if they show potential."**

**"Isn't this Shark Tank...? And the name is ironic since they are from a kingdom that has a KIRIN and not WEI. "**

**"They all expanded their businesses by buying lots of stock, and that paid off for them. Now they are millionaires and they plan to spread their empires by buying dying businesses and start them up again if they show potential. They'll even fight for a piece of new business that comes up."**

**"This...I don't even..." The program shows the characters at what their business is and how much they are worth. **

**Xiahou Ba: Invented a drink that puts milk to shame called, "Gro-x." He is now worth 2.5 million dollars by today.**

**Zhuge Dan: Manager of many wrestlers and is a talent agent. Owns many stadiums and many of his wrestlers always win. Worth 3 million dollars. **

**Wen Yang: Owns multiple businesses and bought out Mark Cuban. He is now the owner of the Dallas Mavericks. Worth 4.5 million by today. **

**Deng Ai: Bought multiple shares and is worth 6.8 million dollars. He bought Google in their Maps department and is in charge of designing the maps now. **

**Guo Huai: Created an all-disease-curing tonic that cures the worst of diseases. He bought out many medical companies like Nyquil and Robotussin. Worth 7 million by today.**

**"This isn't making sense anymore...Really...? I'm...I'm just going to bed early..." He switches the television off. **

* * *

**I was writing this around Valentine's Day, so that's when I added some tiny romance things. Now it's already past that by I don't know, four days?**

**Ravages of Time is a manhua or "Chinese manga" on the Three Kingdoms. It centers around a young Sima Yi and the normal ROTK stuff happens as usual except with some assassins. If you like ROTK and do not want to read that long ass book and want to read manga, Ravages of Time might be good for you.**

**Heaven's Will and Wake Up My Soul were Sima Shi's and Sima Zhao's image songs. Heaven's Will was from DW7 and Wake up my soul was DW8.**

**Shark Tank is a show where the rich guys and ladies listen to presentations on these inventions and ideas and if they like it, they'll make a deal with them, and they will fight for a piece for that company or business. **

**I was really running out of ideas with the Jin guys being "sharks." This story is getting more ridiculous by the chapter. **


	8. Yay, offensive jokes everywhere!

**Zhong Hui talks to suited men. "I want you to track these guys down and kill them. Each is worth 750,000. Also, get any remaining money they have and give it to me. If you do well, you can keep half of what you find." **

**"We have to kill this kid and this little girl? That seems harsh..."**

**"They are not kids, just short."**

**"Oh, midgets?"**

**"...I guess..." One suited guy was staring at a picture. "...Do we need kill to this pretty lady?"**

**"Yes! What am I paying you for?!"**

**"You didn't pay us yet...Can I date her?"**

**"What?! No, you can't date her! She's married anyway!"**

**"Oh wait, I can just kill the hubby. And then date her!"**

**"No! You kill ALL OF THEM! Those pictures should help in finding them."**

**"But-"**

**"Who's paying you? I can just send you all out without the job."**

**"Yes sir." ****All of the suited men walk out of his place. At the apartment SZ, JC, WY, and SS were staying at-WHAAAAAT?! **

**"Ok, ok, Yuanji, I know it's rash-"**

**"It is rash! Starting that takes lots of work, and I'm not sure you can handle that."**

**"Just bear with me on that. If we get this going, we have an easy life ahead of us!"**

**"We are going to ask the perverted director on what to do in this situation if that's what you're want to do. But I'm going right with you so you don't get the wrong info from him. I know he taught you those vulgar words."**

**"Ok...Yeah, he may have told me on that..." (S***! F*** me!)**

**"But now, did you run it by Jia Chong?"**

**"He said maybe. I gave him a bag of oranges to try to convince him."**

**"...Oranges? His favorite fruit are oranges, but you don't give him a gift relating or being oranges itself..."**

**"Oh... Oh well, we get fresh orange juice now." Sima Zhao walks into the room, and sees a bag. "Hey, Jia Chong, what did you buy?" He looks in the bag, to see all the bottles of black nail polish. "...I didn't know you wear nail polish."**** He takes one out and sees Sebastian's face on the bottle. "Who's this guy that strangely reminds me of you?" **

**"He wears nail polish like me. I took his word in terms of purchasing this kind of nail polish." **

**"Mm-hm. So, what do you think on this band thing?"**

**"I don't really care, but it seems you can make all your worries go away if you do this. I've seen the box with light display that." His face is now in crosshairs as one of the assassins has already taken aim at his head. "Got you..." He squeezes the trigger, but Jia Chong moves and the bullet hits the wall. This makes noise since the bullet went through the window, and shatters it. "What the-?! Hey, what was that? Something destroyed the window!"(Crap...I have to go...) The assassin gets away from that roof and runs. Meanwhile, another assassin was on another roof aiming for Sima Yi. (Damn...what's with all that money in the room? I've gotta get down there after he's dead.) He is about to squeeze the trigger until Zhang Chunhua walks into the room. (Hubba-hubba! Let me get a closer look...) He completely forgets about Sima Yi and zooms up to Zhang Chunhua's chest. "...Damn...it would be a waste to just kill her now...Hm?" He notices her going into the bathroom. (Oh! Let me get one peek then kill the guy.) He moves the sniper scope towards the direction of the bathroom window. "Just a little more...AH! There, jackpot! That's some nice-looking...huh?" He sees nothing but black. "Is the thing dirty?" He moves his eye away and sees his scope lens has been painted black. "What the-? It smells like acetone...AH!" Someone pushes him off the roof. "Sloppy..." Jia Chong walks back downstairs. A faint splat is heard. At another roof, another assassin sees how the previous assassin failed. "Phht. How can this guy be that hard to kill? He doesn't look dangerous, and besides...More pay for me since that other guy's gone! Hehehe..." That assassin aims, but doesn't find Sima Yi. "Where is he...? Oh..." He moves away from his scope, noticing a knife dead center in his forehead. "...Ugh..." He falls off the roof. Sima Yi inside the building rubs his arm. "I have never thrown things that far before...Oh well...Luckily, there are more knifes in this drawer." **

**KNOCK KNOCK Sima Yi goes to answer the door, and it was one of the assassins in casual clothing. "Hey, my car broke down. May I use your phone?" (Those idiots don't know how to do it. I'll show I'm better! This always works. Guy lets me in, I kill him here, simple.) **

**"...Right now, I can't..." (There is money in the bags...He can easily see...)**

**"Why not? This is the only spot I can go to since my car is only a few meters away. Just one minute with the phone." (He's making it difficult...)**

**"Fine, just let me do something first." Sima Yi hides the bags in a closet and comes back to the door. "You may come in." **

**"Great." When he gets in, he looks around for an improvised weapon. (Damn...there's barely anything inside here...It's like they just moved in here.)**

**"Aren't you going to use the phone?"**

**(Yes! I can use the phone as a weapon!) "Yeah...where is it?"**

**"There." **

**"Thanks." He was about to get to the phone, and Sima Yi followed him, holding a knife behind his back. (Do you think you can fool me with that? Imbecile...) The assassin takes the phone, and dials random numbers to make it seem like he is busy. Sima Yi is about to stab him, but Zhang Chunhua walks out of the bathroom, and Sima Yi hides the knife back behind him. "Who's that?"**

**"Some man who just wants to use the phone, that's all. Nothing to worry about." (Hmm...Can I kill him in front of her...? No, maybe it will send the wrong message...) **

**"Hey...this phone's not working..." (Two of them...What can I use? The phone's not enough...Ah, a knife! I can just flick it onto her, then bash the guy's head with the phone!) He reaches for the knife, but Sima Yi quickly throws his onto his hand. "GAH!" **

**"Oh no, one of our knifes fell and hit your hand. You might need to call an ambulance while you're at it."**

**(Damn...he's different...) He pulls the knife off and places it on the table. "Do you have any disinfectant? And some bandages?" **

**"You won't need them." **

**"What? You're honestly leaving me to bleed out?"**

**"Men can walk it off. Continue your call." **

**"Are you sure he doesn't need attention?"**

**"My dear, do not worry about him, he looks fine apparently."**

**(Just wait, you...) He presses more random numbers. As Sima Yi turned around, the assassin takes the knife and lunges to stab him. Sima yi quickly takes another knife from his sleeve and stabs him in the neck. "GAH!" He makes one last attempt to stab Yi, but his arm was stabbed with another knife by Yi. "...Try again next time. Hmph." Sima Yi smirked at the dying assassin. "Oh damn...It made a mess...And on my new suit too...Now to dispose of the body..." He drags it to the window, but Zhang Chunhua walks right when he was about to do it. "...Did you..."**

**"No...he fell down the stairs..."**

**"Really...? That is the worst excuse you could have came up with. The blood's all over your new suit..." (Yay, he killed someone. What's next? Him being top? Wait...no...)**

**"You're surprisingly comfortable with this...oh wait...nevermind..." (The maid...)**

**"You know that will cause attention? Try another way to dispose of it."**

**"Why don't you?"**

**"Hey, you're the one that killed him. And I just took a shower."**

**"Forget it, I'm throwing it." He tosses the corpse out and it lands in the dumpster in the alley. **

**"...You're cleaning this up too..."**

**"What about you? You're an expert in this. Remember the maid-"**

**"No. Do not bring that up. Let me get some rags." After twenty minutes, the room was clean. "Throw that away, too."**

**"Let me change..." Sima Yi comes out in his grey suit to throw out the bloody clothing out into that dumpster the body was in. "Ok..."**

**KNOCK KNOCK "Now what?" Sima Yi opens the door to see Takasugi. "Hi, why's your wife covered in red specks? Oh no...did you kill the housekeeper? I know she can't speak English, but you don't kill her! Just tell me or the author to put subtitles."**

**"No..that's not it...Someone tried to kill me."**

**"Who ISN'T trying to kill you? You're a d*ck to people. I'm surprised you're not in the ground few years after you joined Wei. I want to kill you myself, but I can't since I'll get fired and have fangirls beat me down to a pulp." **

**"Why are you here?"**

**"I got a guy that can get you in a nice house for a nice sum. Better then this dump."**

**"Seems decent."**

**"I have my computer here to show you it." He goes inside to set show the two his laptop. They gasped and had shocked faces. "What? Hadn't seen a house this nice?"**

**"No...It's not a house...Who is that-? OH MY GOD! IS THAT MY WIFE?! What is she doing?!"**

**"...Why am I-OH MY GOD! Why am I having intercourse with someone?!"**

**"What? Oh!' He takes his laptop back. "Here you go. The house-" Sima Yi gets in his face. "WHY DO YOU HAVE MY WIFE NUDE AND HAVING INTERCOURSE WITH SOMEONE?! I SAW YOU HAD OTHER WOMEN ON THERE TOO!"**

**"...Well...funny story...Internet is adult-ish when you get further into it...Also...those are your hands..."**

**"That doesn't explain why you have pictures of Chunhua in vulgar situations!"**

**"...Hey...I can show you more if you're interested..."**

**"That is not the point!" (I see her nude occasionally anyway...) Zhang Chunhua gets a knife and places it near Takasugi's neck. "Delete...those...at...once...AND YOU HAVE YUANJI?!" **

**"Hey, both of you are hot-AH! Ok! Ok! I'm deleting them now!" She lets go of him. (Phht, I can just redownload them when I get home.) "So, here's-" Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua were still staring at him disgustingly. "I'm sorry. I didn't know you two were so sensitive about that..." **

**"You had me...nude...on that device...How can I NOT be disgusted by you...?"**

**"Ok! I pledge to never try to look at your lady parts again. Happy?"**

**"Do I LOOK happy?!"**

**"Hey, hey. I did not draw that. Internet is weird when you get deeper into it. You will find people that will do that stuff. I mean, just the other day, I found Sima Yi and Zhuge-"**

**"SHUT. UP. I do not want to be reminded on what I am depicted with him..."**

**"And you and Cao-"**

**"SHUT. UP. OR YOU WILL BE IN THAT DUMPSTER ALONG WITH THAT MAN."**

**"Alright, alright. Here's the house." He shows his laptop again with a house/mansion-look-alike on the screen. "Nice huh?" (It's in the neighborhood of Justin Bieber, so it's worth a lot less.) **

**"How did you get it?"**

**(I gave the agent NSFW pictures of DW women...) "Oh, I convinced him." (I told him one of the ladies in those photos will be living in there. He lowered the price a lot more.) "Now, let's go. Get your stuff. You're getting a car since Yi here forgot where he put the motorcycle."**

**"If I'm not mistaken, your supervisor would not approve of this you helping us when-"**

**"Hey, I get paid to work with you or anyone else in DW for that matter. Screw what the boss thinks."**

**(I'm glad I don't have a general that acts like him...) They walk out and got into Takasugi's car with the money. An assassin sees them and follows in his car. (Those three couldn't do it. Oh well, more money for me. They have lots of pocket change for me to pick up when I'm done with them.) Takasugi asks Sima Yi, "You said assassins back there. Who do you think sent them?"**

**"I do not know. But does it matter?"**

**"Well...if you want your smartass brain splattered on the pavement, sure, it doesn't matter. But seriously, do you have an idea?"**

**"No. But seeing two die already, I think the leader will reconsider sending more." Meanwhile, Zhong Hui slams his head on the top of his desk. "NRGH...! Why do these idiots fail?! If I had my army back home, they would be long into the ground already! I have money, I have fame, I will get their heads! No, I would not want their ugly-ass heads. I'll burn them for my amusement. Hahahahahahaha!" A servant walks in. "Sir-"**

**"Don't interrupt me!"**

**"Ok." He walks back.**

** "Damn, what was I doing again? Oh, right. Hahahaha!"**

**They get to the car dealership and Takasugi gets out to meet the salesman he was talking with. "I need for your wife to come with me and to take two bags of the money." He gets a dirty look from Sima Yi. "I'm not-! B****esides, you or her will snap my neck if I did ****try anyth****ing." They get out and met the salesman. "Hey there. Here to pick that car up?"**

**"Yes. Where is it?"**

**"Who's paying?" **

**"Her." **

**"Whoa. Hey, there. You single?"**

**"Hey, buddy. Cut the chatter and show her the car."**

**"Alright." He escorts them to a garage with a teal car in it. "...You chose teal for us...?"**

**"...I assumed..."**

**(Better then purple...) "Here's the money."**

**"Whoa. That's a lot-"**

**"It's 200,000, right? In those bags, are 100,000 each inside. Take them and run."**

**"Hey, I want to be a gentleman to this-"**

**"She's married, buzz off. But honestly, her? She's like...1,825 years old..."**

**"Haha! You're funny! I like that! You two can take off now. Haha...1,825..."**

**(I'm not joking...She IS 1,825 years-old...Wish I were but...) He goes out into the lot and throws Sima Yi the keys. "There. Can you drive? The better question: Are you good at driving?" Zhang Chunhua grabs the keys from Sima Yi's hand. "No, he is not."**

**"You were fine when I was driving!" **

**"I turned paler than DW7 Zhou Yu's face." **

**"Oh, I did not know you were capable of making jokes. I always thought you were the straight man-er-woman for Sima Yi or any of your sons." **

**"I can't have humor?"**

**"Well...it's not in you to do that...I expect you to have a British person's sense of humor..."**

**"And that is?" Takasugi says in a mockingly English accent, "Hoho! That wanker fell off the London Bridge! Do you not think so, Henry?"**

**"...That...Who's Henry?"**

**"I made a list of you guys having "what-if modern names." Sima Yi gives me a "Henry" vibe from him. For you...I came up with Margret. Sima Shi is...um...Johnny...Sima Zhao seems like a...Brad?"**

**"That's...eh...Nevermind..." They get in the cars and drove off with the assassin following them. That assassin takes a detour, and arrives at the destination earlier than them. He goes into an abandoned building to set up his sniper. He gets Sima Yi in his crosshairs. The car suddenly moves faster than Takasugi's, messing up the aim of the assassin. "Damn...Come here..." Takasugi notices Zhang Chunhua driving faster, "Hey, what's the rush? This is a 25 zone, you know."**

**"I see someone. Similar to the one Sima Yi killed."**

**"Well, you have a roof. But that guy probably came prepared to pierce the roof, so..." Takasugi opens his glove box to reveal a pistol. He takes it and aims at the assassin. "Sayonara, Agent 47 wannabe." He shoots, the bullet flying directly in the assassin's head. The two next to him look at him in shock. "What?! You're capable of doing that?!"**

**"Hey, Call of Duty and other first-person shooters are not just s*****. They have prepared me for this moment."**

**"But you don't look like you could do that stuff..."**

**"I saved your smart-ass from being John F. Kennedy-ed! Thank god your wife didn't have to be Jackie for a moment."**

**"...Who's John F. Kennedy...?"**

**"Jackie...?"**

**"You just don't want his fate. Or her pain. Man, I feel so badass after doing that." **

**"You don't mind killing someone...?"**

**"That guy was going to kill someone else. I'm sure no one'll miss him."**

**"Sometimes I wonder if you're more cold-hearted than me..."**

**"What? You executed people because they were "imbeciles" or "fools."**

**"They were. I'm just cleaning up."**

**"Asshole..." They reach their destination, and see the agent. "Act like married people."**

**"We are married."**

**"Oh yeah...Act like newlyweds, the agent will eat it right up."**

**"...How?"**

**"Act lovey-dovey. Say you're expecting a kid or something."**

**"...Eeeeeeh..."**

**"You had ten children, you can use that excuse until you die." They park and meet up with the agent. "Hello. These two here are going to get this?"**

**"Yes, is it the price we agreed on?"**

**"Yes, 500,000 dollars. I dropped the price down since you gave me some "nice papers." And it was already devalued because of...him..."**

**"Alright." The two behind him went to the car to get a case. "Here is 500,000 in your currency." **

**"Whoa...Alright, here are keys." He leaves them quickly. **

**"Huh... So, let's go now-AH!" An egg flew to his face. **

**Heheheh...**

**"I 'oughta..."**

**"Oh my, what a pest. I do not want him in my sight." Sima Yi takes out a knife.**

**"No, no! Don't do it in broad daylight!" He whispers to Sima Yi. "...He has this back door that is unlocked due to him being a dumbass not locking it. Get him there."**

**"Who is he anyway?"**

**"Just...no...ugh...no...I'm not...Just go in the house already." They entered the house, and looked inside. "It's large, larger than my house."**

**"Western-style houses are big. Compensating for something..."**

**"Honestly, I can fit the whole Jin kingdom in here."**

**"It's not that big to do that." He gets his laptop out,"Ooh, free wi-fi." He gets looks from the two. "I'm not going to search for dirty pictures! You can watch my every single activity if you'd-"**

**The two were already standing over him. "What's Google?"**

**"...Ok...Want me to search you?" **

**Coincidentally, their house was only a few blocks from mansions owned by Deng Ai, Wen Yang, Xiahou Ba, Zhuge Dan, and Guo Huai. (Who is happening to be in good health. He lost all those bags, wrinkles, and even got color.) Deng Ai goes to visit Guo Huai, and notices his color. "...You're looking great."**

**"Indeed I am! I want to go run into a field of flowers now, since I'm happy as I can be! This tonic does really work!"**

**"...Ok. I just want to know if you need anything, you can call me or the others around here. Especially when that kid comes around."**

**"Oh yeah. He even annoyed Xiahou Ba to the point of him throwing rocks back at him."**

**"I wonder how Master Sima Yi, Master Sima Shi, and Master Sima Zhao are doing. Should we help them out?"**

**"They're capable people, I'm sure they can take care of themselves. If they sunk to a new low, we'll go and help them back up."**

**"I remember they got the cases also from Zhong Hui. Based on that, he is doing better than all of us."**

**"He's...eh...arrogant, to put it nicely. Anyway, what is something fun to do here?"**

**"I heard flying in these convertibles that take you high up into the air and you could jump out of them."**

**"Ooh, sounds fun! I want to do that."**

** "Hmm." At a rooftop, another assassin was aiming for Deng Ai. "...Grr...He won't be too hard to kill-huh? GAH!" An egg went in his face. **

**Hehehehe...**

**"Grr...Now where'd he go? He's gone...damn...Another one." He aims for Wen Yang that was standing in his driveway. "Gotcha-OOF!" A rock hits his face. "Yeah, take that, you dumb kid! Stop egging me!"**

**(He must have thought I'm him...No matter...I'll shoot him.) He takes aim, squeezes the trigger, but a rock had plugged the barrel, causing it to blow up in his face. "GAH! Ah! My eye!" He falls off the roof, landing on fence posts, and they protrude out of his body.**

**Meanwhile, back at the house, it was getting tense since Sima yi and Zhang Chunhua were watching Takasugi's every last move on his laptop. "...Would you stop doing that...? I'm not even looking at her nude anymore!"**

**"Still...I'm still watching you..."**

**"But...I did not even make it! Fans will do this no matter what you do to them! You two are being so sensitive about this! I did not know you COULD be sensitive!"**

**"What is this Buzzfeed?"**

**"Just...Forget it, want to look? I'll give you something to look at!" Takasugi taps a few keys, and showed the content to the two, and it shocked them. "Dear me! Who...AAHHH!"**

**"Is that Shi...? With...ugh...OH MY GOD!"**

**"Want to see more? Here!" He continued to show vulgar fanarts to them. "Alright! Just stop! AARGH! UGH! Is that-? OH MY GOD!"**

**"Yeah, drink it in! Your family is more incestious than the Ancient Egyptians! And I KNEW Shi had a thing with you two! Here's another!" **

**"...Just...ugh...Let me..." Sima Yi gets a trash can, and puking noises are heard. "That'll teach you to invade my privacy! You're like the Chinese government personified! Now let me see here...don't want that...Oh, you porn."**

**"WHAT?!"**

**"There's you porn. With a certain someone... Rule 34, thank you for this hot thing. Aw...it's censored...Damn you, Asia!"**

**"I...ugh..."**

**"...I would not...do that..."(Not in that way, anyway...)**

**"Hey, there IS something going on between you and Yi, the fans were being honest here."**

**"What do you mean by that?"**

**"Hello?! You're married, and you have two sons. Those kids HAVE to come from SOMEWHERE. This comic here explains it."**

**"No, no! Don't show it to me!"**

**"You don't want to look at yourself having intercourse? Fine, I'll show your wife doing something with Yue Ying-"**

**"NO!" The two tackled him, and they threw the laptop. "Hey! That was 600 dollars! You owe me!"**

**"I'M NOT GOING TO FUND YOU PERVERTED ACTIVITIES!"**

**"At least give me some compensation for this." **

**"...Let me cool down...Koff...And I won't be able to look at myself in the mirror again..." Takasugi gets up and walks out. "Alright, byyyye!" He runs to his car to drive away. "...Let me this..." Sima Yi picks up the laptop and sees it was in good condition. (Hmm...What the-? Are those my hands...? What are they doing to-OH MY GOD! But...I kinda wish she would let me do that to her though...WHAT AM I THINKING?!) Zhang Chunhua sees Sima yi holding the laptop. "...Throw that...out..." Sima Yi was not listening at all and unwittingly drooling. "Give me that!" She snatches the laptop away. "Why are you looking at nude pictures of me now?! Ugh...his influence is getting on to you..."**

**"...I've got to make a confession...That stuff with you in it...is kinda sexy..." He gets the laptop thrown hard at his face as Zhang Chunhua blushed to a red. "Ahem!" **

**As Takasugi drove back, he gets a call. "Hello?"**

**"Why is your ex still following me?! I swear I had to knock her around to get her out of my house!"**

**"Uh-oh, someone's abusive."**

**"WHY IS SHE DOING THIS?!"**

**"You did that. When you tied her up, jammed objects in the place where the sun don't shine and her potty-mouth, you made her go into "kinky-mode." **

**"What...?"**

**"Just pretend to be gay. That always works with women like her."**

**"Oh...what do I do?"**

**"Just act Zhang He-ish. Oh, get Zhang He over there, that will seal the deal."**

**"Oh yeah! Gotta go!" He hangs up. Izuru calls Zhang He, "Hey! I need a tiny favor. Can you come over to my house for something?"**

**"What is it?"**

**"...Wardrobe...malfunction..."**

**"Oh my god! I'll be right over!" He hangs up. "...Well that worked..." He goes to the door, and dodges Miyako's glomping. "Hey, stop. It was funny when Gintoki had his stalker, but you...it's...ugh...no..."**

**"What do you want me to do then? To hit you?"**

**"Nope. I'm made me gay now."**

**"WHAT?"**

**"Yes, I hate women now. I'm a misogynist homosexual."**

**"Oh no! Now I have to go back to regular men! Aw, man...Wait, who's your lover?"**

**"...I look...at gay porn..."**

**"No one?"**

**"No..." He sees dust coming towards him. (Yes, he's here!) "Look who it is! Hi, Zhang he!"**

**"What is the problem? Oh my god, those clothes are complete drab! No wondered you need help with your wardrobe." He takes him and whispers. "...I need you to follow my acting. I need to get this woman off me. Can you do it?"**

**"What about-"**

**"Yeah, yeah, you can do that after this."**

**"This is your guy friend?"**

**"Why yes, I have taken a liking to this man. Right?"**

**"Yes." (This is odd...)**

**"All the good men are either gay or taken..." She walks away. (Oh my, this actually worked...Just wait until she goes away...) **

**"Um...what do I do next?"**

**"Just wait for her to go away..." After she is no longer in sight, Izuru returns to his normal personality. "Whew...that's done..."**

**"What about my end of the deal?"**

**"Oh, right. Here's a 100 dollar gift card to Sephora." (I'm not having him choose clothes for me.)**

**"Ooh! Thank you!" He skips happily off of the porch. "...Well...At least all my worries are gone..." When he goes back inside his house, his television was still on and had breaking news on it. "Hm? Deaths?"**

**"I'm standing at the crime scene where three men were found dead. Causes were possibly falling off the buildings above them, but one body had a large cut on their neck while the other had a clean knife wound to his is unknown who did this-Huh? We have more breaking news! Another body was found on Interstate 45 and another at a neighborhood. We'll let you know later."**

**"...Is that the apartment where Sima Yi and more Jin guys and two Shu people live? Oh no...Did...No...Let me get a closer look...They were wearing black suits. Nope, can't be them." **

**"We've got more on this string of deaths! It turns out the body found at the interstate had a bullet to the head. The one at the neighborhood was impaled on fence posts. We've got a suspect." The screen showed Justin Bieber getting taken by police. "I didn't do that! The guy fell off!"**

**"Yeah, yeah, tell it to the judge."**

**"...Eh...I don't mind...Hm?"**

**"We've got witnesses." Guo Huai gets interviewed in skydiving clothing. "Oh, what? I did not hear anything. I was getting ready to go out."**

**"...What the hell? Is Guo Huai well? He looks really healthy." Deng Ai gets interviewed too. "I did not hear anything. I went back into my house and read a book." Then they interviewed Wen Yang, who can't fit in the screen, so you just see his chest. "I was standing in the driveway**** and then I saw the guy get impaled by those spikes."**

**"You mean fence posts?"**

**"Yes, what you people call them." The new reporter goes to this house and knocks, but no one answered. Noises are heard inside. **

**"I'm sorry if you don't want me to look at your chest, but...you're making that hard to do because you're showing those off like Zhao does with his chest!" Izuru slightly snickers at that comment. "Oh...I know who that is..."**

**"Excuse me! Can you answer a few questions?" Nothing is heard. "Oh well."**

**"...Wait a minute...how are those two in a house like that? Did they managed to be like the others? I should ask them since I have nothing to do." He switches the television off and goes outside. He gets into his car to drive to where that place he just saw. Sima Zhao just saw that news segment on his television. "...Did I heard the people in there say my name? It's cool how everyone is in good shape right now." Sima Shi looks outside, "Um...Zhao...that is going on right now. Look outside, those things with people holding things are talking to people with them. Like on that box with light."**

**"Cool! They can duplicate what's happening."**

**"Some are getting in..."**

**"Let's go! Jia Chong! Yuanji!" The two ran to them. "What's the matter?"**

**"People are coming in! They'll think we did it!" **

**"Did what?"**

**"There are three dead guys out there!" Jia Chong tells him, "I killed one of them..."**

**"Why?!"**

**"Because I saw he was attempting to kill me from afar."**

**"Oh...What about the other two?!"**

**"I do not know about that one..." **

**"Why are you just standing there? Hurry! We can go on this pipe then slide down unnoticed." Each jumped on the pipe outside and slid down without the reporters and vans noticing them. "Why are you taking the guitar?"**

**"This is may be our ticket! Did any of you take the cases?" Wang Yuanji held two money cases in each hand. "Here." She gave each one back their case. "Just act normal when we get far enough." They walk separately and walked into a crowd. But the people than dispersed to go to the crime scene. "...Well...let's walk a little faster..." They walk farther away from the scene. "Someone was trying to kill you? Who could do that? I mean, you do deserve it, but who?"**

**"I saw another one that was aiming inside of your parent's window."**

**"Someone's after us, but who?" **

**"...Hm...I think I know..."**

**"What? You thought of someone?"**

**"It was back when we got the cases, Zhong Hui planted explosives in them. He was trying to rid of us."**

**"No way! Man, I should have destroyed his teddy already!"**

**"But we can't let him know we know it's him, or he'll change tactics. Just let his assassins fail and fail."**

**"I hope you're right..."**

* * *

**You can do the math yourself, Zhang Chunhua would be 1,825 years old if she were immortal. **

**I actually did came up with a small list of DW characters having English names. I only got half of Wei and got some of Jin before giving up. **

**We're on the Internet, of course there will be stuff that Takasugi had on his computer. I'm going out on a limb here and going to assume there are NSFW pictures and things that apply to Rule 34.**

**If you do not know what Rule 34 is, you must be new to the Internet.**

**Agent 47 is an assassin from the Hitman games. **

**The characters keep on calling TV's a "box of light," in case if you're wondering. **

**Buzzfeed is this comedy website. They have a YouTube channel too.**

**Justin Bieber jokes...when have I sunk so low...? **


	9. Kill Count: 20 annnd counting!

**Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, Jia Chong, and Wang Yuanji were sitting at the fountain at a park. "Now what?"**

**"I've seen those guys would play their music and people throw in coins. How about we try that?" **

**"You can try that." Sima Zhao plugs in the guitar to the amplifier and plays a riff. **

**I f***ing wake up my f***ing soul!**

**I'll f***ing do my f***ing best!**

**I'll f***ing start out my own f***ing way!**

**Sima Shi interrupts, "What are you saying?! I heard more bleeps than actual lyrics! What happened to the original?!"  
**

**"Uh...I improvised?"**

**"...How about you let me sing? Play a softer tune. " Sima Zhao does that and Sima Shi sings. **

**Sora no hate tooikakeru My Fate**

**Kaeranai sono kotae Frustrate**

**"...Um...wrong language?"**

**"But I sound better in this one." **

**"But it's harder to interpret when I play this."**

**"Fine."**

**At the edge of the sky, I question my fate**

**But the answer does not change, frustrate**

**Wavering talent builds up in the future**

**To show it with my own hands- that is my wish**

**My destiny... Due to Shi's singing, many people came to throw in coins or stick around. Mostly females and some with jealous boyfriends. "Kya! He's so good!"**

**"He's cute too!"**

**"Shut up and take my money! Wait...don't shut up..."**

**"I don't understand why you like him. Can we go?"**

**"But it's only beginning!" Sima Zhao whispers to Sima Shi, "You're really attracting attention here."**

**"Doing what I do best." He sparkles and that caused some girls to swoon. Shi continues. **

**The decree of heaven and my own life**

**Come closer and overlap, becoming fate**

**The meaning of heaven and my own will **

**Twine together and pierce one another, becoming time**

**Just a little more; I won't forgive anyone who hinders me**

**The pain twinges at me, my stain **

**I am not trapped, I'll cut away the deadline A fangirl yells out, "Is it just me or does that guy remind you of Sima Shi from Dynasty Warriors?!" All the girls look at Shi and then realized all four that were sitting at the fountain were who they were. "OMG! they do exist!" **

**"My wish came true!"**

**"They look better in person and not on a screen!" Wang Yuanji sweatdrops, "Um...this is our cue to run..." **

**"Yep." All four get up and ran away with the fangirls chasing after them. A talent agent sees them and follows them in a car. While that was happening, Izuru gets to the neighborhood and sees many police cars. An officer goes to him. "Excuse me, what business do you have here?"**

**"I'm visiting someone, officer." **

**"Well, there is a crime scene here. I'm afraid I need some form of ID."**

**"I have my license." He gives the officer his driver's license. "Yep, you're clean."**

**(What? I look nonthreatening or something?) He parks in an area far from the crime scene. He gets out to see the teal car. "...Tacky..." He sees the Jin guys standing in an area. "Hey, why are you just standing here?" Deng Ai answers,"They are suspicious of us, thus they are not letting us out here." **

**"Um...who's that in the skydiving outfit? New guy or random person here?"**

**"...That's Guo Huai..."**

**"Oh...he looks good...But is he in that?" Guo Huai answers him, "I want to go do that thing where you fall out of the sky and land perfectly on the ground."**

**"That's skydiving." He sees Xiahou Ba the same height as Wen Yang. "...This is weird..." Wen Yang says, "You and me both. But I can actually talk to someone without looking down now."**

** "That Gro-X must have been strong stuff." **

**"Yep."**

**"Where's Zhuge Dan?"**

**"He is at a wrestling match."**

**"He wrestles?"**

**"No, he bets on wrestlers and owns the best ones. He's sometimes the referee." The scene changes to a wrestling match between Zhou Tai and another random guy. Zhuge Dan yells at Zhou Tai, "Get him! He's not much for you!" Zhou Tai gets one limb of the guy and twists it enough for the guy to be in pain for a minute, then throws him on the ground. "Yeah! Give me my money now!" A bookie gives him stacks of money. "...Big shot..." It switches back. "Mm-hm, I see you're all doing fine. I never knew those cases would help you hit big time. What happened with Zhong Hui anyway?" All of them shrugged. "Hm, I'll find him in a magazine sooner or later." A magazine falls in front of him. "Hm?" **

**_Five men found dead in selective areas_ **

**"Yeah, got that."**

_**Fangirls chase character look-alikes. **_

**"Is that Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, Jia Chong, and Wang Yuanji? People are starting to notice...Hm...****So you guys, have you sen Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua around here?"**

**"What? He's here? I didn't know he was doing just as well as us."**

**"Shouldn't we visit him then?"**

**"Well...I don't know which is the house..." He looks at the tacky teal car again and looks at the house near it. "...I think this is it..." Sima Yi was walking in the hallways, looking in the rooms. He come across one with bags of white in it. "...Flour...?" He sniffs a bag, "Ugh...it has an unusual stench to it..." He tosses it and goes on to the next door. It revealed stairs to a wine cellar. "Bottles of what?" He takes one, but drops it. The bottle shatters into pieces with red liquid flowing. "Hmmph..." He gets out of there and goes upstairs. When he opened a drawer, multiple packages of condoms fell out. "What in the world are these?"Izuru turns the knob on the door, and it opens. He goes in, looking inside. "Wow, these houses are nice. But why did they leave the door open... Hey, anyone here?" He sees the laptop on a table. "Oh, Takasugi's laptop." He opens it, and he gets a shocked face with the content on it. He quickly closes it. "...Why is this here...and why does it have porn on the very screen...? I swear I saw someone very familiar on it..." **

**"Oh, you're here, mind telling me what is this?"**

**"AH!" He quickly turns to see Sima Yi. "You said something about these things. What is their purpose?"**

**"...I can't...Do you guys have birth control?"**

** "That is normally used with prostitutes."**

**"So...you don't use it...?"**

**"No."**

**"Yeah...you will not enjoy this item's purpose."**

**"Hm?"**

**"It's for preventing your spouse or mate from having children during intercourse...But...you guys don't use birth control so...yeah...you won't need that...I've heard from other men that is dulls the sexual experience. That answer your question?"**

**"Huh... But can I ask why is there a bundle of them in drawers up there?"**

**"What are you talking about?" He goes upstairs to see the possibly hundreds of condoms overflowing the drawers. "...Who owned this before? Hugh Hefner?"**

**"...I also found more in the bedroom..." They go into the bedroom, and the drawers had condoms overflowing them. "No...seriously...who owned this? Charlie Sheen? No...what about the bed?"**

**"Hm?" Izuru takes out a blacklight and turns off the light. "...Dear me..." **

**"...What...are those stains?"**

**"...Looks like a very hot party...or the guy had thousands of one-nightstands...I advise you not to sleep in that..." They leave quickly. "Is there another bedroom?"**

**"Maybe...this place is pretty big, you would find probably four more bedrooms." They go into more bedrooms, but they all had disturbing amounts of condoms and stains. They go into one last one, and it was completely clean. "They didn't get into here, I guess. This is safe for you to sleep in."**

**"...Why did the ones from before have those stains everywhere...? I mean..."**

**"Sex is a game for those kinds of people. How did you get this anyway? I'm aware these houses are devalued, and the both of you had a million total. But that is not enough to purchase of house of this price. These are normally around 8.9 million, but since they have been devalued, they are 1.8 million dollars."**

**"Your perverted friend managed to get it. And that thing you call a "car."**

**"Oh...What did he do?"**

**"What do you mean?"**

**"When he manages to get a deal, it means he had to do some things he would not mind doing but I get disgusted by."**

**"And that is?"**

**"He bribes the seller with NSFW pictures of the DW women. Usually that always works. If it doesn't or the seller's female, he bribes them. Or if the seller is a young female, he gets NSFW pictures of guys to give to them."**

**"Huh."**

**"One time he gave a NSFW picture of you."**

**"WHAT?! How did he get that?!"**

**"Internet. I have never found what he was looking at, nor do I want to know."**

**"Ok..." They were upstairs still, and another assassin goes into the left opened door. (Hm...I should be able to finish the job now since all those five failed. There is me and seven more left. I do not understand why is it hard to kill these guys.) He walks until he goes into the kitchen, and he see the living room with Zhang Chunhua in it. (Hmph. She's one of the ones on the list.) He takes out a silenced pistol. (Wait...there are police outside, I can't make noise.) He puts that away, and finds a combat knife in his pocket. (Perfect.) He goes slowly and quietly until he comes right behind Zhang Chunhua. He raises the knife, but she turns quickly around, holding a knife herself. **

**Back upstairs, the two heard a scream and a loud thud. "What was that?"**

**"It came from downstairs." They ran down and into the living room to see a pool of blood with the assassin lying dead. "Who's this?!"**

**"...Another one..."**

**"What do you mean by that?"**

**"The whole time these men were attempting to kill me."**

**"No, they were not." They turned to see Zhang Chunhua with blood on her upper area. "They seem to be targeting me as well." **

**"What did you guys do?! Pissed off a crime boss?"**

**"No...Not that I remember..."**

**"Wait...I remember the cases you all got had bombs planted in them. Thankfully, they were disposed of. And those cases were from Zhong Hui! Zhong Hui is trying to get rid of you and the rest of Jin!"**

**"...But why?"**

**"Hmm...that is what baffles me... Wait! Deng Ai, Guo Huai, Wen Yang, Zhuge Dan and Xiahou Ba all are now successful thanks to the cases of money Zhong Hui was forced to give up. Now he wants to get rid of them since they will possibly take his spotlight. He obviously can't extort them or they can expose him, sending him back down to the commoners. So he's attempting to kill them off. So far, it's been failing."**

**"That little twerp..."**

**"I remember you kicking his sorry behind back in the hypothetical stage where he tried taking things from you and you had that very convenient bowl of meatbuns."**

**"You remember that...?"**

**"It was kinda like the highlight of that cutscene. And I saw your eyes drifting to your wife's chest when she was holding the bowl."**

**"W-What...? N-no...I did not look at her-"**

**"Your point-of-view had her chest right there."**

**"The bowl was covering it!"**

**"That certainly didn't stop you from looking. Also...what did you do during the "retirement"...?"**

**"W-What are you saying...?"**

**"Well...you two are alone for quite a while...You were walking away together when you announced your retirement...and that is the last time we ever saw you two..."**

**"We died!"**

**"It never said that. You pop up during the hypothetical scenes though."**

**"What are you suggesting?"**

**"You may feel a little lonely for all these years of being in the DW series. After your wife came in...maybe you "welcomed" her..."**

**"...Oh come on...I can't just be that when I first saw her..."**

**"I'm still right here..."**

**"Oh yeah...how are you getting that blood out of your clothes?"**

**"I'll figure that out."**

**"What about the body?"**

**"..."**

**"..."**

** The scene changes to all three of them digging a large hole in the backyard. "This is not really the best choice, but I suppose..."**

**"I don't understand why you are so calm with us."**

**"I EXPECTED one of you killing someone sooner or later. Besides...Zhang Chunhua did kill that maid-"**

**"Do not bring that up."**

**"Alright. How many of these guys went after you already?"**

**"Three. One was on a roof, one I killed, and there was one when we were getting here. Now this is the fourth one."**

**"Wow..." **

**"Can I just go and kill the little twerp?"**

**"Based on how famous he got, you won't be able to touch him. He will probably get the best bodyguards ever." The scene changes to Zhong Hui talking to three men. "So, I've heard you stopped that guy from trying to massacre the people in the mall. I would like to request your services. You see...I may be a wanted man." He turns around to see Xu Huang, Lu Bu and Dian Wei. "What happened to the two with you?"**

**"They are still over there."**

**"Tell them to get over here. I want them too." After that, they got Yue Jin and Li Dian in the room. "There. I want all of you to be my bodyguards! Good money can come from this! What do you say?"**

**"Aren't you that Jin kid?"**

**"Now...Our kingdoms don't matter...I am simply reaching out to get powerful men as my protectors."**

**"Hmph. Better than serving Dong Zhou." They all nodded. "We want in if we can make a decent living."**

**"Great! If you see someone like these, kill them on site." He shows them pictures of the Jin characters. ****It switches back to Zhang Chunhua dropping the body in the hole. "What about your clothes? Change then you can throw them in here."**

**"I can wash this."**

**"You can remove blood stains?"**

**"Yes. On this kind of specific clothing material."**

**"Why aren't you an assassin...?" They filled the hole with dirt. They went back inside to let Zhang Chunhua change. "...You have a bunch of close calls, but it won't be long before one of you is going to be sucked in by cruel fate."**

**"Can't I change it?"**

**"You sound like Shi now. If you can somehow get rid of Zhong Hui, all is good." Meanwhile, Zhong Hui was sitting at his desk and an assassin comes in the door. "Hey! I got one of them!"**

**"Really? Who?"**

**"This big guy!"**

**"Deng Ai?"**

**"Yeah, him! I got a photo just in case you didn't believe me." He holds up a photo to Zhong Hui's face. "...YOU IDIOT! That's Zhang Fei! Not Deng Ai!" **

**"Oh...I killed the wrong guy..."**

**"Oh, you! I-ugh-GET OUT OF MY SIGHT! Kill the right guy!"**

**"Ok, ok!" Another ran in, "I got that short guy!"**

**"Is he the correct one?"**

**"Here's a picture."**

**"...That's...ONE OF MY BODYGUARDS! You killed Yue Jin! Can any of you do it right?!"**

**"Oh...Whoops..."**

**"Whoops, my ass! Get out!" Another assassin runs in, "I got one!"**

**"...Hu...It better not be another wrong one."**

**"I got him." He holds up a photo. "All of you are idiots...And that's Taishi Ci!"**

**"Oh...He looked like that big muscle guy."**

**"Ugh...I don't care about how many you kill but...GOD DAMN IT! Get the right guy!" Scene switches to Takasugi driving and he sees a dead body. "That guy looks familiar..." He stops and sees the body was Pang Tong. "Oh crap...and he reeks of alcohol...He must have gotten drunk so bad he just walked into the street and was probably still grieving for Xu Shu. Damn...I'm always too late...Hm?" He sees a cloaked figure on top of a building. A gunshot is heard. "What the-?!" He runs to that apartment and that figure moves away. When he gets in, he sees the dead body of Xiahou Yuan. "Oh no! Crap...who was that?! Xiahou Ba and Guo Huai are not going to be happy...Maybe those assassins are trying to kill the ones beloved by the targets. Grr...Who is sending them...?" Zhong Hui sits at his desk while that cloak figure runs in the room. "I got one!"**

**"...Let me guess...someone else...?"**

**"I got this guy." He holds up a photo. Zhong Hui boils in anger. "I should fire your asses right now...AND THAT'S XIAHOU YUAN!"**

**"...So wrong guy?"**

**"Yes, you dumbass...And I lost someone I can use against Mr. Sick-a-lot and Shortstack! Now they'll do what it takes to kill me. You people are giving me grey hairs..." **

**You can't age, why would you have grey hairs?**

**"What was that?! A ghost?! I'm so sorry...um...Yue Jin...?"**

**Yes, I am ghost. Whoooo...**

**"Ahhaaaaa! It's these idiots' fault! They kill the wrong people!"**

**Meanwhile at-AAAAAAHHH! Shut up! You don't interrupt me during transition! Anyway, Cao cao was sitting at his couch and gets a knock on his door. He opens to see Cao Pi holding a bouquet of flowers. "Are those for me?"**

**"No. This is." He takes out a mug with #1 Boss on it and gives it to Cao Cao. "These flowers are a surprise for Zhen." He leaves with Cao cao left in a depressed aura. Guo Jia sees him and asks, "What's the matter?" Cao Cao sniffles and cries out, "Pi doesn't see me as his father! He sees me as his boss! He could have gotten me a #1 Dad cup!" He sobs into Guo Jia's arms. "...There, there..." The door is knocked on again and Jia Xiu goes to answer. "What is-" Zhang Liao yells, "Master Xiahou Yuan's dead!"**

**"What?!" Cao cao gets out of Guo Jia's arms and goes out. He sees Xiahou Dun, Pang De, and Xu Huang in mourning. "Why?! Who is the bastard that did this?!"**

** "Xiahou Dun, calm-"**

**"I can't calm down! Someone killed Yuan!" Takasugi walks next to Cao Cao, "I am very sorry, but I did see the killer."**

**"Who was it? Tell me!"**

**"Unfortunately, the killer's face was covered, so I cannot make an ID on him or her."**

**"Damn..."**

**"I should go. You need some alone time..."**

**"No...I want company..."**

**"You always have Guo Jia."**

**"But the more, the merrier."**

**"I honestly have something to do..." Takasugi moves slowly away from Cao cao. "I'm sorry for your loss, again..." He goes to his car. (Another life insurance payout...But I'm not really happy about it...I'll give it to them when I get it.) After Izuru walks out of the house he was in, he sees four bushes on the sidewalk. "Oh...how convenient..." He goes up to them. "Eeny, meny, miny mo, who can I hit in the nose?" He stops at one and kicks it. "OOOOW!" Sima Zhao removes his bush disguise. "You didn't need to do that!"**

**"Why are you four in bush costumes?" The three remove their disguises. "These fangirls found out we're the real deal! They're chasing us as we speak!"**

**"Oh...You can hide in your parents' house."**

**"Yeah...are they going to be happy to see us...?" **

**"Why not?" A black car drives up to them and that talent agent comes out. "Hi, I want to see these Dynasty Warriors characters. I can make some money off them and they can as well. I heard one of them singing, and I want to sign a contract with them."**

**"Really? When do you want them?" **

**"Tomorrow would work."**

**"Fine then." That agent**** gets in the car and drives away. "Now, you guys can be famous. Unfortunately, Zhong Hui would not like that."**

**"You figured it out as well?"**

**"He was the one who planted those bombs in the cases, remember?"**

**"Ah, it is him. Now I want to go and kill him." **

**"I don't think you'll be able to touch him, Jia Chong. He can get the best bodyguards since he rich and famous."**

**"Hmph. Then we'll have to work our way up and visit him without him knowing we know he was trying to kill us."**

**"But you need to go back-"**

**"No, we can't. They are infesting that place up with those people with weird sticks."**

**"You mean reporters?"**

**"And these guys with dogs and in blue."**

**"Police officers?"**

**"We had to go. They will suspect us for the bodies in those dumpsters."**

**"Oh...You could go in the houses. Most of the Jin guys are here, so they'll lend you a hand."Meanwhile, inside of the house, Sima Yi hears grinding noises. "Hm?" He goes to see there was a washing machine in use. "I see you figured that thing out."**

**"I don't have to get on my knees to wash the clothes."**

**"I certainly want you on your knees..."**

**"What?"**

**"Nothing. You know... We're alone, nothing to do... How about we go into the room-"**

**"I'm going to stop you there. We both killed a man, and that is ruining the mood for me."**

**"Really? I thought you have no problem with that, since the maid-"**

**"Why do you people keep on bringing that up? I do not want to talk about that again."**

**"Because that is what is so special about you. You killed someone at thirteen."**

**"And you're not seeming too scared about it."**

**"I was when I first heard."**

**"And you're saying murdering someone is special in a woman?"**

**"For you, not anyone else. For all I know, you could be plotting to kill me."**

**"How could you think that about me? I care about you, surprisingly..."**

**"Surprisingly? You can't say love, can you?"**

**"Aaand we're back to that topic." **

**"Well now, aren't you getting sassy with me?"**

**"Why do you keep bringing up those topics?"**

**"Because I have nothing to do, I have no work, so I have you to entertain me."**

**"What do you want me to do? Dance?"**

**"Now that's a thought..."**

**"No. Just no."**

**"I'm sure-"**

**"NO. Out of all the things you wanted me to do, that is a big no for me." **

**"You sound tense, what is the matter?"**

**"I don't know...We had three men trying to kill us and that boy was the one that sent them, so yeah, I'm very stressed because of that."**

**"Actually, four."**

**"What?"**

**"There were four trying to kill us. I killed this one on the roof when you were gone."**

**"So...you killed two people?"**

**"Yes, why are you saying it like that?"**

**"...Yep, the mood is completely gone now..."**

**"Hey! We both killed two people, so we're even."**

**"You counted the maid, did you?"**

** "Yes..."**

**"So, in reality, I only killed one man. You, on the other hand, have killed two and some more from executing."**

**"Executions do not count."**

**"You're acting like this is a game of who kills the most."**

**"It maybe is." Sima Yi moves towards Zhang Chunhua. "W-What are you doing?"**

**"How about we-"**

**KNOCK KNOCK**

**(ARGH! What now?! WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME?!) "Oh...someone's at the door...I'll get that..." He moves towards the door in a slumping manner. He opens to find the four from earlier. "Oh...what are you doing here? I thought you live at that place." **

**"We can't go back. They are going to ask us on those bodies in the dumpster."**

**"...Oh...bodies, you say?" (Oh...they found them...Maybe throwing the body wasn't such a good idea after all...)**

**"Can you let us stay for a just tonight?"**

**"Fine. Upstairs you can sleep in." **

**"Thank you, Father." They four get upstairs, and Sima Yi realized he did not clean up there. "Oh wait-Nevermind..." **

**"What's with these packages?"**

**"Condom...For her pleasure?"**

**"Why are there so many?"**

**"Oh my, they're in every drawer in here!" Sima Yi innocently walked away from the voices. "...I should have cleaned up, but I'm too disgusted with that room to bother..." Zhang Chunhua goes to him, "Who was that?"**

**"Shi, Zhao, Kiss-reject, and Yuanji."**

**"He has a name."**

**"Jia Chong. Now, we should go in the bedroom-"**

**"Not when they are here!"**

**"Phht. They know what's going on, they're not children."**

**"Still no, I can't do that when someone is in the area." **

**(ARGH! Why do they have to come up when I was going to-oh forget it...) **

**"Also, we have to go back to the school tomorrow."**

**"Wait...what happened to Zhuge Liang back over there? He's..oh..." Back at that apartment, the police were questioning Zhuge Liang on the bodies. "Do you know what happened here?"**

**"Again, I do not know because I had no screen time."**

**"We need you to come to the station." Yue Ying asks, "Why are you questioning us? I just come home from work, and I find all these men here!"**

**"We found bodies in that alley behind this place."**

**"We certainly had nothing to do with it!" **

**"Ma'am, we need a very thorough investigation. This is three bodies in that same place, we need explanations."**

**(I'm sure it was Sima Yi and that Kiss-reject...)**

**Jia Chong sneezes. "Why do you keep calling me that?!" Sima Zhao looks at him funny, "What?"**

**"Nothing." At an undisclosed location, a group of men go up to a cloaked figure. "I'm sorry, but we can't find them."**

**"You can't find some woman? I want you to find her."**

**"She doesn't seem to be much threat..."**

**"She stole 250,000 from me. No one steals from me and get away with it. Do you know what she looks like?"**

**"Well...pretty..."**

**"Did she have someone else with her?"**

**"A guy."**

**"I want my money back. Even I have to kill her."**

**"Alright, we'll get her when we find her."**

**"Good." **

* * *

**Sima Zhao was singing his DW8 image song, except with f***ing placed in certain spots.**

**Sima Shi was singing his DW8 image song. He was singing in Japanese, then the translation. **

**Shut up and take my money! is a meme. **

**The nickname I use for Jia Chong is Kiss-reject.**

**Is it just me or I think something may have happened during that long time period where Sima Yi claimed to retire along with Zhang Chunhua? Just saying, they might gotten a little hanky-panky around there.**

**My nickname for Guo Huai is Mr. Sick-a-lot. I know, it's insensitive...**

**So much death in this. **


	10. Twist it, Smack it, Shoot it!

**Zhuge liang gets up as his alarm gets him up. "Alright...I'm going again...Last night was stressful since those men won't leave until it was really late." He finishes dressing and knocks on the door leading to Sima Yi's original space. "Hello...? Hmph. I'll just go without him, they can catch up." He goes outside to drive the motorcycle to school. When he got there, he sees that tacky teal car. "...So really tacky..." He goes to the teacher's lounge and sees Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua. "Hello."**

**"Hm? You woke up earlier than me?"**

**"Yes."**

**"How did you get here?"**

**"That tacky teal car."**

**"That's yours...?"**

**"I did not get to choose the color..."**

**"I didn't see you at the apartment."**

**"...We had to get out..."**

**"Why?"**

**"These men are trying to kill me..."**

**"Who isn't?"**

**"Enough of those jokes." The principal goes inside. "Hey, you three. Come here."**

**"Hm? What is it?" They go into the office with Sun Jian, Huang Gai, and Han Dang already in there. The principal clears his throat, "I looked you guys up, but all I got were these links to Chinese biographies that date to 2000 years ago. I found suggestive pictures as well. Look." He takes his desktop screen and turns it to their direction. They all gasped. "...Are any of you guys...former porn stars...?"**

**"NO!"**

**"What's with these pictures then...?" Everyone in the room gets flustered except Han Dang. (I don't see my picture anywhere...) Sima Yi regains himself, "...Those are not us..."**

**"This is your face. And I see some pictures with your wife also...Ooh..."**

**"Don't you stare at them!"**

**"Sorry...but..." He continues to stare at his computer. "Would you please stop staring them...?"**

**"Sorry! Um...Just what are your backgrounds again?"**

**"Um..."**

**"So who are you guys?"**

**"Um..."**

**"I swear I have seen you before..."**

**"Oh...really...?"**

**"I've seen...you specifically." He points at Zhuge Liang. "Hmm...OMG! Are you Jesus?!" Zhuge Liang's face went to a displeased one. "...No...I'm not Jesus..."**

**"You look like Jesus..."**

**"I'm not Jesus!"**

**"Ok then...I hear some of the video game clubs and anime clubs say some of you resemble the characters from Dynasty Warriors." Everyone in the room had a face that expressed fear. **

**"Well? Wait...you could be the people the animators modeled the characters after. Is that right?"**

**"Why yes!"**

**"Oh! My mistake! That's why you guys look so similar to those guys! You're who they're modeled after!"****  
**

**"Yeah...hehehe..."**

**"Anyway, go back into the classrooms, it's almost time." The six walk out of the office, sweating. (I thought he was going to figure us out!) When they walk to their rooms, they hear girls talking. "Hey, remember yesterday?"**

**"Oh yeah! We got to see Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, Jia Chong, and Wang Yuanji in real life!"**

**"Did they invent something that makes video game characters come to life or something?"**

**"Who cares? Those guys are out there! I wonder if there are more out there. I want to see Sima Yi!"**

**"Hey, don't we have a teacher that is named Sima Yi?" Sima Yi walks into the classroom, hearing that. (Ok...Ok... Maybe they'll think I'm someone else...hehe...) The girls turned to look at Sima Yi. "Doesn't he look like him too...?"**

**"How about we ask him something Sima Yi himself would answer?" The girls move over to Sima yi sitting at his desk. "Mr. Sima, what's another word for idiot?"**

**"Imbecile-" (Oh crap...) **

**"OMG! He does exist!"**

**"Um...excuse me...?"**

**"Sima Yi! Is Cao Pi here?"**

**"No... I'm not who you're thinking of... I just resemble him..." Sima Yi gets up to walk out and the girls follow him. (Oh...damn...) He sees the other classrooms having Sun Jian, Zhuge Liang, and Zhang Chunhua walking right out with people following them. "What the-?"**

**"We have to go, now!" All of them run out the school with fangirls running after them. "Ok! Ok! Why are you running?" Zhang Chunhua answers, "I have the opposite gender of your fans, perverted fanboys..." They ran around the school and hid in the bushes when they lost sight of them. "Oh, damn...they found out... Now what?"**

**"Han Dang and Huang Gai are not really having problems."**

**"That's because fans only like the pretty men. I didn't know Zhuge Liang had any though."**

**"Haha... But I do get chased to get jammed with you in these pictures they call, "art."**

**"How are we going to work now?"**

**"Find new jobs?"**

**"Argh..."**

**"We can just cope with them for the time being. We have no other way of income right now."**

**"I guess we might need to deal with these little devils now..." ****When it was quiet, they came out of the bushes. The bell rings and they got back inside in their classrooms, bracing. when Sima Yi gets in his classroom, girls went right up to him. "I am not for your amusement. But you people know I'm in your world right now. I'd like to be shown some respect and not you jumping on me every five minutes. I need to work, thus I educate you. NOW STOP CLIMBING ALL OVER ME AND GET BACK TO YOUR SEATS!" That rebel kid gets up to drag the girls into their seats. "You heard him! Get in your seats!"**

**(Hmph. He is useful...) "Now...shall we start actual class?"**

**When Zhuge Liang entered his classroom, the students were more respectful of him. "Evening. We have heard a lot about you in history class. Even though you were a s**** general, we give you respect for being pretty smart."**

**"I thank you." (S**** general?! I'll show you!)**

**Unfortunately, Zhang chunhua did not really too much respect since boys are boys. "I am here to educate you kids, not be a sex figure."**

**"Man...I wish..."**

**"What did I just say?" She sees most of the boys staring at her chest again. "...My eyes are UP HERE." She gets multiple pencils and throws them directly onto the desks. The boys look up in fear. "AH!"**

**"Now...can we start our actual lesson? Or I can make those pencils go somewhere else besides the desks."**

**"Yes ma'am!"**

**"Good." (They're easier to control than Shi and Zhao...)**

**Sun Jian managed to calm the whole class and start their lesson as well. **

**Meanwhile, Sima Zhao was still sleeping in bed when the door is knocked on. Jia Chong goes to open it to see that talent agent. "Hey there! Ready for today?"**

**"Huh...?"**

**"Your big break? That's guy's band?"**

**"Oh right! He's sleeping."**

**"Wake him up. Show biz doesn't wait for people like him." **

**"Alright..." After a few minutes, the four were up and out of the door. "Ugh...what is it...?"**

**"Zhao, this man is here to take us to do this band thing you wanted."**

**"Oh I forgot all about that! AH!" The talent agent drags the four out to the limo he had ready for them. Meanwhile, Liu Bei crying his eyes out and did not even go to work because Zhang Fei died. "GUAN YU! IT'S HAPPENING AGAIN! ZHANG FEI IS DEAD!"**

**"Brother... I know you're upset, but Zhang Fei would not want you crying for him."**

**"I want his killer now!"**

**"Unfortunately, we do not know who he or she is. Hm?"**

**KNOCK KNOCK Guan Yu goes to open the door to reveal Takasugi. "Hello. I am aware of your situation with Zhang Fei. I am very sorry. I offer 50,000 for my guilt of not getting to him sooner." (His life insurance policy paid out.)**

**"No, it was not your fault. So keep your money."**

**"Zhang Fei would wanted you to take the money. This is enough for you to live on before going back to work."**

**"No amount of money can compensate for his death." Guan Yu shuts the door in Takasugi's face. (Oh well. I can keep this then.) It switches to Zhong Hui talking to the same assassins that killed the wrong people. "Ok. I'm going to give you ONE LAST CHANCE to kill the correct targets. If you fail, you're done." **

**"Yes sir!"**

**"And to motivate you. Each guy and girl is worth a million if you get them correctly." The assassins run out quickly. At an disclosed area, the goons for the crime boss think about what what the lady they were looking for looked like. "Um...what hair color?"**

**"I think brown?"**

**"There's a lot of women that have that." **

**"Oh! She had large..." He makes gestures on his chest. "Oh yeah. You know...we could do something else before we offer her to the boss..." **

**"The boss does not like damaged goods."**

**"Oh fine. But how are we getting her? She is certainly not coming back there at the alley." **

**"...Hmm...Huh?" They see the assassins at a boat picking up snipers and military-grade weapons. "Hey, who do you think is worth the most?"**

**"I think that tall fellow."**

**"I think that muscle guy."**

**"The guy with long hair seems to be worth a lot. I saw how much pocket change he had."**

**"Well, let's see who gets who first." The goons watch them. "Look at all those shiny new guns..."  
**

**"Look, they have pictures!" The assassins look at the pictures of the Jin targets. "All are worth a million...We cannot screw this up!"**

**"Hey, we should grab some of those guns to take care of the lady."**

**"I think he wants her alive."**

**"Oh... How do we-" They see the assassins carry needles of a green liquid. "These would knock them out."**

**"Why do we want them knocked out?"**

**"Alive is worth more than dead."**

**"But can we just kill them there?"**

**"We'll do the knocking out if it is necessary." **

**"Hey... I just got an idea..." The goons sneak onto the boat to take some of those needles and went off. At the apartment Cao Cao was living in, Takasugi knocks on the door with a still crying Cao Cao answering. "...What...?"**

**"I have some compensation for Yuan's death." He holds up a case of money. "You think this will make up for the death of my fallen general? I find this offensive! Off with your head!"**

**"We're not back at China."**

**"I'm just so sad!" He makes sobbing noises. "Ok... I should leave you alone..."**

**"No! I want company!" Cao Cao pulls Takasugi in a gibberish hug. "Ok.****..There, there... Don't you have Guo Jia?"**

**"I need all the company I can get!"**

**"Alright..." At Xiahou Ba's house, Guo Huai and Xiahou Ba were crying due to Xiahou Yuan's passing. "Why is this happening again?!" **

**"I want to find the ones responsible!" Deng Ai and Wen Yang were getting sobbing hugs from the two. "There...there..." An assassin sees them with a scope of his sniper. "Four-in-one! Hehehe... What can I use...?" He gets a duffle bag filled with guns and looks through them. "So many to choose from... Ak-47... Not classy at all... What can take care of them the fastest? AH!" He takes out a bazooka and some rocket launchers. "So long! Hello, millions!" He shoots all of them on the house, blowing it into smoke and ashes. Someone taps his shoulder. "What-GAH!" Zhuge Dan hits him with a nightstick. "You DO NOT interrupt their mourning!" He continues to beat him. "OW! OW! Damn...forgot about you-OW!"****  
**

**"He's all yours!" The four figures come out of the debris and rushed towards the assassin. All he sees was their red eyes and weapons. "AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!" **

**"How rude of that man to interrupt us!"**

**"Yeah! Take that!"**

**"Surely I hope you're okay."**

**"I'm more than okay in terms with the explosion! But inside...not so much..."**

**Takasugi just gets out of Cao cao's apartment, and his shirt had tear stains on it. "...Ok...What the hell am I supposed to do with all this insurance money? I just found out this morning three more died! Along with Pang Tong, and Xiahou Yuan, I'm getting all this cash and feeling incredibly guilty about it! How many died... five, and they are 50,000 dollars each. Damn...250,000 from them...But I feel so guilty about it...and the people related to them don't want to accept it...Hm?" His phone rings and answers it. "Hello?"**

**"I've heard about all those deaths. I know who's behind it."**

**"Who is it?"**

**"Zhong Hui. He's sending assassins to kill Jin, but his assassins are idiots, so they keep killing the wrong people."**

**"Damn... I would kill him..."**

**"Unfortunately, I've heard he hired Lu Bu, Xu Huang, Li Dian. and Dian Wei to be his bodyguards. They do not know he is sending those assassins."**

**"He is becoming a pain... Can I just go up to him to just shoot him between the eyes? I can play the idiot to him."**

**"That might work, but he sees you as nothing but garbage, so he won't bother with you."**

**"Oh really? I want to kill him more..."**

**"Look, you have to just wait until the time is right."**

**"I hope you're right...I just wish I could know when someone's in danger." **

**"You're not Superman. Besides, it is life and death in the real world. You and I share the same fates as everyone else."**

**"I know, I know...Huh!" **

**"What is it?" Takasugi is in a trance for a bit then comes back to reality. "I had a vision! A lion gets killed by poachers! And a falcon kills a bear."**

**"Hm? What does that mean?"**

**"Who in the DW series would you describe as a lion?"**

**"Um... Zhang Chunhua? She strikes me of one..."**

**"What about a falcon and a bear?"**

**"Zhong Hui reminds me of a falcon since he likes to mention them. A bear may be Deng Ai."**

**"Then he and she are in danger! I'm looking her and him up on the GPS and going to their locations!"**

**"Wait-" He hangs up quickly. Izuru sighs and gets into his car and looks up two locations. "...He's most likely to go to Zhang Chunhua than Deng Ai. I'll go to Deng Ai." The goons from earlier drive all over town to find Zhang Chunhua. "There are a lot of women that look like her. How are you going to identify her?"**

**"I...don't know...Hm?" He stops the van at a Starbucks. He sees Ling Tong, Gan Ning, and Lu Meng standing at the alley. "It's really hard to remeber a thousands names..."**

**"That thing in there is scary."**

**"Quit complaining." The goons go behind Ling Tong and placed a bag over his head. "MMPH!"**

**"Hey! Who you-" Another goon covers him with a bag. Lu Meng didn't get to react as he too had a bag over his head. The goons threw them into the van tied up and drove away. Takasugi stops at the school and runs in. "Let me see if there is anyone suspicious." He looks all around and looks on the roofs. "Nothing. What else can they do?"**

**"Oh, you again. What is it this time?" Takasugi turns to see Miyako. "Oh...you...eh...Are you still..."**

**"What?"**

**"You went loco for Izuru."**

**"What? I didn't. He's decent and I would have dated him instead of you, but dating days are over."**

**"No... I remember Izuru crying to me about you stalking him."**

**"Why would I stalk him? I prefer him as a colleague and not a romantic partner."**

**"But... a few chapters back... you followed him to a strip club..."**

**"Why would I enter one of those places? And he's interested in that stuff? Ugh..."**

**"Well, actually, I made him go with me despite his pleas not to take him."**

**"Why...?"**

**"It was a party. You snuck in and tried to rape Izuru-"**

**"What in the world? Are you finally sucumbing to the effects of drugs?"**

**"You sound like Izuru! What happened?!"**

**"I have no idea what you are talking about... My IQ is 187, and I always sound like this."**

**"Izuru's is 189! Wait... I last saw your original IQ number was 169... Wait... what are you?!"**

**"Why are you yelling? I always had that IQ number. You thought I had 169? That's slightly insulting..."**

**"Did you originally wanted to be a teacher?"**

**"Yes, that's what I was studying for."**

**"Not a doctor?"**

**"Oh no. I have a fear of sick people and blood."**

**"Do you hate me?"**

**"Nah. You're not worth hating. Though you were a stoner and cheated on me with my sister. But I suppose you like dumb women so eh."**

**"...Wait...who was that in these last few chapters? Did you change?!" He takes her and shakes her back and forth. "Stop... I'm getting dizzy..."**

**"What happened?! You suddenly became a female Izuru!"**

**"I have no idea what you're talking about. Maybe get checked into rehab, I think you have something." She walks away from him. "...I am talking to Izuru again to see if he can diagnose her. Now to see if an assassin has got to Zhang Chunhua yet." He runs to a room and find the one Zhang Chunhua was in. (...The guys are staring at her chest... Eh... wouldn't blame them. I would stare if my teachers looked like that... Nothing is happening... Hm... What is wrong?) He moves away from the door. "Hm... I should stick around just in case." Izuru was driving to the neighborhood where the Jin characters lived. He sees a bloody mess on the pavement. "Oh no...is that..."**

**"No, that was just someone trying to kill Guo Huai, Deng Ai, Xiahou ba and Wen Yang." Izuru turns to see Zhuge Dan. "Um...why is that..."**

**"...They...messed him up..."**

**"Who is it?"**

**"This man came with these weapons and blew up Xiahou Ba's house."**

**"Assassin..."**

**"Hm? An assassin?"**

**"Zhong Hui is trying to kill you along with those four, Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, Jia Chong, Wang Yuanji, Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua."**

**"Him?! How dare he try to kill Master Sima Shi! I shall see to it he gets killed himself!"**

**"He has bodyguards. Good ones."**

**"Hmph. I should warn the others than. They are over there if you want to speak with them." Zhuge Dan goes over to the group that were standing near the wreck. Izuru goes to them. "So, you got attacked?" Guo Huai turns to him, with a slightly pale face. "Yes, and when I was grieving for Xiahou Yuan."**

**"Your face... it's becoming more white now..."**

**"My health is now declining since Master Yuan died."**

**"I can say who is his killer."**

**"You do?! Who is it? Is it that archer?"**

**"No, it was Zhong Hui on accident. He sent assassins to kill you along with you Jin, but his assassins are stupid so they were killing the wrong guys, including Yuan."**

**"Then...it's my fault that Master Yuan died?"**

**"Well no...it was Zhong Hui."**

**"If I died, he would be happy, thus he wouldn't need to send the assassin that killed Xiahou Yuan."**

**"But he wants Jin dead."**

**"Everyone? That's a little much."**

**"He knows you're rich, thus trying to make sure you're gone in order to keep his spot as famous guy."**

**"Now that is pure selfishness! I shall see the public knows of this!"**

**"He's powerful, I think you should think carefully on that."**

**"I shall. Just let me calm down."**

**"I'll leave you to it." He turns to Deng Ai. (A falcon killing a bear? That is probably Deng Ai getting killed. I need to watch him carefully." **

**RING RING "Oh! I'll get that. Excuse me. What is it?"**

**"My ex is weird today!"**

**"I do not want to remember her..."**

**"No! It's that she's like you."**

**"Phht. She has an IQ of 169. That's not me."**

**"No... It's like she's a whole different person. I think the woman you met was someone else and the one I met was another her!"**

**"...Well...it may be multiple personality disorder. That's the only explanation I can think of. Why are you calling me about your ex? Aren't you supposed to be looking for Zhang Chunhua's possibly-dead body?"**

**"I don't find any suspicious people. I just learned of this other Miyako. She has an IQ of 187, wanted to be a teacher and not a doctor due to fear of blood and sick people, is professor-like when she speaks, and is against strip clubs."**

**"...That sounds familiar... Except the doctor part, I just didn't want to be one because of sick people and my mom kept on badgering me to be one."**

**"Yeah, you. She's you if you were born with no balls."**

**"You did not need to say it that way... So... what?"**

**"I don't know...maybe give her a chance?"**

**"She has multiple personality disorder possibly, if I go to her again, crazy and emotional her will appear."**

**"I don't know...it could work..."**

**"She needs treatment. I'll consider when I know she's not crazy."**

**"I'll go see her again and see what happens."**

**"Do not send the crazy her to me."**

**"Yeah, got that." He hangs up. "I do not understand. Who was that I was dating? She was at a doctor's class, I remember...then got kicked out... OH! That was the crazy her! She was not smart enough for it anyway. Then the classes that were for teachers she was in. She passed. That was smart her. When she found out I cheated on her sister, she was fine. Then the next day she threw a chair and cut my hand with a piece of glass...oh...I see now..." Takasugi runs into Miyako's classroom and says out,"Hey! Remember when you cut my hand?"**

**"I don't remember doing such thing! Why are you yelling?"**

**(He's right. She's two different people! One is a rational person like Izuru while the other is a crazy and emotional b****! I got it!) "So, ever consider dating?"**

**"What? I'm don't want to date you again. Trust me, you're better off with that slutty sister of mine."**

**"No... maybe if you want to date Izuru, he's single."**

**"W-What are you saying? Haha...no... um...Wait, I can't believe you're giving me dating preferences. This is so ironic."**

**"You're turning slightly pink there. Hm? You could maybe talk to him and see what happens."**

**"...What are you saying? Haha...I can't date him... he's...eh..."**

**"You?"**

**"What?"**

**"You both are smart, but do not like doing those big time jobs, hate doctors because of sick people, talk like you ate a dictionary, and you both dislike my guts."**

**"That last part is kinda true for me. I just wish you went the right way. You had potential, but drugs really got in the way."**

**"Well...I still got a job at a computer company."**

**"Oh, so you're clean? Good for you."**

**"So? Consider dating him?"**

**"Again...I do not want to be in a romantic relationship."**

**"Why are you blushing again? You have something with him, I know it."**

**"...Ok, fine. I think he's kinda attractive..." **

**(What...? Attractive? He's older than me!) "...Attractive? He's kinda old..." **

**"He's twenty-four, I heard. I'm twenty-one."**

**"See? He's old."**

**"Only by three years."**

**(Hmm...I can't say when the crazy her coming yet...) ****"Ok, what else?"**

**"Takasugi, are you jealous?"**

**"No! Phht! Why should I be? I prefer you as a friend...if you're up for it..." **

**"Yeah, sure. You're decent in looks, but I prefer a guy that is smart. So, friends. The sister thing isn't bothering me. She's like a succubus. Any man that gets in her reach is going to her, no matter what. You were...not...that...smart then...so she took advantage of you."**

**"Hey!" (When is that crazy her coming?)**** "You should consider going with him if you want..."**

**"I thought Izuru was gay."**

**(She's here! I'm going to have to change it up.) "He is, and remember when you cut my hand?"**

**"Yeah, and I can do it again." She takes out a switchblade. **

** (Holy crap! She changes personalities fast!) "I'm gonna go..."**

**"You better..."**

**"Hey, um.. did you like being a doctor?"**

**"I was kicked out because of you!"**

**(Yep, same emotional b****. What did I do?) He walks out quickly. (She changed when I suggested to go out with Izuru... That's slightly odd... I'm going to try again...) He goes back in, seeing her still working. "Hey...I was wondering... Did you go to doctor school?"**

**"No. I was studying to be a teacher. You have short-term memory, do you?"**

**(Yep, she's back.) "Um...you wouldn't have to be suffering from multiple personality disorder?"**

**"What...? Gha...-What the hell are you talking about? And you said you were leaving!"**

**(She changes when she is overly stressed about something. I found the switch!) "Ah, I was, but you do know Izuru was gay?"**

**"Yes, if you keep on reminding me, I'm going to snap your fingers. I-Gha! Excuse that, I see you figured that out. I tend to be very different when stressed about something or overly emotional."**

**"Yeah, very different. You go crazy."**

**"...Wait, what do you mean by that...? I went crazy? When?"**

**"Well... you tried to kill me with your car, stalked Izuru, made him tense, him punching you, you tried to make me jealous with Sima Yi, raped Cao Cao, and being a total b****."**

**"...Dear me... it's really getting to-WAIT I RAPED SOMEONE?!"**

**"Yeah... get yourself checked out..."**

**"...Ugh... I didn't want to do that until I was ready...ugh... I feel sorry fro the fellow that-"**

**"Actually, he was enjoying of it."**

**"...That's even worse... I tried to make you jealous with Mr. Sima? Eh...no...he's forty."**

**"He's thirty."**

**"Really? I thought he was forty." Sima Yi sneezes. The whole class says out in unison, "Bless you."**

**"...Thanks..."**

**"I tried killing you with my car? I'm glad I didn't or else I'd get blood stains and those are hard to get out. Oh no... I did that many things to him...? But that explains the bruise I got on my body. What did I do that made him tense?" **

**"You followed him to his house, placed scary poems on his bed and attempted to rape him..."**

**"...Oh my god... I'm so sorry. I thought I was better! I need to talk to that psychiatrist about those pills he gave me... Wait... I had-"**

**"No, he saw ahead and tricked crazy you into having sex with a inflatable gigai."**

**"...That's from Bleach."**

**"Yeah, he got one and let crazy you have her way with it. He also got so pissed with you he tied you up and jammed stuff where the sun don't shine and your mouth."**

**"...Well... That explains why I tasted alcohol even though I don't drink. And why I couldn't pass a healthy bowel movement. Can you tell him, I am so sorry about that? Or he's just going to not bother?"**

**"After I told him you changed in a certain way and that crazy you was not you, he said he would consider speaking to you again if you get better. Just...make sure crazy you doesn't know where he is."**

**"Yes. Does he really hate me?"**

**"Well...that crazy you made him not want to come here again..."**

**"Oh... It's really hard to deal with this. If I'm with someone, she will come. And it looks like she'll be a psycho to that person, thus him shunning me when I come back to my senses."**

**"This happened before?"**

**"My past boyfriends all have been cursed with that, thus you said, I made them homosexual. The only reason you didn't get that is that you...were...not...that...smart..."**

**"Why do you put that much detail onto that part?!"**

**"You are just not...smart..."**

**"You're doing it again!"**

**"You were too high in the clouds to bother about me, thus I had no feelings for you, thus why I didn't care when you cheated on me with my sister." **

**"But...you cut my hand the day after you said you didn't care..."**

**"...I did? The other me just hated you probably."**

**"So... when you went crazy during the time you met Izuru, you liked him?"**

**"W-Why are you making that assumption...? I prefer if we made up and become friends."**

**"Mm-hm." (I can't joke, or else she'll get even more emotional, causing crazy to appear.) **

**"You're not joking about it?"**

**"...I'm trying...really...hard...not...to...or else crazy you is going to appear."**

**"I am strong enough to suppress her right now. I just need to take a few of these drugs." She takes out a medicine bottle, and takes one pill. "There. Joke away. These may be not effective most of the time, but my brain is very strong."**

**"Ok. Haha! You like him!"**

**"Again, no!"**

**"Come on, don't be shy!"**

**"I barely know him. I just only saw his face for a bit before my medicine started to wear off and that b**** me comes up. When I saw you two, I first thought of Izuru as attractive and that you look the same." **

**"How about you get to know him? Just avoid the crazy you."**

**"I don't know, based on your story on all those things that happened, I think he'll just run away once he sees me."**

**"I'll talk to him. He's one to listen." Back at that neighborhood, ****Izuru was still standing and watching the roofs if there are assassins. "...Hm...Maybe the vision was just something random..."**

**"Why are you still here?"**

**"Because another assassin will come by and try again with you guys."**

**"We can fend for ourselves. No need to worry about us."**

**"I hope so. These guys have these weapons that will blow off your head fast." He continues to look around and spots a figure. "There! On the roof!" All five looked up and saw it. But the figure was fast and a shot is heard. "GRG!" Deng Ai gets a bullet to his shoulder. "He missed! Get away!" The figure takes another aim and shoots Wen Yang in the leg. "GAH! Gr..." He falls, and looks around for his javelin. "Here!" Xiahou Ba grabs it from the ground and throws it over to Wen Yang. A bullet hits the ground right next to his foot, missing. "Ah!" Wen Yang throws the javelin and it knocks the figure off the roof. The figure gets up and is seen running away. "...You're not getting away!" Guo Huai shoots it and the shot goes through the middle of the figure. They run up to it to see its face. "Just another assassin."**

**"Actually, Takasugi said he saw the same guy killing Xiahou Yuan. This guy had the same cloak."**

**"Then I have avenged him."**

**"Are you two okay? You need medical attention!"**

**"...I can stand..." Wen Yang tries to stand up, but the wounded leg is making him walk limp. "What about you, Deng Ai?"**

**"No...it's fine..." **

**"You'll bleed to death if you leave it untreated."**

**"Wait, this will alarm people if you call the authorities. Are you sure you can go with those wounds?"**

**"Yes, I have survived much worse." **

**"Ok... Hm?" **

**RING RING RING "What?"**

**"I don't find any of those guys here."**

**"Really? Then your vision was half wrong. Deng Ai and Wen Yang got shot, but in decent condition."**

**"Then who was the lion? Why didn't you get attention?"**

**"I don't know, false alarm? Because if the public hears on assassins, it will cause a panic. And not to mention there will be bodyguards crowding the guys and streets and everywhere else. It may cost someone their life later, but public panic is going to cost more. So it's best we kept them like that." The van that had Gan Ning, Ling Tong, and Lu Meng was driving to an undisclosed warehouse when a man in coat sees them. "You find her?"**

**"Yeah. Here you go." They set the three on chairs that went back-to-back to each other. They removed the bags. "...That's a woman...?"**

**"Yeah, look at her." Ling Tong acts displeased. "...Wait...what?" **

**"He called you a woman! Ahahaha!"**

**"Gan Ning, we're in a very serious situation."**

**"These guys don't look so tough!" **

**"We're tied up, you dumbass. You can't kick someone's butt like this." The man in the coat yells out,"This is a guy! You dimwits!"**

**"That's a he?! Dude looks like a lady!" Ling Tong gets an even more displeased face. ****"Haha."**

**"I can't believe you! I sent you to get a woman that stole from me! Not a guy that works at Starbucks and his buddies!"**

**"What do we do with them?"**

**"I can't risk them going to the cops. Kill them."**

**"WHAT?! Let us go!" **

**"Now, we don't know if you are going to the cops. And we're not running the risk." All the goons raised guns at them. "NRGH!" Gan Ning lifts himself and knocks the gun away from a goon, rips his hands from the rope and takes the rifle. "How do I use this?" He shoots a goon in the face accidently. "Oh! Cool!" He shoots the rest of the goons. Ling Tong hits a goon, and lets bullets shoot off the ropes that restrained him and Lu Meng. They picked up the rifles and went behind a create with Gan Ning. "These things are awesome! They're like magic sticks!"**

**"These are dangerous..."**

**"Who cares? We're getting out of here!" More goons come in and blasted the create with bullets. "How can we get them?" **

**"Follow me." Lu Meng goes quickly between creates and cargo and the three manage to get behind the goons. "Hey!" The three shoot all over the backs of them. They see the warehouse door closing slowly and they run to it, sliding down just in time before it closes. "Ok! Uh-oh..." They find they are aimed at by the man in the coat. "Well, well, you've been a pain in the ass. Time to shut you up. GAH!" Gan Ning and Ling Tong barrel into him, and take the gun. "Haha! Not so tough now, huh?"**

**"Grr...what do you want?"**

**"Hm?"**

**"I can give you some compensation if you let me go."**

**"Like what?"**

**"Cars, money, women, anything." **

**"Where's the money?"**

**"Come with me." They get walked over to a cargo container and it opens to find thousands or thousands of stacks of money in it."Whoa..."**

**"Take your pick."**

**"Can I have all?"**

**"No."**

**"Quick! Stuff as much into your pockets!" Gan Ning runs inside to grab bills and forced them into his pockets. Ling Tong goes in as well to take more. The man walks away. (Hehe... Those are fakes... And I want my 250,000 back! I need to find that woman. But I don't even know what she looks like, I'll find out.) After those three took the fake bills and stole the van from the area, they drive on the street to go back to the Starbucks. "Hey, I want to drive."**

**"No, you're awful at driving."**

**"At least let me ride in the front!"**

**"No. Hm? What's this?" Ling Tong gets a paper from the glove box. "Sold to **********. This says it was bought on "Ebay." What does that mean?" Right when he said that, the van falls apart and stops working. "...Oh..." **

**"Gee, thanks! How are we supposed to get back?"**

**"There's another one over there." The three go over to a parked car, broke in, and drove off. Izuru was still talking to Takasugi through the phone, "What? Make up?"**

**"She said she wants to clear up any hard feelings with you and her. The one that is not crazy, of course."**

**"I want to, but what about if during that time, the crazy her comes back?"**

**"Hey, just try. If she does surface, pretend to be gay again."**

**"Ok, I'll go over there. But do you know what caused her disorder? A trauma?"**

**"I don't know, you can ask her."**

**"I hope I don't get the crazy her stuck on me again..." He hangs up. "I see you can take things over here. Be careful."**

**"Don't worry about us. But I thank your concern." Izuru gets into his car to go to the school. When he got there, he enters and walks down the hall to a room. "He said here. Oh well..." He goes in, and he sees Miyako. "Hey."**

**"Please tell me you're not the crazy one."**

**"I am not crazy now. I took my medicine. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for all those things I don't remember doing. I suffer from multiple personality disorder. I black out, then the other me takes over."**

**"What is the cause? These things happen due to a trauma."**

**"Hm? I don't know..."**

**"...Well...that explains it... I'm sorry for abusing you. But what do I call you now?"**

**"Just call me with my regular name. The one that...eh...is...a b****... Call her B****."**

**"No... that is demeaning... I'll just call her Crazy."**

**"Now that's demeaning. Oh well, we're on good terms? But you hate the other me."**

**"I wish I could be nice, but I'm too afraid that other you will pop up and realize I'm not gay, thus springing those events all over again."**

**"I get it. But saying you were gay was the best thing you could have done. I'm not really getting as much blackouts compared to back when I first saw Takasugi and you." Takasugi suddenly breaks in, "She thinks you're attractive!"**

**"What...?"**

**"Takasugi! You're not supposed to say that! I regret saying that to you now! Excuse that!"**

**"...Um... I-I have nothing to say... I've been always called "average." **

**"Why're you turning pink then?"**

**"My ex never called me that. She always said to me I was average. Attractive is not a word you can really use with me... Back at high school, girls even called me "average." They even added that I looked handsome compared to other otaku who were...well...chubby... Overall, I was never really called attractive a lot..."**

**"Just take the damn compliment!"**

**"You're the one who yelled it out in my face! She could say that with her own words. So...Koff...Excuse me and him."**

**"It's alright. I was hoping-" **

**"Anyway! You two should go out."**

**"What?! N-No... I can't be-"**

**"Yeah, I told you I don't want to be romantically involved with him! I would prefer friends!"**

**"You think he's attractive."**

**"Yeah, but I do not want a relationship right now! Especially when it all could crumble down with the disorder!"**

**"You're not really turning right now, aren't you? And you said you had less of those blackouts when Izuru said he was gay to the other you. Maybe if you went for a cup of coffee and talk, you would maybe get rid of it all together."**

**"You cannot just make a disorder go away. It takes treatment. And this seems offensive...but why aren't you in a hospital?"**

**"It's not that severe. It just may cause some certain people to hate me. Plus, medicine helps."**

**"But...medicine doesn't do that much...with these things..."**

**"...I don't know. But they work." Takasugi pulls Izuru in and mutters, "This story was already becoming unrealistic when you were with Sima Yi and he ramped up your car! All of the Jin guys becoming rich? In your dreams. So, if the medicine works and she is not in a hospital, it's better to not ask questions." He puts him back. **

**"Hey, how about after you get off, you and Izuru go have coffee?"**

**"I dislike coffee."**

**"Then order tea."**

**"Why are you pushing this on me? You said this wasn't going to be one of those stories."**

**"Well, not for me. But I can do it for you."**

**"What are you? The Matchmaker?"**

**"Why yes, I am. Now get on to it."**

**"...I'm just wondering... Did you... you know... with him?"**

**"No! Actually I didn't really pay attention to him..."**

**"So, you had never had sex with Takasugi?"**

**"No. I've never really kissed him either."**

**"But the other you raped Cao Cao..."**

**"...Ugh...no...I hope I didn't get anything..."**

**"I'll ask Cao cao on that..."**

**"Izuru called you my sloppy seconds when you were in crazy mode."**

**"Kmph...that's funny... Ironic, since I have never did anything sexual with you."**

**"You know what? I'll call Cao Cao on something." Takasugi takes out his phone, and calls Cao Cao. A sniffle is heard on the other line. "...What?" Izuru whispers to Takasugi, "Guo Huai also avenged Xiahou Yuan." **

**"Guo Huai killed the guy who killed Xiahou Yuan."**

**"Really? That's good to hear. I feel happy now Yuan can rest. What else did you need?"**

**"Do you remember the lady who raped you?"**

**"Yes! She was a good-looking woman, I must say." **

**"Um...what exactly did she do to you? Did she- you know?"**

**"No, but I wish. She took a stick and did me with it. I felt violated..."**

**"So...your thingy-mi-gig did NOT get used?"**

**"Nope. I wish though..."**

**"Ugh...well...I have to go, now bye." He hangs up. "Good news. Miyako, your lady part did not touch his part. Crazy you just raped him with a stick or rod."**

**"Oh thank god..."**

**"So, since she's still pure in the eyes of our Lord Jesus, you can date her."**

**(That Jesus part was not necessary...)"...Um... Well... I suppose I can get to know you better, you're decent when you're not trying to get into my pants."**

**"Oh no, the other me was doing that? Ugh...I feel so embarrassed..."**

**"Eh... don't worry... But the other you is a masochist. She begged me to hit you."**

**"Oh no... At least we have something to talk about..."**

**"So... all those times I had talked to you were the other you?"**

**"Yes, this is my first time actually getting to speak with you."**

**"How did you even date Takasugi if you were a smarter person than he was?"**

**"He had high scores at the beginning of college when I met him, I assumed, then he got into drugs. Everything went downhill after that."**

**"Come on! This is soooo boring! Can you get blushy now?" The two turned to him. "We're not high schoolers. We're handling this like adults."**

**"So, how do you want this to happen? Friends with benefits? Sex buddies? Have a one nighter? Have casual sex?"**

**"...That's for you... I'm not you... Look, we can meet somewhere after you get off work...and well...if you're not busy...we can talk..."**

**"You're turning red."**

**"S-Shut up! Anyway, where do you want to meet?"**

**"Oh, um... There's a coffee shop near here..."**

**"How cliche!" Izuru goes to kick Takasugi out the room. Literally. "Excuse that. That sounds fine, I'll be there."**

**"Hm, you too." Izuru goes out the room, only to get a funny look from Takasugi. "...What are you staring at?"**

**"It's a daaaate..."**

**"No, it's not a date! We need somewhere for a proper conversation without interfering with her work." **

**"Mm-hm. Next thing you know, you're dating, and then you get married-"  
**

**"I'm going to stop you there! You're thinking about this the wrong way." **

**"Yeah. Got it. Call me when you're thinking of where you're having it." He walks away with Izuru running after him. ****"Again! We're not going there!" **

**Now shall we see what the Sima bros with Jia Chong and Wang Yuanji are doing?**

**Sima Zhao munches on the chips that were in the limo. "Zhao, could you keep it down with that? It's so noisy."**

**"I'm sorry, but these bags make noise no matter what I do. Hey, this car was like the one the director guy was driving."**

**"You almost puked on Zhuge Dan when we were in it."**

**"The guy was driving weird. You sprayed that funny liquid all over Mother."**

**"I didn't know it was going to do that!"**

**"It looked wrong though..."**

**"Ugh.. shut it..." The talent agent asks them, "Do you write your own songs?"**

**"Why yes. I already got a few down."**

**"Great, we can record you singing. Can all of you play an instrument?"**

**"Yes, I can play guitar, Jia Chong can be the other guitar and Yuanji can be the drummer while Shi sings. But we can all sing."**

**"Wow, I guess you can alternate between singers. Here we are." They got out to see a large studio. "I need you to talk to these guys and you can sign a contract with them."**

**"How do we know which is good?"**

**"You're new to this, huh? Um... They'll tell you ways your image is projected, and if you don't like it, you can kick their ass out."**

**"Ok, got it." They go in a room with several men and women in suits. "Hey..."**

**"Let's get down to business. You want money. We can make you money from your songs. Here's what we're trying to do for your one of your songs." The man takes out a computer and plays a video. It showed Sima Zhao, Jia Chong and Wang Yuanji playing their instruments, and Sima Shi comes up in cloud. He is singing Blade of Fate and they all float off on individual clouds. "Um...what is this...? Did we die?"**

**"What's with the clouds?"**

**"Your song seems to be about Heaven, so we thought clouds." The video continues with them flying around with angel wings. Jia Chong takes the computer and throws it out the window. "No."**

**"Hey! That was 300 bucks for editing and the computer!"**

**"I do not approve of this one." (I'm not doing angel crap.) Sima Zhao then says, ****"Alright, bye."**

**"Unbelievable..." The man walks off in a huff. Next person was another man. "Hey, I have an idea for your album covers." He holds up a picture of Wang Yuanji almost nude with the three on it also almost nude. Wang Yuanji takes them and throws them out the window. "No."**

**"Hey, you owe me 100 bucks for printing, shipping, the photographer-"**

**"I do not approve of this." (I'm not a sex figure!)**

**"Ok, bye." The man leaves in a huff. A woman sets another laptop in front of them. "You hated that video? Ok, here's mine, it's way better." The video starts with Sima Shi walking with his jacket unbuttoned to show off his chest and is walking in the middle of the desert. The wind blows around and he sings the same song. Then the Zhao, Jia Chong, and Yuanji playing appear in zombie costumes and scare Shi. Sima Shi takes the laptop and throws it out the window. "No."**

**"Hey! That was 400 bucks to pay for the computer and the editor!"**

**"I do not approve of this one." (It's in a desert.)**

**"...Ok...bye." After five more people got sent out, another guy walked in with a computer. "After seeing how you rejected them, I have something that is lot greater than your previous offers. Here." He sets a computer in front of them, and it showed a video. Sima Shi was singing as he had the three behind him playing the instruments. It was normal with Shi flipping his hair at some parts, shots of the three playing, then the area they were in darken and a light shining to Shi when the song ends. Jia Chong, Wang Yuanji, and Sima Shi make approving gestures. Sima Zhao looks at them unusually, "This is the most plain..."**

**"Not angel stuff, at least." **

**"It's practical."**

**"It's just like I've always wanted!" Sima Zhao sweatdrops,"...Ok...We'll take you."**

**"Yes! We can send this video out, right?"**

**"Yeah, if that's how it works."**

**"Alright, sign here." Wang Yuanji whispers to Zhao,"Shouldn't you read it before signing so quickly?"**

**"Yeah, let see... These guys will have our image... They get 50% of our profit...hey!" **

**"Ok, ok! How about 20%?"**

**"No, 10 percent or you're out of here."**

**"Fine, ten percent it is." Sima Zhao signs the contract. "Good, now you can go and get in the trailer."**

**"What?"**

**"The video is getting 6,000,000 views already. And these guys are wanting more."**

**"Do we record or what you guys do?"**

**"Hm... Do you have more songs?"**

**"I have these papers, but some of them are not for Shi. Here's one for Jia Chong, one for Yuanji, two are Shi's, two are mine, and one duet."**

**"Whoa, better than most that don't even have two songs ready. Ok, we do that tomorrow. You can get your stuff, and go back home. We'll call you if anything comes up." The four walk out of the studio. "Now what?"**

**"Ahem." A driver gestures them into the limo. "Do you need to anywhere?"**

**"What is there to see?"**

**"Aww...I wanted to go home..."**

**"Zhao, while we're out, we should look around a little more than last time. Staying at the house will not do any good."**

**"...Ok..." **

**"We are new here, could you give us a tour around the city?"**

**"Sure. Hop in." They get inside and drove into the city. "This is really when you get downtown. Hostess bars, strip clubs, casinos and massage parlors are normally here. It's like Sin City for us. If you're into that stuff, go. Not? Get the hell out of here."**

**"What are they? I know the first ones, but are the last two?"**

**"Casinos is where you play with your money to get more money, basically. People often go bankrupt due to casinos. Massage parlors are when you get a massage basically. Usually with a pretty lady."**

**"Ooh, I want to go into one!" Zhao gets a glare from Yuanji. "Phht, the lady would just take my money." The drive next to a tall building. "This is where this new guy lives and does his business stuff."**

**"Knmph."**

**"Not that business. Ever heard of Zhong Hui?" The four get tense when they heard his name. "Oh? What about him?"**

**"He's this guy who went into a Calvin Klein place, and immediately got a job there. He then went to Abercrombie & Fitch later, made more money as that, and then he is also a hair stylist. He is the most requested by celebirties to get their hair done, so he has a long waiting list. Then he endowed money into stocks, and made a lot more. He is also a business person too, most of the money he gets are from stocks. He never loses, for some reason. I've heard he has an underground gambling ring around in the downtown area. But you think I'm just speaking rubbish." **

**"...That's where he is? I see..." Jia Chong stares at the building as they drive past it, and up in the building, Zhong Hui looks out, and looks at the limo closely. "Hmph. Still alive, aren't you? Don't worry, your time will come. Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!" A housekeeper walks in and turns on the vacuum over his laughing. "Hey! Go do that somewhere else!" She couldn't hear him. "Hello?! Shut it off!"**

**"No...no...I clean now..."**

**"Can you at least take it over there?!"**

**"...No...No...I stay here..."**

**"Argh..."**

* * *

**Zhuge Liang looks like Jesus, just saying. **

**What a twist! It turns out that Miyako was not who what you saw in the past chapters. It was just another her! But seriously, multiple personality disorder is not something you could just cure with medicine. But I'm making it easy on myself and not deal with the scientific nerdy stuff and just defy the physics here. **

**It's not a date, it's a raisin.**

**That housekeeper is based on that lady from Family Guy. Consuela, right?**

**When I see Ling Tong, I play "Dude (Looks like a Lady)" by Aerosmith in my head. Also, Zhang He, Zhou Yu, and maybe Sima Yi if I felt like it.**

**To be honest, if I had a teacher that resembled Zhang Chunhua, I would be staring at her during the entire lesson. Not at her chest, but just look in awe on how she resembled her. Okay, I may look at her chest. But I doubt I'm getting a substitute like that. **

**Zhuge Dan strikes with his police brutality nightstick!**

**Gan Ning with a gun? Holy crap... **

**Stereotypical gunfight scene from every action movie, yeah!**

**Handsome otaku don't exist, do they? Well, except in Sket Dance with Kazuyoshi Usui. **


	11. I don't know what to call this

**Takasugi walks with Izuru, teasing the fact that Izuru has a date still. ****"It's a dataaae and you know it!"**

**"No, it isn't! You think about things the wrong way!"**

**"Nope, it is. You're blushing."**

**"You're embarrassing me, that's why!"**

**"Tell me, what do you think of her when she's not you know, that crazy way?"**

**"...Um...I think she's a nice woman who I hope I can be good friends with. Compared to what I experienced originally...But she is clearly ill-"**

**"Shut up about that! Be glad it's not one of those movies where she goes to watch you sleep while in crazy form!"**

**"That is not a movie. And I'm simply stating that-"**

**"Nope! Keep that science stuff out of here and ignore on how she is still sane. This story already stopped making sense anyway, so why bother? And i noticed something, you were flattered when she called you attractive...haah?"**

**"No, I wasn't. I was slightly surprised someone found me attractive. I...well...I can't say for myself or I'll seem full of myself."**

**"Yes, you were! You blushed when you heard that. What do you think of her?"**

**"Um...well...I...I don't know...She's normal-looking when she's not crazy... I suppose she's pretty..."**

**"Ha!"**

**"Don't jump into conclusions!"**

**"Friends don't call each other attractive. Girlfriends of gay guys and girls are the only friends that can call you attractive because you're clothes shopping. Anyone else saying that stuff outside of clothes shopping is something to jump into conclusions about. She likes you and that makes the crazy her want you as well."**

**"...Um... Friends seem better at this point...Been a while since I dated..."**

**"Two years to be exact. Just maybe try it out, it will go off."**

**"I do not understand why are you setting me up with YOUR EX."**

**"Come on, you two have similar personalities. Those that have the same attract."**

**"That's not it... It's opposites who attract. The ones that are similar get repelled or stay friends. Like magnets. It's most likely we will be just friends if we are that similar."**

**"Mm-hm. Tell me when you're expecting."**

**"WHY ARE YOU THINKING THAT FAR?! Me...and her...eh...that..." He gets flustered and turns red. **

**"You knew what I was talking about? Hahahah... Good luck!"**

**"It's not even time yet."**

**"Yeah. Just fit a few stories on the other guys and it will be time for you for your "date."**

**"NOT A DATE."**

**Deng Ai and Wen Yang had bandages on and were inside Deng Ai's house with Guo Huai, Zhuge Dan, and Xiahou Ba. They all had papers. "Since our lives are in grave danger, we have all prepared wills in case something will happen to us. I shall go first. I leave my house to Xiahou Ba since his house got blown up. My money will be divided between you four and Master Sima Yi. I should go visit him when he gets back. The part I own at "Google" can go to...um...Anyone want it? It will be reserved for you." Everyone looked at each other. "We can't fight over it. Give it to Zhuge Dan."**

**"Why? I don't deserve such generosity..."**

**"I'll give it to you. Next, Wen Yang?"**

**"I give my money to all of you. Doesn't matter who gets the most, just don't fight over it. Do what you like with the estate. The basketball team can go back to that Mark guy." Guo Huai went next, "I leave all money to you guys. You can sell my estate if you'd like. Company goes to whoever can handle it." Xiahou Ba reads his, "I leave my entire supply of Gro-X to Zhuge Dan."**

**"Why?"**

**"...You need it...You're pretty short...I have no house, so go Zhuge Dan."**

**"Hmph. I leave my earnings and winnings to Master Sima Shi and and all you guys. My estate doesn't really matter. You can sell it back." **

**"We all said what we needed to say, we can only defend against Zhong Hui's attacks. So don't let your guard down. If we do die, you heard what to do with our belongings." They all grunted in agreement. **

**Lu Meng was driving the stolen car with Ling Tong and Gan Ning in the back. "Hey, what should we do with this money?"**

**"Wine and strippers!"**

**"Not a bad idea, but I'm hungry..."**

**"What about that?" Gan Ning points at a McDonalds. Ling Tong looks at that and scoffs. "What? You want that? Do you even know what food they have?"**

**"It's called trying new things. You should try it sometime." **

**"Yeah, we all know how that worked out for you back at DW7. Your hair looked awful."**

**"Ok, that wasn't the best idea. Can I get something over there, old man?"**

**"Oh, fine... Let me figure out how you do this." Lu Meng goes to the drive-thru. "Um... how do I do it?"**

**"Hello, and welcome to McDonalds. What would you like?"**

**"Gan Ning, you say." Gan Ning moves to pop out of the driver window. "Yeah, I want food."**

**"Be more specific."**

**"What is that you have here?"**

**"Hamburgers..."**

**"Then I'll have twenty of those!"**

**"Would you like fries with that?"**

**"What are fries?"**

**"Potato sticks."**

**"Gimee twenty of those then!"**

**"What size?"**

**"LARGE!"**

**"Want a drink?"**

**"Damn right! I want twenty cups of wine!"**

**"We don't have wine... but we do have soda and juice."**

**"Soda then. What's soda?"**

**"Fizzy drink."**

**"Ooh."**

**"Anymore? There's ice cream, salad, chicken nuggets, and chicken sandwiches."**

**"Then I want all of that!"**

**"It will come to a total of $171.57." (Not actual price. But too lazy to add up normally.)**

**"Yeah, no problem."**

**"Drive up." Lu Meng drives up to the window. "What do we do?"**

**"Give us the cash." Gan Ning takes out crumpled bills and sticks them into the man's hand. "This is 90 dollars, we need more." Gan Ning fethes more out of his pocket and sticks it into the man's hand. "This is 160. I need 11 more."**

**"Ok, here." He takes out a few more crumpled bills. "You can drive to the front." Lu Meng is given bags with food in them. "Ok, this is way too much-" Gan Ning goes to grab the bags. He continues to grab more until the last thing was an ice cream cone. "Nom, nom, nom. This thing tastes good!" He eats the whole thing, and eats his hamburgers."**

**"Are you planning to share that?"**

**"I paid, get your own." Ling Tong grabs a burger and shoves it in his face just to taunt him. "See? I got one." Gan Ning sees a salad in one of his bags. (Ugh...no thanks...) "Old man, this is for you."**

**"Oh, thank you Gan Ning." The car ride was just Gan Ning and Ling Tong trying to eat as many hamburgers before the other. Guo Jia, Cao Pi, Zhou Yu, Lu Su, and Sun Ce all are back at the host club. The club was bustling with business when they heard Guo Jia came back. "Are you okay?"**

**"Yes, I'm fine." He adds some sparkles to that statement. All the girls squealed. Zhou Yu has just as much as him, except they were more into touching his hair. "Oh my god, how do you get this to be so soft?"**

**"Um...herbs in shampoo and eat a lot of salmon and spinach?" (Salmon is good for hair growth, FYI. Zhou Yu may have eaten that if he has that gorgeous hair. Or some spinach.)**

**"Really? I should try that!" All of the girls around Zhou Yu nodded. "..." (I think they just like me for my hair...) Lu Su and Sun Ce get decent reception, but usually just indulge themselves in wine and food rather than the ladies. Cao Pi is just as popular as Zhou Yu and Guo Jia at his table."So, what are you into?"**

**"Horse riding, archery, swordplaying, and poetry."**

**"Cool! I love horses. Are you into any music?"**

**"I make my own music." All of the girls act amazed. "Really? Can you show us?" Cao Pi takes out a zither and plays a few tunes while the girls all swoon over him. "Wow, you know how to play old instruments? That's cool!"**

**"I learned when I was a young child." He finishes and sits back at his seat. "You don't mind if I order some wine?"**

**"Yes! Anything you'd like!"**

**"Hmph." Zhang He was at that fancy clothing store and was doing well as usual. Zhen Ji goes up to him,"You seem to be enjoying this."**

**"I love this! A shame I can't do that back home, we have war, thus no time to dilly-dally. But now we can do as out hearts desires!" He dances and sparkles around the store. "He's enjoying himself. What about you, Cai Wenji?"**

**"Huh? I suppose it's nice to be in peace. Even we have to work, it's better than chaos."**

**"Ture." A man walks in and sees Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji with a amazed expression. He goes quickly over to them in a lisp voice. "You girls models?"**

**"Aw, that's sweet. You look and sound like Zhang He."**

**"Oh my god, I must have you for my new line of spring clothing!"**

**"Hm? What are you talking about?"**

**"I can make you rich! You're so beautiful, you put the moon to shame!"**

**(Sorry, already heard that from twenty other men that pass by here.) "Um...what do you want?"**

**"I want you two to be my models!" Zhang he sees that man and goes quickly to him. "Hello! I've heard something for Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji to be models!"**

**"Oh my god! That ascot and suit is so hot! You design?"**

**"Yes."**

**"Can I see your designs?" Zhang He takes out a sketch book. The man looks through them with approving expressions. "LOVE. THEM. Why you here? You should come with me! And those ladies your friends?"**

**"Yes, what?"**

**"I want them to be my models!"**

**"Oh! They should! But would they approve?" Zhang He turns to Zhen Ji who was nodding approvingly, but Cai Wenji was slightly blushing at the idea. "Me? A model? I don't think I could..."**

**"You're pretty as Zhen Ji! But I won't force it on you if you don't want to do it."**

**"I'll do it. But just no revealing clothing." Zhang He and that guy looked at each other and continued to talk on each other's fashion sense in many compliments. Zhen Ji whispers to Cai Wenji, "I feel like I'm seeing two Zhang Hes." **

**"It's nice Zhang He has someone to relate to besides us."**

**"But it's so...freaky how they look so similar..."**

**"Hm, maybe."**

**It switches back to Takasugi yelling. "Hey! That's not enough! It's still early!" **

**Hu...How many minutes left? **

**"About...30 minutes..." **

**Here's Zhang Jiao's religious program. It switches to Zhang Jiao holding a book with "Way of Peace" on it. "My children-*insert religious stuff here* I'm here to tell you about-*More religious stuff* My-*more religious stuff* We must not sit while-*something bad that religion can solve* These-*People religion does not approve of* We must purge them-*Genocide of a certain people for religious reasons* You-*Blah blah blah...* It switches back to Takasugi. "What was that?! You bored the audience! I can hear their snoring through this screen! Oh, it's time. Izuru, you can get ready for your-**

**"IT'S NOT A DATE!" **

**RING RING RING RING Everyone gets out of the school. Izuru walks to a table at the coffee shop to wait for Miyako. "I do not want you following me, Takasugi." **

** "I'm just-"**

**"Get out. I do not want your comments getting into the conversation."**

**"Okaaay..." Takasugi pretends to go away, but he jumps into another table and holds up a newspaper with holes for his eyes. Miyako sits in the chair across from Izuru. "Don't worry, the one you know is not coming since I took more medicine."**

**"But medi-"**

**SHUT UP ABOUT THAT. I do not want to make a big-ass deal with the disorder since it is very hard to break up and explain.**

**"Ok, the author's even yelling at me, so I'll stop with that..."**

**"Who are you talking to?"**

**"No one...I want to ask you this...When were the times you were crazy and the ones where you were normal. I can make something out of that." Takasugi scoffs behind him. (Really? Starting with your science crap? No wonder you're still single despite having that Uryu-ish face!) Miyako answers him, "I was normal during the time before meeting you and Takasugi again, and after I saw Takasugi and you, I blacked out." **

**"Something against Takasugi?"**

**"No, I don't. But it seems the other me takes over I see him."**

**"You must have some oppressed hate for him."**

**"No, I really don't, to be fully honest. I was slightly hurt with the sister thing, but I blown that off. He was obviously infatuated with my sister's advancements, and she is very, very convincing, so that is understandable."**

**"Ok, after that?"**

**"It was a back and forth game between me and Crazy. I blacked out for four days straight then. Takasugi already said all the things that crazy me has done."**

**"I spoke with you in the classroom once after you tried to run Takasugi over."**

**"Really? I did not run over Takasugi."**

**"Then that one time i talked with you was Crazy you. She tried to seduce me, but she was really awful at doing that stuff..."**

**"...Oh...What else did Crazy me do to you?"**

**"Let's see... Stalked me for a while, followed me to a strip club, almost raped me, stalked me some more, and then I said I was gay to her. I may have done some damage to you..."**

**"Yes, I still have some bruises."**

**"I'm sorry, I do not usually hit women."**

**"Don't worry, I'm not mad. You just did what you need to do to get rid of her."**

**"So, when were the times you were normal and talking to me or Takasugi?"**

**"Hm...none...Today was the first time I actually could speak to you guys face-to-face. Saying you're gay was the best thing you could have done, surprisingly." **

**"I wonder what happened. But do you have a childhood trauma? It may be the cause of your condition." Takasugi behind him, (Great, the Discovery Channel...)**

**"I can't remember that far back... Hmm..."**

**"Someone die? Saw something you shouldn't have saw? Takasugi scared or scar you?" Takasugi behind him, (Why me?! You ass!) Miyako thinks for a while before looking slightly upset. Izuru notices, "Oh! You don't have to tell me! I can just move on-"**

**"No, I can say. I...had a former friend that died a few years before I went to college..."**

**"Um...did I hit something...?"**

**"Don't worry, I do not mind. We were...close... and we almost got together until an..." She tears up slightly. "Hey, you don't have to continue. I can make do with that."**

**"...An admirer of his thought we were dating and tried to kill me. But he...died protecting me... I was very heartbroken, thus never tried to get close to someone again."**

**"Then why were you dating Takasugi?"**

**"To be honest, he was someone I can be with and not be in love with. Let's face it, he's too naive for love." Takasugi behind them, (Oh, screw you! I can make someone love me! And this is starting to sound like every romance manga and anime I've ever seen!) **

**"I'm sorry for prying into your life."**

**"No, it's good I face that again."**

**"Hm...the crazy you acts infatuated with me and will stalk me. She did almost rape me..."**

**"Actually, that sounds like my friend's admirer that killed him... And..." She slightly blushes. "You look like him..."**

**"Excuse me?"**

**"You resemble my friend from many years ago..."**

**"...Really? I can maybe evaluate on that. That moment was probably the root of your condition. When you saw me, it triggered a certain thing, did it?"**

**"Now that you mentioned it, I blacked out a lot after seeing you... I guess me seeing my friend's face again made me slightly uneasy and I changed."**

**"But why did your crazy you have a thing against Takasugi?"**

**"I do not know. I guess Takasugi is easy to hate." Takasugi behind them, (This is like already sounding like a psychiatrist show or Dr. Phil... And I'm not easy to hate! Ok, I may throw around a few bad jokes that might offend people...) **

**"The crazy you probably hates him due to the sister thing."**

**"Maybe."**

**(Again with the sister thing?! How many times do they need to bring that up?!)**

**"I've heard when you were crazy you she said about going to Hollywood."**

**"What? Now that I think about it...after I graduated from college, I blacked out. The moment I woke up, I was lying on a movie set. I got out immediately."**

**"Oh...****Um...I don't want to pry...but what about me resembles that friend of yours?"**

**"He was intelligent, handsome, and had nice sense of humor. You seem to share the first two. Your face reminds me of him also." **

**"...Um...did you just call me handsome...?"**

**"Wait, I said that out loud...?"**

**"...Ok... I'm just a little surprised I could be considered...handsome..."**

**(Really? You look like Uryu Ishida with Usui Kazuyoshi's haircut and the fangirls are all over them!)**

**"...You can disregard that..."**

**"I'm not mad you called me that. Average was just something I was usually called throughout my life and got used to hearing." **

**"S-So, do you work at that computer company with Takasugi?"**

**"Huh? Oh..." (Will she get mad that Takasugi lied?) "Um...that was something Takasugi used on crazy you...But that made her more hating of him."**

**"Takasugi told me on the computer company thing to me as well. He lied, did he?"**

**"Yes..."**

**"That was expected of him."**

**"He told me he used to work at one but got fired for making the robots act out Pacific Rim scenes."**

**"Haha, that's something likely of him."**

**(Are they just making fun of me as their conversation?)**

**"So where do you actually work?"**

**"A video game company."**

**"Those are decent in terms of pay. Is it fun?"**

**"I sit at a desk to draw out characters than animate them. I have no idea what Takasugi is. Director of what?"**

**(I'm the director of animation! You see me stand in that room with all of the other guys!)**

**"So... not fun?"**

**"It depends. There is times where I enjoy it (All those times the DW characters abuse him), and times I hate it (He blew up DW China.)."**

**"That's nice."**

**"What about you?"**

**"Being a teacher is pretty boring, but you get to meet unique people. Besides, you get breaks, get out at around 4'o clock, and weekends off."**

**"What do you do in your spare time?"**

**"I don't do much. I don't go out a lot either. Just stay home to watch TV and play video games."**

**(Come on! Date! You both have SO much time on your hands! This could kill time since we have tailing the char-OH MY GOD! We didn't pay attention to the characters! But...I want to see what happens next...)**

**"I tend to do that a lot myself, but Takasugi keeps on dragging me out..." (I can't talk about the characters...) "...to do stuff...like force me into that strip club..."**

**"Did you..."**

**"No! I'm not interested in that! I got out when he got too drunk to know what happened."**

**"I'm just wondering...how do you have that much time? Your work has a break right now?"**

**(No, my work is running around here, so I have nothing right now...) "...Yes...we have a break..."**

**"That must have been relaxing for you. Anyway-" **

**WHOOOHOOOOO! They see a car rush down the street with Gan Ning at the wheel and Lu Meng and Ling Tong at the back. Police chase them.**

**Hahaha! Can't catch me!**

**GAN NING STOP! The commotion rushes past the two. **

** "What was that?"**

**"Um...some crazy drunk driver..."**

**(That's it! This is getting too ridiculously boring! I'm going up there!) When Takasugi gets up and is almost at the other table, a motorcycle barrels into him, sending him flying to the wall. "OOOFFF!" **

**I left it on!**

**After it! Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying run past Izuru's table. "...Um...What was that you wanted?"**

**"I want to be friends. If you're willing to look past the crazy me..."**

**"Hm, I would like that. Now should we-" A teal car zips past them with police cars chasing after it. **

**This is why I don't let you drive! I feel sick...**

**We're fine! We're fine...**

**"...That car is very obvious...We should get out of here."**

**"Right with that." They get out of their seats and walk away quickly. "That was quite a show back there."**

**"Yeah...a show... Do you need to be escorted back home?"**

**"I can fend for myself...but thanks for offering."**

**"Alright, see you." **

**"Bye." She walks away to her car. Izuru goes back to the area and looks ahead. "What trouble are you people in now-What the heck?" He sees Takasugi implanted into the wall. "Why are you here?"**

**"Mm-hm...Hm m mmmm" He falls off. "Ow..."**

**"You stayed here and listened to the conversation?!"**

**"It was already boring... And using every cliche from romance mangas..." **

**"It was not romantic! We talked and became friends."**

**"How could you let her get away...? She's similar to you..."**

**"I'm not interested in dating now. Friends is better."**

**"Wow, you friend zoned yourself..."**

**"Friends is best for now. I'll consider dating again when I feel like it."**

**"I did hear that part when she said you resemble her dead buddy."**

**"Well, when you say it like that, you seem insensitive."**

**"Really? I saw you blush when she called you handsome."**

**"I-I'm just not used to that!"**

**"You look like Uryu. And he's handsome."**

**"That's an anime character!"**

**"If we weren't in word format, we'll be animated. Animated you is Uryu without glasses."**

**"What do you want me to do?"**

**"Date heeer."**

**"NO! I'm not having this conversation with you again." He walks away from Takasugi and to his car. "Hey, wait! I some stuff in my car that I need to ask you about!"**

**"What is it?"**

**"I have 250,000 dollars in life insurance money claimed because five characters died."**

**"What exactly are you going to do with it?"**

**"I don't know..."**

**"You'll find something to do with it eventually." The scene changes to Gan Ning driving fast across the streets and the teal car from earlier drives up to it. Gan Ning pops his head out and yells at the driver. "Hey! What do ya think you're doing? I'm driving here!" Sima Yi turns to see him, "Who are you...? Wait...that Wu kid that runs around with no top."**

**"Kid?! I'll show you!" Gan Ning rams his car onto the car next to him. "Ah! What are you doing?!" He gets interrupted when a bullet flies past him. "Ah! What the-?" He sees a figure on a roof. "Hold on."**

**"Wait! What are you-" Sima Yi steps on the accelerator hard and it goes faster away from the police cars and Gan Ning. "What's this button do? Nitrous..." He pushes it. "Nothing happened-AAHH!" The car speeds down the streets and it was coming to a dead end. "Ah! You're going to crash into that!" Sima Yi turns the wheel very hard, and it turns in time from the wall. Police cars crash into there one by one. Gan Ning sees the wall, turns the wheel, but was too late and the side crashed into there. "GAH! Koff...Koff..." **

**"You idiot! Now how do we get back?!"**

**"Um... Look over there, those guys crashed behind us."**

**"Well, their "cars" are not in good shape." Gan Ning tries to start the car, but it sputters and dies down. "Oh, man!" The teal car sped ahead into an area away from the public and slowed down. "Ok... we should be safe..."**

**"A projectile almost hit you. I saw the figure."**

**"I'm fine. And it will take a while for the assassin to go onto another rooftop."**

**"We should go home."**

**"They'll probably be expecting us, maybe wait a bit. This is becoming a pain...I want to knock some sense into that boy..." **

**"Doesn't that boy remind you of someone?"**

**"Who?"**

**"I'm looking at him right now."**

**"...What? No...! He's me?"**

**"Well, now you're not like that. But back when you had a fan and a funny voice."**

**"What? I'm nothing like him! He's a naive little child."**

**"So were you back then."**

**"How would you know about that?"**

**"I saw those scenes of you laughing, laughing, and more laughing. Getting shot with the arrow, you getting angry because a little girl questioned your masculinity, you killing Cao Cao, you getting too comfortable with that Wei woman, your death scene, you acting like Zhao-"**

**"Since when do I act like Zhao?!"**

**"DW6, you were riding horses with a group of soldiers, and you said you working for Cao cao "was a bother." You said it twice even." **

**"Oh... You saw those scenes with..."**

**"You seemed too comfy with that woman..."**

**"I'm not! They were taken out of context!"**

**"I'm guessing you felt slightly lonely in there..."**

**"No, no! I have no feelings whatsoever with her! She's young enough to be my daughter anyway!"**

**"...I married you when I was thirteen... You didn't seem to complain about that..."**

**"That was because my father would give me a whipping if I went against him. Complaining would just make it hurt more..."**

**"Mm-hm." They go around for a while until they go towards home. When they passed an area, a goon sees them. "Hey, Johnny! I found the lady!" The other goon walks to him with an ice cream cone. "What?"**

**"I found the lady that cheated us 250,000 dollars!"**

**"Oh." He licks his cone. "Come on, then!"**

**"Yeah, just let me eat ma gelato."**

**"That's regular ice cream!"**

**"Well excuse me for being ethnic!"**

**"We're losing her!"**

**"Fine, fine...nag, nag, nag,..." They get into a van to drive after the teal car. A figure on the rooftops is aiming his sniper at the teal car. "Got ya..." He shoots. The bullet travels until it hits the roof of the van and not the teal car. "Damn."**

**"What was that?! Some other gang hitting us?"**

**"We didn't do nothing! Is it the Second Lane Devils?"**

**"Who cares? We need to get the lady to the boss!"**

**"What about that guy?"**

**"We need to take him too." The assassin on top of the roof tries again. "Grr...why is it so damn hard to kill those two?" He shoots, but it hits the roof of the teal car. "Ah! He's trying to hit us!" Sima Yi speeds up. The goons behind him groaned. "Argh, he's getting away!"**

**"Then drive faster!"**

**"You're not helping when you're just munching on your ice cream!"**

**"Can I just shoot out his tires?"**

**"We don't want attention! Especially the cops!"**

**"What do we do then?"**

**"We're just gonna tail 'em and see where they live. Then we strike. ****They look like they can't put up a fight." The assassin back on the rooftop gets angry. "They're almost out of my sight! One more!" He aims and shoots. The bullet goes through the roof, and clips Sima Yi's shoulder. "GAH!" The car swerves for a bit and he gets it in control. "My lord! You're hurt!"**

**"What are you talking about...? I'm fine. It's just a scratch..." Blood oozes from his shoulder. **

**"No, you're not! Let me take over."**

**"Don't worry about me." **

**"Grr...! I'm taking over!" She (Somehow) picks Sima Yi and switches places with him. "I told-"**

**"No! You need help and you can not drive in that condition!"**

**"Aren't you getting protective of me? This isn't really your style..."**

**"I could just throw you out there."**

**"Now, we both know you're not going to do that. But this is a nice change of pace." Zhang Chunhua turns the wheel violently, causing Sima Yi to hit the side of the door. "OW! What happened to the protecting-"**

**SCREEEECH THUD "OW! Be a little more gentle!"**

**"Now, we both know you like being treated like this."**

**"What are you talking about...? I don't enjoy you-"**

**SCREEEECH THUD "Ow!" **

**"Quit being a baby." She drives faster, losing the goons behind her. "Hey! They're getting away! Drive faster!"**

**"I can't! Where did you get this piece of junk anyway?"**

**"Ebay." Right when he said that, the van breaks down and the car gets away from them. "ARGH!"**

**"Actually, I see where they are going. We can come back later to grab them."**

**"Really? Where?" **

**"In that neighborhood."**

**"Hmph, just call one of our guys to send another van and we can get them." When the two got back to the house, they got out of the car. "Come, I can treat that for you."**

**"With what?"**

**"I saw the place had some items I can use." They go inside. "Sit here." Zhang Chunhua goes to a large closet and opens it. Since I have the power to decide what's there, there is very convenient amounts of medical supplies in there. As she scanned the inside and Sima Shi was sleeping in one of the compartments."...Why is this here?" She takes a box of miscellaneous stuff out and puts it out. "Now, the medical supplies." She takes a few items and closes the closet. Wang Yuanji walks out of a room, and sees Zhang Chunhua. "My lady, you're here. What is with the bandages?"**

**"Sima Yi got hit with by one of the assassins."**

**"Is he okay?"**

**"Only his shoulder got hit. We manage to get away. Now, excuse me." She goes to treat Sima Yi. Wang Yuanji runs upstairs to see Sima Zhao sleeping in the (filthy)bed. "Zhao, your father was attacked."**

**"...Nrgh...who...?"**

**"Your father could have died. You don't seem to be very upset." Sima Zhao sits right up, "What? Father was attacked? Is he okay?"**

**"He's only got a wound in the shoulder."**

**"Grr...Zhong Hui is going too far, we must get rid of him!"**

**"Remember what the man said? Zhong Hui will have bodyguards and if we do get to him, killing him will cause a panic." **

**"You're right...but he almost got Deng Ai and Wen Yang!"**

**"I'm afraid we can only wait and defend..." Jia Chong was outside and notices the goons pull up in another van. "Hey, hey. Do you think we could get them out here without someone seeing?"**

**"It's very quiet, so I guess." **

**"You two, what are you doing?"**

**"Someone's here!"**

**"Oh! We're cleaners!"**

**"Where are your cleaning materials?" **

**"In the back, of course! Just let us take them out!" The two goons go to the back and prepare some weapons. "We'll just kill him...No one would hear anyway."**

**"And no one would hear you either." Jia Chong stands behind the two. "You are going to want someone here, no? Well...I'm here to stop that." **

**SNAP SNAP THUD THUD**

**"I have to go back inside. I'll just dispose of them in this. Hm? What weapons are these? They might come in use later..." Izuru drives home and he goes inside. He sees Takasugi taking an anime figure and looking up it's bottom. "HOW DID YOU GET IN?!"**

**"Picked your lock. Hey, do these have panties?"**

**"Those are male figures!"**

**"Fine, underwear. You have one girl on here, oh, she has panties."**

**"Why are you here?"**

**"I'm bored."**

**"Don't act like a child about it. Go look for a DW character to annoy."**

**"I can't. Since this Zhong Hui thing, it's hard to approach the Jin characters."**

**"Then talk to someone else. Cao Pi?" **

**"No, can't stand him."**

**"Why...?"**

**"He's an ass."**

**"I know that. Just go and stay home then."**

**"But-"**

**"If they die, they die. But they are going to pop up in the DW8 game even though it's still destroyed." Takasugi takes a golden Gundam model and examines it. Izuru gets nervous. "Hey! Be careful with that!"**

**"Your otaku's showing. Come on, these are really stu-" He drops it, and it shatters to pieces. "Uh-oh..." He gets glared over with a dark aura. "Hey...I'm sure you can get another..." Izuru's eyes turn blank and glow to a red-ish color. He goes up to Takasugi with a dark aura and stands over him. "Hey...um...Since when were you that tall...?" **

**"...That...was...limited...edition...And...that...costed...me...one...hundred...fifty...dollars...And...it...was...real...gold...too...I'm...going...to...kick...your...ass..." He towers over him in a even more dark aura and his eyes became more dark and blood red filled the entire sockets of his eyes. **

**"Ok, the otaku's really showing! AHHHHHHHHHHH!"**

* * *

**Izuru's me if I see someone touch my Gundam models or anime figures. Maybe not all devil-ish, but I'll get uneasy. **

**Do they make real gold Gundam models? If they did and if I had a million dollars, I would buy that first. **

**Stereotypical drama, stereotypical humor and stereotypical action were in these chapters, so why not include stereotypical unintentional romance? It doesn't hurt, I'm bad at it anyway. **

**A little girl questioning Sima Yi's masculinity was Xiao Qiao if you use her at Wu Zhang Plains in DW2 or 3. This is what she taunts him with: "It's okay, Sima Yi! Start acting like a man!" You can find this scene in a Dynasty Warriors parody called "Dynasty Hijinks" on YouTube. I think it was number eight. **

**The Wei woman Zhang chunhua mentioned was Wang Yi, FYI. Those cutscenes with her and Sima Yi looked funny if you think a little out the box.**

**Second Lane Devils is just a parody name on Third Street Saints from Saints Row.**

**Zhong Hui does remind me of Sima Yi in the older games. Both arrogant smart-asses that wanted to take over everything. But here's the major difference: One achieved his goals and took over Wei, managed to establish the foundations for Jin. The other did not achieve his goals due to his plans ending in extravagant failure. **


	12. They're scary with guns

**Takasugi wakes up from his bed wincing with every move. "Ow...ow...ow...ow...ow...ow...ow...ow...OW! It was just a Gundam model..." **

***Flashback***

**Noises of pain and hits filled the home. **

**YOU COULD GET ANO-OW! I COULD GIVE YOU THE 250,000 DOLLARS TO BUY-AAHRGHHHHAAA!**

**THAT'S THE THING! THEY ARE NO LONGER IN PRODUCTION! **

**CRACK-OW! How about a replica-OW! ALL THIS FOR A GUNDAM MODEL?!**

**NOT JUST ANY MODEL, IT WAS REAL GOLD AND LIMITED EDITION! DO YOU KNOW WHAT LIMITED MEANS?!**

**Pawn off the gold pieces to-GGGAHHHA! **

**The rest of the day was just screams and yelling.**

***End flashback***

**(Note to self: Do not piss off an otaku. Especially if they're thin and fit. Thin and fit ones can easily run around you and perform judo throws I did not know he could do. And if he's got a doctor's brain, it's worse. he knows all the areas where it hurts the most.) "Ugh...I can barely move...He didn't cripple me...but..it HURTS SO MUCH!" He wobbles around his house to do his normal morning routines. Jia Chong gets up to go around the house in the morning since their band manager said to before. "...What can help me wake up...? I don't want to sleep more because I keep on hearing a pig or a dinosaur in the other room..." He opens a closet, and scans the inside. Sima Shi was still sleeping in one of the large compartments. "Why's this here?" He gets a box with miscellaneous stuff out and puts it down. "Now, what's in here? Hm? What's this?" He takes out a can of instant coffee powder. "Coffee...? Is there oranges or at least juice? Oh, there is." He puts the can near Sima Shi's face and takes a container of Tropicana out. He closes the closet. He pours a cup for himself and drinks it, but spits it out. "Phht! This tastes nothing like orange! It's like you're drinking paper! I'll go try the coffee." He goes back to the closet and takes the can of coffee powder out. "This says to boil water..." **

**Few minutes later...**

**Sima Yi was sleeping in his bed. "...Let...me...damn those-" Jia Chong pops up in his face and talked in a fast voice. "Hey!MasterSimaZhao'soldman!" Sima Yi gets instantly shocked and falls off the bed. "AH! What the-" **

**"Needbreakfast?Walkthedog?"**

**"We do not have a dog..."**

**"OKAY!Needhelpgoingtothebathroom?!"**

**"What?! No! Just-" Jia Chong goes over to Zhang Chunhua's side to give her a similar greeting. "MorningMasterSimaZhao'soldlady-GAH!" Zhang Chunhua punches him when he got to her face and had those words ring right in her ear. "...What is it...?"**

**"Hey!You'rebothup!Wantmetohelpgotothebath-"  
**

**NO!**

**"Okok!Needanything?Wantmeatbunswithanewtwist?"**

**"...No...I'm going to pass..."**

**"Yeah, we have to go..."**

**"OK!Wantmetodriveyou?!I'magooddriver!Carsarecool!"**

**"What's gotten into you?" Jia Chong starts to jump up and down in a rapid motion.**

**"Idon'tknow!Ifeeltingly!Iwanttorun!Areyousureyoudon'twantthosemeatbuns?!"**

**"Yes! Can you get out?"**

**"Okay!" He runs out very fast. He runs up to jump directly on Sima Zhao. "Wakeup!Wakeup!Morning!Rainseandshine!Getyourlazybuttoutofhere!" **

**"AH! OW! Who-OW! STOP! Yuanji!"**

**"Hm...? Jia Chong? What in the world-?"**

**"Hey!Hey!Getup!Iwantyoutotrythesenewmeatbuns!Comeon!Uppy-uppy!"**

**"OW! Stop! OW! Get-OW!-off me!" Jia Chong jumps down back on the ground and runs out quickly. After a few minutes, everyone is at the kitchen and looked at Jia Chong's creation. "...Um...what is this...?"**

**"Meatbuns!Imadeuseofthestufftheyhadinthecloset!" Sima Shi opens the door when he was still in the closet. "Did someone say meatbuns?" Sima Yi looks over to him, "...What were doing in there in the first place...?"**

**"...Wait, what?" He looks at where was at. "How did I get here?" Sima Zhao whistles innocently. "You must have slept walked..."**

**"Hey! You put me here!" Zhang Chunhua looks st Sima Shi funny, "I did not notice you were in there..." Jia Chong yells out, "Meeither!"**

**"How were you in there?"**

**"Yesterday, I think."**

**"...Oh..." Jia Chong takes the plate that held yellow-colored buns on it. (It's meatbun-shaped waffles with bacon inside, FYI.)"...Um...those aren't meatbuns..."**

**"What?Lookatthem!"**

**"It's covered in squares..."**

**"You'reasquare!Eatthem!" Everyone groans. "EatthemorI'llforcethem!" Everyone takes one, and takes a bite. Sima Zhao lights up, "Hey, these don't taste that bad!" Sima Yi groaned,"Ugh...I feel my heart clogging..." Sima Shi eats one and grabs another. "These taste pretty good! Make more!" Zhang Chunhua and Wang Yuanji sneak theirs to Sima Shi's plate, hiding the bite marks. Jia Chong eats one in one bite. "Thesetastelikeyoupulledthemoutofaunicorn'sbottom!I'mmakingmore!" Sima Zhao and Sima Shi yelled out in approval. "What else we can make into meatbuns?"**

**"What about this?" **

**"...Yeah...I have work...so...Bye!" Sima Yi runs out the door. A honk is heard. "Come on! Hurry or I'm leaving you here!" Zhang Chunhua runs out the door, "You're not doing that."**

**"I may!" **

**"No, you're not."**

**"Fine...I wasn't..." After a few minutes, the three made funny colored "meatbuns" with weird fillings. (It's meatbun-shaped cookie dough with ice cream on the inside for one of them. Another batch was meatbun-shaped doughnuts with Nutella inside. The last batch was meatbun-shaped meat with bread inside." "What did we do?"**

**"Justtrythem!" They all tried them, and they liked them."These taste like Heaven made them!"**

**"OHMYGOD!ThisonetasteslikeitcameoutofaMyLittlePony'ss***!"**

**"This tastes so sugary..I like it!" Wang Yuanji watches as the three eat their "meatbuns." "...Are they okay?" Jia Chong was finished with his and started to talk in a slowed down voice. "...Is it just me...or...the whole room is falling...?" He falls on the floor, snoring. "Looks like Jia Chong was exhausted after talking that fast." Wang Yuanji examines the coffee powder can that was on the table. "He drank half of this..."**

**"Coffee? I've heard people drink it to wake up."**

**"But I also heard it has a bad side effect if you drink too much. Is it this?"**

**Jia Xiu was at the mall, mopping the floor as Wang Yi watches him in amusement. "Hey, you missed a spot." **

**"Where?" Wang Yi innocently drops a nail polish bottle from a kiosk and it shatters into pieces, letting red flow on the floor. "Whoops..."**

**"Argh..." Jia Xiu goes to mop that up. "So, how's your job?"**

**"I draw on people at the same time watch them suffer in pain. What's not to love?"**

**"Mm-hm..."**

**"A shame Ma Chao is not here. I would have stuck that needle into his eyes and see his face overflow with ink and blood..."**

**"...Maybe that's why he isn't here..." Ma Chao at his lawyer office sneezes. "Huh?" Zhao Yun and Jiang Wei go up to him. "We have more clients."**

**"Really? Who?" The three go to the front, and see a man, along with a young woman with a neck brace and a old lady. "Hello, what is it do you need?"**

**"My neck got broken by this jerk when he backed up to my car!"**

**"No, I didn't! You fell off the porch and that's what caused it!" **

**"You ran over my cat! I demand compensation!" **

**"Um..." Ma Chao brings Jiang Wei and Zhao Yun into a huddle. "I call the young woman."**

**"No, I call her!"**

**"At least I don't want the old lady!"**

**"Rock, paper, scissors!" They play in front of the three people. Zhao Yun yells out in triumph. "Yeah, I got her! You two can play for the man." Jiang Wei and Ma Chao play again, and Jiang Wei yells out in triumph. "I won!"**

**"...Argh..." They go to the person they won in the game. Ma Chao looks at the old lady with a funny expression. "...You know running over a cat is not a major case...?"**

**"Yes, it is! Your ad said you will get justice for anything and for anyone!"**

**(I regret putting that...) "...Well...shall we go over the paperwork?" He goes to the office with the old woman. Zhao Yun was slightly distracted with the woman's chest to talk about the situation. "So, I was out, walking, minding my own business...blah...blah..."**

**"...Uh-huh...Uh-huh..." Jiang Wei was having normal conversation with the man. "You don't think you did hit her and ran over the cat?"**

**"Nope. She's not thinking straight since she fell off the porch. And that lady's just crazy, she has twenty cats in her house, one dead is not going to make a dent in there." **

**"Mm-hm...Mm-hm..."**

**Let's skip the boring law stuff and get to the courthouse. Skip all that talking in the court and get to the verdict. The judge and the jury all plead guilty for the man. "What?! Hey, I hit that girl when she was stupidly walking in the back of my car, talking on her phone!" **

**"Sorry, I already reached my verdict. You owe 20,000 dollars to both of these ladies."**

**"Argh!" Jiang Wei clears his throat. "I can't pay you along with them! Where am I supposed to get money?!" Ma Chao and Zhao Yun get thanked for their work. "Since you got justice for my Poosty...I give you this shiny penny." The old woman gives Ma Chao a penny. "...Ma-am...I can't be paid with this..."**

**"So greedy, you young people! When I was your age..."**

**"Grgh..." Zhao Yun on the other hand, got a stack of money and a card on top of it. "Call me."**

**"...Hehehe..." The three gathered outside the court. "I got a penny and a coupon to a free meal at Wendy's...And it's expired..."**

**"I got nothing...That guy better cough up some money..."**

**"I got 5,000 dollars and a woman's number."**

**Lucky bastard... **

**Zhong Hui was standing and looking at a painting on the wall. Ma Dai looks with him. "So, do you like it?"**

**"It's...interesting..." They were looking at a painted Ma Chao in a Michelangelo's David pose with a leaf covering his intimate part. "I know, it's something I saw in another place, and I decided to do that." **

**"...Can I see something else...?"**

**"Ok, it's over there." They walk to another painting. It was in Chinese style and had a kirin and phoenix fighting a dragon with a tiger observing. Zhong hui looks at it in happiness and pride. "This. This is me." **

**"Well...no...It's-"**

**"Shut up. I want this."**

**(It's the final battle of Chengdu...) "Ok, but-"**

**"How much? I'll pay 5,000."**

**"That's not even close to how much this is worth..."**

**"20,000? 60,000? 100,000?"**

**"You're still pretty far..."**

**"A million?"**

**"Nope, still far."**

**"Wow, I understand why this is worth so much. It's just so beautiful..."**

**(You died there...) "It's worth 6,000,000. The other one over there is worth 2,000,000."**

**(I could pay those assassins with that money...Nah...) "Deal. Cash or check?"**

**"I would like cash."**

**"Alright." Zhong Hui snaps his fingers. "Oh, Reginald!" A servant goes up to him, holding many cases. "Here you go, sir."**

**"Here's the 6,000,000. Reginald, you be careful with that or I'm cutting your pay by 60 percent."**

**"Right away, sir." The servant takes the painting and Zhong Hui walks out of the art museum with him. Ma Dai gets called over by Liu Shan and Yuan Shao. "Excuse me, is this your painting?"**

**"I must say, it is a rather an eye-catcher." The two swirl their wine glasses and drink in an elegant way. Ma Dai looks at Liu Shan funny. "Um...you've changed..."**

**"What are you talking about? I'm simply saying that this painting of Zhao Yun is unusually captivating." They look at a ****Renaissance style ****painting of Zhao Yun in a dramatic pose while holding a bundle that is to be Liu Shan. He also happens to be nude and was just wearing a scarf and Shao looks at it and says, "Is this even Zhao Yun anymore...?" Ma Dai points out, "I have one of Lu Bu." He directs them to a painting with Lu Bu on his Red Hare, also in Renaissance style. He had him stabbing a peon with his halberd with him posing dramatically. The two stare in awe. "Wow, this is absolutely breath-taking."**

**"This is a perfect representation of the great Lu Bu."**

**"I did one of Guan Yu too." Ma Dai escorts them to another painting. The painting he showed was Renaissance style Guan Yu with his Green Dragon and he was standing with it, his hand on his beard. Yuan Shao and Liu Shan seemed unimpressed. "Eh, I liked the Zhao Yun and Lu Bu one better..."**

**"This is too plain."**

**"Really? Hm, I should keep that in mind." At the school, the bell rings for lunch. Sima Yi walks down the hall, and a man bumps into him, dropping a few bottles of liquid. "Ah! Sorry!"**

**"Hmph. Watch where you're going." The man gathers his bottles and says, "I have two bottles of Coke, want one?"**

**"What's Coke?"**

**"It's a drink. Fizzy. Here." He gives Sima Yi a bottle. "I have not seen you before, who are you here?"**

**"Oh! Heheh... I'm the chemistry teacher here! I spend more time in my lab, so I don't go out. I'm Mr. Yabu, by the way."**

**"Oh, hm."**

**"Um...what's your name? I've seen you're one of the new teachers, but I've never got to ask you for your name."**

**"Sima Yi."**

**"So...I call you Mr. Yi?"**

**"No, Mr. Sima is fine, but I'm not used to your ways of addressing people..."**

**"Well, I have to get going! Bye!" He runs to a room. "...Hmph..." Sima Yi goes in the lounge and looks at the bottle he got. "...Coca Cola?" Sun Jian sees him and says, "I see you got one of those drinks, I tried those and I must say, they taste good."**

**"Really?" Sima Yi opens the cap and takes a sip. "Ugh...this tastes awful..."**

**"What? Are you sure?"**

**"It tastes like a horse's ass."**

**"Hm, probably gone bad...What is happening to you?" **

**"What?" Sima Yi was glowing. Sun Jian says, "Um...you're glowing..."**

**"I'm not really that-"**

**"No! You're glowing! Like bright glowing!" Sima Yi looks at his hands and is shocked. "What is happening-" The glow intensifies and it engulfs the whole room. When it dims down, Sun Jian sees nothing. "Huh? Where'd you go?" A high-pitched voice is heard. ****"I'm still here, and since when you get bigger?" Sun Jian looks down to see a small child sitting on the chair. "...Um...you're small..."**

**"What?" **

**"...I did not know a evil bastard like you could be...this cute..." Sun Jian picks up the child and hugs him. "AW! You remind me of my own kids!"**

**"Hey! Let me down!"**

**"It's just you're so adorable!" Sun Jian runs into Zhang Chunhua's room and yells out, "Look at what I found!"**

**"Let me down!" Zhang chunhua looks at the child funny. "...I swear I did not have a preg-"**

**"No! Look at him!"**

**"He resembles Sima Yi... I'm going to kill that cheat-..."**

**"No! This IS Sima Yi!" **

**"Can...you...put...me...down...?! I can walk myself!" Sun Jian puts down Sima Yi. "There-And since when did Chunhua become a giant?!" Zhang Chunhua picks up him. "...Is this a dream...?"**

**"I'm afraid you're looking at a small me."**

**"...It's just that...you're so CUTE!" She hugs him tightly. "Mmph! Mmhm!" **

**"I've never seem Sima Yi as a little kid, but I guess this is second best thing!"**

**"Mmh! Mmph..." Sima Yi touches her chest. Zhang Chunhua notices and slaps his hands away. "That is a very bad place to touch!"**

**"Don't treat me like some kid!"**

**"You are a kid."**

**"I can't touch you?"**

**"Not in this form, you can't. What happened anyway?" Sun Jian says out, "I saw Sima Yi drink some Cola and he just became that!" **

**"That Mr. Yabu guy gave me that. I'm going to him." Sima Yi wriggles around in Zhang Chunhua's arm, but doesn't budge. "...Can you put me down...?"**

**"I can't let a little boy run around the school like this."**

**"I'm not a little kid! Just take me to that lab and let me talk to him."**

**"Why can't you just let me enjoy this for a while?" Sima Yi looks at her blankly before clearing his throat. He talks in his normal voice,"Just take me to him."**

**"Now you ruined how cute you are..." She walks out, still holding the child and walks into Zhuge Liang. "Evening, is that your child?"**

**"No..."**

**"Who's is it then?"**

**"This is Sima Yi."**

**"I see you named it after-"**

**"No, this IS Sima Yi." Zhuge Liang gets a closer look of the child. Sima Yi grabs his nose and pulled it. "Get closer, and you're paying for it." **

**"OW! Yep, that is him." He then breaks into laughter. "Hahaha! Sima Yi's a kid now! Hahahaha! Not so tough now, aren't you-" Sima Yi uses his high-pitched voice and pretends to be an actual child. "That man is mean!" Zhang chunhua fell for how cute he was trying to be and hugged him. "Aww...Zhuge Liang, you should at least show some compassion."**

**"You know that's still Sima Yi?"**

**"But he's so cute now..." Sima Yi sticks his tongue at Zhuge Liang. "See? He's still and an asshole."**

**"Well...he's in child form...so everything he does is pretty cute-" Sima Yi sticks his face into her chest. "...Not that though..." Zhang chunhua gets to the lab and sees Mr. Yabu. "Excuse me, may I speak with you?"**

**"Yes?"**

**"I have a child here." She holds up Sima Yi. "Your "Coke" turned me into this!"**

**"Oh no! I gave you the wrong bottle! Luckily I have a cure for that just in case!" He gets out a vial. "Now put him down." She does that. Sima Yi snatches the vial away from Mr. Yabu. "Hey! Don't just-"**

**"This is going to turn me back, right?"**

**"It has a side effect-" Sima Yi drinks the vial. He glows and he grows back to his normal size. "Um...you might experience-" **

**"BLAAAARGH!" Sima Yi pukes in front of Mr. Yabu. "...Yeah...Now I need to make more of that...Can you get that Coke bottle I gave you? I don't want some guy drinking it." The door behind them opens and a tiny child with a beard enters holding the same bottle. "Where can I get a cure for this?" **

**"Oh my god! Look at him! He still has a beard even in child form! Hahaha!" **

**"He's not that cute because he has facial hair..."**

**"Oh, we can shave him then." The tiny Zhuge Liang child yells at him. "I'm not some sheep you could just "shave!"**

**"Hahaha! His voice! It sounds like he was hit in the privates so hard his voice became higher!"**

**"Oh no... And you drank the last cure... I need to make another, but in the meantime, you need to take care of him."**

**"...I'll just drop him at his home. He can take care of himself."**

**"I'm sorry, but...you can't leave him at home. There is a time limit. If he doesn't get cured in about a day, his body will get used to it, thus the change being permanent." **

**"But this break is going to end in a few minutes. How is he-"**

**"Get a sub, and I don't have a class next period, so that's perfect. I can sub for your tiny friend there."**

**"You do that. And why did you make this..."drink" in the first place?!"**

**"That was a failed experiment. And I can't just pour it down a drain or it will contaminate the water outside, thus creating these events again." Sima Yi turns to walk away. Zhang Chunhua clears her throat. "...No...no...I'm not-"**** He is carrying the child Zhuge Liang as he walks down the hall. "What about you-"**

**"No. With child you, it's different."**

**"But why am I holding this..."**

**"Hey, don't refer to me as an item!"**

**"You are an item." They come across Sun Jian again. "Oh...you turned back..."**

**"Why do you sound disappointed?!"**

**"I was hoping-"**

**"You can't play with me as a child anyway! I still maintain my normal personality!"**

**"...That is true...Who's that-Oh, Zhuge Liang drank that stuff. Eh...if you lose the beard..."**

**"You have a beard!"**

**"Yeah, but I'm older, you expect me to have one. You're what? Twenty-two?"**

**"That's the age Koei gave me!"**

**"So...you're not? Then how old are you?"**

**"A little younger than Sima Yi. He's thirty-something." **

**"Oh...then why doesn't Sima Yi have a beard?"**

**"...I never had one..."**

**"Why?"**

**"Why does Guo Jia chase after woman?"**

**"...Um..."**

**"Exactly. But...you can take care of Zhuge Liang. You like kids."**

**"You have children yourself..."**

**"...You...are just so loving of your sons and daughter, I thought you are better with kids."**

**"You aren't?"**

**"...Eh...you could say that..." Sima Yi casually places Zhuge Liang into Sun Jian's hands and walks away quickly. **

**Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, and Wang Yuanji stand in the studio holding up a sleeping Jia Chong. A manager walks in, "Hey, ready for-what happened to him?"**

**"He is tired...he didn't get enough sleep..."**

**"Oh, well, I just want to ask, you have your songs, and you could play and record?"**

**"Yeah, sure."**

**"Well, get in there. And...does your friend need some coffee or something?"**

**"That will do." After Jia Chong gets a drink of coffee, he back to his personality from before. "Hey!Hey!Whatarewedoingtoday?Gorun?Ooh!Ooh!Fillthispalcewithmeatbunsandswiminit?" Sima Shi was slightly approving of that comment. "...We could do-"**

**"No, Shi." **

**"So do we go in here?" The four get inside and Jia Chong plays the guitar crazily while in his hyper state. "Wow!Thisstickthingmakesmusic!" He plays an out-of-sync guitar riff. "Can you stop?"**

**"Okay!" **

**"...Ugh...Ok, we are going to start recording. Ready? 3...2...1!"**

***40 minutes later***

**"Wow, you guys have talent. I'm going to make do with that. But...is he okay...?"**

**"Yeah!We'redone!Canwerunnow?" Jia Chong flings his guitar into the glass screen that separated the manager and the group. "...Yeah...I'll call you if another thing comes up...He should lay off the coffee..." **

**Zhang He was with that man from last chapter and so were Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji. "Oh, what is your name?"**

**"Oh my god, I can't believe I was so rude! I'm Francis. What are you three's names?"**

**"Zhang He, and this is Zhen Ji and Cai Wenji."**

**"Oh, so exotic! You guys need a day at the salon! I can see you three hadn't have a good hair day in ages!"**

**"Really? Where? My hair is so dry, but I can't get any good shampoos. I had to use herbs and some of Zhou Yu's special conditioner, but I couldn't get it to shine."**

**"Just come with me!" The three were in the reception of "Girl, You Need That!" Zhang He and Zhen Ji read the magazines that were in the waiting area. "This dress is so pretty! Oh! That hair!"**

**"This is what the future's fashion is? It's sort of funny-looking."**

**"Look past those, and you see heaven!" **

**"Oh, you're right. How did they get their hair so high though? ****Cai Wenji, you need this more than all of us."**

**"Um...well...I don't do that stuff..."**

**"I'm sure you don't want your hair to be reeking of blood from Wang Yi and those rooms smell like garbage."**

**"Eh..." Later, the three were sitting in salon chairs side-by-side in a hair washing station. Zhen Ji looks around, "How long are they going to leave us? Oh, and I want a guy that is similar to Zhang He or a girl."**

**"What do you mean by "similar to Zhang He?"**

**"Zhang He knows more about beauty stuff more than your average male. And Cao Pi cut his hair, so he doesn't care about caring for it now."**

**"What about...yeah...you're right...Have you ever considered going to another person besides Zhang He for hair care? Maybe Guo Jia?**

**"...Guo Jia only knows how to care for hair just so he could get women to come to him. And...no...I'm not going to him..."**

**"Well, I have no expertise in this nor does Wang Yi." Three men walk to the three. One went to Zhang He and talked in a lisp voice, "Evening! Oh... I LOVE your hair! How do you keep it this long? And it's so soft! ****Okay, lay down and put your head here." The next one went to Cai Wenji and also talked with a lisp, "Girl! Your hair is beautiful! I never seen such flawlessness!" **

**"...Uh..thank you..."**

**"No need to be shy, I'm taking care of you. You can relax!" The last one that went to Zhen Ji talked in a deep voice, "So? What do you want? Wash?"**

**"Yes." The man pushes Zhen Ji's head into the sink. "Hey! I wasn't ready!"**

**"Watch your eyes." He sprays water onto her hair, but the water splashes onto her face. She moves her head up, "Hey, watch it! What's your name?"**

**"Dan."**

**"What's that short for? Danny, Dante?"**

**"Dan."**

**"Hey, one of you, trade me your Zhang He." She sees the two in pure ecstasy. "Aaahhh...this is my first time feeling such relaxation from just my hair..."**

**"Your hands are like angels have blessed them..."**

**"Hey, Cai Wenji, trade me."**

**"...What? I'm too relaxed to hear you..."**

**"Trade me your guy!"**

**"...I think I'm getting a hair-gasm..."**

**"Aw, I want one. Come on-" **

**"Down." The man pushes Zhen Ji's head back into the sink. He continues to wash her until a woman walks by. "'Sup?" He gets distracted and sprays Zhen Ji's face directly with the hose. "Ah! Hey!"**

**After a few minutes, Zhen Ji and Francis stand outside of the hair salon. "Aw, you didn't get your hair done?"**

**"I just thought I wanted a wash, that's all..." The door in front of them opens to reveal Zhang He with shiny hair and it was styled into a very familiar hairstyle. Zhen Ji looks at him and says,"...Um...isn't that Zhang Chunhua's hairstyle...?" **

**(For Zhang He, it's longer than the style you see with Zhang Chunhua and he doesn't have the bun.)**

**"I liked this one! This is hers? Wow! I just chose from the big book they had."**

**"...Uh-huh..." The door opens again, and Cai Wenji walks out with her hair curled and shiny. "This doesn't look too flashy, right?"**

**"Oh! That looks fabulous!" Zhen Ji turns her back, (I wanted to do my hair, but that "Dan" guy was so rude to me! I had to finish up before he screws something else up!) "Yeah, it's nice."**

**"Now, come along with me!"**

**Back at the school, the bell rings for dismissal. Mr. Yabu runs up to Sima Yi. "Hey! I got the cure! Give me that bearded kid."**

**"...Yeah...I gave him to Sun Jian..."**

**"Then get him!" After a few minutes, Sun Jian sets the child Zhuge Liang down, and Zhuge Liang was wearing preschool clothing. Sima Yi slightly snickers. "...Kpmh...What is he wearing?...Hahaha! It's really fits him! Hahah!" **

**"I thought since he was small...I thought I gave him this..."**

**"Good choice...Kmph...I'm surprised they didn't question the beard on him."**

**"They thought it was fake."**

**"I'm going to give him the cure now." Mr. Yabu gives the child Zhuge Liang the cure. He drinks it and a glow fills around them. When it dimmed down, they saw Zhuge Liang to his normal size."**

**"Oh, you migh-" Zhuge Liang pukes in front of him. "Yeah...that..."**

***Fast forward to Sima Zhao at home* **

**Jia Chong was sleeping on the couch due to him burning out from the coffee. Sima Zhao goes around the house and finds three duffel bags. "Hm? What's this?" He opens it only to find multiple rifles, pistols, and submachine guns. "Whoa! I wonder what these do..." He takes one out and looks at it. "...What's this curvy thingy?" He pushes the trigger and it unleashed bullets up on the ceiling. "Ah!" He drops it for it go off and the door opens with the bullet flying out to hit an assassin dead center in his forehead that was about to go through the door. "Gah!"**

**"Hm? Oh, another. I see you're not as hopeless as I thought..."**

**"...The thing did it...nevermind.**** I saw you carrying these in yesterday, but I didn't ask on what were they."**

**"****Oh! I found them."**

**"...Where?"**

**"I saw these men that were planning to take one of you away, so I killed them and thought their weapons will come in handy."**

**"Do you even know how to use it?" **

**"...Yes..."(Not really...) Jia Chong picks up the rifle and aims at the wall. "Here." He pulls the trigger and bullets flew to hit the wall. "Deadly, I must say."**

**"Um...hey...Don't you think it will be hazardous to be keeping those around here? What if one of us gets hit accidently?"**

**"I found this thing that prevents from the item from firing." He flips the safety on. "See? Nothing gets out." **

**"Wow, such advanced weaponry the future has." Jia Chong looks through another bag and pulls out a rocket launcher. "I found this too."**

**"Hey, careful with that!"**

**"Yes, let me carefully put this down." Outside, another group of goons wait in separate cars as the teal car pulls in. "Is that them?"**

**"Yes, go." They get all get out to approach Zhang Chunhua and Sima Yi. "Excuse me, can we bother you for some time?"**

**"Excuse me?"**

**"Come with us and no one will get hurt." The goons surround them, holding pistols. "What is this about?"**

**"Money. You stole some money from the boss, thus he wants it back."**

**"I have no idea what you are talking about." **

**"Don't play dumb with me. 250,000 from one of our illegal gambling rings was taken. I got some men that can identify you and that lady there." **

**"Now when did I do that?"**

**"Hahahaha..." The leader goon takes his pistol to hit Sima Yi in the face. "Gah!" **

**"I do not like games. Come willingly or... we might need to force you two..." **

**"I do not bow down to some cowardly peasant like you."**

**"You're really getting on my nerves... Fine then...Men, seize them." The goons placed sacks over the two's head, they resisted but they knocked them out with the guns. They dragged them to the car trunks and drove away. Back at the house, Sima Zhao and Jia Chong's phones vibrated. "Huh?"**

**"It's from your mother."**

**"There's something she sent."**

**Static noises are heard on the message. **

Sshch...sshhch...Excuse...me...ssshh...Come with us and no one gets hurt...Sssch...

*clicking noises*

I have no idea what you are talking about...sscchhh

...Don't...play...dumb...sssch...You stole...and the boss wants it back...sssch...When did I...

Scchs...Hahaha...

*Thwack*

...Gah! ...Sssch...I do not like games...Come...scch...or we might need to force you...

Sssschcchch...Seize them...

*Noises of struggling then a few thwacks*

Ssssscccccch...

**"The voices belonged to Father and Mother! Who was that guy who said for them to come with them?" Sima Shi and Wang yuanji run up to them, "We got a message with this recording!"**

**"I heard the voices, it was your parents. We have to get to them before they..."**

**"But we don't know where they are!"**

**"Grr...Was this Zhong Hui's planning?"**

**"No, it seems to be very different based on the message. Zhong Hui would have wanted them dead, but these characters seem to want them alive."**

**"...What could they have want?" **

**"They said something about money..."**

**"How are we going to get to them?"**

**"I've heard the perverted director saying once all of these devices we hold contain something he can use to track us down."**

**"Then we can use that!" Sima Zhao pushes a few buttons and it revealed a map. "I can't find them... It says the signal is lost..."**

**"Well...we might need to call on that man to help...but...will he be of help?"**

**"We'll take all we can to save them!"**

**"Those two can hold their own, but for how long...? We can't stall, let's go." Meanwhile, Takasugi was lying on the couch, still sore. "Nrrrrrgh... "**

**KNOCK KNOCK**

**"Nrh...What now...?" Takasugi gets up very slowly, and goes to the door. He opens very slowly to see Izuru. "I am sorry my rage unleashed onto to you yesterday."**

**"...You're supposed to give me something."**

**"What?"**

**"You say sorry with a bouquet of flowers or a basket of something."**

**"...This is not some cheap romance movie... And you're not dead, so be grateful for that." **

**"You didn't have to be a jerk about it!" Izuru rolls his eyes back at that comment. **

**"What did you come here for? To just insult me?"**

**"I want say sorry, but you're making this very difficult! It seems you don't WANT to accept my apology!"**

**"You almost killed me over a toy!"**

**"I only judo-threw you over fifty times! I may have popped and cracked some things... but you were very, very, far from dying!" **

**"It hurt so much I thought I was dying!"**

**"Don't be a baby over that."**

**"You broke because that model broke!"**

**"I'm sorry..."**

**"I guess you can call that nerd rage..."**

**"Wait...what?" A teal car pulls up near the street and Sima zhao gets out to run up to the two. "You've got to help us! These guys came to-"**

**"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, whoa. Whoa. You're getting out-of-character-" **

**"This is serious!"**

**"Oh...a first for you..."**

**"No, this isn't a joke! Father and Mother got taken somewhere by these people!"**

**"The Feds?"**

**"Stop joking around! I have this recording."**

**"How would you know what a recording is? Let me hear." Sima Zhao holds up his phone to play the recording. After it was over, Takasugi was looking down with a sad expression. "...I knew that would have happened, but if I got involved earlier, they would have faster and me as well."**

**"What happened? What did they do?"**

**"...It's a long story... Let's say they ran off with some money your mother "won" off some guys...And some guys are mad..." **

**"Wait, what happened?"**

**"Can we save them?"**

**"...Usually in these situations...those people end up in a ditch somewhere off the map..."**

**"Who's ending up at a ditch?"**

**"Then..."**

**"If you want to plan a big dramatic rescue mission for them, you have to know where they are first."**

**"Rescue mission?"**

**"That's why I came to you! I've seen your device is able to find us so easily, so i thought you're able to track them. I can't."**

**"That is because your phone is a little weaker at receiving signals. Mine is custom-designed to receive signals from you guys. After all, if you guys did lose your phones, you still have chips inside your arms."**

**"What? Chips? Can you find them or not?" **

**"Let me see here..." He looks at his phone. "...They are underground..."**

**"...Oh no..."**

**" I still don't understand what is happening..."**

**"These crime guys came and kidnapped Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua."**

**"...Why?"**

**"They stole some money from them."**

**"So...you said they're underground... Great, they're dead."**

**"No, the chips can tell if their dead or not. And it says they're still breathing. It turns out this underground place is under a warehouse that is not very far from the lower downtown district where all the casinos are."**

**"We should go!"**

**"Hold your horses. You can't just waltz in there. You need some weapons." **

**"Jia Chong had these things that shot tiny projectiles."**

**"Guns, bingo. I can not be with you guys, but I can guide you through the areas. Izuru could hack into the camera mainframe."**

**"Wait, what?!"**

**"You could do that stuff, I know you do. That's how most cameras in DW were installed."**

**"But giant underground syndicates are not something to toy with!"**

**"You owe me."**

**"Beating you up DOES NOT equal you making me take down a ultra-big crime empire!"**

**"Come on! It will be something awesome to add to your line of accomplishments! Something to tell your kids one day!"**

**"..."**

**"What about if Zhao dies in there, you can do the "Snake? Snake? Snnnnaaaaaaaaaaaaaake!" thing except you'll do it like this: Zhao? Zhao? Zhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaao!"**

**"...That's really insensitive..."**

**"Hello?! My parents may be tough to break, but they can't hold on forever for your joking around!"**

**"If we did save them... They're going to be not very thankful..."**

**"Does that matter?"**

**"Not really. Alright! Let's go!"**

**"We're going NOW?"**

**"Yep, get the guns and let's get them!"**

**Later...**

**Takasugi and Izuru were sitting inside a van with the inside covered in technology. "Um...what's all this for? We're not following somebody. Most of this is just painted on and just glued on parts..."**

**"Just hack into the computer stuff and let those guys and girl sneak their way in."**

**"...This is starting to sound like every spy movie I've ever saw..." Izuru taps what seems to be like millions of keys and the screens next to him lit up. "There, we can see what they are up to." **

**"Look, I see Sima Yi tied to chair along with Zhang Chunhua."**

**"There's someone going to them..."**

**What was happening over in there: **

**Sima Yi was looking around the area that he was tied up in. "...I have never thought of myself getting to this point..."**

**"You don't seem too upset."**

**"It was bound to happen. That boy combined with this, I'm surprised you and I are not dead yet."**

**"You must be very lucky then."**

**"If we're going to die, might as well get things off our chest. I'll go first, I have faked illness all the times your parents came to visit."**

**"What...? That's not very serious..."**

**"Okay, I lied to you about your fish. It died and I said it went to a river."**

**"...I don't really care... I wasn't even that young, so I already knew it died."**

**"I have been staring at your behind the whole time you were introduced in DW8."**

**"What?!"**

**"Why are you upset? That dress of yours is basically saying to everyone to look at your behind. The flowers also kinda indicate where to look."**

**"This is a very serious situation! Say something that is worth saying!"**

**"I do not know what to say."**

**"Hey! Keep it down over there! We don't have marriage counseling here, you know."**

**"You're not taking this too seriously..."**

**"We're going to die, that's a fact. Might as well lighten the mood."**

**"...I sent a message to the kids at home."**

**"What do you mean by that?"**

**"They know we're gone and are possibly coming to get us."**

**"When...?"**

**"You didn't see."**

**"Hmm... So we could forget all those things I said, right?" **

**"...That last one is not going to fly past me."**

**"You should be flattered."**

**"I think the perverted director got to you..." A goon goes near the two. ****"Hey...I don't want to pry... But if you'd like, we'll let you see other peopl-"**

**"GO AWAY!"**

**"Well, it was worth a shot..." He walks back to his post. The door opens to have figure walk in in a large coat. The crime boss goes to greet it. "Evening, we have some people we would like you to look at."**

**"Who?"**

**"Some people took 250,000 from one of my gambling rings. You don't like that, do you?"**

**"Let me see." It goes up to the two and looks at them. 'AW, YOU AGAIN?!" **

**"Huh?" The figure removes his coat to reveal Zhong Hui. "You two are becoming that thorn on my side! Again!"**

**"You?!" **

**"Goddamit! Those assassins are worth s***! Why won't you f***ing die?! I-ugh!"**

**"...As expected...you fail..."**

**"Same back at Luoyang when you tried to rebel..."**

**"I...Ack! I don't care what you do...just...kill them."**

**"I'll kill you if I get out of this."**

**"Ha, try." Zhong Hui walks away from them with a smirk. The crime boss looks at a man in the ye. "Get it done, Salazar."**

**"Yes, sir." He looks over at Sima Yi with a smirk.**

**Back at the van**

**"Okay, they are almost in."**

**"That's what-"**

**"Seriously, NOW?! Ok... " Izuru presses buttons to talk to the characters through microphones and earphones."Sima Zhao, you have to go around that. Jia Chong, guards ahead. Wang yuanji, there are a lot ahead, go another way. Sima Shi, there are two guards, and there is a vent. You can figure it out."**

**"I feel like we're watching Kim Possible. Or watching someone play Metal Gear Solid the wrong way."**

**"Come on, they're not that bad at the stealth." They turn to look at the screens.**

**Sima Zhao's screen**

**"Ok, I should-" He comes to a wall. "Aw, man!" He turns around to sees a guard seeing him eye-to-eye. "Just walking through here..."**

**"No, you're not. Hands behind-Ah!" Sima Zhao kicks him and body surfs him until he hits a wall directly with the goon's head.**

**CRACK "...Ooh...not good..."**

**Jia Chong's screen**

**Jia Chong sees the guards, goes up to each and snaps their necks. He drags the bodies to a dumpster and dumps them.**

**Wang yuanji's screen**

**Wang Yuanji sees five guards in front of her. She takes out five throwing knifes and threw them precisely into their necks. They crumple down without a moment's hesitation. **

**Sima Shi's screen**

**Sima Shi elbows one guard in the temple and drags him behind a crate. The guard turns to see no one. "Where'd you go?" Sima Shi goes behind again to hit him with a rifle. He drags the body to the vent and pushes it into it after he opens it. **

**Back to the van**

**"...This is more like a bad gameplay of Hitman, Dishonored, and Deus Ex Human Revolution combined... **

**"You kinda expect that...they're video game characters at heart still."**

**"This is taking too long, I see Sima Yi and Zhang chunhua being led somewhere." Izuru gets the microphone, "Hurry! You do not have time to dilly-dally!"**

**The goons grab the two from the chairs. "Move. Don't try anything or I'll put a bullet in ya." **

**"How can I try anything if my hands are tied behind my back? I'm not a magician." The Salazar guy goes up to Sima Yi. "Well...there really isn't any instruction...so...I can have some fun with ya. Let's see if you maintain that smart-ass mouth after what I have in store for you. And...what about her...? I'm sure you wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her... I'm aware on you two are related and...well...she's a good-looking-**

**"Over my dead body."**

**"You'll be one soon. Get me my bat." He gets a bat from a goon and is about to swing until and few shots and thuds were heard. "What?" He sees the goons around him crumple down with bullet holes and knifes at their chests. "What?! Who's there?" A knife flies towards him, he dodges, but it left a small cut on his cheek. "Where are you?! Show yourself!" He gets out a pistol and aims frantically around him. Two fingers tapped his shoulder. He turns to see Sima Yi and Zhang Chunhua holding rifles to his face. "What was that you said earlier again?" **

**"Ah! I'll shoot you too!" He tries to aim at one of them. A shot is heard and he yells out. "Ah! My foot!" Sima Yi says in a very innocently-sounding voice, "Whoops, my finger slipped." Another shot is heard and the man yells out again. "Gah! My knee!" Zhang chunhua says in a innocently-sounding voice, "Oh my, my finger slipped. These things are very slippery." She keeps on "accidentally" shooting the man in the legs. "Ah! Ah! Stop! OW! Look...if you let me go-" The two aimed their guns at him and both said in unison. "No way in hell." The man crumples due to his legs being badly wounded for him to stand. "...If you kill me, more will come after you-BRAT-TAT-TAT" He gets ravaged with bullets to the chest and falls instantly. "I see your message got to them."**

**"Hmph, I was pretty skeptical of them actually coming here. They almost left us to die." **

**"You four can come out now." Sima Shi, Jia Chong and Sima Zhao come out from behind creates and Wang yuanji drops from a air conditioning duct. **

**Van**

**Takasugi was watching the screens and was jumping up and down. "Ohmygodohmygod! That was so badass!"**

**"...That just looked like every action/drama scene in every crime movie."**

**"That is so cool, though!"**

**"How did they even get the abilities to-"**

**"Shut up. You're ruining it for me."**

**"Huh? I see some cars going to the warehouse...Oh no!" Izuru gets the microphone. "They have reinforcements! Get to cover!" **

**At the underground room**

**The four's microphones got Izuru's static message. "He said there's reinforcements!" **

**"Hide!" They all hid behind crates. Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, Wang yuanji, and Jia Chong put on masks. They also offered them to Sima Yi and Zhang chunhua. "What's these for?"**

**"The director said we have to cover our faces or else they'll recognize us when we get to the surface. We have to remain anonymous or else we'll be in danger with them as you are with them."**

**"Director guy also said to cover your faces since all the guys that seen your faces were killed. Even though only the boss guy knows, you can mess up his new guys by hiding your face, thus they'll take another long time before finding you again." They all put on their masks and multiple groups of goons burst through the door. "Hey! They killed the boss's right-hand man! We'll find them..." They scan around the area farthest from where the six were. Jia Chong and Wang yuanji sneak away to kill the ones that got too close to the area or were alone. "What the-? Where did he go?" **

**"Search there!" More goons move towards the area the four were hiding in. Jia Chong grabs two goons over a crate and snapped their necks. "What? Show yourself!" Wang yuanji throws a knife at an unsuspecting goon that was alone. "Man! Where are you people going?!" There were about ten left walking around the dark room. "Hey, this place is maybe haunted..."**

**"Phht! Really?"**

**"I think we should just stick together..."**

**"Then we're a giant bulls-eye for them!" **

**"More than half of us are gone!"**

**"Ghosts!"**

**"Shut up! They must be looking very hard, that's why we can't see them!"**

**"How about we just leave them-"  
**

**"They killed our best guy! We're not leaving until we get revenge!" The three excluding Sima Zhao behind the crates rolled their eyes back. The two that went out earlier came back to them. "...We can all go up to shoot them..."**

**"Eeh..."**

**"Zhao, just do it. They did try to kill your parents."**

**"Fine...I'm not gonna look..." When the group got right in front of the crates the six were hiding behind, they all get up to aim their rifles at the group and unleashed all of the bullets they had on them. "What-GAH!" Yellings of pain filled the room. All had no problem with shooting except for Sima Zhao that had his eyes closed during that time. "Is it over...?"**

**"Nope." Jia Chong was smiling evilly and continued to shoot everywhere until he runs out of bullets. "Aw..."**

**"That's enough."**** The group slowly pried the gun away from Jia Chong. "You've have enough for today..."**

**"Yes..."**

**"We have to get back up-" Sima Shi's earphone statics to Izuru's voice. "No, I see some more coming down. I see that boss man along with Zhong Hui." ****Jia Chong's eyes light up, "I can kill the little brat now!"**

**"Well...Okay...I'm not really stopping you... But hide." The six did that and Zhong Hui along with the crime boss walk down. "My, my, a bloodbath happened here. I want to see if those two are dead." **

**"I just see my men dead, and my second-in-command dead. Sturdy, aren't they?" **

**"Yes...and that is a problem..." He walks over to rifles on a gun rack. "...Say... I can find another gang to run the gambling stuff... You seem...too weak..."**

**"Hahaha! Really? I- Brat-tat-tat-tat" Zhong Hui shoots multiple shots into the crime boss. "Well...I can just send his remaining gang members to the cops, then hire another group to take his place." Jia Chong grabs another rifle and gets up to aim at Zhong Hui. He shoots many bullets into his back without thinking. Zhong Hui falls down, but to have him laughing. "Hahahaha! I'm wearing armor under this! I'm obviously not going down here knowing you are going to kill me without protection!" He gets out a pistol to shoot at Jia Chong, but he dodges. As he moved away from the bullets, Zhong Hui runs upstairs to escape. "Hmph." **

**"He is really starting to annoy me..." **

**"...Yes...he is..."**

**Van**

**"Wow! Did you see all of that?! They all just stood up and blasted their asses away!"**

**"I feel like we're watching the Godfather or the gameplay of Mafia 2..."**

**"Oh! Yakuza! That's what I was thinking! This is so Yakuza!"**

**"Yeah, that also." Izuru gets the microphone, "Hey, Zhong Hui ran off. And it's very empty, so you guys can get out here."**

**After a few minutes, the six got into the van. Takasugi acted very cheery, "That was so badass! I felt like you could play Yakuza or Mafia roles from all of that!"**

**"...Why are you so happy despite the fact we killed...I don't know... twenty or more people?!"**

**"Sima Yi, you've executed people. I expected you to kill someone sometime. Your wife is already experienced in the art of killing because of-"**

**"STOP. Mentioning. That."**

**"Ok, ok. Sima Shi has no problem, Wang yuanji just gives no f***, and Jia Chong's made for this stuff. Sima Zhao killed the emperor in DW7 even though he didn't in history. Oh my god! This is perfect! You guys should make a Jin version of the Godfather!" **

**"That's...no..."**

**"Ironic because they chopped off a horse head in the movie. And Sima has horse in the name. How about Yakuza? Or they can do a version with them in triads."**

**"No...just leave it at that. Why do you sound so happy?"**

**"I just saw a free action/crime movie."**

**"That's nothing to be happy about!" **

**"Well, the kill count just increased...and I lost count..." Izuru sighs. "...I didn't know Jin could cause this much trouble...I originally thought it was going to be Wu..."**

**"Wu did not get one of their members trying to kill them."**

**"I'm going to drive you guys home now. I hope nothing else pops up..."**

**When they got the house, the six get off. Sima Yi then remembers something, "Oh, I forgot to ask you two on this...but...I found this room that was filled up with these packages of white."**

**"...Did you smell it?"**

**"It had a strong smell. I did not bothered to do anything else with it."**

**"...Let me see..." Takasugi and Izuru were standing in front of the room that Sima Yi mentioned. "Open it." Takasugi opens it, and to see the white packages. "...That is so not flour..."**

**"How do you have millions of dollars worth of cocaine in here?!"**

**"I found them inside when I first went in here!"**

**"...Ugh...you have guns...you have drugs... This is already becoming a drug cartel in the making..."**

**"Or Breaking Bad."**

**"That's with meth!"**

**"Hey, Sima Yi's a teacher...he could be-"**

**"NO. Just..no...I...am...going to deal with this in the morning. DO NOT EAT THIS STUFF!"**

**"Of course I'm not, that looks unappetizing anyway."  
**

**"Good." Izuru storms out the door.**

**"Hey! Wait for me!" Takasugi runs after him.**

* * *

**Instant coffee does not provide the effect mentioned here. **

**That scene with Sima Yi and Zhuge Liang drinking funny Cola and turning into kids was based on something I saw on Sket Dance. **

**The hair salon scene was based on something I saw on a sit-com called "2 Broke Girls."**

**Zhang He having Zhang Chunhua's hair is just something I thought of since they have the same surname.**

**Breaking Bad is a show that has a science teacher making meth for his family's finances. Sima Yi's a English teacher though, but it would be slightly ****fitting for him to be parodying that.**

**Yakuza is a series of gang crime games that involve...well...the yakuza.**

**Mafia is another gang crime series that involves the Italian mafia.**

**This is becoming really stereotypical in terms of drama, suspense, action, and whatever genre that was in this story.**


	13. I had to watch a romance to write this

**Izuru and Takasugi stand in front of the same cocaine room with Sima Yi. "Ok, I've had my sleep and it's a new day. Now what am I supposed to do now?"**

**"Sell the-"**

**"No, that's a bad idea. How did this get in here in the first place?"**

**"I found this when I first came in here."**

**"...Who was the previous owner of this place? Nevermind that, you cannot have this. Especially when the police are slightly alerted of this area. We obviously can't just throw the packages out."**

**"We could trade Sima Yi and his family's safety for these to the gang chasing after them."**

**"No, that will not work out. Argh..."**

**"Sell them!"**

**"Sima Yi is not going to run a drug cartel!"**

**"Hey, it could-"**

**"Are you seriously promoting crime right now?!"**

**"Ok, ok. How about we just ignore this? Lock it up and no one can see this ever."**

**"It does not work that way."**

**"Does it matter?"**

**"If the police show up to their doorway and ask to look in their house, they'll come across this room. And they'll make you open this room."**

**"But those men didn't really come here."**

**"Really? After all those deaths here, they just forgot about this place?"**

**"I guess."**

**"Wow, unbelievable... The police are no help here. Then that means you could just leave that all out there... This is not a good lesson to teach..."**

**"What are we, an kid's educational show? I don't think so! Just forget it!"**

**"Look, I-"**

**"Just break the law for once, Mr. Goody Two-shoes!" **

**"...Fine. I'll forget about this. They already have a crime empire after them, let's not make them start one. I'll leave you to your normal lives." He walks out the door. Takasugi runs after him. "So...what have you done that was bad?"**

**"Why do you want to know?"**

**"You're so law this and law that, but all people have a secret thing they have done that was breaking the law. You are no different."**

**"Wow, that was surprisingly inspirational..."**

**"Come on, say it."**

**"You've also do those things. Both of us have sins enough to fill up five swimming pools. Now, I'm going home." **

**"U-uh! You should go visit your new buddy!"  
**

**"Huh?"**

**"The teacher at school..."**

**"I swear I remember you saying she was the Superdevil and the Devil's baby."**

**"That was the crazy version of her that cut my hand! After that, I fully assumed she was nuts, but I now see the real her." Izru goes to the car. "See you later."**

**"Oh, come on, you can not just leave especially after that gang infiltration thing!"**

**"Why not? We spent the entire time in a van anyway."**

**"They just angered more people, they won't stop until they're dead!"**

**"Hm...I have an idea..." Izuru gets out. "Do what Sima Yi does best. Faking stuff."**

**"Hm?"**

**"He loves to fake illness, what about we give him a challenge? Fake his death."**

**"Whoa! Yes! Get on it now! What about his family?"**

**"Unfortunately, for this to fully work is to not let his family know. We still have some disguises and I have a unique little item in the van to pull this off."**

**"We need to talk to him first. Wait, what if...they take it too seriously?****"**

**"...I'm sure they won't..." **

**Skip more talking... They gone to Sima Yi... Put that funny device on him... Put on disguises...**

**(I don't understand why my family doesn't need to know... Wouldn't be more wise to tell them?) Sima Yi opens the door and a loud shot is heard. "Gah!" A hole on his chest appears and is flowing (fake) blood. (It hurts a little...) He falls down on his back. (Ok, now what?) The two "assassins" in front of the house ran away. "Are you sure this is not gonna go well?"**

**"It varies. Did his family just wake up?"**

**"...Yeah...no..."**

**"...Yeah...probably not good." Sima Yi still laid on the floor, covered in fake blood. (...They're still sleeping...I'll make it more clear.) He yells out in a very convincing painful voice. "GAAAAAAH! Koff...koff..." (I feel stupid...) **

**Nothing happened.**

**(Are you kidding me? They can sleep through typhoons!) "...Oh no... I'm losing blood..." The "assassin" runs back to see no one except Sima Yi. "...One more..." He goes up to fire another loud shot and it made another hole in Sima Yi. "GAAAH!" **

**"Did that work?"  
**

**"...They're still sleeping..." He continues to fire more shots that covered Sima Yi's whole chest. "There. Lay there and try to not breathe."**

**"...Mm-hm..." (I'm dead already...) Jia Chong walks in. "Oh, Sima Yi's dead."**

**(That's all you've got to say?!)**

**"...He took quite a lot...How am I supposed to break the news to Shi and Zhao? This will be a bother to clean up..." **

**(That's what you're thinking about? Cleaning?!) **

**"Dear me... Oh well... ZHAO! SHI! YOUR DAD'S DEAD!"**

**(WHAT? That's how you're going to announce it?! You're being so insensitive!) No one comes down. (Oh?! You're not even batting an eye to my death?! Well...I suppose that's good if I do die...) JIa Chong goes to the "body" to touch it. "It's still warm... not too long ago."**

**(Get your fingers off of my face...) Jia Chong walks upstairs. After a few minutes, he gets the three downstairs.**

**"Oh no...he got to him..."**

**"You happy now?! He's dead! Zhong Hui, I hope this satisfy you!"**

**"Now, now, your father wouldn't want you to cry over this. But...I worry about my lady..."**

**(Oh no! If I do reveal it's...oh crap... she's going to take it the most harshly...) An leftover assassin watches from a distance. (Hm... One is dead? I can just claim I did it. Millions, here I come!) He gets out a phone to take a picture and runs off. **

**Zhong Hui's Office Building**

**"This is that old man?"**

**"Yes, look. Bullets are all over his body."**

**"Hm, well, you didn't fail me...but..."(I spent their pay on that beautiful painting.) "What do you think of that painting over there?"**

**"Um...exotic?"**

**"M-hm. What else?"**

**"Something I see in an Asian restaurant."**

**"What?! How dare you insult the painting! Guards!" Lu Bu and Dian Wei walk in suits and sunglasses. "Yes?"**

**"Take this guy out and "take care of him." **

**"Yes, sir." They grab the assassin, but he fights out of their grip. "Hey, you said you were going to pay me!"**

**"Well... I wasted your cut on that painting."**

**"What?! You bastard! that painting is s***, by the way!" He fights off the two, and gets close to Zhong Hui, but a crater appears on his chest. "...Gah...gah..." He crumples onto the ground, revealing Li Dian holding a shotgun. "One of these guys killed Yue Jin. I'm simply avenging him, I know he was-"**

**"No, that was fine. All of you can go back to your posts. Just dispose of this mess." The three leave the office, dragging the body in a bag. **

**"Oh well, one down. Eleven to go..."**

**Koei-Tecmo HQ**

**"Hey, what is going on with the game?" CEO jumps up as a man walks in his door. "Ah! Mr. Suzuki!" The screen stops to have lettering under the man.**

**_Akihiro Suzuki (Real person in Koei You see his name in credits after a Koei-Tecmo game.)_  
**

_**Director, lead programmer, producer **_

_**Favorite character: Xiahou Dun **_**  
**

**The screen returns to normal. "I can't play Dynasty Warriors 8 and I want to play Xiahou Dun but all that is playable are Dong Zhou, Lu Xun, Xu Shu, Cao Ren, Taishi Ci, Pang Tong, Yue Jin, Zhang Fei, and Xiahou Yuan."**

**"Is it a glitch?"**

**"I already know it isn't a glitch. Also, I see the background of the game is just a rocky mess. Did a giant meteorite hit China or something?"**

**"Um...Typhoon?"**

**"Really?"**

**"No..."**

**"Who told you this?"**

**"Takasu-"**

**"Yep, I knew it. ****Well, I'm going to get some guys to fix that, and by the way, where is he now?"**

**"I don't know..."**

**"Okay, tell me when you do." He walks out of the door. He pops out from behind, "I'm not mad, by the way. I just find this a huge hassle."**

**"Yes, I get it."**

**House**

**Sima Yi fell asleep because of lying in that same spot for a long period of time. Sima Zhao picks him up and shakes him. "I'm sure you're faking! Are you?"**

**"..."**

**"Oh no! He is dead!" He sobs into the "body." "He's still warm..." Sima Shi make him drop the "body." "You're disrespecting the dead."**

**"But..."**

**"Now, how am supposed to tell-" Jia Chong walks over to the bedroom where Zhang Chunhua was sleeping. "Aaaah!" He gets flung out of there once he entered. "Ow..."**

**"Do not walk in without knocking." She walks out, dressed. "I was hearing all of the commotion, what happ-" She sees the "body" and goes to it. "Wait...he's dead...?" **

**"Cruel fate has taken him finally!" Jia Chong was (pretend) crying and was (pretend) bowing to the Heavens. "He was taken at such a-I'll stop." **

**"Good. But... when did this happen?" **

**"I don't know, probably recently."**

**"Oh..." She puts in a face that really expressed sadness and cradles the "body" in her arms. Takasugi was hding behind a bush nearby, watching. "Ok...this is going to far..." Sima Yi woke up, but kept his eyes closed to keep the charade. (How long am I doing this? And there's something that feels familiar... Oh no! Am I out in the garbage?! I hope not! But... how did they react? I'm sure it was fine...) **

**"Should we prepare a funeral?"**

**"I say we just bury him."**

**"That's very insensitive, Jia Chong..."**

**"He will haunt your behind now that you just said that."**

**(AH! They'll bury me! I need to break this up or else...) He starts to shake and Zhang chunhua notices. "Hm...? Why is the body vibrating?"**

**"Maybe his device is still on him."**

**"But it can't be that strong to send waves throughout his entire body."**

**"His body is strangely too warm..."**

**"It's a hot day." Jia Chong looks at the body and thinks for a bit. "Hey...you know what? let's cremate him."**

**(CREMATE?!)**

**"Hm...not a bad idea..."**

**"Just let me... Ok... help me lift the body-" Sima Yi sits right up quickly in fear, shocking everyone around him. "NO! Don't cremate me!" Takasugi outside, "There you go... I'm gonna just...sink down for a bit..." Sima Zhao yells out, "Dad's a zombie! Protect your heads!" Sima Shi cries out, "You're immortal!"**

**"Oh...um...Brains...?" He turns his head, only to see Zhang Chunhua's eyes twitching. "Oh...um...I'm back..."  
**

**"...I...am...going...to...kill...you..."**

**"Hey, I'm alive..." **

**"Huff...huff..." She grabs Sima Yi by the shoulders and shakes him. "****HOW COULD YOU DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO ME?!"**

**"Well...the director-I feel sick..."**

**"Oh, blame that man! Why didn't you refuse then?"**

**"That's...a good question..." Zhang chunhua lets go of him and walks off in a huff. "Why is she angry?"**

**"You did scare her for a bit..."**

**"I...I...I didn't know she would be that worried about me..."**

**"How could you say that? If Mother didn't care, she would have just gone with Jia Chong's suggestion of just burying you."**

**"...I suppose..." (I'll go and murder that man...but first...) "Excuse me." He runs in the direction Zhang Chunhua walked off in. **

**Back outside**

**Takasugi gets up and moves away. "Someone's getting the couch...or the ground..." He goes over to his car. "Hm, Izuru went already. I suppose I can't be there for everyone..." In the apartment Zhuge Liang lived in, Kisuke comes into his door without notice. "Hey there! The rent's due!"**

**"...You said a month."**

**"It was already a month! Now where is the other guy and his lady? And that Ulquiorra-looking guy with a short blondie, emo girly face, and spikey-head?"**

**"They left."**

**"Aw, and they didn't tell me? How rude. They didn't pay me before leaving..." He walks off. "...What's that about...?" **

**Meow. A black cat rubs itself on Zhuge Liang's leg. "Meow. Feed me tuna. Meow."**

**"Wait, did it just talk...?"**

**"Meow. No. Meow."**

**"I don't have anything right now. Move along."**

**"Meow? Meow..." The cat walks out the door opening and Zhuge Liang looks out.**

**"There you are, Yoruichi-san! I've been looking all over for you! Come, I made your favorite meal!" **

**"Meow." Kisuke walks happily holding the cat. **

**"...He's talking to a cat...Strange people here..." He goes out and went to the school. **

**Gan Ning was working at his Starbucks job, but this did not last very long. He was acting more aggressive towards the customers. "Hey, what do ya want?"**

**"I want a large Double Chocolately Chip frappuccino."**

**"What else?"**

**"Oh, I'll take that slice of cake and some of those cookies..."**

**"Gee, lady, watch it on the sugar. I can see you already having a bun in the oven right now."**

**"What?"**

**"Name?"**

**"Suzie." Gan Ning writes "Eat a vegetable, Sugar-zie." When Ling Tong gets it, he looks at the writing and was slightly snickering. "Kmph...good one..." He turns on the blender, and puts caramel instead of chocolate. He puts butterscotch chips instead of chocolate chips. And he accidently mixes chocolate milk and whip cream along with the mixture. He gets another order and he uses the espresso machine. He accidentally turns on the wrong lever, and steam shoots on his intimate part, and he was completely off-guard. "AAH!" He stands there with a shocked face, clutching down there. "...I think I just steamed my thing!" **

**"Hey, steamed beef and broccoli's on the menu!"**

**"Stop joking! I think I really-"**

**"Shut up and get the order! You can walk it off."**

**"No... I think it's really steamed..." He takes a step. "Ow! Yep...I hit it..." He manages to finish the orders and lets Lu Meng take over. "Yeah, yeah do that while I get some ice..."**

**"What happened?"**

**"I steamed my thingy-na-bob..."**

**"...Um..." Ling Tong runs into the back room. Gan Ning continues his attitude to the people. "Next! What do ya want?" **

**"A mocha latte espresso with caramel swirled on the top. Make it venti. Oh, whipped cream along with a few pumps of vanilla." **

**"Wow, fancy much? Name?"**

**"Chris." Gan Ning writes "Chris Christie." on the cup. "Some hot crap mixed with sugary crap!" Lu Meng replies, "Be more specific!"****  
**

**"S*** mixed with sugary s***!"**

**"No! I heard him say a venti-sized mocha latte espresso with caramel and whipped cream swirled on the top mixed with a few pumps of vanilla. That right?"**

**"It looks like you're made for this. You should work here more."**

**"I DO work here. While you, you should do your job with no attitude." **

**"Fiiiine..."**

**Takasugi drove downtown and sees large building with fancy lights. "Is that a new place that just opened? Ah, it wouldn't hurt to look." He parks near it, and he reads the sign. **

_**You're going the wrong Wei, this is what you're looking**_** for.**

**"Oh, a pun." He looks up at what the sign was pointing at. **

**The Wei Club**

**"That name is very unoriginal..." He enters to be greeted with a scary look from Zhang Liao. "Evening, sir. What is that you need?"**

**"Whoa... Cool it on the eyes... What's all this?" He looks around to see beautiful ceilings and floors, tables and chairs evenly organized, everywhere basically sparkled. "Um...didn't you work in..."**

**"Unfortunately... I got fired because I kept on scaring people...Cao Cao then quit to make this."**

**"He started a club? Where did he get the money?"**

**"He asked nicely to Deng Ai and Guo Huai, and they were willing."**

**"Who is working here?"**

**"Myself, Cao Cao, Xu Chu, Dian Wei, Xiahou Dun, Pang De, Jia Xiu, Wang Yi, Li Dian, Xu Huang, Guo Jia and Cao Pi."**

**"Don't they all...?"**

**"Cao Cao called all of them and said he needs them. All of them went to him. He wasn't able to ask for Zhang He, Zhen Ji, and Cai Wenji because the device wasn't able to reach them." **

**"No signal probably. Wow, they dropped everything to join up with Cao Cao?"**

**"He draws people to him."**

**"He sure does..." He turns and to see Jia Xiu mopping the floor. "...Why am I the janitor again...?"**

**"Oh...weren't you one at the mall?"**

**"Yes, now here, but it's better than over there since these guys can keep clean. Well, most of the time... Have you seen that place? It's like cleaning after pigs and I'm sure actual pigs are cleaner!"**

**"...Yeah... But pigs are still pretty dirty."**

**"I know, but I'd rather clean up after one than the people over at that "mall." **

**"I heard Wang Yi is here, what does she do?"**

**"Cook... Don't worry, she just tenderizes the meat and chop food up. No actual cooking."**

**"Xu Chu does?"**

**"Yep, head chef."**

**"Where is Cao cao by the way?"**

**"In the back in his office." Takasugi walks to the back area to see Cao Cao leaning in his desk. "Hey."**

**"Oh! What do you think of this?"**

**"It's...sparkly... Why did you do this?"**

**"Because I want to be the boss, I don't want some random man to boss me around. I've heard from this guy in a suit, saying that you cannot move forward working for someone else. You have to reach out and take it yourself!"**

**"That's you alright."**

**"Yes! My ambition shall not be stopped!"**

**"Been a long time since you said that. Who does what here and what is this basically?"**

**"A club. I saw these places called that and decided to do that. I made it so anyone can enjoy this place. I have Guo Jia and Cao Pi for the ladies."**

**"Huh."**

**"I make sure the food is quality, so Xu Chu makes it. He just came back from that show, so he has many ideas. Dian Wei, and Xiahou Dun are to keep watch so some guy decides to mess up the place. Li Dian, Xu Huang, and Pang De serve tables."**

**"Are you paying them?"**

**"Of course, we try to split up what the club earns."**

**"Shouldn't you get some hostesses?"**

**"Wang Yi doesn't want to do it... And I can't find the other two ladies..."**

**"Can you just hire random pretty women?"**

**"Hm... Guo Jia! I have a job for you!" Guo Jia walks in. "Yes?"**

**"Here are some flyers and you have to find pretty women to be hostess here. You, Li Dian, and Cao Pi."**

**"Ha, they're pretty thus this will attract more attention." **

**"Yep." Guo jia leaves the room with the papers. "Oh, we have this machine here and I was wondering on how do you use it."**

**"Let me see." Cao Cao leads Takasugi to a few machines on a mini stage. "These are karaoke machines."**

**"What is their purpose?"**

**"It's simple. This thing plays music, and a person gets this microphone and sings along to it the best as they can."**

**"Ooh, I want to try!" Cao Cao and Takasugi set up one of the karaoke machines. "What song do you want?"**

**"Ooh, Machine Gun Kiss. I wonder what's that about." He choose that and gets a microphone. A guitar riff plays on the machine and Cao Cao sings the lyrics that appear on the TV screen. **

_**Midnight shadow k**_**irisaku**

_**Accel k**_**isimu**_** Highway City**_

**Josyuseki utumuku omaeno**

_**Rouge **_**i****ro no urei**

**Toida**_** knife **_**n****oyouna**

**Ore wo tutumikonda**

_**My sweet babe**_

**Hedo deruyouna**

**Past ya future**

**Ore ga nurikaete yarusa**

**Ikou ze futari kiri no Eden **

**The area around Cao Cao turns into a rock stage.**

**1 oku, 2 oku, 100 oku no **

_**Kiss **_**Wo abisete yaru _baby _**

**Cao cao has his microphone on a stand and is moving and posing with that one. **

**Kono ude daite Omaewo**

**Nidoto Hanashi ha shinai**

**Cao cao spinning around with the stand.**

**_Machine Gun Kiss_ de _Just_**

**_fall in love _**

**The music stops with Cao Cao posing with the stand horizontally. **

**"Wow... I didn't know you could sing..."**

**"I like this thing! I shall set up them around here." Xu Chu pops from a kitchen window, "I liked your singing, Lord Cao Cao!"**

**"Thank you, Xu Chu."**

**"Bye." Takasugi walks quickly out the club. Meanwhile at the school, Zhuge Liang, Sima Yi, Sun Jian, Han Dang, and Huang Gai watch as the chemistry teacher, Mr. Yabu, grab the leftover coffee, stale donuts, and the sink strainer. "This...yes...this will work..."**

**"What's with him?"**

**"He made that funny drink that turned me into a child..."**

**"You were just precious when you were in those clothes! Too bad you almost bit my finger off when I tried to cut your beard..."**

**"You do not cut off my beard... "**

**"I did not know you had a close relationship with that thing."**

**"You're one to talk, you don't have any on your face. Actually, you're the only one here that doesn't have facial hair. Can't grow one?"**

**"I don't know if I do..."**

**"When you stand beside your sons, all three of you look like brothers. Maybe a little moustache can help distinguish you."**

**"I can't."**

**"Why not?"**

**"It's the same reason why Wei Yan never takes off his mask. You don't know."**

**"...Okay..." **

**Miyako (normal) was sitting at a table, looking through folders until another teacher goes up to her. "Hey, remember me? I'm Mr. Kubata, you refused me so many times-"**

**"Not interested."**

**"Come on-"**

**"Nope."**

**"You're taken...?"**

**"No..."**

**"You sure...? I swear I saw that guy speaking with speaking you."**

**"What guy?"**

**"He had...um...black-blue-ish hair? Wearing a dress shirt with sleeves rolled up?"**

**"You seem to quite know how he looked..."**

**"I saw him here a couple of times. And I saw he was in your classroom once. Something-"**

**"NO. Why are you butting into my business? He and I are just friends."**

**"Oh? I swear I saw you blush when you were speaking to him."**

**"How do you know...?"**

**"Um... I was at the window where you and that guy were talking. Then this guy with sunglasses came and pushed me away to get to the door."**

**"Uh... I'm gonna go..." She gathers her things to leave and the Mr Kubata guy blocks her way. "Now, now, let's not be hasty..."**

**"I would like to go to my room now. Please move aside."**

**"Can I at least buy you coffee or some-"**

**"No. I'm not interested in dating nor go with you." She walks, pushing Mr. Kubata away. "...Hmph. I'll do this the hard way... Let's see about that other lady..." He walks out and into Zhang Chunhua's room. "Hey, there."**

**"Who are you?"**

**"I'm Mr. Kubata. I've heard of your argument with your husband-"**

**"That's none of your business. He and I don't even express that, so how would you know about it?"**

**"Um... So, how about I help you with something?"**

**"No."**

**"I'm sure we have the same lessons."**

**"I teach in a different way, so your lessons won't be of any use to me." **

**"Oh, really?" He gets closer to her, smirking. "Are you sure...?" His hand touches her shoulder. "I have very effective lessons. I'm sure you-"**

**"Get... your... filthy hands...off me..." She slaps his hand away. "I'm married and yet you have the nerve to try something. How despicable."**

**"Oh, sorry. I didn't know you hated to be touched. Please forgive me-"**

**"I already know of your intentions. Your face says it."**

**"How would you know based on just a person's face? I'm just a teacher."**

**"I live with a man who is always thinking of plots. I know exactly what a face that is planning or has evil intentions looks like." **

**"Well... I'm gonna go..." He turns, and looks back slightly to see Zhang Chunhua getting back to work. He smirks and leans towards her, but she holds up a pistol right in his face. "What did I just say?"**

**"...Ah...uh... You're not gonna actually shoot."**

**"Oh, really?" She is about to squeeze the trigger, and that makes the teacher get back. "You were gonna shoot! How can your husband live with you?! Does he know you can do this?! I'm gonna tell him!"**

**"Go ahead. He's not going to be surprised."**

**"What...?"**

**"I killed someone when I was thirteen. I am not afraid to do it again at my age."**

**"Ah! I will tell the principal on that! Murderers cannot be here!"**

**"Hmph."**

**"You don't care?!"**

**"Yes."**

**(Damn...) He runs out the door and into the principal's office. "That woman you hired a week ago is insane!"**

**"What? No...how can such a pretty lady be insane?"**

**"She has a gun!"**

**"Really? You're making this up."**

**"Fine, follow me!"**

**"It better be worth my time..." He shows the principal to Zhang Chunhua's room. "Look in her desk! There is a gun in there!"**

**"Sir, I don't understand what's going on."**

**"Don't play innocent with him! You aimed a gun my face!" Zhang chunhua puts on a cutesy innocent act. "Sir? You're honestly thinking I would do such a thing?"**

**"N-No! I'm sure this man is just thinking about weird things!" **

**"She killed someone when she was a kid!"**

**"What? That wasn't on the file. And if that were true, they would have a file on her. But I don't see it. Now... I'm going back..."**

**"Wait!"**

**"End of discussion." **

**"I..I...Grr!" He storms out the door. (Well... She's too dangerous...Might as well with Ms. Sarutobi...) **

**Izuru was driving back to his home, but something catches his eye. He sees cameras and news crew at an alley. He parks nearby the area, just a few feet from police tape. "What's going on there...?" Authorities bring out a large bag and detectives write on notepads. **

**"Someone died... I'll listen to the conversations." He rolls down his window to hear the news reporter. **

**"Another body was found today, similar to the previous ones. Police are still finding the culprit. This time it was a young woman in her early twenties. Police identified her as Mai Seki. She was a teacher at Genki High School and was well-loved by her students..."**

**"Hm... I've heard of murders happening around here and the connection is that they worked in a school."**

**"The cause of death was always different. The first had stab wounds, second had gunshot wounds, third had bled to death from a slit throat, and fourth one was strangled. ****This time it was blunt force. All had missing pieces of clothing, such as a blouse, bra, or underwear. Police ruled them to be rapes or sexual assault." **

**RING RING RING Izuru picks up his phone. "Hello?"**

**"Hey, did you just see the news? A woman died in that alley."**

**"...Yeah, I was there..."**

**"You killed her?"**

**"NO! I'm parked near the crime scene, watching the news happening."**

**"You know... I know that area..."**

**"Hm?"**

**"Back when I was dating Miyako, she would walk or drive down there since her house is around there."**

**"Your point?"**

**"Well... the news said all of the women worked in schools..."**

**"Then..."**

**"I'm sure you don't want her to die because you didn't warn her. You would be "down the tubes" emo with all that guilt."**

**"...I suppose..."**

**"Why are you being so indecisive?"**

**"...A part of me wants the crazy her dead, but another part says she is part of the normal her and if Crazy dies, she dies."**

**"Hey, I can't go myself since I'm too far away. It's a few-hour drive, and by the time I get there, she'll probably end up in a body bag. It's about 3:30 right now, shouldn't she be getting ready to go? Choice is yours..." Takasugi hangs up with Izuru slightly nervous. "...I certainly can't live with a death due to me knowing what is going to happen and didn't stop it..." He turns the car around and heads off to the school. Once he gets there, he gets out and looks around the lot. He spots a figure walking around and another figure going to a car. "I can't see from here... " He gets closer to the car, and saw it was Miyako. "Hey! Let me have a minute with you!"**

**"Huh?" She turns to Izuru's direction. "...Y-You're here..."**

**"I have to ask you something. Did you hear about the string of murders lately?"**

**"Yes."**

**"You go by there, no?"**

**"Yes, why are you asking?"**

**"I'm just looking out for you."**

**"I don't need it. Thank you for bothering to come here and warn me. But you do not need to follow me." She gets in her car and Izuru walks to his. When he turned, he saw a figure getting in a car and following Miyako's car. Izuru gets in his car and quickly follows the two cars. Once the two stopped, Miyako gets out first and up to her porch. The figure than slinks up to her and grabs her. "Ah!"**

**"I told you I'm going to get you...the hard way...Now stay still!" She continues to struggle and Izuru gets out of his car to run up there. "Get away from her!" The figure turns around, to reveal it was Mr. Kubata. "Well, well, your friend has come to save you... But the question is...CAN he do it?!" He gets out a gun to point at his hostage's head. "Get closer and she'll get a bullet in her head! And you! Stop resisting or you'll get it too!" **

**"Izuru! Get away!" **

**(Who am I looking at right now...? I'll take my chances on who am I saving!) "...Hrah!" Izuru runs and barrels into Kubata and knocks the pistol out of his hand. "Gah! You little..." Kubata is reaching for the gun and he gets it to aim at Izuru. "Nice try, but look who has the gun." **

**"...!" **

**BAM **

**Izuru finds nothing on him to see Miyako holding the gun by the chamber. "What?!"**

**"No...I'm not reliving that day again..." She takes the gun to throw aside. Kubata grabs her and pins her down. "You're making this very hard!" He holds her and reaches for the gun. His vision turned blurry as he heard a loud sound. "Gaaaaaah!" He falls off the porch to be shivering heavily. "Hwuaaa...hwua...huwaaa..." Izuru blows the smoke of the taser he was holding. "Eighteen million volts, got my money's worth." **

**"Since when did you carry a taser...?"**

**"Since that crazy you appeared in my life. Now, are you okay?" He extends a hand out to Miyako. **

**"Um...Yes." She takes his hand and he helps her up. "You took a big risk for me, why? Didn't I cause you so much trouble before?"**

**"That was when you were not aware of your own actions and you let your crazy other take over you. I see you are able you control it now."**

**"But why? You could have died!"**

**"You don't sound grateful."**

**"I mean... you could had that same fate as my old friend!"**

**"That is utterly ridiculous. It's one in a million that I can die doing the very same thing your friend has done. Why I did that? I just felt like being generous, and not let you die. I'm sure you did not want to be on the six o'clock news as a corpse."**

**"Hey, you're being very insensitive about this! That's not something to say when you just saved someone's life!"**

**"Well, do you want this to have more sparkles and romantic sayings? This isn't one of those animes or action movies. Want me to kiss you or something?"**

**"N-No! It's...just that... Well..." **

**"Nrgh..." Kubata moves and Izuru gives him another eighteen volts. "What were you saying?" **

**"...Uh... I'm just slightly surprised that you would go that far..." **

**"I can't just let you die right before me. I wouldn't be able to live with the guilt. Now, that gunshot will probably alert someone, so let's just wait here." A car screeches up to the house and a figure runs right out. "What happened? I heard a shot! Did someone get shot?! Where's the body? Oh! You actually did it! Where's the blood...?" **

**"I didn't shoot him, I tasered him."**

**"Who are you trying to be, Buddha? Jesus? Don't you carry a gun?"**

**"Well yeah..."**

**"And I see a gun right there!"**

**"Well..."**

**"Now you have played that "saving the girl" card, you two should get more cozy-"**

**"You KNEW what was going to happen?! And you said you were a few couple of hours away from here! You got here in twenty minutes!"**

**"I lied... I just wanted to make you having no choice and-"**

**"I could have been shot!"**

**"But you're not." **

**"...Um... We've got a serial killer right in front of the porch, and you two are just standing there, arguing..."**

**"Nrgh..." ****Kubata wakes up and is about to get up, but the two kick him in the face, knocking him out cold again. "I need some rope." Takasugi removes his tie and gives it to him. "Huh?"**

**"It's a cheap one, if it were the expensive stuff, I obviously wouldn't use it to tie a serial killer up."**

**"Alright..." Kubata lies unconscious with his arms tied behind his back. **

**"Why were you wearing a cheap tie if you liked more expensive things?"**

**"...That was just a cheap Secret Santa gift at the office... I thought I would wear it and let it get the abuse in my everyday life. Now, I can just wear my more expensive ones."**

**"Aren't you going to leave? I'm sure you don't want the police in your face."**

**"Aaah... I see what you're doing... I'll go... I'll go..." Takasugi walks quickly to his car and drives off. Izuru goes to sit on the steps. "Man... My life's been turned upside-down ever since he blew up China..."**

**"What?"**

**"Long story." Miyako goes to sit next to him. "We clearly have lots of time. Tell me."**

**"Well..."**

**The screen shows a very fast forwarded flashback from the first chapter to now.**

**"...Eeeeeh..."**

**"If it's going to bother you, you don't have to say..."**

**"Yeah...it's better like that..." They both sit in silence. **

**(...This is too awkward...)**

**(What should I do? He is making me very flustered since we're sitting right next to each other!) **

**(Make small talk?)**

**(I feel my chest hurting...) **

**(Did I leave the stove on back home...?)**

**(...This is getting too quiet! I need to say something!)**

**(Yeah, I left it off. What am I supposed to do again?)**

**(He's not saying anything! Is he still uncomfortable since the crazy me incidents?) **

**(*anime stuff, manga stuff, that broken gold Gundam*) **

**(I should say something...) "Um... The police are taking a while to get here..."**

**"Yep, the authorities are unreliable for some reason. Oh, I forgot. Did you experience any more blackouts?"**

**"Huh? No..."**

**"Hm? It just suddenly went away? That's weird..."**

**"You worried about me?"**

**"What? I can't do that? I have to make sure that version of you stays in control or I'll be locked in my house forever."**

**(I don't know... but it seems I feel more at ease with him... No! I can't think about that!) "...Um... This may seem weird... but I think when I'm with you, I don't get the blackouts often." (Now, I've said it!)**

**"Hm? That's a very strange thing... It could be that you have certain feelings for-"**

**"What?! I don't have feelings for you! We're just friends, remember?!"**

**"I didn't say me... I was going to say your deceased friend. You had feelings for him, and I resemble him. Thus resurfacing those feelings." (Your body language says it all...)**

**"Oh! Right! Silly me!" She blushes intensively. **

**"Are you okay? It's cold out, maybe your cheeks dried up." (That's so not dried cheeks. She's blushing due to something...I'll do something...) Izuru gets closer to Miyako, causing her to blush more. **

**(Yep, found the cause.) He moves back, only by a few inches. "You have feelings for someone, do you?"**

**"What? No! I'm not ready to do that sort of thing anyway!"**

**"You're yelling, this is a clear sign. Are you sure you don't like a person?"**

**"I-I...Well..." (He's already noticing! I should keep it in.) "...Yes...I may like someone, so what?"**

**"Is it Takasugi? You may regret-"**

**"No, he's... no... No...not him... I would never go back to that... to be honest..." **

**"Hmph. Any of the teachers? Sima Yi, Sun Jian, Zhuge Liang?"**

**"No...they're too old... I think they're in their thirties to forties and two are married..."**

**"Any women?"**

**"WHAT?! I'm not going there!"**

**"Hey, it could happen. You may want to experiment."**

**"Ugh... no..."**

**"Well... that leaves one last thing. Based on how you're acting around me, I could say you have certain feelings for me-"**

**"No. Of course I don't." (Okay, okay, just keep your cool and he'll just brush over that topic...)**

**"Hmph. You like me, do you?"**

**"Don't be so full of yourself. I...um..."**

**"Your face says it pretty clearly. You have feelings for me. No reason to hide, just say it."**

**"You don't seem to be surprised..."**

**"You are admitting to it?"**

**"Yes... I have some feelings for you since you remind me of my deceased friend. A lot..."**

**"And? What are you planning to do about it?"**

**"I don't know..."**

**"You obviously can't leave your feelings bottled up. That's not healthy."**

**"...Look... I can't just ask you to do-"**

**"Fine, I'll consider dating you."**

**"What?! No, no, no! That's not-"**

**"I have tons of free time." (Since those DW guys are out there, dancing and running around.) "And if you face your feelings head-on, it may cure you of your disorder."**

**"Are you sure...?"**

**"Eh, I have nothing to do."**

**(He's very calm about this...) "If you don't have feelings for me, you don't have to do this..."**

**"You never know. I'm very complicated, maybe I could have feelings for you at this moment. You don't know."**

**"Well... If this is what you think will work... I will go... I can't say those words..."**

**"Go out with me?"**

**"When you say it like that..."**

**"Can we speed this up? This is starting to become a romance anime cliche. I'll pick you up after you get off work tomorrow. Here is my phone number." Izuru holds out a tiny piece of paper. "Here."**

**"You just happened to have that pre-written?"**

**"Huh?! N-No, no! I know someone's going to have to ask me on my phone number, so I just have this ready. I don't have to get a pen then write all that stuff. And what if there's no pen? That's a problem. That's my explanation! Hehe..." (I better not let Takasugi know about this. He'll bother me non-stop.)**

**"Uh-huh..." She takes the paper. "I was wondering...if you don't mind..."**

**"What? If you want comfort for what has happened..." He blushes slightly as he gets closer to her. (I can't believe I'm doing this... I wouldn't even get within a thirty-mile radius of her back when she was crazy her...) Miyako leans her head onto his shoulder, but she gets up as she hears sirens. "Oh! They're here!"**

**"Well, we are going to have to give some information to them. And about that serial killer."**

**"You are very casual with that killer though..."**

**"I work with psychos." (Most of the DW characters are capable of killing, so I'm no longer surprised...) **

**"That's so nice of you to say about your co-workers."**

**"Yep." His voice cuts to a whisper. "Hey, switch the camera view."**

***Scene switch***

**At a recording studio**

**The manager rushes into the room Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, Wang Yuanji, and Jia Chong were in. "Hey, hey! Your views are hitting the books! The fans are starting to love you! I have set up a concert of you guys playing "Blade of Fate!" If that is successful, we'll do your other songs as singles and stick them all as an album! We're getting to the concert now! I have booked a hotel for you!" Sima Shi comments, "Now? It's getting dark...AH!" **

**"Move along! You start in the morning!" The manager pushes the four outside and onto a bus. **

**Liu Bei walks in to the apartment Guan Yo and him were sharing. "What in the world...?" Stacks of money filled the room around Guan Yu. **

**"Evening, how was-"**

**"Why is there stacks of money around you? Did you steal-"**

**"No, I sat down, and suddenly all of this currency appeared." Another few stacks appear.**

**"I should share this with Zhuge Liang, Zhao Yun, and the rest of our kingdom!"**

**"Yes..."**

**"I can't carry all of this... I'll call them here with this device." Liu Bei gets out his phone and presses a few buttons. During that time, more stacks of money appeared. **

**Takasugi was driving home and remembered something. "Oh! The 250,000 dollars! What am I suppose to do with this? Get a fancy dinner or sushi?" He gets a case and looks inside. "Wow, I'm surprised no one broke into the car to grab some bills. Oh-Huh?!" He sees the stacks of money disappearing one by one. "What the-? Some invisible evil villain is grabbing them one by one or something?" The bills were all gone before his eyes. "...Well... I don't have to worry that much... What about the other cases?" He gets the others and looks inside to find all of the money was gone. "I'm not too upset... Oh well, I'll just use my own- hey, there's a couple hundreds left. I'll get myself something before this disappears." The bills disappear from his hand. "Aw... Fine! I'll use my own money! Gee, fate is not letting me use dead people money..." **

**All of the Shu gathered inside the money-filled room. "I want to share all of this with all of you. For some reason, Guan Yu is producing a myriad of this world's currency for some reason." Ma Chao comments, "Well, this should help me a lot since that old lady just gave me a penny..." Jiang Wei says out, "I can get something now since that client can't pay me."**

**"Where's the rest of you? I don't see my son, Guan Yu's kids, or Zhang Fei's kids." Zhuge Liang says out, "They're already doing pretty well on this box of light I was watching."**

**"Box of light...?" **

**"You have one right there. Let me see...This one is a little different from the one over there..." Yue Ying casually gets the remote and turns the television on. "Oh... um... I couldn't find that. While you have that, can change the channel to that thing where you see the children doing stupid things?"**

**"...I don't really like it..."**

**"I know, I know, I just need to show them how they are doing." Yue Ying presses a button and the screen changes to Guan Ping punching a hole in the wall. "Dear me! Why is he orange?"**

**"My son... What are you doing...?"**

**The screen shows the Guan kids and Zhang kids in a club. Zhang Bao slaps a woman's behind, "Daaaym... Her ass is fine! Would you say, Xing?" Guan Xing slaps him with a blank face. "Hey! You want a fight now?! Let's go, bro!" Guan Xing slaps him again. "I'm gettin' tired of your games! Come at me, bro!" Guan Xing slaps and then punched him into the wall. He goes off away from the area and sits. Guan Ping and Guan Suo were dancing suggestively to the women. Bao Sanniang gets drunk. "Hey! I just drank a beer! Who wants to daaance? Aww, this song is about meee!" She trips and falls on a table. Xing Cai was not going along with the scene and was just sitting away from the area. A whisper is heard from the camera man. "Hey, do something." **

**"What? I'm not dancing. This music is garbage."**

**"Just do something."**

**"No." She walks away from the camera. The screen moves around for bit and you hear Guan Yinping's voice. "I don't want to show off my chest! Or dance like that! You people are pervs!" The camera starts to shake around and you see a crack. Then the screen goes to static. **

**PLEASE STAND BY**

**"...It seems Guan Yinping, Guan Xing, and Xing Cai are the ones still with their senses," Zhuge Liang commented.**

**"They were going to make Yinping do WHAT?!"**

**"Calm down, your daughter is already beating up that man because she didn't approve of what they were planning to do with her."**

**"I hope that man is dead."**

**"Well...that's not really... Okay, he's dead." Liu Bei takes two cases full of money and gives them to Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying. "My lord, why are you-"**

**"Nope. I don't want to hear it. Take it and go. Give it to the people, I need to clear this household of the money."**

**"Alright..." (Hm... I have an idea..) **

**"Zhuge Liang, what are we supposed to do with all of this?"**

**"First, how about a new place to stay?" The two leave. Liu Bei notices something. "Where's Ma Dai, Wei Yan, Pang Tong, and Huang Zhong?" Zhao Yun answers, "It's unknown where they've gone. Pang Tong died, I heard from the director person." **

**"No..." Ma Chao says, "Ma Dai is making money off of his paintings. He visited me and gave me a painting." Jiang Wei commented, ****"That...nude..."**

**"Yes, that nude me painting..."**

**"Well... there's a leaf over it..."**

**"It's very...eh...I can't say..." **

**"What happened to Wei Yan and Huang Zhong then?"**

**"This." Ma Chao gets the remote to change the channel and to show on the screen Wei Yan jumping onto a guy with Huang Zhong coming in and counting. **

**"10...9...8...7..."**

**"Yeargh!" The crowd goes wild.**

**"Wow, he's doing that?"**

**"Yes. He doesn't need to remove that mask now." Liu Bei gives them more cases and they all leave. "The room is still filled..."**

**"Give it to the people."**

**"Ok." Liu Bei gets armful amounts of money and throws them out the window with people grabbing at it like wolves. **

**"See? The people are happy."**

**"Can we just use the money for a suitable place to live?"**

**"Hm... If that's what you want..." **

**House that SY and Zc live in**

**"I said I was sorry!" Sima Yi walks after Zhang Chunhua who was giving him the cold shoulder the whole day. "If I died, you would be that upset?" She stops and turns to him. "Of course I would! Are you saying you won't be upset if I died?"**

**"N-No! It's just that I thought-"**

**"If I didn't like you, you would have died years ago! Either because that maid told you were well when you said you were sick, or I would have killed you myself. But I protected you by killing that maid. Doesn't that say anything to you?"**

**"...Well... there was your family and my family..."**

**"What I am trying to say is... I...nrgh..."**

**"What?"**

**"I...nrgh... you..."**

**"I can't hear you."**

**"Ugh...I...love...you..." Sima Yi wasn't even paying attention and was looking out the window. "Oh look, it's raining."**

**"...Forget it..." Zhang Chunhua walks away with a blank displeased face.**

**"Ah! I'm sorry! Say it again! Wait!" He chases after her and she turns around to face him. "I loathe you."**

**"That's not what you said!"**

**"Too bad, you weren't listening to me the first time." **

**"I feel like... I need you by my-"**

**"Nice try, but that mood's long gone."**

**(It was worth a shot...)**

**"I'll give you credit for trying, though. Also, the boys and Yuanji are going to get out of this place." **

**"Oh, really? That means we have time alon-"**

**"You're not off the hook that easily. But you won't have to sleep on the couch."**

**"So you forgive-"**

**"Again, I'm not forgiving you that easily." **

**"Fine..."**

**Takasugi eats at the Wei club and pays the bill. "Wow, Cao cao's right. This food is high-quality. It tastes like it was blessed by the Heavens." **

**RING RING RING **

**(It's Mr. Suzuki!) ****"Hello?"**

**"Mr. Abuto."**

**"Please don't call me that... I feel old when you call me that..."**

**"You're only twenty-two!"**

**"Yeah, anyone who gets called "Mr." are old men and/or married or divorced men."**

**"...Takasugi, please listen..."**

**"What, Mr. Suzuki?"**

**"Well... why is DW China in nothing but rubble? I can't play as Xiahou Dun, and all I got are Cao ren and Xiahou Yuan."**

**"...Um..."**

**"It's a major hassle to restart the whole thing and fix the background. What happened anyway?"**

**"...A typhoon hit them..."**

**"Natural disasters can't occur in the DW universe, I personally made sure of that. I'm not mad, I'm just wondering..."**

**"I blew up China..."**

**"SAY WHAAAAAAAT?!"**

**"You said you won't get mad!"**

**"I'm not mad! I'm just surprised! I mean... it's like if the US now went ahead and blew up modern China. It's a stupid move and that will end all existence. In this case, you wiped out the land. What happened to the characters?"**

**"...They had to get jobs..."**

**"Ooh, what are they?"**

**"It's long story..."**

**"Just tell me one."**

**"Um... Diao Chan's a hostess...?"**

**"Really? Who else?"**

**"Lian Shi also."**

**"The place?"**

**"Um...Jewel...-" He gets hung up on. "...Alright... It's time to hit the hay now..."**

* * *

**Akihiro Suzuki goes to Akihiro Suzuki himself. I do not own him.**

**When you max out Sima Yi's bond using a female character, he will act all tsundere and then will add something. Something like "I feel like I need you..." That sounds so cheesy, it sounds like it came out of a romantic drama. The funny thing was I was trying to max it out using Zhang Chunhua, and I changed it at the last moment when I didn't see it. I changed to Yue Ying, and then the talking didn't appear. Then I changed to Lian Shi. Then I changed to Zhen Ji. They all didn't work. But when I used Wang Yi when I forgot all about Sima Yi's bonds, then conversation happened, and I was bursting out laughing that he FINALLY TALKED to someone I wasn't even planning to make talk to. That wasn't planned, but that gave me a good laugh.**

**That song Cao cao sung on the karaoke machine was Machine Gun Kiss. It was a song you could sing when you play the karaoke minigame in Yakuza 4.**

**The joke that I was making with Guan Yu making tons of cash appear is that he is the god of wealth in Buddhist culture. **

**Kisuke Urahara and Yoruichi belong to Tite Kubo. Why did I put them? Well, the story kinda overlaps Bleach stories. Since they are both in Japan, they might obviously run into each other. Dynasty Warriors seem to share certain things with Bleach. Buttload of characters with personalities and/or none at all, over the top weapons, the fandom for them are weird, have a guy voiced by Johnny Yong Bosch, and settings are in pre-modern times. Well, Bleach has both sides, a modern world and a pre-modern-ish world that knows how to use future technology even though they wear pre-modern clothing most of the time. **


	14. I DO WHAT I WANT!

**Gan Ning was still showing attitude to the customers at the Starbucks until a blue-haired man walks up. "Hey, I want to try this coffee thing."**

**"Be more specific. Coffee's everywhere."**

**"Hey! Pinky! What's here?!" A pink-haired man walks up next to him. "Just say coffee. They'll get it."**

** He turns to Gan Ning. ****"Fine. Get me a cup of coffee." **

**"Are you an idiot? You need to say what flavor."**

**"Chocolate then?"**

**"There's no such thing as chocolate coffee."**

**"Fine, vanilla."**

**"A vanilla coffee? Alright... name?" **

**"Grimmjow."**

**"Wow, your parents must've hated you."**

**"What was that?" The man grabs Gan Ning by the collar. "I can kick your ass right now..."**

**"Fine, bring it on!" The pink-haired man whistles and walks out the shop innocently. **

**"What's your name?"**

**"Gan Ning."**

**"You mean Gan Nothing after I'm done with you!"**

**"Fine!" They go outside. Gan Ning puts up a stance, "What's with the blue hair? And is that eyeliner?"**

**"Hey, Miley Cyrus called. She wants her hair back," retorted the blue-haired man. **

**"I have no idea who that is, but I don't care!" Gan Ning throws a punch, and the man dodges quickly. "Ha! Miss!" He kicks him, and Gan Ning grabs the leg before it could hit him. "Denied!" But the blue-haired man points a finger at him, and a glowing red is forming. "Buh-bye!" The red blasts into Gan Ning's face. After the glow is gone, Gan Ning is no where to be seen. "Huh? I guess humans can't- Kmph!" A fist burrows itself into his back. "Haha! Your magic will not work on me!"**

**"Hehe... you are interesting... Well, bring it on!" They continue to throw punches and kicks at each other. They both stop to catch their breaths. "Huff...huff... "**

**"Huff...huff..."**

**"Hey, stop playing with the new kitten." **

**"Shut up, Pinky!"**

**"Fine, bye." The pink-haired me walks away. **

**"No, wait! Don't leave me!" He runs after him. **

**"...That was weird...Eh." Gan Ning walks back inside.**

**At the school and after Sima Yi gets out of the car, he sees a green sports car near him. "...So tacky..." He goes into the lounge to see Zhuge Liang in a new suit and was wearing sunglasses. "...What happened to you?"**

**"I don't know."**

**"...The "car" outside is tacky."**

**"How do-"**

**"It's green."**

**"Well, yours was tacky also."**

**"I didn't choose that color."**

**"Better than purple though." The principal walks in. "Hey, I need one of you in the G.E.D room. You, Yi."**

**"...What's a G.E.D?"**

**"Doesn't matter, go and stand in that room." **

**"Bye."**

**"Nrgh..." Sima Yi goes into a room with mostly older men and there were a few unusual characters. A blue haired man, a pink haired man, a long haired man with an eye patch, another long haired man that was sleeping, and a black haired man with green lines going down his cheeks. Sima Yi looks at them funny. "...Why is your hair pink? You look like you walked out of Zhang He's closet." The pink haired man turns towards Sima Yi. "Lord Aizen! You kick us out and you have nerve to visit us? I'm flattered..."**

**"He didn't come for you, Szayel. Who would?"**

**"All of this was all your fault in the first place. You urinated in his tea and he kicked us out just like that. It was a matter of time he snaps." The eye patch man pops out from behind a desk, "Hey! It's Aizen-sama! You miss us? I know, without me, it's boring over there..." The blue haired man retorts at him, "He didn't come for you either, Nnoitra. So, Aizen, about me pissing in you tea..."**

**"I am not this Aizen you speak of!"**

**"Alright, fine, we'll play along. We can see through your disguise anyway."**

**"What?! This isn't a disguise!"**

**"Whoa, don't get snappy with me." The pink haired man jokingly says, "What happened, Lord Aizen? Did Barrigan finally overthrew you?"**

**"WHAT?! Who is that and I'M NOT AIZEN!" The sleeping man yawns and looks up. "Huh? Lord Aizen came to visit...? That's nice..."**

**"Why do you people keep calling me Aizen?!"**

**"That's your name, right?"**

**"No! Who is this Aizen anyway?" The pink haired man snickers for a bit. "Alright, if you want to play it that way... You, Sosuke Aizen, are our our leader and you kicked us out because this kitty here peed in your tea. Remember, or you wish to forget?"**

**"...I have no idea what you are talking about..."**

**"Okay, you want to forget. How long are we supposed to wait for the test?"**

**"They got a s**** person working." The eye patch man yells out, ****"Yeah! Right, Stark?"**

**"...Nrgh..."**

**"Eh. Hey, Ulquiorra! You're being quiet! Normally you would just go and kiss Aizen's ass!"**

**"I do not do that with Lord Aizen. Right now, he is in a disguise, thus I don't want to blow his cover."**

**"How many times do I-" The door opens to have Zhang Chunhua walk in with a stack of papers. "The man told me to give you these."**

**"Thank you, my dear." The blue haired and eye patch man get out of their seats. "Aizen got another Pet-sama!"**

**"She's certainly looks better than the other pet. Lord Aizen, what does she do?"**

**"...Do what?"**

**"You know, powers-"**

**"She's not a god..."**

**"I'm not saying that she's a god! Just does she have any useful...?" The eye patch man goes up to Zhang Chunhua and hits on her. "Heeey, new pet-GAH!" She punches him in the face. "I'm...not..an..animal..."**

**"She fights back..." **

**"So when did you get her-"**

**"What are you saying?! She's not some dog I just picked up! No offense, dear..."**

**"Dear...? Could it be...?" The eye patch man yells out, ****"AIZEN'S HITCHED! OH MY GOD! We need a bachelor party for you!" **

**"I was already married..."**

**"What's these men calling you "Aizen"?"**

**"I don't know... Here, take this test."**

**"Aizen, we should go to a strip club for your party!"**

**"Again! I'm NOT this Aizen you speak of!" Sima Yi storms off, but is stopped by Zhang Chunhua. "You are supposed to be in here, remember?"**

**"...Oh...right..." **

**An hour later...**

**A group of people crowd the board, looking at the scores. Sima Yi watches as the blue haired man gets angry and punches a hole into the wall. "Damn it! Even Stark and Nnoitra got better scores than me!" **

**"...Hmph." Mr. Yabu crashes into him. "Ah!"**

**"Oh! Sorry! So sorry..." **

**"Watch where you are going!"**

**"Hey, did you hear of this new IQ test that is can accurately tell how smart you are? I tried it, and I got 186!"**

**"...Why should this concern me?"**

**"That Jesus guy tried and he got 197! And these are accurate! You try!" Mr Yabu holds up a computer.**

**"Hmph. Let me see..."**

**Few minutes later...**

**"What?! Mr. Sima, you got 198!"**

**"What does that mean?"**

**"You're almost a genius along with the Jesus guy! He got 197!" Sima Yi smirks and acts too confident. "It should be expected of me." He starts to laugh maniacally and in another area, someone else was laughing maniacally. "HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"**

**"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" Sima Yi turns to the pink haired man and he turns to see him. **

**"..."**

**"..." The pink haired man goes up to Sima Yi and holds him by the collar. "Evil laughs are my thing, got that?"**

**"...What? You were laughing-"**

**"LAUGHING'S MY THING!"**

**"It's also mine's too!"**

**"No! You're Aizen! Aizen does not evil laugh!"**

**"I'm not Aizen!"**

**"Keep playing this charade, but DO NOT TAKE MY THING." He lets go and walks to join the group. **

**"Gee...touchy..." Sima Yi turns to Mr. Yabu, who was just standing there with a blank face. "Oh... um...Why aren't you surprised?"**

**"Eh, I do that too."**

**"...What?" The school doors open and Takasugi walks right in. "Unannounced entrance coming through." He strolls right by Sima Yi. "Unannounced entrance coming through."**

**"..."**

**"We should get a security guard if there are this many visitors," commented Mr. Yabu. **

**"No, you don't..."**

**"Oh, yesterday, that serial killer was arrested. It turns out he was from here. I never thought it would be Kubata. Oh well, it's always the quiet ones."**

**"Mm-hm..." **

**"Oh my god! It's the Espada!" Sima Yi turns to a fanboying Takasugi. "Oh my god! Where's Aizen?! Ooh... where's Harribel?" **

**"...Who are you...?"**

**"I know the Espada even when you shaved your heads! Did Aizen kick you out of Hueco Mundo again?"**

**"How do you it's us? We could be cosplayers."**

**"Ah, that's what I said about the DW characters. Okay, that's Grimmjow, that's Nnoitra, that's Stark, that's Ulquiorra, and that's...um... Zarra?" The pink haired man gets angry at him. "You remember their names and not mine's?!"**

**"Hey, hey. It's been a while since I read the manga. I just call you Pinky because your name is too weird to say."**

**"See? Even fans call you Pinky, Szayel," commented Grimmjow. **

**"Oh! That's your name! Szayel! How's Aizen doing?"**

**"He's over there." they pointed at Sima Yi. "He's pretending to not know us, so he's disguising himself. We can see through it anyway."**

**"...That's... not..." Takasugi lights up. "Ah! Aizen!"**

**"Not you too..." Takasugi takes Sima yi to whisper to him. "They think you're their boss."**

**"Well, clear it-"**

**"These guys can protect you and they're fun!" **

**"Then why their real boss kick them out?"**

**"...Uh... well...Just play along! You may not know this, but you share Aizen's voice, thus you could command them. You also resemble him a little bit. It's just you have black hair and Aizen has brown hair. Wait, didn't have brown hair back in DW6?"**

***Flashback to DW6 cutscenes with Sima Yi***

**"...Huh..."**

**"Was that dyed or something? Is this your real hair color?"**

**"...This is my real hair... That hat had a wig attached."**

**"Ohhhhhh...That explains it. Anyway, you can have those guys serve you."**

**"Hmm... But one of them called Chunhua a pet..."**

**"Yeah, Aizen did some things, and just play along." Sima Yi goes up to the Espada group. "Ahem." (Wait, what were their names again...?)"****Shouldn't you go get jobs?"**

** "Yes." **

**"Then aren't you going to leave?"**

**"Hey, do we take the new pet-"**

**"NO. And she's not a pet."**

**"Alright, your new wife."**

**(She's not new...ish...) "Close enough..." The group leaves the school. Takasugi goes into another room to see Zhuge Liang. "Hey, do you want to go around the world?"**

**"What?"**

** "I see you have the new car. Can I ask did anything happen at the dealership?"**

**"They asked if I was Jesus."**

**"Ah, what about your wife?"**

**"They asked if she was Buddha."**

**"I see... Well... you're coming with me."**

**"Where?"**

**"You'll see...Also, bring Yue Ying."**

**"Again, why?"**

**"You'll see..."**

**Cao Cao was watching as the club was getting popular. "It's very crowed, and the money's coming in!" He sees a person pushing his way and runs up to Cao Cao. It was Liu Bei. "I need your help."**

**"Hm? Um...what?"**

**"This." Liu Bei opens his jacket to have many stacks of bills onto the ground. "Here, just take it."**

**"Why...? I smell a trick..."**

**"Why would I do some trick?! Guan yu is for some reason producing a lot of money! I need to get rid of it!"**

**"You should keep-"**

**"That's the thing! There's too much! Just take it!"**

**"Ok...if you say so..." Guan Yu walks in with people grabbing at the bills that he was leaving behind. "Brother, ready to go?"**

**"You're still producing?!" **

**"I don't know what is happening..."**

**"We need to figure out something!" The two run out, with bills flying behind them. Meanwhile, they see a green car driving near them. "Hey! Zhuge Liang!" The car stops to have the window rolling down to see Zhuge Liang in the driver's seat, Yue Ying in the other seat and Takasugi jammed into the middle uncomfortably. "What is it, my lord-"**

**"Guan Yu's producing too much money! And he can't stop!" Takasugi looks over to them. "How much?"**

**"Look!" Liu Bei holds many stacks. **

**"...Hm... that could do something... Feed all the hungry people?"**

**"That's a good idea! How can I get this-"**

**"Say no more, I have an idea. Get in." **

**"There's no room..."**

**"Well, you're looking at the empty part of the cup. Get in."**

**Zhao Yun, in his lawyer office, was swimming in millions of dollar bills as Ma Chao and Jiang Wei looked in confusion. "I tried that, but I just got paper cuts..."**

**"I broke my knee when I tried to dive in my pile..." Zhao Yun's head pops out in front of them. "Want to join?"**

**"No..."**

**"Yeeah...we have law stuff to do..."**

**"Okay, suit yourself." Zhao Yun continues to (somehow) swim in the pile of money.**

**As Takasugi gets Zhuge Liang, Yue Ying, Liu Bei and Guan Yu onto the plane, he gives Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying white robes. "Put these on."**

**"Why?"**

**"These seem comfortable, no?"**

**"I suppose..."**

**On the plane...**

**Zhuge Liang and Liu Bei were frozen stiff as they were sitting in the seats. "Can you tell me why I see only clouds...?"**

**"Are we in Heaven...?" Takasugi, that was near them, tells the two, "This is a plane. You can fly to places in this."**

**"Hahaha...you're crazy..."**

**"No, this is the future. Flying stuff exists." **

**"I-I..." Yue Ying looks around and out the window. ****"I should get plans for this."**

**"No... that would be a bad idea..."**

**"Why?"**

**"Well... it just wouldn't work in Ancient China..."**

**"Oh... Can you ask me why are we wearing these robes and where are we going?"**

**"A faraway place. You'll see after we land." Guan Yu accidentally makes a few dollar bills spawn in a random person's cup holder. "Whoa! Sweet!"**

**"Uh-oh..." More bills pop in everyone's cup holders and pockets behind the chairs. Everyone gets excited and many ordered the waitresses to bring up food, alcohol, and many items. Takasugi also gets the money in his cup holder. "Oh... Eh. Hey! Can you get me a pillow? Oh! And some of those sandwiches!" **

**Back on the ground...**

**Izuru gets to the school and enters. He walks for a bit to find Sima Yi talking to a group of unusual hair-colored men. "Why are you men back?"**

**"We've been wondering if you have a place for us."**

**"Also, when you are ready to take over this world."**

**"Oh... is that right...? I need to go, thus you men must stop dilly-dallying!"**

**"Alright, alright! We're going!" The group runs away. Izuru approaches Sima Yi. "I recognize those people."**

**"Really?"**

**"The Espada, and since you share Aizen's voice, they think you're him."**

**"How can I get out of this? They think I'm wearing a disguise!"**

**"Unfortunately, they will keep bothering you and****...well... You really do look like him..."**

**"I just need to play along, right?"**

**"Pretend you're going back to Hueco Mundo when the time is right. Good luck. Oh, you have to keep an evil sexy face on at all times."**

**Outside a stadium, Sima Shi, Sima Zhao, Jia Chong, and Wang Yuanji sit at a table as a there were barriers around that protected them from fangirls. "Okay...this is awkward..." The manager goes to whisper to them, "You are here to show off to these fans before performing."**

**"That seems..."**

**"Well, you're new to show biz, this is like an introduction."**

**"Um... hello?" The fangirls all squeal. "We all know who you are really are!"**

**"Oh...is that right...?" **

**"Yep, you're Sima Zhao, the one next to you is Sima Shi then the two after him is Jia Chong and Wang Yuanji."**

**"Kyyyya! I knew if I wished hard enough, they'll become real!"**

**"That's from Ted, right...?"**

**"Who cares? They're here!"**

**"Do you think the other ones are here?"**

**"I want to see Cao Pi, Guo Jia, and Li Dian!"**

**"Hey, is your dad with you?"**

**"What...? Um...no..." (Maybe keep him out of this...)****  
**

**"Aw... Anyone else with you?"**

**"These three, yeah."**

**"But are there more of you guys out there?"**

**"...No..."**

**"None at all," Jia Chong abruptly saying out. "When do we just get this over with?"**

**"You don't have to be so impatient..."**

**"I do not want to just sit to cater to hormone-raging women."**

**"Ok, that is slightly accurate..." Sima Shi interrupts the two, "You do realize your arguement is being broadcasted to these people and I see a funny-looking device directing itself to you two." The two arguing looked a camera in their faces. Jia Chong looks at it disapprovingly and throws a butter knife into the lens. "No pictures!"**

**"Hey! Do you know how much this-" Jia Chong gives the cameraman a cold look, ****"I. Don't. Care." This makes the fangirls go wild. "Aaaaaah! I love his coldness!"**

**"Just as I always imagined it!"**

**"This is getting very annoying..."**

**At an airport, Takasugi walks the four with him wearing hooded cloaks. "Okay, go through here, then there, and you're out. Keep these cloaks on."**

**"Where are we?"**

**"Can you tell us NOW?"**

**"Haha... Now, now, it's a surprise."**

**"I don't understand why we have to wear these cloaks..."**

**"Just to keep attention off you four." People around them stared at the cloaked characters. **

**"Okay, it may cause a little less attention. Just come with me."**

**After a few minutes, they stand in a very large area in front of a large palace-looking building. It was very crowded, so they had to push their way in. "Excuse me...pardon me... Pardon... Scusate..." **

**"Just where are we? Can you tell me now?"**

**"Be patient. I have to get to the front first. Guan Yu and Liu Bei, stand there. And you two stand there. Let take this off..." Takasugi pulls the cloaks off Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying. A man next to them sees Zhuge Liang. "****Oh mio dio! Questo è Gesù!" (Oh my god! That's Jesus!)**

**"Jesus?"**

**"Jesus?"**

******"Gesù!"**

******"Jesús!"**

**"Huh? Who is this Jesus they are talking about?"**

**"You look like Jesus. Nuff' said. We're in Vatican City, and we're where the friggin' pope lives-hey!" Many people push down Takasugi to get a look at Zhuge Liang. Then they all bowed to him. When the pope walks out of his basilica, he sees the people bowing to Zhuge Liang. "My children! Who is that man?" All of the people stand up to greet the pope. **

**"Jesus!"**

**"Jesus?" He looks down to see Zhuge Liang and is shocked. "It's the second coming of Jesus! He has come back to us!" The crowd goes crazy and Takasugi escorts the four out onto the facade of the basilica. "Man, I didn't know it would be this busy at this time!"**

**"Who is this Jesus?"**

**"Someone you look like...-AH!" The doors behind them opens and they are pulled in. They find themselves to be surrounded by arches and gold and statues. Overall, a very large building with a lot of religious stuff on the walls. A man with white robes and a miter hat walks up to them. "Is this really Jesus?"**

**"It's the friggin' Pope!" Zhuge Liang looks at the pope's hat and comments, "Is this where Sima Yi gets his hats?"**

**"Haha... I wish..." The pope examines Zhuge Liang closely. "Hm...Jesus here looks...rather ethnic..."**

**"Oh, Jesus was Chinese."**

**"Oh really?" **

**"Yep, Jesus was Chinese."**

**"Who's this woman here?"**

**"Oh, that's Buddha. Jesus was married to Buddha."**

**"I thought Buddha was male."**

**"Buddha was a flat-chested woman, and many men thought she was male, thus those paintings."**

**"But... Buddha was BEFORE Christ..."**

**"They are both gods! They can live long enough to meet each other!"**

**"You're right... So.. Jesus, what message have you brought us?"**

**"Um..." Takasugi gives Zhuge Liang a tiny piece of paper. "...I've heard people are killing in my name... I want that to stop..."**

**"Oh! Many have done that... Do you forgive them?"**

**"...Yes... I just want... to... say... that people that follow me and truly love me must be able to give up everything they have to the poor. And it starts with you."**

**"What do I have to do?"  
**

**"Your wealth is unbelievable, then why don't you share it with those who need it the most?"**

**"Um..."**

**"I certainly did...say... to give all you have to my followers... If you truly love me, you should share with those who are unfortunate."**

**"Yes! From the direct word of Jesus, I shall give up all of my money to those poor countries!"**

**"Thank you." **

**"You heard him, Jesus wants you to help the poor."**

**"Yes!" The pope runs off with guards following him. Yue Ying gives Takasugi a look. "Why am I Buddha...?"**

**"Well...you have that dot on your head..."**

**"I'm half-Hindi."**

**"Say whaaaat? Aw, man... I should have said you were Shiva..." Liu Bei and Guan Yu behind them asked, "What are we supposed to do?"**

**"Oh, yes. I'm taking you guys to America and leave these two here."**

**"WHAT?! Take us back!" **

**"What? You want to go back?"**

**"Well...we were already getting used to over there..."**

**"Fine, you can come with me to America. We have LOTS of money to spare." Takasugi stares at a pile of money Guan Yu was still making appear. "Might as well eat at the fanciest restaurant here to try to blow all that money off."**

**Sima Yi returns home after the school day. He sits on the couch for a moment before the door breaks open to have Nnoitra and Grimmjow yelling out. "Hey! We looked all over the place! It was tough since you suppressed your reiatsu to a puny human's, but we got ya!" **

**"What are you doing here?!"**

**"Hey, does your new pet know your true identity?"**

**"Of course she doesn't, he obviously has to hide that so no shinigami can figure him out!"**

**"Oh! That's why he has that disguise! I get it..."**

**"So... Lord Aizen... did you eh-eh with you know..."**

**"What?! That's none of your business! And you have to leave!" **

**"My lord, what's all that noise?," said Zhang Chunhua from another room. **

**"Ah! Nothing! These men were just about to leave!"**

**"Oh-ho-ho! They have master/servant thing going on... Kinky...," said Nnoitra.**

**"That's not it! What is wrong with you?!"**

**"So... no sex...?"**

**"...None of your business. Now leave."**

**"Come on, Aizen! Don't be such a stick-in-the-mud! Gin's more fun than you!"**

**(Who's Gin..?) "That's because... he's less serious than me!"**

**"That's true..."**

**(Got it right!) "Can you go now? I want my life you-free!"**

**"Right after I hear you and your pet have sex."**

**"WHAT?! NO!"**

**"Come on... I want free porn!"**

**"Please go!"**

**"Uh-uh. I want free porn, even if I have to listen to it. I'm not leaving until I get it."**

**"I am your master, thus you should listen to what I say!"**

**"I'm asking for one thing! And I'll be out of your hair! Please!" Grimmjow teases, "Haha! You sounded like that when Halibel whipped your ass last night!"**

**"Shut up!"**

**"Also, if Aizen does have sex, he might kill the human he's with."**

**"Oh... Ah...I get it... But who cares? He can just grab another one if his pet dies."**

**"Would you stop referring my wife as a pet?"**

**"Yeah, yeah. Please Aizen... I'll punch Grimmjow for pissing in your tea!"**

**"Hey!"**

**(If it would get you out of here... I might have to go along with this...) "Fine, punch Grimmjow." (Hey, I said his name right.) Nnoitra punches Grimmjow directly in the face.**

**"Gah! Why you-"**

**"Aizen ordered it. You can't do anything it!"**

**"Nrgh..."**

**"Lord Aizen! I have needs! Please let me-"**

**"Fine... You'll leave if I do this for you?"**

**"Yes!"**

**"Excuse me..." Sima Yi walks into the other room to go look for Zhang Chunhua.**

**"My dear, can I ask you to do me one favor?"**

**"What is it?"**

**"I...need...you...to...fake...some..inter...course..." Zhang Chunhua stares at him weirdly. "...Um...I think I didn't catch that... Please repeat that..."**

**"These men won't leave unless I do...things...to...you..."**

**"And what are those things?"**

**"...You won't like this... They want us to...ahem...have intercourse as they listen..." They both stand in silence, blinking at each other. **

**"...Then ask them to leave..."**

**"They won't unless I do this..."**

**"You want sex now?"**

**"Well... you don't have to... We could just fake it..."**

**"How are going to pull that off...?"**

**"Just...follow my lead..." Sima Yi goes up to the wall and hits it three times, with a few seconds apart. The two out there heard and commented, "Aizen works fast!"**

**"Please, he was able to get those girls from a long time ago. One woman is clearly a piece of cake for him."**

**(Wait what? I'm a rapist now?) "...We might to improvise..." **

**"Fine... I'll play along with your little charade... What do we have to do?"**

**"Well... Just go into the room now." They walk into the bedroom and made the lock sound really loud. This made the two outside walk up to the door and put their ears to it. "Hehehe..."**

**"I don't hear anything..."**

**"They might are just warming up." Inside, Sima Yi whispers to Zhang Chunhua. "We have to act out as if we were...you know..."**

**"...Ugh... This is the weirdest thing you've faked yet..."**

**"Do you want them out here or not?" She sighs and reluctantly makes a groan. "Nrrgh... Mm...Uh..."**

**"You sound like I'm boring you."**

**"Well, we're not having actual intercourse! You said to fake it!"**

**"Keep it down! Just let me do all the work!" Behind the door, the two Espada smirk pervertedly. **

**"Ok, ok... I need to sound like I'm pleasuring you."**

**"You're putting so much effort into this..."**

**"I need it to sound realistic so they'll be satisfied and leave. Now I need to you make certain noises."**

**"...Huu...Mmm...mmmm...Mmm..."**

**"You sound like you're enjoying a piece of food a little too much." He gets a cold look from her. "Stop interrupting, or I'll make you make these noises myself... Or I can just walk out right now and let you get badgered by those men." **

**"Fine, fine... Now then..." Sima Yi punches the bed make it more realistic-sounding.**

**"Ah! Ha...Ah! Hu...hu... Hu...Ah! Kuh! M-My lord!" (I feel like a whore doing this... But...I've done a lot worst things to cover up certain problems.) "Ha...Ah! Kuh! Aaah! Ooooh... Ah! Kuh... huff...huff..." **

**"You seem pretty good at this... I'm starting to question all the times we've spent together..." **

**"You said make it realistic. I'm just doing what you asked. Huff...nhhrgh...Ah! Ah! Huff! Kuh! Huff...huff..." Sima Yi starts to shake the bed by the post to match up with the fake sex noises. Outside, Nnoitra was smiling pervertedly while Grimmjow was unzipping his pants. "Dude! Not here!"**

**"Alright, alright..." Inside, Sima Yi continues to shake the bed by a bedpost and punching the mattress. **

**CRACK **

**Sima Yi breaks off the bedpost accidentally. He looks at the piece in shock and plays it off. "Ah! I broke the bed!"**

**"That's the bedpost."**

**"Just make it seem like it was that rough."**

**"Aaaaaah! Huff...huff...huu..." Sima Yi tries to stick the bedpost back to its original place, but it falls off. "Nnnh! Damn it!" He then jumps on the bed to really make it seem real. "Keep going while I do this."**

**"You look like a kid while doing-" Sima Yi blushes at that, "I know that! This is just to really make it seem more believable!"**

**"Hu...Ah! Ha...ha...ha...Oh...Oh...oh...ha...ha... W-wow...Yes...Ah...yes...oh...Gah! Aaaaahhhhh! I am never doing this for you again..."**

**"I know...I know... But you seem way too good at this... Have you faked-"**

**"No. Just don't bring that topic up. Ahhhhh! I...I...huff...huff..." **

**CRACK**

**A leg of the bed cracks. **

**"Ah!" Sima Yi stops jumping and sits down on the bed. "I think that's enough..."**

**"I didn't know you were that heavy..."**

**"I'm not heavy!"**

**"Maybe you retired too long..."**

**"Just continue."**

**"...Ha... huff... huff... Oh...oh...oh..." The door in front of them falls down, due the two behind it having their ears pressed so hard against it. They look at each other. Sima Yi says in a nervous voice, "Uh-oh..." **

**"...They were listening..."**

**"That was fake?!"**

**"I masterbated over fake sex noises?! F***ING AIZEN TROLLING US!" **

**"Aw, he trolled us!"**

**"I knew it was too good to be true!"**

**"Can I have sex with your pet if-"**

**"NO."**

**"Worth a shot. You got us good there..." The two got up and walked out of the house and Grimmjow destroyed the wall next to the doorway."F**ing... Aizen... Ruined my boner..."**

**"...They broke the entrance..."**

**"Since we're in here, can we you know..."**

**"Really? Now?"**

**"There's no one in here besides us. We can take this opp-"**

**"Was me making those noises arousing you?"**

**"No...maybe...not...no...yes...maybe...no...definitely no...maybe."**

**"I'm going to go." Zhang Chunhua walks to the bedroom doorway, picks up the broken door and sets it into place as she leaves.**

**Izuru stands near a fountain and looks around. "I've never really done something like this before... But there's a first for everything. I'm just doing a little experiment on her disorder." He gets booed by an invisible audience. "What? You want me to like her? This isn't a romance, you know!"**

**"Um... who are you talking to?" Izuru turns to see Miyako staring at him funny. **

**"O-Oh... Nobody! Shall we go?"**

**"Yes. Where do you want to go?"**

**"You choose."**

**"How about just a walk around the park...?"**

**"Fine by me." The two walk together for a while in awkward silence. **

**(Should I talk to him...?)**

**(Too quiet. I'll break the ice.) "How's your evening so far?"**

**"It's fine, nothing interesting happened. I don't even get blackouts."**

**"Did you take medicine?"**

**"I thought I didn't need to, but I took one pill."**

**"Hm, good for you." They go to sit at a bench together. **

**"It's been a long time since I've ever been on a date, I forgot on how to act in them."**

**"So why the change?"**

**"I think it was you. I'm glad you came with me despite how badly the other me treated you. Normally, a normal person would just move to another city away from me."**

**"Well... I was ready to shoot you if that other you popped up again... And I did some abusive things to you when you were in crazy mode..."**

**"Heh, you were wanting to murder me? I suppose that would have been best..."**

**"No, no! I don't want to kill you, but...well... I wanted to kill that other you... but since you share bodies, you would die along with her." **

**"You seem to show murderous and merciful feelings towards me. What's stopping you from pulling the trigger?"**

**"I don't have the nerve to kill a woman. Unless she is very irritating, like Crazy you. Right now, I can't."**

**"Aren't you a gentleman?"**

**"I was raised that way."**

**"Really? What was your childhood like?"**

**"It's not very interesting."**

**"I already told you mine."**

**"Fine, I was that kid whose parents wanted him to be a doctor, but went against their wishes. The end."**

**"That's not it. There's obviously more."**

**"I was an otaku back in middle school and high school. And that's how my hair is blue..."**

**"Oh, tell me that."**

**"...You'll think it's stupid..."**

**"I won't laugh, come on."**

**"During middle school, I dyed my hair blue because of my otaku phase. After I got sick of it around my second year of high school, I washed it off, only to have it barely coming off."**

**"But your hair isn't that blue."**

**"After many repeated washes, this is the result. My hair is still tinted blue and most of my black hair is showing. I guess I left it in for so long, it settled in."**

**"I actually thought you were born like that."**

**"Who has natural blue hair? There's no code in our DNA to do that. Who am I, Grimmjow, Squid Girl, James?" (He means James from Pokemon.)**

**"True, but you never know what random hair color someone's born with." **

**"We've been sitting here for a while, do you want to go somewhere?"**

**"I don't know..."**

**"Right, you've haven't gone out since forever. Come, let's go."**

**"Where are we going?"**

**"Whatever catches your eye."**

**At an auditorium, Sima Shi looks out from behind a door. "There are a lot out there..." Jia Chong goes up to him. "These women know we are the real deal, thus they come to us. It's troublesome, yes."**

**"I just hope I don't get underwear thrown at my face..." **

**"Oh, I see you're aware of this world's customs in these places."**

**"I've heard someone threw a shoe at a man's you-know-what."**

**"That's not happening to you." Wang Yuanji goes to the two. "We're starting in about a minute."**

**"Alright."**

**"Please no shoes hitting my parts..."**

**"Again, that is very unlikely. Those women love you, so there won't be any shoe throwing."**

**"I'm going to be on my guard anyway." The three go up onto the stage with Sima Zhao already on it. "There you guys are!" The large audience goes crazy as they get their instruments. Sima Shi gets the microphone and says into it, "Here's Blade of Fate!" The group begins the opening music and Sima Shi sings.**

**At the edge of the sky, I question my fate  
But the answer does not change, frustrate**

**Wavering talent builds up in the future**  
**To show it with my own hands - that is my wish**  
**My destiny**

**The decree of heaven and my own life**  
**Come closer and overlap, becoming fate**  
**The meaning of heaven and my own will**  
**Twine together and pierce one another, becoming time**  
**Just a little more; I won't forgive anyone who hinders me**

**The pain twinges at me, my stain**  
**I am not trapped, I'll cut away the deadline**

**Weakness desolates me, foolishness repulses me**  
**But no matter my suffering, I will not balk at moving on**  
**This is my pledge**

**The responsibilities of heaven and my own strength**  
**Dwell together, fly away together, reaching for the top**  
**The consent of heaven is the path I follow**  
**Joining together, flying high, becoming my guidepost**  
**I will resist till I reach it, and I will run straight through**

**The present continues the past; the future is the horizon of the present**  
**And if we can change, then tomorrow will change too**

**The decree of heaven and my own life**  
**Come closer and overlap, becoming fate**  
**The meaning of heaven and my own will**  
**Twine together and pierce one another, becoming time**  
**Just a little more; I won't forgive anyone who hinders me**

**The crowd goes wild after he finishes. Some fangirls fell down swooning over Sima Shi. **

**"Want another?"**

**More screams from mostly fangirls filled the room. **

**"Next one I call, "Heaven's Will." Wang Yuanji goes up to a piano ready on the stage and Jia Chong gets a violin to play the opening music. Then Sima Zhao gets to the drums while Sima Shi picks up a guitar as he sings. **

**Rain - the rain won't stop, and I  
Can no longer see your honest face  
Gray - the darkened clouds have hidden  
What you're thinking of**

**Even if I ask, there's no reply**  
**It's already too late for what I wish for**  
**Expected to know everything ahead of time—**  
**This is irritation, isn't it?**

**Heaven's will, with these hands**  
**Shall I steal it all away?**  
**Even the drops that are shaken loose**  
**Are afraid, and will fade away**

**Heaven's will, this heart-pounding thrill**  
**Such a satisfying strength**  
**Until I reach the highest point of the heavens**  
**I will persist, I must reach it**

**Pain - this throbbing ache is carved into me**  
**By the gears of time**  
**Fate - the grating sound will someday**  
**Convey my destiny to me**

**It's alright to act so cold**  
**I should decide these things of my own will**  
**These strategies meant to test me**  
**Are laughing in my face**

**Heaven's will, where am I now?**  
**I'm searching endlessly for you**  
**If I believe in myself**  
**Then will we definitely meet again?**

**Heaven's will, I continue searching**  
**Chasing after your unseen figure**  
**There is a boundless hope in my heart**  
**That these fingers of mine will attain perfection**

**Even if I ask, there's no reply**  
**It's already too late for what I wish for**  
**Expected to know everything ahead of time—**  
**This is irritation, isn't it?**

**Heaven's will, my dreams won't come true**  
**I keep chasing after your shadow**  
**I will bet my life on this fight**  
**Why can I not be forgiven?**

**Heaven's will, I continue waiting**  
**For the time you appear before me**  
**Gazing upwards in yearning**  
**Ah, where are you now?**

**More fangirls "died" after that song was finished. The group went back to their original instruments. **

**"They said to do that last one." Sima Zhao gets a microphone himself. "We have a duet." This makes girls go crazy. "Ok, ok. We get it." Sima Zhao starts to play a heavy guitar riff and then the bass and drums follow. **

**(Bold is Shi singing, lighter is Zhao singing. Italic is both of them singing.)**

**Now, I give my questions to the wind  
Wondering the whereabouts of meaning  
**The things I am facing  
And the things I have lost scare me, but

I follow the road where only talent is forgiven** (as I stumble)  
**I must keep going**  
_No matter how far it takes me_**

_Ah, entrusted to my soul_

Yes_, I will accept my destiny and go on_**  
_Doing what I must, burdened by my fate_  
_For the sake of a new tomorrow_  
_It is within our hands_**

Until the very moment  
When my life is extinguished

I will turn my eyes away  
From the things I can't understand**  
**

**(A little mixed up here.) I care not for pointlessness; I have no use for weakness (truly)  
**There is nothing I can do**  
_But believe in myself_**

_Ah, our entwined will_

Yes**_, it will never be extinguished_  
_Until we can take back_  
_The true shape of this chaotic world_  
_With our wisdom_**

The answers are only found within victory**  
I won't be turned aside  
_I won't forgive my destiny_**

***guitar riff mixed with some drums and bass*****  
**

_**Ah, entrusted to my soul  
**_Yes_**, I will accept my destiny and go on  
Doing what I must, burdened by my fate  
For the sake of a new tomorrow  
It is within our hands  
Ah…**_

**The crowd goes crazy and many flowers go onto the stage. Other miscellaneous items go onto the stage such as bras, panties, pieces of food, some wigs, an anvil gets thrown onto the stage, and basically anything that would be ridiculous to see get thrown onto a stage. A show flies to Sima Shi and he dodges. "See, Jia Chong? There was someone ready to throw a shoe at me!" **

**"Ow!" The shoe hits Sima Zhao in the you-know-what instead. He also gets a water bottle thrown at his head. "Hey!" A bra gets thrown at Sima Shi, but he dodges and it hits Jia Chong. He gets it off quickly in disgust. There were males at the concert, and they act creepy towards Wang Yuanji. One threw a pair of boxers at her, but she dodges, only to have it hit Sima Zhao. "Ah! Ugh!" He throws it off his face quickly. Izuru happened to be in the crowd because he and Miyako snuck past security.**

**"They're in the music industry? Usually the music business does cruel things to good people. Not that I call those four "good people"..."**

**"You know them?"**

**"You can put it that way."**

**"You can probably get backstage passes and sell them off."**

**"Nah, I don't want to be in the presence of fangirls."**

**"If you know them, can you tell me their basic background?"**

**"Hm... where to start...? The one that sings is the brother of the Jersey Shore-looking fellow. I happen to know his father too. The one that looks like he came out of Hot Topic during a KISS sale is their good friend and the blonde one is the Jersey Shore-looking's wife."**

**"What? How old are they? They got married rather young..."**

**"It was arranged."**

**"Oh. How do you know so much about them? Are you close?"**

**"No... but I have my sources..." (Sanguozhi and some history websites.) "You interested in them?"**

**"No, I don't get into bands that much."**

**"We should leave quickly just in case security catches us."**

**"I can't still get over the fact we were able to sneak in so easily."**

**(Those hours of playing Hitman are paying off for me.) "Let's go." The two wait until a security guard goes to pee in a potted plant and they quietly speedwalk out of the auditorium.**

**Meanwhile in America...**

**Takasugi walks with the four around the streets of New York City. LIu Bei asks him, "What do you call this place?"**

**"I thought we should go somewhere where you can get rid of all that cash. New York City seems to be best when it comes to expensive stuff." As they walked, Guan Yu continues to unwittingly spawn dollar bills and that causes random people to go and grab at it. They stop for a moment. "I'm wondering, can you produce the money willingly?"**

**"I don not know... Let me see..." Guan Yu closes his eyes and a human-sized tower of money appears next to him. **

**"Whoa! Ok, ok, ok! Let's go before we get swarmed by homeless guys!" They walk faster into the busy streets as people began to swarm the tower behind them. "Nrrgh... I just thought of something... if this much money gets into the system, it will devalue it more and more to the point it's worth nothing... Then we must get all the crap we want until that happens! Right-" He turns to see Zhuge Liang and Guan Yu get attention from thousands of people. Yue Ying and Liu Bei get pushed off out of the crowd on the sidewalk. "Hey!" Takasugi gets between the crowd, but to get spit right out next to Yue Ying and Liu Bei. "Oof!" Many Christians were excited about "Jesus" while many Buddhists were worshiping Guan Yu. **

**"It's the second coming of Jesus Christ!"**

**"He's come to save us!"**

**"Please heal me!"**

**"Can you turn my water bottle into wine?"**

**"It's the great warrior Guan Yu!"**

**"Can you tell me today's lottery numbers, O great Guan Yu?" **

**"Will I be successful in my later life?"**

**"Will I go to Heaven?" The two were getting overwhelmed by the crowding people. "Please, I'm just going my way, I'm not who you think you are."**

**"You look exactly like Jesus!"**

**"You're Guan Yu! You have the long beard!" As this commotion was happening, news stations gets word of this and vans go to the area very quickly, causing some crashes. Takasugi sees them. "Oh crap! The cameras!" He goes to grab the two from the crowd. "Come on! Let's go! Yue Ying and Liu bei, run!" They all run away as the vans and religious people chasing after them. **

**"How in the world can you-"**

**"Rules don't apply here! Guan Yu! Make a giant wall of money!" Guan Yu closes his eyes to make a seven-foot wall of dollar bills on the sidewalk they were on. All of the people crash into it, but got up quickly. Some tried to grab some and they were back on their feet in chasing them. **

**"Jesus Christ!"**

**"Um..."**

**"Of course not you, Zhuge Liang. People take religion seriously here! And I thought there were too many Jesus-freaks back home..."**

**"You've never been here?"**

**"Yeah... And I doubt I'll come back to New York City. Maybe California seems better..." They find an alleyway and go into it to let the waves of people run right past it. "Huff...huff..."**

**"Can you put us down now...?"**

**"Right..." He sets them down and catches his breath. "Ok, ok, ok, ok... Let me look out, don't you guys and girl move." Takasugi peeks from a corner to find no people chasing the group. "...Ah... coast is clear...Hm?" He looks up, to see the big screens n the city have breaking news reports covering all of them. **

**"We interrupt this program to bring you this breaking news story. Waves of people chased these people they claim to be Jesus Christ and a Buddhist deity named Guan Yu. They chased them for three blocks, only to lose them. We've got coverage on the scene where they were last located." The screen switches to a man standing in front of many people. **

**"I'm here with many believers of the Christian faith and Buddhist faith. They believe they saw Jesus and the God of Commerce."**

**"Jesus has come to save us!"**

**"I want my lottery numbers!"**

**"He shall turn our water to wine!" Takasugi facepalms himself. "Oh no... Time to go to another state then... But I need a disguise for them... I wonder how the others are doing back home... "**

**Sima Yi was putting in random pieces of wood in the area where the two from earlier had destroyed. "This should do for now-"**

**BOOM **

**The doorway and walls break, sending pieces of wood flying. Sima Yi's eye began to twitch with his teeth clenched. **

**(Keep calm...) **

**A man walks into the house along with Grimmjow and the other Espada following him. "Wait! That wasn't you...?"**

**"I thought you were wearing a disguise!"**

**"Why would I need a disguise?"**

**"Um... So the shinigami won't-"**

**"Please understand that I want my image to be projected. I would not want to hide my (handsome) face." **

**"Excuse me... why did you break down the door? You could have just used the door..."**

**"You confused this man for me, my dear Espada? I'm rather...insulted..."**

**"He sounded like you! And he kinda has your face." The man goes up to Sima Yi. "hmm...maybe I should have used protection a few years ago..."**

**"...I'm pretty sure you're not my father, for I know he wasn't... this..."**

**"I must say... it's unusual for me to hear my voice talk back to me..."**

**"Your voice? You mean MY voice."**

**"You have MY voice. No one can have besides me, Sosuke Aizen."**

**"There are people that can have similar voices. You have a problem with that?"**

**"Why yes... There is no other that can my (sexy) voice than me. Thus you must perish."**

**"That's rather...imbecilic..." Nnoitra whispers to the group, "It's like listening to Aizen talking to the mirror in his room..." They all nodded. **

**"Do you want a fast death? Tell me now or I'll make it slow and painful."**

**"How about you leave this place and let me fix the broken wall?"**

**"Bold, aren't you?" Aizen glows, shaking the room and making the group behind them shiver. Sima yi was unaffected by the pressure. "What exactly am I supposed to say? "Run, it's Lu Bu?" Aizen looked at him in displeasement. "How can you withstand it...?"**

**"Withstand what? I didn't feel anything."**

**"I don't sense anything from you..."**

**"That's because I'm dead." (-Ish...)**

**"That's...impossible..." Szayel runs up to Sima Yi. "I'm going to need some DNA, drop your pants."**

**"NO! I'm not letting this...this...um...what is this...?"**

**"I'm not some thing, you human!" **

**"I certainly can't tell what are you... You have yellow eyes, so a human cat?" **

**"Well, I never! And you have yellow eyes!"**

**"They're sulfur, not yellow."**

**"I am going to leave... You Espada are still staying in the Human World."**

**AWWWWWWWW! **

**"Now, off you go." They all leave, leaving a large mess. **

**"...Now I have put stuff together again..." Sima Yi gets pieces of wood to put in the large holes in the wall.**

**Izuru walks Miyako home. "You don't have to do this..."**

**"It's fine. A lady shouldn't be walking alone at this hour anyway."**

**"Are you worried?"**

**"I'm not made of stone, yes."**

**"I'm surprised you are still single. There are not that many guys that would be honest about their feelings."**

**"Well...I wouldn't say that... I'm just afraid of commitment. It's one giant stress producer and I don't like stress."**

**"Didn't you have a girlfriend before?"**

**"Eh... it was...eh... tough... during that time... My ex and I were not on good terms..."**

**"What could you have possibly done?"**

**"I told her to stop shipping random guys in basically anything that was not supposed to be romantic. Like this: I like this action/comedy anime, she gets into it, and creates creepy-ass pairings."**

**"And that is what ticked you off?"**

**"No... I told her the guy-on-guy stuff was creepy, and she got angry at me. I tried to say I didn't hate it but it was just creepy for me, and she threw a fit. Next thing I know, she was out the door. I didn't even know why she was angry at me." **

**"Oh... How many exs did you have?"**

**"Only one. I kinda gave up on dating after that." They come to their destination. "Well, here you go. I hope this evening was entertaining to you." (Yeah, only one thing was shown. The rest was off-camera...) **

**"It is a refreshing change to my normal routine of sitting at home after work."**

**"No problem. I have nothing to do myself. Oh, are you feeling anything? The other you appearing?"**

**"Not really. A few weeks ago, I would have get migraines and blackouts a couple of times before being able to know what was I doing."**

**"Ah, I see. I'm what is putting you at ease."**

**"It seems that way..."**

**"So, I'll see you around-"**

**"Wait." She goes up to him and hugs him. **

**"Huh?"**

**"Thank you."**

**"Um... you're welcome?" They separate and they went their ways. **

**"...I feel like this is very cliche..." Izuru walks for a bit, and his phone rings. "What?"**

**"I'm in America!"**

**"Oh, there? Why?"**

**"...I don't know..."**

**"You go to a place, and you don't know why?"**

**"Guan Yu is producing cash like Cao Cao is in producing children!"**

**"...That's... a very suggestive analogy... What? Guan Yu is producing money?"**

**"Yes!"**

**"...So?"**

**"What do you mean, SO?! People are crowding us because A, Zhuge Liang looks like Jesus. B, Guan Yu is easily recognized by Buddhists. And C, the money falling out of Guan Yu's...um...they just appear! The people are following us, and all of that cash is basically saying, "Hey! We have money! Come rob us!""**

**"It wouldn't matter, since you have a lot of it."**

**"I know, but this will easily reveal the two's identities if people are following them!"**

**"What do you want me to do? Run across the Pacific Ocean?"****  
**

**"Wait, you mean Atlantic."**

**"No, Pacific. If you go right if you're in Japan, United States is right there. That's the fastest way." Izuru looks at a (very convenient) television in an electronics store. It shows the Pope feeding and blessing people in third-world countries. A reporter was interviewing him.**

**"Why now have you decided to do this?"**

**"Jesus came to me and said I should share my wealth with the unfortunate. And he said that was that one thing he taught his followers."**

**"Really?"**

**"In the flesh, he was standing before me."**

**"Wow, what was he like?"**

**"He was what Jesus was to be."**

**"Mm-hm. Well, you hear it here, folks-" Izuru turns back to his phone. "...You didn't just go to America..."**

**"Hm?"**

**"You went to Italy and stuck Zhuge Liang in front of the Pope, did you?"**

**"It was a good use of that cash."**

**"...I suppose if the Pope's doing it, everyone will follow his example. But how much money exactly are you leaving in America?"**

**"...Maybe about..." The line goes completely quiet. Then an answer is heard. "...I'm guessing 750,000 dollars..."**

**"...You're going to kill their economy if you stay too long..."**

**"I know, I know, thus I'm trying to get the most expensive thing I want!"**

**"...Mm-hm..." He hangs up and sighs deeply. "...Now America has them... What could possibly go wrong?"**

* * *

** The ironic thing here is that Guan Yu can't give out lottery numbers in Buddhist culture. But he can ask another god to give the numbers on his behalf. I just thought it would be funny for a random guy to yell out that.**

**Takasugi saying Jesus was Chinese was inspired when I was watching a Family Guy episode. **

**Many records I read of Yue Ying suggest she was half-Chinese and half-Hindi.**

**Someone getting hit with a shoe in his part did happen. It was during a One Direction concert, and someone threw a shoe at Harry Styles' thingy. Also the water bottle part was based on that one time in a Justin Bieber concert, Justin got hit with a water bottle. **

**In DW6, when you look into Sima Yi's eyes, they look yellow or sulfur. I don't know about him now, I guess they're kinda sulfur with some bits of brown.**

**I was kinda thinking of this one Black Butler scene where Claude gets angry at the camera and throws a butter knife into it for Jia Chong here. **

**Everytime I hear or think of Aizen or Sima Yi, I think of the other. **

**Grimmjow makes me think of Gan Ning and the latter makes me think of Grimmjow. It's probably just me that I crossover Bleach and Dynasty Warriors. **


	15. Nonsense I pulledfrom theback of my head

**Takasugi gives Zhuge Liang and Guan Yu sunglasses. "Here. Put them on."**

**"Why?"**

**"Put on sunglasses and you're unrecognizable." The two get them and put them on. **

**"And those were my spares too... Now we can walk around here without being bothered." He walks with the four to an airport. "We'll go over to California."**

**"What's over there?"**

**"I just want to stick you guys in a Comic Con and see how many people can recognize you."**

* * *

**At an undisclosed location, two figures are seen talking to each other.**

**"I would like this man to die. And this one. And these other ones."**

**"Hm... how much?"**

**"One million sound good?"**

**"Make it 1.5 and you got a deal."**

**"Fine." They both part their ways.**

* * *

**Sima Yi sleeps for a while and he gets up with his eyes still closed. "I'm tired from last night..." A figure slips down behind him and it turns Sima Yi's head all the way around. His eyes open slowly to reveal an exhausted look to meet with the figure's face. "...Nrrgh... now? Save it for the afternoon..."**

**"AH! WHAT THE F***?! I twisted your neck!"**

**"I don't feel anything." **

**"You're a demon! But that doesn't mean I can't go and shoot you instead-GAH!" Arms go around the assassin's neck and a snap is heard. **

**"...So much noise in the morning..." The body crumples down to show Zhang Chunhua with a displeased face.**

**"Counting the maid, you killed...three people..." She grabs Sima Yi's head and turns it back in to place, causing him to yell out. "OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWW!"**

**"Not funny."**

* * *

**Izuru wakes up to the sound of his phone. "What...?" He gets it and looks at caller ID. "...Akihiro Suzuki? Why is he calling me...?" He answers. **

**"Hello?"**

**"Hehehehehe..."**

**"What the...?"**

**"Oh, sorry... I was just at this place where I saw Diao Chan and Lian Shi in there and I was...well...enjoying their company..."**

**"...Mr. Suzuki..."**

**"Right... Um... Because it's a place made of pixels, I have just got word my team has repaired the DW Ancient China."**

**"Oh... I'm sorry... but... Yeah..."**

**"What?"**

**"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh... The characters are... out..."**

**"And?"**

**"Well..."**

**"Hey, it's been a few weeks. But if you need to send them back here after they have their fill of modern life, be my guest. I'm not going to go over to every person and drag them here."**

**"Mmm-hmm..." He hangs up and sighs. "...I have to notify...nah..." He goes back to sleep.**

* * *

**Takasugi sits next to Guan Yu while the three were the in the seats after him. "So, where is that money coming from anyway?"**

**"I do not know. It just appears."**

**"The other day, I had 250,000 in insurance money. Then it all disappeared from my very hands."**

**"...Oh..."**

**"What?'**

**"I think my ability takes money from other people..."**

**"...Then..." **

* * *

**Zhong Hui sits in his desk and a couple of people enter his office. "Hey! Your stocks are going down!"**

**"And your bank accounts are losing money!"**

**"What?! It can't be!"**

**"Look!" They hold up computers showing numbers going down very quickly. **

**"How is this happening?!"**

**"We don't know!"**

**"Find out! Grr..." (I can't pay them anymore... Oh well... I can just pretend to forget or they just fail me again.)**

* * *

**Zuo Ci was in a dressing room until his eyes glow. "I sense... the land...is harboring life and it is prospering... I shall go." He leaves the room when camera crew go up to him. "hey, you have only-"**

**"I suddenly have to leave. I do not belong in this world, and the world I have to go to is complete. Thus I have to go back."**

**"What?" He leaves him in confusion and when he goes to see him, he sees Zuo Ci disappearing from thin air. **

**"Ah! He's... whoa... I need to lay off the shrooms..."**

* * *

**CEO gets a couple of complaints from Akihiro Suzuki. "All I got here are Xu Shu, Lu Xun, Cao Ren, Pang Tong, Xiahou Yuan, Yue Jin, Zhang Fei, and Taishi Ci. I want Xiahou Dun."**

**"Well... he's out..."**

**"Can you just pinpoint where he is and tell him to come here?"**

**"Yeeeah..."**

**"You know what? I'm going." Akihiro gets out his phone and walks out the door, and to see Zuo Ci appearing in front of him.**

**"Hey."**

**"I heard the land is fixed."**

**"Yes, go into the portal and you're home." Zuo Ci walks into the portal room and goes into the portal. **

* * *

**Takasugi and the group he was with get off the airport and examine the surroundings. "Doesn't look bad. Right now we're in San Diego. Now to get tickets at the Comic Con."****  
**

**An hour later...**

**"Well, I can't get any because they sold out. How about you guys just stand out here?"**

**"What would be the point?"**

**"I just want to see how many nerds and geeks can recognize you four." They sit on a bench near the entrance leading to the inside of the building where the convention was being held****. They sit for five minutes with people ignoring them.**

**"I should grab your outfits..."**

**"You just thought of that?" **

**"Yeah..." **

**Twenty minutes later...**

**The four were in their outfits in the DW8 game. People then recognize them.**

**"That's some nice Dynasty Warriors cosplay!"**

**"You look exactly like the characters!"**

**"Yeeah..." After a few more minutes, they walk off and Takasugi suddenly asks Zhuge Liang, "...I'm just wondering... Do you have sex...?"**

**"...What?"**

**"I mean... well... Almost every guy in DW had like...five to ten women historically... I read you had only one wife and that's Yue Ying. So... how many kids do you have...?"**

**"Zhuge Zhan is my biological son, but you ignore him because he's a generic. I have another son, but he was adopted from my older brother, Zhuge Jin. His name is Zhuge Qiao." **

**"...So... you had only had sex once...?"**

**"What are you implying?"**

**"...Well...Even Zhou Yu or Sima Yi had more kids historically... And well... Zhou Yu has a kid wife now, so he's out now. But think about Yi for a sec..."**

**"Why?"**

**"Well... think about his wife and him... and they have two sons... You can guess what happened then..."**

**"Why are trying to put the image of Sima Yi having intercourse with his wife into my head?"**

**"What I'm trying to say is... Is there any problem in the bedroom with you and Yue Ying? You have trouble...getting up...?"**

**"...No. My personal life is none of your concern."**

**"...Is it because you're sick, you can't have sex?"**

**"No. I'm healthy, thus I can have intercourse whenever I want. I'm just too busy."**

**"You're not busy now..."**

**"Can we get off this topic?"**

**"...Okay." His phone rings in his pocket. "Hello?"**

**"Hey, Mr. Suzuki wants the characters back into the game. And you lied to me!"**

**"Hey, hey, if I told you the real reason, you would kick my ass faster than Yue Jin can circle around China!"**

**"Damn right I would! Where are you now?"**

**"America."**

**"WHAT?!"**

**"Bye-bye!" He hangs up in CEO's face.**

* * *

**Izuru moves around in his bed, think whether or not to notify the characters about when they can go home. "Should I...? It's still early...Naaah..."**

* * *

**Akihiro Suzuki walks on a sidewalk, holding his phone to look for characters. "...There are a large group here..." He looks up to see a giant building with a large line of people and he sees Dian Wei and Pang De being the bouncers.**

**"Um, excuse me, you two."**

**"Hm? Who are you?"**

**"I'm here to tell you you are able to go home now."**

**"Now? Tell Lord Cao Cao. He's the one who thought of this." Akihiro walks through the door and sees the inside was filled with flashing lights and people. "Excuse me... Ooh, hello..." He flirts with a random woman and she walks away from him. "Oh, screw you. Ooh! Hostesses!" He plops down next to random hostesses. "Heeey... Care to keep me company?"**

* * *

**"I wonder what would happen... Ah!" Takasugi hails a cab, "Take the five of us to the nearest airport!"**

**"Fine. Get in."**

**"I have an idea on how to get rid of that cash!"**

**"Guan Yu is able to produce infinite amounts of money, so we're not really getting rid of anything."**

**"I want to do this! Let me have it!"**

**After they paid the fare, they stand in front of an airport. "Let's go behind this." The five walk past security into the large area where a lot of airplanes were taking off and landing. **

**"I remember there was a blimp here... Ah! There." Takasugi spots a blimp with "Goodyear" across the top. "I'm just gonna borrow that." **

**"What is that?"**

**"It's a balloon that can lift us five up in the sky." They run up to it without anyone noticing and took off in the blimp. Zhuge Liang asks Takasugi, ****"Do you even know how to drive this thing?"**

**"...Yes." (Not really...) He loses control on the lever, causing the blimp to tip. "Ah!" He puts it back to normal. "Yep, we're fine! But just in case, maybe Yue Ying can drive." **

**"But I don't even know how to-"**

**"You'll get used to it." He lets go, presses the autopilot button and pushes Yue Ying in front of the controls. "Just move the levers when you want to change direction." He then walks over to Guan Yu. "Is the ability automatic-" A couple of stacks of money appear in front of him. "Then yes." The area around them starts to fill up with money. "Ah! You can't control it?!"**

**"It seems that way!"**

**"We're gonna drown in money if we don't do something!"**

**"Why did you take this in the first place?!"**

**"I always wanted to fly on an American blimp."**

**"What's the difference with the ones in your home country?!"**

**"...I don't know..."**

**Takasugi runs over to a window and opens it. "Get the money and throw it out here!" Zhuge Liang, Guan Yu, and Takasugi threw out the stacks of money out the window. He closes the window when every single bill was gone. "There. " **

**"Won't those hit..."**

**"Eh, they got some free money."**

**On the ground, many people were cheering in excitement as they see the sky rain money. **

**"My prayers have been answered!"**

**"New boob job, here I come!"**

**"Let it rain!"**

**"I can quit my job!"**

**"I can finally afford GTA 5!"**

**"Screw that! I'm getting Watch Dogs!"**

**"Screw both of you! I'm getting Elder Scrolls...Online..."**

**"Whoa..."**

**Back up in the air, Takasugi looks out the window. "Wow, I didn't know it looked like this." He was looking at the land below him as if it were to appear on a map. "They got nice font for this. The borders are so detailed too. The mountain bumps are a nice touch." Liu Bei says out, "I have something I can rub Cao Cao's face into! I went up into the Heavens for a time!"**

**"You sure can... Hm?" A red blimp flies near him with a man dancing on top of it with two women and the letters on the blimp was "Duff Beer." **

**"Oh yeah! Duffman's the life of the party even above ground!"**

**"Who are you...?"**

**"What? You don't know about me? Duffman?!"**

**"No."**

**"Aw, man! You need some Duff beer!" The man throws a couple of packs of beers into the window where Takasugi was looking through. "...I don't like beer that much... But whatever." The red blimp near him speeds off. Takasugi stares at the packs and throws the packs out the window. "Free beer, you Americans!"**

**Back on the ground, the cans fell on cars and they were frozen due to the high altitude. Some guys tried to sip the beer off the ground because it would be "wasted on the ground."**

**Back up, Takasugi looks on a map of America. "I can just use this to fly back home." Where's the world map? He gets another paper and looks at it to find it's United States of America still on it. It had "The World" written on the top. **

**"Hey! This is what you people consider the world?! Where's an actual map?" He rummages through a chest that was in the blimp. "There's a map of Japan, China, and Europe. I don't find the world maps." He continues to look in that chest. Zhuge Liang points at a map on the wall next to him, "Isn't that the world?" Takasugi looks up to see the map. "Oh... I knew that. I was just looking for a condom."**

**"What's a condom?"**

**"Gee, you people breed like rabbits so much, you don't even know what a condom is. Maybe if I suggest a condom to you guys, you'll immediately throw it out." **

**"What's its purpose?"**

**"Prevents your mate from having kids. 99.7% of the time."**

**"Why would you do that? You need heirs, not that I want another you around..."**

**"I'm not some king. Some people prefer to have sex without getting a kid out of it. You people don't mind, but some people dislike or hate kids or are not ready for it. But in this case... you had only one kid... Why didn't you "do" more?"**

**"That's none of your business. I'll ignore all of your questions about that until further notice."**

**"Alright, alright." **

**RING RING RING **

**"How can my phone even get reception?" He looks at his phone to see "Akihiro Suzuki" as the ID. He presses it to answer and puts it in his pocket. **

**"Hello? Hello? Hey!" Takasugi ignores the call and Akihiro continues to yell into the phone.****  
**

**"I know you're pocket-dialing me!"**

**"Aren't you-"**

**"Just ignore him." **

**"TAKASUGI! Don't ignore me! I have the power to fire you!"**

**"I have the password to the files of the DW couples having sex."**

**"So?"**

**"No one knows except me."**

**"How come I don't?!"**

**"Because I personally put that together and is hidden in a place in the computer drive only accessible through my password."**

**"You give me that password-"**

**"Uh-uh-uh! That's for me and me only!"**

**"I can fire your ass right now!"**

**"Nope, you need me since I also know the password to leak a Skyrim version of Dynasty Warriors out into the Internet. Now you wouldn't want that to happen, do you?"**

**"Ngh! You wouldn't dare..."**

**"Oh, I will leak. Just a few taps and boom! It's out there, and people will badger you until you actually make the game."**

**"You're not scaring me..."**

**"Oh, really? I have a video of a naked Cao Cao singing "Baby" and I'm not afraid to use it!"**

**"Ok, ok! You'll keep your job! I was calling to remind-" Static is heard on the other line. **

**"Lost the signal... Where are we anyway?" He looks out the window to see the state of Florida moving far away from them. "Wait, wait! Yue Ying! Turn around! We're approaching the Bermuda Triangle!" Yue Ying looks at the controls frantically, "Which way are you supposed to move these?"**

**"Maybe turn that and that to the left?" Yue Ying does that and it turns only a few inches around. She continues to turn the levers and the blimp goes all the way around and away from where the Bermuda Triangle is supposedly to be located. Takasugi sighs in relief. Yue Ying asks him, "What is this Bermuda Triangle?"**

**"I have no idea, but I know aircraft have disappeared there and I'm not experiencing it now. Just leave this moving towards east, and we'll get back to Japan. In the meantime- Why are you giving me that face?" Yue Ying was giving him a disgusted face.****"I overheard your conversation that you have the videos of the couples having intercourse..."**

**"Oh.. I was joking! You know me! I joke around..." She gives him a "yeah, right" look. **

**"Ok, ok, ok, I may... have some videos..."**

**"I'm going to assume you have all of us having intercourse with our spouse."**

**"Well... I couldn't find yours... I only have one video and it's-"**

**"Don't need to know."**

**"Ok..." After a while, they were above the middle of the United States. Takasugi throws out any money that gets spawned in the blimp. "Do you ever run out? Guna Yu, make a million and let it fall out the window." Suddenly, ginormous stacks of money filled the blimp and tipped it to its side. "Ah! Push them out the window!" The three along with Takasugi pushed stacks out the window and grabbed handfuls of it to throw out. When it started to lighten, the blimp returns to its correct position. **

**"Okay, bad idea. But at least some people are happy."**

* * *

**Back at the club, Akihiro was getting drunk and was still with the hostesses, forgetting why he came over there. "Round's on me!" Everyone cheers while woman poured drinks for Akihiro and ordered the fanciest items out Akihiro's wallet.**

**"I don't why I came here in the first place, but I don't care!"**

* * *

**Sima Zhao was reading more of the Ravages of Time manga in a room. Sima Shi goes up to him and asks, "You are still reading that?"**

**"Yep. Hey, who did Father marry again?" Sima Shi sarcastically says,****"...Um... I don't know... Oh! Our mother?"**

**"Then who's this?" He holds up his manga with a woman getting close to the Sima Yi in the manga. **

**"Maybe a different version of Mother?"**

**"But this says her name is Shan Wu Ling. Father is hiding something..."**

**"You don't know that."**

**"She might be some woman Father was in cahoots with before Mother came along!"**

**"That's ridiculous, we know Father was not good with the ladies back then. He's still not good even spending a long time with Mother."**

**"You're right... but who knows? She might be our real mother!"**

**"No... it's clear Mother is our biological mother. I should know..." (I walked in on them back when Zhao was born...)**

**"I'm going to ask Father on this after we finish this tour." Jia Chong runs in with Wang Yuanji, "There are girls outside, knocking down the door! Let's go now!" **

**"Ok!" The four jump out the window to go down into the opening of the bus that was near the window and drove off.**

* * *

**Sima Yi was putting in the plaster to fix the giant holes that were made a chapter ago. "...Stupid... why do I have to do this...? Those fellows better not come here again-" **

**BOOOM The door next to Sima Yi flies off with an orange-haired man walking in. "Aizen! Where are you, you son of a b*****?!"**

**"Oh great... Another stupid unusually-colored hair fellow..." The man turns to him and points a large sword at Yi, "You can't fool me with that disguise! As long as you have that voice, anyone can identify you!" **

**"...You sound familiar..." (Is it that Zhang Bao kid?) "At least you didn't destroy the walls and just the door. Why are you here?"**

**"What else? To kill you!"**

**"Wait, wait... You think I am that BROWN-haired man? I have BLACK hair."**

**"You could have dyed it!"**

**"Stop yelling or you'll alert my wife and I do not want to explain this mess to her again."**

**"What...? Hahahahaha!" The man breaks down laughing loudly and pounding the ground. "Hahahahaha! Wait...what? Hahaha! Don't tell me... Aizen... you got married? Hahaha! Who is the unlucky person?"**

**"Again, I'm not this Aizen fellow. Please fix the door and leave." **

**"Let me... catch my breath... Hack, haha... Ok, ok, ok... I'm okay now. Aizen! I'm afraid your wife will a widow after I'm done with you-" **

**"Didn't you hear me?!"**

**"Let's go!" The man swings his blade to near Sima Yi's head, and he ducks just in time. "Wait! Nrgh..." He continues to dodge.**

**"Stop moving!"**

**"Stop! Listen to me, boy!"**

**"I'm not taking chances with you! Hrgh!" Sima Yi dodges the slash. "Brash... Reminds me of that Zhang Bao kid..." He dodges more and grabs the laptop that was left there by Takasugi a long time ago. He opens it in the man's face and he covers his eyes. "AAAAH! It's yaoi! Keep it away from me!"**

**(...Wow...) "Take this! Yeah, take this, and that!" Sima Yi presses a few buttons on the keyboard without looking at the screen. **

**"Nooooooo! Keep it away from meeee! Especially the ones with me in it!"**

**(This is pretty stupid...) "Fix my door and get the hell out if you want this out of your face!" **

**"Ok, ok!" The man goes to put up the door in and screws in the hinges. "Done, now can you get-AH!" Sima Yi pushes the**** laptop onto the man's face, "Nope, you need to fix these walls for me your "Aizen" left!"**

**"Ok, ok! Just don't show the me yaoi!"**

**"Get to fixing the wall!" The man is seen putting plaster on the wall as Sima Yi threatens him with pictures of Bleach yaoi. **

**"I still got the scary touch. Oh, and while you're at it, can you clean up my bedroom and get rid of a body? And the bathroom too."**

**"Why-"**

**"Uh-uh-uh! There are theeese!" Sima Yi shows the laptop to the man and he flinches to get back to plastering the wall. **

**(How long has this thing have been sitting on the table? I forgot to dispose of it, and this is still working after all these days.) Zhang Chunhua says out from another room. ****"What was all that noise about? If you're going senile..."**

**"Nothing! You don't need to worry about what's going on out here! And I am not going senile!"**

**"Your husband is using child labor!", the guy yelled out. "Shut it." Sima Yi forces the laptop into the guy's face, causing the guy to flinch. "AAAAAH! NO! Ugh, it's me and Renji! Ugh!"**

**"Keep working or I'll make this stay in front of your face for a longer time!"**

**"Sima Yi, let the child go."**

**"He destroyed the door!"**

**"He can fix it then go."**

**"I didn't destroy the door! You're just making me work for free labor!" **

**"I don't see that wall getting covered..." Sima Yi puts the laptop in the guy's face. "Ok, ok! Gee... Wait a minute! Why am I doing this for Aizen? I'm gonna kill you and let's see if those walls get covered!"**

**"Again... I'm not this Aizen..."**

**"How do I know? You could have used that laptop to exploit my weakness!" **

**"You...are...an...imbecile..." Zhang Chunhua walks out to see Sima Yi choking the life out of the guy. "Are. Those. Brain. Cells. Working?! Get. This. Into. Your. Head! I. AM. NOT. AIZEN!"**

**"Gwah! Gah! Stop...choking...me..."**

**"Why are you choking that boy?"**

**"This child is an imbecile!" **

**"That's your excuse for everything..."**

**"I mean it this time! This child is getting on my nerves with the Aizen crap!" **

**"Let him go." **

**"Fine." Sima Yi lets go of the boy and the guy looks up. "Gagh... nragh... Huh?" The guy looks up at Zhang Chunhua wide-eyed. "..."**

**"Stop staring or you'll have to pay for that." A knife makes its way to Sima Yi's head. **

**"...Mom?"**

**"Wait, what?"**

**"WHAT?!" **

**"Aizen! You have the nerve to keep my mother's soul prisoner and you forced her to marry you?! I am going to kill you and set her soul free!"**

**"...Now you're just being insane...Or..." Sima Yi looks over to Zhang Chunhua with an displeasing face. **

**"What?"**

**"Something you've been hiding from me?"**

**"What?! Why would I... I can't reproduce anyway! This boy is mistaking me for someone else! Why would you think that anyway?"**

**"Then he's crazy. Boy, I do not know why you are mistaking my wife as your mother and we already have children-"**

**"You bastard! You went and-" Sima Yi gets in the guy's face with glaring eyes. ****"F***ing let me f***ing finish, you f***ing imbecilic little piece of dog s***!" The guy gets terrified to the core and even Zhang Chunhua was slightly nervous. **

**"Now where was I...? I have children of my own and none are you." (And I'm starting to ACTUALLY appreciate having Zhao being lazy and not...this...) "And I repeat... I am not this Aizen fellow... " The guy nodded quickly.**

**"GOT IT?!"**

**"Yes!"**

**"Ok... Now you are to f***ing finish the f***ing wall your buddies broke! And clean up this place to make up for all your trouble or I'll show those homosexual drawings of you and your f*** buddies!" **

**"Ok, ok! I get it! Aizen doesn't-" **

**"What did I just say?"**

**"Fine, just don't show me the yaoi! Anything but the yaoi!" The guy begins to quickly run around the house, doing household chores. **

**"It looks like you won't have to do the housework now, my dear-Hm?" He turns to Zhang Chunhua who was had her face in complete shock. "I did not know you could snap like that..." **

**"That was not snapping. I just grew sick of that boy's nonsense." He sees the guy spilling mop water. "You're cleaning that up or the device is coming to you!"**

**"No! I'll clean up!"**

**"Now what was that you were saying?" **

**"...Nrrgh..." **

**"What?"**

**"Can you yell back the last few lines to me...?"**

**"You were standing right there, I think you had the front seat with that whole me yelling. Don't worry, I could not imagine myself yelling that loudly to you." (Unless if you cheated on me...)**

**"...Maybe yell one line?"**

**"What? You want me to yell at you?"**

**"...No... I just want to determine how scary that was so maybe you could use it with Zhao..." The guy drops a vase and Sima Yi yells at him. "Clean that up!"**

**"Ah! Yes!" **

**"Nrrgh..."**

**"Now back to what you were asking..." The guy goes a little near Zhang Chunhua and she knocks a vase down, making it seem like he did it. **

**"Ah!"**

**"Break another and I'll break you!"**

**"...Nrrgh..." A line of drool appears near her mouth. **

* * *

**A knock is heard at the door and Zhou Yu goes to answer it. Two woman in skimpy outfits were in front of him. "Ce! It's for you!"**

**"Actually, we're here for a "Lu Su" and a "Zhou Yu." "**

**Zhou Yu looks at them and yells behind the door, "Zhou Yu! It's for you!"**

* * *

**At a very large mansion (They were able to buy it because of Guan Yu's money spawning combined with their earnings.) that Cao Cao, Xiahou Dun, Pang De, Li Dian, Dian Wei, Xu Chu, Guo Jia, Cao Pi, Jia Xu, Zhang Liao, Xu Huang, and Wang Yi shared, a couple of woman knocked on the door. Dian Wei approached them, "What business do you have here?"**

**"We need to find a "Cow Cow", a "Pang De", and a "Xiahou Dun." **

**"Why?"**

**"None of your beeswax, we have something for them." **

**"Tell me."**

**"We're pregnant."**

**"What? Hm... let me go by them..."**

* * *

**Takasugi and the four were still above the sky in the blimp. "Ok, we should be getting to the eastern area..." He sees a couple of islands. "That should be it." He goes back to grab a few backpacks. "These are parachutes. Pull on a cord, and you'll be safe. And if it doesn't open... well... you're screwed. There are three in here, so we need to share. Decide on who's getting who." **

**Few minutes later, Takasugi gets slightly irritated with the fact he's with Liu Bei as his parachute partner. Zhuge Liang and Guan Yu had to share and Yue Ying got the remaining one. **

**"Alright, Japan should be over in there. On the count of three, jump and pull the cord." He, Zhuge Liang, and Yue Ying hold onto the cords. "Oh, the ones who are riding NEED to hold on. Wait, I remember there was rope somewhere..." After a few extra minutes, they tied Guan Yu and Liu Bei onto their partner on the parachute. They look down to see a large bright blue area with dots as the islands. "Ok! On the count of three... 3...2...1!" They all jump off and flew for a bit before pulling the cords to the parachutes. On Takasugi's side, he was getting Liu Bei yelling into his ears. "AAAAAAAAAAH! It's so high! Never let go!" Takasugi jokingly says to him, ****"I'll never let go, Jack. I'll never let go."**

**"This is serious! Don't let go, seriously!"**

**"Alright, alright..." Zhuge Liang was scared stiff as he flew down with Guan yu, who had no fear and had bills flying down his path. Yue Ying did not even flinch to the sky flying by her. They stay falling down with the parachute slowing their fall. **

**"Wow... I never thought going down took this long... And my sunglasses are still staying put. I bet I can do a backflip before even reaching the ground." **

**"Don't you dare!"**

**"I know, I know..." He remains still and lets gravity do the work. "I should have brought Uno..."**

**"How in the world can you play in the sky?!" **

**"I thought I could Looney Tunes it." He looks around as he flew down. "There's Australia... New Zealand... Vietnam... Just a little more... Don't let China and North Korea see you..." **

**"What happened to the land in the future anyway?"**

**"It's worse in certain areas, a super powerful country as a whole. Take your pick."**

**"Who's the leader?"**

**"Xi Jinping."**

**"Do I have any descendants?"**

**" I don't know, but I know Zhugey does. Do you want to know?"**

**"Yes."**

**"A model." Zhuge Liang hears him, "What? My descendant is a model? I expected a scholar..."****  
**

**"Well... she CLAIMS to be your descendant. And she has "Zhuge" as her family name. Zhuge Ziqi, was it? Or in English, Zhuge Maria."**

**"Can I go-"**

**"No, you may not go visit your possible**** great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-****great-great-great...haaaaa...********great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great...haaa...grand daughter... It will create a large mess that will be hard to fix."**

******************"I have a descendant... I thought my blood family died out after my son and his son died."**

******************"I don't know that much on her, but it would be pretty cool that your blood got to this century. I wonder who else has whom's blood? I wonder if Sima Yi has any descendants or maybe even Sun Quan?"**

******************"Sima Yi having a modern descendant... I shake at that." **

******************"You have a model as your descendant. Maybe Sima Yi will have... um... maybe an actor?"**

******************"Seems about right..." **

******************"How long are we still falling here?" The islands of Japan get closer and closer. "Maybe I should turn over to the upper area... " He moves to make himself go forward. They see as the land gets closer to them. They eventually fall down into a large field with few people watching. "We survived! Yeah!" He sees mostly old people looking at him. "This is a dream! Awake from your slumbers!" All of the old people actually believed that and went on with their lives. **

******************"Okay, where are we? Oh, well. Guan Yu, make a lot of money, because it's a long way back to where you needed to be in and we need two cabs."**

******************A long car ride later...**

******************They got out of their cabs to be in front of a large house. "Wow, you spent all that magic money on this? Nice. I should get some money out of you to renovate my house." Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying walk up to Takasugi. "Hey, guess what we did? Yue Ying, tell him." **

******************"We had sex."**

******************"We had sex!"**

******************"We had what Zhuge Liang calls sex."**

******************"You did it...in the cab...?"**

******************"Zhuge Liang started it."**

******************"...You were trying to prove something?"**

******************"No, the rush and fear from falling from the Heavens literally was arousing me. I needed an...outlet..."**

******************"Alright. Good job." He claps kind of sarcastically. **

* * *

******************The lines said by Zhuge Liang and Yue Ying there were from a Family Guy scene.**

******************When Takasugi said, "I'll never let go, Jack," he was making that Titanic reference. **

******************If you're wondering, that orange-haired kid was Ichigo Kurosaki from Bleach. **

******************It's maybe just me, but doesn't Ichigo's mom resemble Zhang Chunhua? Yeah, maybe me...**

******************Shan Wu Ling is this woman Sima Yi marries in the manga Ravages in Time. *SPOILER ALERT* She's really Zhang Chunhua, or Zhang Chun Hua in the manga. Also, her name means "flat mountains" suggesting she has a flat chest and I find that ironic because you know... in DW... Zhang Chunhua has...a not-so-flat chest...**

******************I just know there's this model that claims to be a descendant of Zhuge Liang. She came from Zhuge Village, an area where Zhuge Liang was born. Who knows? It may be true.**

****************** Sima Yi swearing is something you could imagine him doing when he snaps.**

******************I was thinking of that one Hetalia scene where America holds up a "world map" and it was still United States of America when I was writing the scene where Takasugi was trying to find a world map.**

******************Duffman is from the Simpsons.**


	16. I don't know

**Cao Cao, Xiahou Dun, and Pang De sit in chairs in front of the three women before them. "...Who are you...?"**

**"I don't remember this woman."**

**"I'm trying to think of who is this... but I keep drawing blanks." Guo Jia walks by and asks, "What is going on? Don't tell you're having a party without me." **

**"We're pregnant."**

**"...I thought we're infertile..."**

**"I know! How are we able to conceive children?"**

**"Well, I remember you were the last person that asked for the 300 dollar service."**

**"But I'm infertile!"**

**"Well, we're going to find out. You three are going on the Maury show with us."**

**"The what show?" The doorbell rings and Guo Jia goes to it to answer. "Hello-" He is glared at by twenty women in the front door. "...Um... may I help you?"**

**"We're looking for a "Guo Jia." Guo Jia looks at them and then goes behind the door, "Guo Jia, it's for you!" A woman walks up, "No, that's Guo Jia. I remember his face."**

**"What going on?"**

**"We all are carrying your child. You said used a condom!"**

**"What's a condom?" All of the woman facepalmed. Guo Jia then realized something. "Wait! I'm infertile! There is no way I could father a child."**

**"We'll see, you're going on the Maury show to find out."**

**"The what show?"**

* * *

**Izuru sits on a chair inside Koei-Tecmo HQ with Akihiro Suzuki. "I have...ngh... a job for you..."**

**"You're drunk?"**

**"...I swear... I saw Wang Yi's breasts...and those ladies also... or maybe it was both?"**

**"Why did you call me when you're having a bad case of a hangover?"**

**"..I have... No.. I need you to patch up some things in DW world... And... repair the codes for the DW characters that are in there already..." **

**"Do I get paid?"**

**"Don't rush me!"**

**"I wasn't..."**

**"Got it..? Oh, can you get me the password for the DW porn Takasugi has on his computer?"**

**"...No, Mr. Suzuki..."**

**"Worth a shooot... Ima go sit thar..." Akihiro plops onto the couch in the room. **

**"Since when did we have a couch here? This is a work area."**

**"Don't be such a stick in the ass..."**

**"You mean stick in the mud?"**

**"You have a rod jammed up your ass..."**

**"...Very bad choice of words, but I'll just ignore that." The phone rings and Izuru goes to get it. **

**"Noooo peeeersonal caaalls!"**

**"Hello?"**

**"I was on a blimp!"**

**"...Ok...why are you calling?" **

**"I almost came in contact with the Bermuda Triangle, let millions of dollars rain onto America, and parachuted down into Japan!"**

**"And I'm Sima Yi's descendant..."**

**"REALLY?!"**

**"No-tch! I was being sarcastic! And I'm not even Chinese anyway!"**

**"Then don't say that stuff. Why would you get me excited and then ruin it?"**

**"I find that very very skeptical of you to do all that, thus that sarcastic remark I made." **

**"I really did! Ask Liu Bei, Guan Yu, Zhuge Liang, and Yue Ying!"**

**"..."**

**"Heeey... tell Garbage to come down here to work... It's been a weeeeek!"**

**"Mr. Suzuki wants you to come down to HQ to work-" He gets hung up on, causing a vein to pop on Izuru's forehead. **

**"Don't you hang up on me! Nrgh..." He slams the phone back into its stand. He taps away on the keyboard as Akihiro naps on the couch. After a few minutes, the door opens to have Takasugi walk in very quietly, making sure his footsteps match up with Izuru's keyboard tapping. He hides behind the potted plants in the room and gets to Akihiro on the couch. **

**(Where's that key?) Takasugi moves around the sleeping Akihiro and sees a key in his pocket. He reaches, but flinches when Akihiro snorts and mumbles in his sleep. "...Nrrgh... Better...not make... GTA version of Dynasty Warriors..."**

**(I want that... It would be like Red Dead Redemption except it's China and not America. Right, back to the key!) He reaches for the key sticking out and pulls very slowly until the whole thing gets out. He moves quickly out the room without making noise. **

** (Thaaaank you, every stealth game ever made!) Takasugi unlocks the door that had "Anything in here MUST NOT come out!" as the sign. He enters to see many devices of unknown usage on tables. **

**"I've never been in here, because Suzuki always has the key to here. Let me see what I can grab out here..." He examines a spherical device along with a small rectangular device. **

**"This ball thing reminds me of the Death Star. I wonder what this does." He reads the engraving on it. **

**"If you want another, you trade your own." **

**"What does that mean? Sounds pretty cool, I'm taking this. What's this one?"**

**"Useless Box." **

**"...Really?" He pushes the switch on it, and something comes out to push the switch back. **

**"What the...?" He pushes the switch, and the same thing happened. He keeps on pushing the switch and the the little knob comes out to switch itself off. **

**"It's useless alright. What else?" He takes a device looking like a laptop. "Hm." He presses the big red button at the middle. "...Hmph, nothing."**

**Outside of Japan's ports, a giant Gundam is seen rising out of the ocean and it shocks everyone. An old man looks at it and walks off in a huff, "Stupid bath salts..."****  
**

**Back at the HQ, Takasugi walks out with the spherical device. "Who should I try this with? Hm..."**

* * *

**Takasugi goes up to the house, and looks inside. He sees a orange-haired kid mopping the floor as Sima Yi holds up the laptop in his face. "You missed a spot."**

**"Yeah, I'll get it!"**

**(Is that Ichigo...?) He walks in, and sneaks past Sima Yi. (I need to place this somewhere...) He continues to walk into the house, and a voice calls him. **

**"What are you doing here?"**

**"Ah!" Takasugi turns to see Zhang Chunhua and accidentally presses the button on the device as he was holding it like that. The device glows and envelopes the two and it dims down to show nothing happened. Takasugi began to talk with Zhang Chunhua's voice, "What was that? And are you sneaking in like that... Why am I looking at myself...?" Zhang Chunhua began to talk in Takasugi's voice, "Huh, nothing happened...Oh my god! I see me!"**

**"...Oh no..." **

**"AAAAAAH! I'm a woman! This is freaking me out!"**

**"Stop yelling, you're making "me" look out of character."**

**"But... it feels really empty down there... It's like losing your soul..."**

**"...Ugh... These glasses are really uncomfortable-"**

**"DON'T remove them!"**

**"Why not? I can't see out of these-"**

**"No, don't remove them." As they were yelling, Sima Yi enters to see them. "What is all this noise- Why are YOU here?" Sima Yi was talking to the Takasugi that Zhang Chunhua was in. "He's over there."**

**"Why are you talking with a woman's voice?"**

**"Talk to to your "wife" there."**

**"What is he or she talking about?" Zhang Chunhua in Takasugi's voice, "...Ugh... I'm hitched... to a guy also..."**

**"...What...? Why is she talking in a male's voice...? Is she a-" Takasugi with ZC's voice yells out, "You're considering I'm a transvestite?!"**

**"Okay, maybe not... So you two swapped bodies? What in the world happened?!" Chunhua with Takasugi's voice spoke, "I accidentally activated that ball thing and we are now in different bodies. Hey, press the button and see what happens." Takasugi in front of him presses the button and it glows, only to have it dim down again.**

**"Why is this not working?"**

**"Let me see." Chunhua takes the sphere and presses it again. Nothing happens. **

**"...This is out of battery..."**

**"Are you telling me I'm stuck in your body until that thing is fixed?!"**

**"I guess... Might as well make the most of it." (Takasugi) Chunhua looks at her own chest for a moment. "Awww, sweeeeet!" **

**"She" gropes her own chest and Takasugi as her plays with them. "I guess it's not soo bad..." Zhang Chunhua while as Takasugi glares at him.**

**"What? You have a thingy, you can-" Takasugi punches Zhang Chunhua, sending "her" flying. Sima Yi looks in confusion. "...This is very weird..."**

**"That's because he's in my body! He's embarrassing myself!"**

**"You just abused yourself also."**

**"I know... It's very weird for me, I'm punching my own face..." The Zhang Chunhua from the other side of the room runs back up to them. "Now, does Sima yi do-"**

**"I'm not doing that body knowing YOU are in it!"**

**"What? Are you going to do my body?"**

**"Ugh...no..."**

**"Fix this thing."**

**"Yeah, yeah, let me find out what does this run on." Takasugi then gets slightly distracted with the breasts on him. "...They're so big from this angle..."**

**"Keep your eyes off there. It's already awkward enough to see myself staring at my own chest."**

**"I know. But... I can't believe these are natural..." Takasugi grabs the breasts and starts to squeeze them. He then moves them up and down in funny manner. "I want to try to do boob buckets with these." He gets a slap from Zhang Chunhua.**

**"Stop. The sooner, the better."**

**"Ok, ok. Um.. this runs on... 12 volt batteries? Where the hell am I going to get those?" **

**"Well, you have to go out and get them."**

**"And leave my body with Sima Yi? Nuh-uh!"**

**"I'm not going to violate it..."**

**"I hope... And you'll miss these things." Takasugi shakes the body's chest in Sima Yi**** 's face. "Ugh... don't do that. You're making her out of character." **

**"Alright, I'm off! Keep that ball with you guys. Literally, you're both guys."**

**"Get to it!"**

**"Ok, ok!" Takasugi runs out as Zhang Chunhua and the orange-haired boy goes up to Sima Yi. "I cleaned all night last night... Can I go...?"**

**"Fine. Go." The boy runs out, and shuts the door. Sima Yi turns to Zhang Chunhua who was in Takasugi's body. "I'm wondering... can you feel what's down there?" **

**"...Well... yes... It's sort of feels very out of place..."**

**"So if you were to get hit "down there", you would feel it?"**

**"I don't know..." She turns to walk directly into a wall with a loud thud, and she winces. "These things on my face are really obstructing my vision... Ngh..."**

**"What's wrong?"**

**"I hit...down...there...and it...really...hurts..."**

**"Now you know my pain."**

**"Can at least be a little more sympathetic?"**

**"Sorry, I'm too used to seeing that man getting hurt and insulting him."**

* * *

**Takasugi walks down the streets while in Zhang Chunhua's body. His voice still comes out normally. **

**(This is going to freak people out if I continue to have my voice in this woman's body..." He then starts to stare at the body's chest. (I should try this with Lian Shi later...hehehehe... Now back to the objective!) He clears his throat multiple times and starts to speak in Zhang Chunhua's voice.**

**"Hello... hello... Hey, it's working! I can now fool other people now! And maybe sneak on over to the women's rooms for a bit." He walks for a bit and comes across an electronics store. **

**(I can maybe trick the guy into giving something for free...) He enters, and the store clerk was reading a magazine looks up to greet him, only to be distracted by the body Takasugi was in. **

**(Yup, it's working. Time to cue the voice.) "Ahem... Can you tell me where do you keep the 12 volt batteries?"**

**"Yeah, yeah, they're over there." Takasugi goes in the direction the clerk pointed to. He sees the line of batteries. **

**(Now... which brand?) He sees the batteries the furthest down from all of the batteries and bends down to get them. The clerk cringes his neck to get a look of the body's behind. **

**"...Whoa..." Takasugi gets the pack and goes to the register. **

**(I wonder if I could trick this guy...) "Oh dear me. I don't have my purse, I guess I can't get this for my son's..." (What runs on 12 volt batteries that a child would have?!) "****... computer..."**

**"Oh, you have children? Well... I can give you this without my manager knowing..." **

**(Time to reel it in!) "...You're so kind, thank you." Takasugi takes the batteries and walks out quickly. Outside of the shop, he dances in victory and then stops to realize something. "Oh wait... I'm making her out of character..." He puts his arms down and looks at the batteries in his hand.**

**"Who says to end this quickly? I'm gonna take advantage of this."**

* * *

**Applause is heard as the camera pans towards Maury. "Hello everyone and welcome to our show. We have a group of really unique guests. First, we have three women who claim these three men are the father of their children." Most of Wei was in the audience along with Wu, who were separated. Sima Yi with the Takasugi body with Zhang Chunhua inside were in the Wei area. "Why am I here?"**

**"Cao Cao told you to come through a message from Cao Pi."**

**"It's going to be hard to explain you right now..." **

**"Just come with an excuse for why I am not here."**

**"But you are. Except in a man's body."**

**"No one is going to believe that."**

**"Your voice." Jia Xu notices how then man in front of him talked funny. "Did I just hear that guy talk like a woman?"**

**"Chunhua turned into a man."**

**"Hm... Good one, Sima Yi. Is this guy doing an impression?"**

**"He mocks Chunhua behind her back then."**

**"She's not gonna be happy when she finds out."**

**"Yes..." **

**"Does that man really mock me behind my back?"**

**"No, he mocks me..."**

**"Ok, ok, director guy, you can stop doing that." Zhang Chunhua clears her throat to make a decently deep voice.****"...Yeah..." **

**"Jia Xu, why did Cao Pi call me here?"**

**"Ask him. He's right here."**

**"Father says he still cares for you as you were family even if you did build a kingdom on top of his kingdom."**

**"...Oh, is that so...?" **

**"Oh, I almost forgot. Remember you said when Guo Jia fathers a child, you'll eat your hat?"**

**"When did I-" Cao Pi holds up a recording device and presses a button. **

_Sssss... This is what... Sima Yi sounds like... Mwaahahahahaa! Imbecile, imbecile, imbecile! I'm so whipped by my wife and I'm sure we have some sort of kinky thing together. I have a son that has a weird thing with a food item and a son that looks like he came off of Jersey Shore and both have incestuous feelings for me. You know what? My whole family's incestuous!"_** Cao Pi presses the button quickly with a nervous face. "I have no idea on how that got in there...This should be the correct one..." He presses the button. Zhang Chunhua thinks to herself, (Whipped isn't what you can describe about Sima Yi... And we do not have some kind of kink! Sima Yi should stop carrying that whip around.) Sima Yi began to don a disgusted face. "My sons have a thing for each other...ugh... and for me...? Ugh..." Zhang Chunhua deepens her voice, "I'm sure it's taken out of context..."**

**"I rather for Shi to have an affair with Yuanji..."**

**"Don't say those things. It's already complicated enough."**

* * *

**Sima Zhao, Sima Shi, and Wang Yuanji all sneeze. Jia Chong notices, "Did all of you catch a cold?"**

**"I don't think so..."**

**"Someone is speaking of us."**

**"Now, that's a myth."**

**"I bet you it's a bunch of random girls talking about us."**

**"Fangirls...?"**

**"...Maybe..."**

* * *

_"Testing... testing... This is how Guo Jia sounds like. I have so much unprotected sex with random women, but who cares? I'm infertile!" _

**"Wrong one again."**

_"This is how Cao Cao sounds like. Ambition! Ambition this! Ambition that!"_

**"Ngh. Stupid device..."**

_"Jia Xu looks like he's a sleazy bandit or pirate."_

**"Hey!"**

**"How did all of this get recorded?!" Li Dian at another area whistles innocently. **

**"There. This should be it."**

_Sssss... When...sssss...Guo Jia has children... I will eat my hat...sssss_

**"That was a joke."**

**"You have to follow through with that." Cao Pi and Jia Xu look at the top of Sima Yi's head and notice something. **

**"Out of all the days you don't wear a hat..."**

**"Aw, man. I want to see Sima Yi eat that...thing... what is it? A boat?"**

**"No...not a boat... Ha! I don't have to eat my hat for your amusement now! I'm not wearing it because people will stare at me thinking I'm insane."**

**"Then why do you wear it back home?"**

**"...It's complicated..." Maury then annouces, "First off, we have a man who has...wait for it... slept with over twenty-" A voice comes from behind the stage, "ONLY twenty!"**

**"Ok, ok, twenty. They all got pregnant, and all claim this man to be the father. Let's bring him here now." Guo Jia walks onto the stage with older women looking at him in disgust and some young women in the audience were infatuated with how handsome Guo Jia looks.**

**"So, you slept with twenty women and they all have children. But you say you're infertile."**

**"Yes. There's no way they could bare children, since I can't have children." **

**"Let's hear the testimonies on all of these twenty women and see what they think." The giant screen shows the face of one woman. "I know that man is the father is...blah...blah...blah..." **

**An hour and forty minutes later...**

**The audience was sleeping because the twenty women had very extended testimonies. Even the two on stage were dozing off.**

**"Oh! Ahem... You heard them. Let's have...those twenty women come up." The twenty walked out of the opening and all of them sat in the twenty chairs ready for them. **

**"Ok, why do you think he's the father?" Yelling and talking get mixed up and it just sounds like gibberish.**

**"Are any of you married or have a boyfriend?" All of them nodded or shook their heads.**

**"Have any of you have the child?"**

**"No."**

**"Then how can we know this man is the father?"**

**"Do one of your DNA testing stuff."**

**"Well... that's for... ok, fine. I already had it tested before the show started anyway." A man goes up stage to give Maury a packet. **

**"Alright, these are the results. For..."**

**Fifty minutes later...**

**"Guo Jia... you're not... the father..." He yawns. "For this woman... Guo Jia... you're not... the father..." **

**"I have a name!"**

**"Who cares? I just want to finish this up. For... this women... nnngh... You're not the father... And that settles it. Guo Jia is not the father of all your children." Guo Jia gets up to walk up to the audience. "Sima Yi! You have to eat you hat!" Sima Yi was sleeping in his seat. **

**"Aw, he's not wearing his hat. Out of all the days he doesn't wear it... Bye." He walks off the stage to sit in the audience. **

**"Oh... and you ladies weren't even pregnant! One of you was, but it was someone else's kid. The rest of you read your pregnancy test wrong, probably." All of the women expect that one pregnant one all had a look of realization. **

**"How can all of you misread it?!"**

**"I just wanted to have Guo Jia's baby!"**

**"He's infertile! He told you people! Argh... get out... I have three guests here who are claimed by three women that are the father of their child."**

**The Wei and Wu audience had groans out of regret coming from it.**

* * *

**Takasugi walks down the street to sees a gym and decides to sneak into the women's locker room. **

**(Just keep up the Zhang Chunhua voice and I can get away with this scot-free!) **

**He navigates through mid-twenties women changing and sneaks peeks at their chests. **

**(They're making this way too easy...) **

**He moves towards the showers. He notices the showers had no walls and you can see full view of the women. Takasugi opens his mouth wide with golden coins coming out. **

**(JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACKPOT!) **

**He innocently walks back to the locker rooms. Takasugi then looks at himself in a mirror. "Damn, I look good... Wait, I can just remove her clothing to get...a much closer look of her... hehehehehe..." His face turns red and was snorting steam. "Ok, stop. I'm making her look like a creep now... Once this situation is fixed, I'm going over there to get Lian Shi's body! But now..." He walks to the showers but is stopped by a group of women. **

**"O. M. G."**

**"That's a nice blouse!"**

**"Where did you get it?" **

**(Oh crap... I have to think of something...) "Um... my boyfriend got it for me..."**

**"He has some nice sense in fashion!"**

**"I wish my boyfriend knew what I like!"**

**"Can you ask where he got that?"**

**"...Marshalls?" (I really have no idea...)**

**"Really? Wow, I should see what they have!" They all walk towards the showers.**

**"Whew... close one..." He walks towards the showers to watch the women showering.**

**(I don't usually get to look for this long without getting a fist to my face... It's less satisfying though... I'm bored now.) He walks away, and sees the television on in the lockers. It had the Maury on.**

**"That guy looks familiar... Hey, I see me in the audience... Right, that's Zhang Chunhua in my body. What's going on anyway?" The screen showed Maury saying, "...Haaaa... Cow Cow-"**

**"CAO CAO. Why do you people keep on pronouncing it as it were the animal?!"**

**"Ok, ok. You're not the father."**

**"See? I'm infertile! Take that, b****!"**

**"It turns out strippers will have many other fathers for their child and not just the person they are accusing. Did you women even check on how many other men came after these three?" The three women all had a look of realization. **

**"I thought so. All of these men are not the father and infertile. What are the odds? Next, we have two more guests with some women that claim they are the father of their child." Lu Su and Zhou Yu walk onto the stage as the Wu audience had their mouths wide open. Especially Sun Jian, Sun Quan, Sun Ce, Sun Shang Xiang, and Lian Shi. Sun Ce runs up to the edge of the stage. "I thought you're infertile!"**

**"I am. But I cannot get out of this."**

**"Um... Master Sun Ce... there's something behind you..." Two glowing figures were behind Sun Ce. **

**"What happened?"**

**"Zhou Yu... what did you do?" Sun Ce turns his head slowly to see the Qiao sisters having glowing red eyes. **

**"Ah! It was Zhou Yu!"**

**"Zhou Yu... YOU CHEATED ON ME?!" Xiao Qiao leaps onto the stage to attack Zhou Yu like a rabid animal. Sun Ce gets pulled into a cartoon fight cloud thing with Da Qiao. **

**"I can't believe you cheated on me!"**

**"I had no choice! I need sex!" Sima Yi comments,**** "And they say my marriage is dysfunctional..."**

**The commotion the stage causes Maury to yell out. "What the f*** is going on?! More guys are infertile?! And these little girls are your spouses?!"**

**"...Um... No...?"**

**"Ugh, you make me sick! I'm done. Get into your head that he's infertile! Thus no children! You whores probably had many more men after this guy!" Takasugi watches the screen with a nervous face. "I should probably..." He rummages through his pockets and he suddenly realized, "Oh... it's on my body... over there... I'm in her body... I forgot... Ngh... I have this cell phone... Ah!" He dials a few numbers on it. **

**Back in the audience, the phone in Zhang Chunhua's pocket vibrates. She presses a button, and it picks up. **

**"You have something in my-your-my pocket. It's this pouch of dust." She looks around in her pocket to take out a small blue pouch. **

**"What do I do with it?" **

**"Throw some of it in the Qiao sisters' faces."**

**"Why would I do such a thing?"**

**"It will make them forget about this. Hurry." He hangs up. Zhang Chunhua walks onto the stage to throw a pinch of dust onto Xiao Qiao's face. **

**"Hey, what do you- Why am I here? Why am I beating up Zhou Yu?" Xiao Qiao gets off the stage and walks off confused. Zhang Chunhua goes to throw another pinch of dust at Da Qiao. **

**"What...? Oh no! Sun Ce! Who did this to you?!"**

**"...Nrgh..."**

**"This is quite useful... Hm..." Zhang Chunhua goes back to her seat and turns to Sima Yi. "You're an imbecile."**

**"WHAT?!" She throws a pinch of the dust at him. **

**"What was I yelling about?"**

**"Those hats of yours HAVE to STOP."**

**"You said you liked them!"**

**"I lied." She throws more dust at him and turns to Cao Pi. "Ha, your name is cow urine."**

**"Why you... little peasant..." Cao Pi thinking it was Takasugi himself reaches to attempt to choke her, but she throws more of that dust at his face. **

**"Why was I getting worked up again?"**

**(This is pretty fun to use...) Takasugi comes into the seating area and takes out the batteries. "I got them, do you have the ball thingy?" Out of nowhere, Zhang Chunhua pulls out the sphere device."You took your time..."**

**"...Oh... that... well..."**

**"You used my body to gain access into a women's dressing room, am I correct?"**

**"Well, locker room. But close."**

**"I thought so. And I assumed you fondled my body... I'm going to need a bath after this..."**

**"Hey, at least I didn't just removed your clothes to see what's under there."**

**"Just fix this thing. Any second more in this, I'll puke." **

**"Fine, fine." Takasugi puts in the batteries into the sphere. He presses the button and a bright light envelopes the two. It dims down with Takasugi patting himself down.**

**"Yes, this is my body. What about you?" Zhang Chunhua's voice did not come from her own body but Sima Yi's body.**

**"I still feel something down there..." Takasugi froze.**

**"Wait... If you're over there... and I'm here... Who's that there?" He goes up to the body and gropes its chest. **

**"Ah! What do you think you're doing?! Stop checking if I'm a female! It's no longer funny!"**

**"...Oh...my...god... The light must have gotten too close to you and pulled you in this."**

**"What are you talking about?"**

**"Do you feel empty down there?"**

**"...Did you castrate me...?" **

**"No, you're in your wife's body now." **

**"...Then she's in there... I guess this is better then me walking with you the entire time." Sima Yi stares at his chest and starts to grope them. Zhang Chunhua in Sima Yi's body looks at him with a weirded out face. **

**"Are you kidding me? YOU are doing that too?"**

**"I have needs."**

**"Then act like any normal guy and masterbate!" The two looked at Takasugi funny. **

**"What?"**

**"Nothing. Do you people have pornography scrolls or papers by any chance? I mean, how do you guys get off when you're out in the camp and there are no women to cater to your desire?"**

**"...What?"**

**"Ok, maybe I'm thinking the wrong way."**

**"Can you change me back into my own body? I can't just sit here watching Sima Yi fondle me for his own "needs."**

**"You can't blame him, any guy that gets your body will touch there at least two times. Unless if it's Zhang He or your sons." **

** "Just do it."**

**"Fine. Here, you press that." She takes it and presses the button, causing another bright light to envelope the area. When it dims down, Takasugi then pokes Zhang Chunhua's chest. He gets a fist to the face, sending him flying out of there. **

**"Yep, you're you again."**

**"Aw... I mean, great!"**

**'You wanted to stay as a woman?" **

**"Just to..."**

**"Geez, I thought I was the perv here."**

**"I have needs!"**

**"Get a porn magazin-scroll or masterbate like normal guys!"**

**"We don't have what you call "porn." What are you talking about anyway?"**

**"Hm... How can I explain...? You look at random nude women in this book."**

**"...I don't..."**

**"Yeah, I thought so. You people are so "civilized", you don't need porn. Is that right?"**

**"We have better things to do besides that!"**

**"Forget it, you people are bigger buzzkills then Buzz Killington." A man in a top hat and monocle stands right next to him. **

**"Do you want to hear a story?"**

**"No! Get back into the Family Guy universe!"**

**"There once was a boy who wanted..."**

**"Arrrgh..." Takasugi rubs his eyes as if he had a migraine. **

**The stage had Lu Su and Zhou Yu walking away from the stage and sits back with the Wu audience. Sun Jian, Sun Quan, Sun Ce, Sun Shang Xiang, Lu Meng, and Lian Shi all stared at the two. **

**"What?"**

**"You...had sex with a stripper...?"**

**"I have needs!" Takasugi yells out from an another area, "Sorry, Sima Yi already used that one."**

**"You don't know how it feels to be married and not being able to have sex with her since she's too young and can't age!"**

**"...I do... But at least I didn't cheat."**

** "I know... you're more strong-willed than me..."**

**"You happy?"  
**

**"Until Xiao Qiao grows up to be that." He points at Zhang Chunhua at another area.**

**"You want to be whipped like Sima Yi over there?" Sima Yi yells at Sun Ce, "I heard that!"**

**"Everyone knows you're more whipped than your whip."**

**"That makes no sense!"**

**"Eh, who cares? Zhou Yu... Xiao Qiao...growing into that...? Don't get me wrong, I would LOVE for her and her sister to have big badonka-donks like Lian Shi, but... it's just _they_ (Koei) won't do it... No one ages, so this is what we get."**

**"Oh well..."**

**"Trust me, if it were up to me... Those two would have been Lian Shi-ed. But the design team think they have SO much better ideas." Takasugi mutters, "The design people are dicks... But at least we got that "nice" dress Zhang Chunhua is wearing. Or that skirt Xing Cai wears that gives you panty shots throughout the whole time you play her... Haaaa..."**

**"I think you would kinda ruin it..."**

**"Well, I just work with the people who draw you. Should you guys go back home? I mean, we're sitting in the studio audience talking over the actual show."**

**The whole area where the characters were all realized it.**

**"Oh...right..."**

* * *

**Takasugi sneaks back in the Koei device room and puts the device back in its original spot. He walks into the animating room when he sees Akihiro still sleeping on the couch. **

**"Oh, look who finally decides to show up." The cubicles had about three people on a computer and one of them was Izuru.**

**"So, did anything interesting happen? You bungee jumping off Tokyo Tower?"**

**"No... But that does sound-"**

**"No. The police will haul you in if you try."**

**"I was in Zhang Chunhua's body for a bit and watched women shower."**

**"What...?"**

**"And Cao Cao, Pang De, Xiahou Dun, and Guo Jia went on Maury... Zhou Yu and Lu Su too... I saw Ichigo Kurosaki mop the floor for Sima Yi... Zhang Chunhua punching her own face... Me playing with her chest while in her body..."**

**"When and what and where was I?"**

* * *

**The sphere thing that swapped personalities was based on what I saw in a Family Guy.**

**The dust that was mentioned here was a reference to this item in "The Tooth Fairy" starring Dwayne Johnson. It's called Amnesia Dust.**


End file.
